by AJ Skelly
I soon gave myself over to the sensation of the new scents. I kept Sam’s hand firmly in mine, and that helped keep the wolf under control. People were excited and nearly everyone had something nice or congratulatory to say to either one or both of us.
“Welcome to the pack!”
“I’m so glad our Beta found such a lovely girl.”
“Sam, you sly old dog!”
“I knew you wouldn’t take the traditional route!”
“You’re so pretty!” a tiny little girl said. I couldn’t help but respond by smiling widely to her and sinking down on my knees so we were properly eye to eye.
“Thank you. I think you’re pretty, too,” I told the little pig-tailed child. She couldn’t have been more than five.
“Can I sniff you now?”
“Darby, that’s not a polite thing to ask,” her mother shushed her and gave me an apologetic smile.
“Of course.” I was not at all uncomfortable letting little Darby take a whiff of me, if only the rest of pack could be so unassuming and not intimidating.
She put her sweet little nose up to my neck and inhaled deeply. “Mm. You smell good, too.” I grinned, and nearly laughed when she stuck her neck out like a chicken. “Do me now!” And how could I refuse that?
I scented her, dirt and chocolate, and then I snuffled her with my human nose, tickling her and making her giggle.
“You have a natural way with children,” Darby’s mother cooed as she leaned down and ran her nose up my neck—touching the skin. I gave her a tight smile, resisting the urge to wipe my neck.
By the time the logs were red embers giving off little yellow sparks, I’d had enough. Wolf was keyed up with so much new sensory information that I thought I was going to explode if I didn’t get some of this energy out of my system. There were two people left in the line, and they went through quickly.
As soon as it was only Sam and me standing there, I glanced around and was surprised to note that a lot of people had changed into those large gray robes. Ah. The pack run. At least maybe I’d get some energy out.
“Come on. We can go back up to the cabin, and you can change there so you’re not in front of everyone.”
I nodded, nearly bouncing on the soles of my feet. Never letting go of my hand, Sam walked me back up to the front of the house and held the door open for me.
“You handled that beautifully,” he said as the door snicked shut.
“I imagined everyone was a large bottle of spice.”
He chuckled. “Well, it must have worked.”
“Um, should I go for the robe?” I was unsure how exactly the next part of the evening was going to play out. I could tell that I needed the run, although I wasn’t sure how we were going to do that, since I’d never done more than pace the living room a few laps. I hoped I wouldn’t fall on my face in an undignified heap of fur in front of everyone.
“You can, although you’ll probably be more comfortable if you shift here and then wait to shift back once we’re in the cabin again. I know you don’t like, um, to be on display,” he said, averting his eyes.
That was true.
“How exactly will we do this, this pack run? What if I can’t keep up?” Doubts and insecurities waffled with the desire to let the wolf have her head.
“We can start out with them. I’ll stay with you, and if we need to slow down, it’s no problem. We can run for as long or as short a time as you want. We just need to make an appearance. This run is specifically to celebrate you joining the pack.”
I grimaced. Gah. I wanted to be fully human so badly, but at least I was able to tolerate the wolf now, for the most part. She huffed at me indignantly. At least we hadn’t had a sporadic shift yet. Holding Sam’s hand in a vice-like grip all night probably helped.
****
I was able to call up the wolf without much difficulty. She was eager to get out, especially knowing I was going to attempt to let her out for the longest amount of time yet. In the cabin, Sam was gentleman enough to let me shift first in case I needed help. The change came quickly, and minutes later Sam was a wolf beside me.
My wolf took one good inhale of him and sent so many signals shooting to my brain I about fell over. My wolf was nuts about Sam. It made my head swim, drowning in the pine and snow scent of him, all musky, male, and entirely attractive. I think my tongue lolled out of my mouth before I yanked on Wolf’s will and tried to shut her up. She yipped, and Sam’s wolf cocked his head at me.
Is she behaving?
