~
Brad and I kind of cooled down after Thanksgiving break. I was glad, I had finals to ace and a research project to wrap up. So I studied all the time. Keeping myself busy and trying like crazy to not think of Christmas. I didn’t want to go to Jersey, I didn’t want to chance running into what’s his name.
It was the last day of class and I’d offered to drive Brad to the airport and he accepted. We planned to go to dinner before I dropped him off.
We sat quietly eating, when I broke the silence, “Are you excited to see your sisters?”
“I am and are you excited about going back to New Jersey?” He looked up nervously and then back down.
“No. I’ll be glad to hang out with Cameron but my dad’s friend will probably become a fiancée that’s normally when it happens at Christmas,” I smiled and sat back.
“Are you concerned with anything else?”
“Nope,” I looked down at my watch, “Except getting you to the airport on time.”
Brad asked that I just drop him at the curb. He didn’t want me to have to waste any time. He leaned over and kissed me, “Call me if you need me, okay?”
That was a sweet kiss, “You’ll do the same?” I leaned over and kissed him.
“Of course,” Brad kissed me softly again and got out. He leaned back in and grabbed his bag, “See you in a month?”
I smiled, “Of course.”
I watched him walk into the airport waiting to feel some sort of panic. Waiting for those emotions to kick in, to miss him already. When they didn’t, I wondered what the hell was wrong with me. We had spent almost every day for over two months together and I couldn’t even make myself produce a tear! I decided it was because I had read way too many books about over-emotional heroines, books-- not real life, I reminded myself. I trusted Brad, that’s why I was not upset. He and I were good for each other.
6
Cameron picked me up from the airport. He told me Dad had gone with Barbie, (rat terrier’s owner) to visit her family but would be back tomorrow. I was immediately pissed that my Mom was home alone another day through the Christmas season and I could have been with her. I would have stayed one more day back home if I had known that. It was bad enough that I had to stay here for two weeks dealing with Barbie.
We walked into the house and that dog ran up growling, “They couldn’t take that thing with them?”
Cameron laughed, “Apparently not.”
I looked around and saw the Christmas tree decorated. Dad had always waited for us to do it. Upon further inspection I realized none of our decorations adorned the tree this year, further fueling my anger.
“Nice tree,” I scowled at Cameron.
“No big deal, Carly,” Cameron wrapped his arm around my shoulder, “Hey I have something to do for a few hours, you mind?”
“No, go ahead,” I smiled and he kissed me and left.
So there I stood in the house alone. I took a picture of the tree and sent it to Mom and then I called to let her know I was here safely.
“You alright?” she answered.
“Yeah, I’m just fine,” I am sure I sounded annoyed. “I really hope she didn’t make him get rid of all those decorations.”
Mom must have heard me rummaging through the boxes in the basement.
“What are you doing Carly?”
“Looking for the decorations…SCORE!” I laughed when I found the bin.
“Carly, maybe you should talk to Dad before putting them on that lovely…”
“Lovely, the damn thing is perfect. Perfectly cold, and plain, and not at all what Christmas is about, or wants… until now. You and Dad fought over these decorations, and I will be damned…”
“Carly, maybe you should just let it go,” Mom suggested.
“Yeah sure,” I said as I dragged the box up the stairs, “Alright mom, I will talk to you later, I love you.”
“Carly, please enjoy yourself,” it was a plea, not a directive so I got to choose.
~
I was walking down the snow covered side walk dragging a four foot straggled looking tree behind me when I heard a vehicle stop. I know how pathetic I looked. It was worse than Charlie Brown’s tree but I would be damned if this tradition was taken away by that bitch. It wasn’t easy, even a four foot tree with barely any branches was heavy in this wet snow.
“Can I help you?”
I didn’t even have to turn around, the hair on the back of my neck stood on end as the sound of his voice tickled my ear drums. I shook my head no and walked faster.
“I have a truck miss it won’t be a problem,” he called after me.
He had no idea who I was and I walked faster. The damn tree snagged on something, jerked me backwards and, OF COURSE… I ended up on my ass.
“Let me help you,” he grabbed my arm and pulled me up.
“Thanks,” I turned away hoping the scarf was still covering my face.
“Carly?”
Stupid, stupid, scarf, stupid, stupid tree. I forced myself to turn around and face him.
“Hello Jase,” I looked up and his face fell.
“You’re here, I mean you’re in Jersey. Carly you look so…”
“Please don’t,” I pried my eyes away from his and grabbed the trunk of the tree.
“Carly don’t be a pain in the ass. You’re four blocks away from your Dad’s,” he grabbed the tree and tried to pull it away. I held on. “Baby, just…”
“Don’t baby me, Jase,” and my freaking voice cracked and he let go of the tree and grabbed me pulling me tightly into his arms.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered as he rubbed my back, “I never meant to hurt you.”
I said nothing and I know I should have pulled away, but it felt so good to have him hold me. He lifted my chin and kissed me softly, “I’ve missed you.”
I would not return his kiss. I will not return his kiss. I will not… damn. I didn’t even have to kiss him back. I just let him kiss