No. Not particularly, I panted back. She pranced us around Sam like a little puppy, irritating me and sending my already frazzled nerves past overdrive. Wolf-Sam moved next to me, his fur brushing against mine. Wolf careened us into him. Sam skidded over a step, knocking into the table.
Enough! I growled at my wolf. She nudged me with her head—our head—and whacked it against the table. I snarled at her, and she wiggled to get closer to Sam. This was not going well.
Sam was breathing hard, but I didn’t have time to worry about it. How was I ever going to control this beast long enough to coordinate a run with other wolves? If she went this crazy next to Sam’s wolf, what would she do surrounded by forty others? I felt my control slipping. Wolf was taking charge and leaving me behind. I was losing myself to the animal and fear of losing myself paralyzed me.
Sam!
Wolf shook her head again, rubbing us against Sam’s side. He turned, stared straight into our eyes, and put his open mouth right over our muzzle, biting down ever so gently. Wolf surrendered control at once and calm enveloped me. On some baser level, I realized something primal had happened, but I had no idea what it was. Wolf recognized Sam was in charge, and her crazy antics stopped. She sat quietly, awaiting my instructions.
I was wheezing from the emotional struggle of wills and trying to fight her for control of my own body. I stood on shaky legs, dreading going out the door to face the rest of the pack.
Wolf-Sam leaned his head down, rubbing his head against my neck, and whined softly. I felt him scent me again as he nudged me softly. It filled Wolf with heat and something like…desire? It made me uncomfortable. Like an itch I couldn’t scratch. I shook my head again in frustration and tried to put one paw in front of the other. We were not perfectly synced, but Wolf was at least mostly compliant after Sam did, well, whatever it was that Sam had done.
We made it to the door, and Sam got up on his hind legs, flipped the latch with a paw, and then used his nose to open the door the rest of the way.
Moonlight streamed down onto the gravel of the drive before the house and the aromas of autumn and wolf hit me in the face with nearly as much strength as Sam’s scent had. Wolf was nearly beside herself with joy as she took in the new smells. To my surprise and relief, she didn’t go crazy after each new smell and, more importantly, the other wolves, like she did after her first she whiff of Wolf-Sam. Our gaze trained to the waiting pack. Fur and glowing eyes gathered around the cabin. My insecurities began creeping back up. It was worse than changing clothes for the first time in sixth grade gym class. All those half-naked bodies at various stages of development. Everyone trying not to notice anyone else and being so uncomfortable that my hands shook. It felt like that, standing in the doorway in my fur while the pack stared.
A lone howl rose up from the back, and Wolf instantly recognized it as the Alpha’s call. Shock ran through me as I realized that it was that voice, that wild, throaty noise, that I would obey in an instant if ordered. I knew Dominic Wolfe was the Alpha of the pack, but until this moment, as a wolf, I hadn’t felt his power over me deep in my bones. His howl compelled me forward, tripping and stuttering down the steps onto the cold grass.
Sam was right beside me, fur touching mine, warm at my side, the wind ruffling over me, bringing more new information. Sam’s cold, wet nose touched my cheek. I wasn’t sure if it was supposed to be affectionate or if it was to get my attention. Ready to try out your paws?
I gasped as Dominic howled again
and started the pack moving toward the woods. The run was upon us.
Wolf took the initiative and tried to spring forward to join her pack, but my fear held me rooted, and one of my concerns materialized. Her leap and my fear hurdled us both, nose first, straight into the dirt, my feet and tail flying up over my head. Ugh.
****
It was cold. My paws were wet. I was muddy. There were twigs stuck all over my fur. There was so much sensory information floating around that my brain was on constant overload. I wasn’t sure how much more information I could process before I blasted into a million pieces. Wolf was having the time of her life. She was running with abandon—at least as much as she could with my clumsy attempts to keep up. I was still trying to figure so many things out that we weren’t as synced as we probably should have been to be running through the forest in the dark, where branches were constantly snagging my fur and roots were creeping out of the shadows to bang my shins.
After about ten minutes, I was done. I was so done. Wolf whined, not remotely finished. I was cranky, sore, and bruised. I was over it. I wanted to curl up as a human, have a cup of tea, and eat a cookie. Maybe five or six.
Sam, I need to be done.
Let’s head back. Want to race?
I slit my eyes at him. He had the audacity to make some chuffing noise that I assumed meant he was laughing at me. I snipped my teeth at him. He nudged his head against me, letting me know he wasn’t making fun of me and headed us back toward the cabin.
Wolf didn’t want to go in, but I had no trouble asserting my dominance this time. She had been let out, she’d run outside, and she had the scents of forty-something wolves and all manner of fall noises and sights to sift through and commit to memory. She acquiesced easily, and then I stood there, naked, human, in the bathroom.
A shriek clawed up from my throat when my eyes met my reflection in the mirror.
“Megan?” Sam called.
Horror welled up as I took in my matted hair, twigs, leaves, and a particularly large stick protruding out behind my left ear. Dirt caked my nose and left streaks down the rest of my body. Mud encrusted my hands and arms to the elbows. My hairy legs sported several large dark purple bruises and more scrapes than I could count.
“Megan? What’s wrong?” Sam called again. “Here, put this on.” He cracked the door from the outside and shoved a gray robe at me. The sight of it was hideous, reminding me again of all things werewolf. This was going to break me. I was not going to survive becoming a wolf.
Chapter 29
Sam
There was a muffled noise of the robe moving on the floor and after a minute, I eased the door open. Megan was draped in the robe and staring at her hands, her fingers covered in drying mud.
“Hey,” I said softly, not sure how to proceed. A lone tear tracked down her cheek, leaving a muddy trail. It was followed by another, and then it was like her face cracked open and sobs jerked her whole body as she crumpled to the floor.
My gut clenched, and my heart constricted. I didn’t know what else to do, so I sat down on the floor next to her and pulled her onto my lap. She didn’t protest. Her head found its way to my shoulder and she cried and cried. Helplessness engulfed me. The only thing I could do was sit with my arms wrapped around her as she cried herself out. Eventually, her tears ended, and her body sagged against me. I could practically feel the exhaustion bleeding off her.
She took a shuddering breath and spoke into my neck.
“Sorry.” She sniffed.
“For what?” I was genuinely confused. She had just had her whole world upended, turned into a wolf, gotten married, and then been forced into a Gathering and pack run without time to think anything through.
“I’m a hot mess.”
“Well, you’re definitely hot.” I teased her gently, but truthfully. “But the dirt and sticks could go.”
I felt her smile soggily against my shoulder.
“Does this happen every time you run as a wolf? My legs look like they have plums splattered all over them.” She stuck one out. It was definitely streaked with dirt and I’d seen them smoother, but her bruises were already faded away to greens and yellows. She sucked in a breath. “Incredible,” she breathed.
“We heal very quickly. Although I’m sorry you got so mangled in the underbrush.”
“Did you get all bruised up?” She raised herself up, so we were eye level.
I shook my head. “Nope. Once you and your wolf are more on the same page, you won’t either. You’ll avoid the branches and the thickets and the roots without a second thought.” She squinted critically at my hair.
“Seriously. You have like, one leaf stuck in your hair.” She scowled. My face cracked into a grin.
“Turn around. I’ll help you get the debris out.”
She pulled the robe tighter around her chest and stiffly turned so that she was sitting on the floor, my legs on either side of her. It was a little hard not to be turned on, but I gathered my resolve and set to picking out the many, many leaves and sticks and twigs from Megan’s hair.
Chapter 30
Megan
It took a good forty-five minutes for Sam to finish fishing out all the dead things from my hair, although he might have been playing with my hair the last few minutes, and because it felt good, I let him. But the dirt had to go. And I was going to need to buy stock in a razor company.
When I finally got up off the floor, my right leg had fallen asleep, and I leaned against the sink while the blood started circulating again. Sam brushed a final piece of leaf from my shoulder.
“You’ll feel better after a shower. I’ll sweep this up while you wait for blood to go back to your toes.” He winked. How could he be so kind and so positive after all the crazy that had taken place over the past—was it really only two days? I angled my eyebrows. There was a literal imprint of my cheek and eye socket on his white shirt outlined perfectly in dirt wet with my tears.
“I’m sorry about your shirt.” I bit my lip.
He glanced down and flicked at the dirt like one might flick a droplet of water. “Eh, it’ll wash.”
I smiled. A genuine smile. Sam was maybe going to be the bright spot in the next few weeks until my permanent human skin returned.
****
I didn’t shift again Sunday night. It was well after midnight before we both fell exhausted into our beds, and we slept late again Monday. I woke before Sam, and eager to work through some of what had happened, I set to making bread. It was something I could do quietly, hopefully not disturbing Sam, and the texture of the dough as it made soft slapping noises against the counter was more soothing than sweet iced tea on a hot day.
The dough stretched and morphed as I kneaded, pushing my frustration and eventually the anger that resurfaced into the ball of dough. Long minutes passed as I worked the dough. I felt my anger receding as Wolf nudged me, apologetic for her wild traipsing last night. A sort of calm stole over me, and I felt my shoulders relax, the tension ebbing down to my arms and into my hands as I repeatedly stretched and punched down the dough. Wolf and I came to an understanding. I needed to commit to being a wolf for the next few weeks. I thought I already had, but last night’s run had enunciated how clearly ill-adjusted I was for this life. It was obvious I was destined for skin, not fur, but I did need to fix my attitude, as Grandma would have said. I wasn’t happy about being here, but I was stuck here for now. And how I reacted to this situation was on me. So Wolf and I were going to act as a team for the time being. I was going to be the boss, but she was going to help me understand how to maintain the balance I needed between skin and fur. With that settled, I exhaled a big breath and folded the dough into a neat ball and set it back in the bowl to rise.
Glancing up, I startled when I noticed Sam leaning against the back of the couch. His arms were braced on the couch, legs crossed casually as he watched me. Wolf wiggled in excitement as I registered his bed head and pajama pants. I refused to admit I found him sexy.
�
�Good morning,” he said tentatively.
“Morning,” I replied absently. “How long have you been standing there?”
“A while. You were pretty intent on beating that dough to a pulp. Everything all right?”
I felt a grin tip one side of my mouth. “Yes. I think Wolf and I have come to terms with a few things. The bread was helping us work through our issues.”
****
The rest of Monday was spent texting back and forth with Rachel and talking to Grandpa, exercising the wolf, and working on shifting on my terms. Sam and I did some laps around the cabin, letting my nose and other senses get used to the surrounding areas on a smaller scale. It was helpful and not nearly as overwhelming as the run had been.
Tuesday morning, I baked another batch of cookies and then made yeast rolls while Sam asked me questions to help prepare for the English test. He was a good study partner. With nerves mounting about school tomorrow, Sam suggested we spend most of the afternoon in fur. I was ready to try anything to avoid a massive morph at school. Wolf was behaving herself, but it was like she couldn’t help it sometimes either, and she just came out. And that made me nervous.
****
I was up with the dawn Wednesday morning. My heart pounded, and dread pooled in my stomach. Wolf nudged me encouragingly. We had been working as a team, and she was behaving well. She promised to try her best today. I was still concerned. I lay in my bed, twisting the covers in my fists, trying not to think about the one hundred different ways I could hurt someone or expose werewolves everywhere while attempting a physiology lab. Sam must have heard my thrashing. He sat up and scrubbed a hand over his face, hiding a yawn.
“I’m not sure I can do this,” tumbled out of my lips.
He got up, shuffled over, and plopped down beside me on the bed. I was momentarily distracted. I wasn’t sure how I felt about Sam sitting on my bed while I was still lying in it.
“You’re going to do fine,” he said with a sleepy smile. “I’m not just saying it because it’s what you want to hear. Your wolf knows who the leader is. And I’m one thought away. Seriously, I’ll check in with you between every class.”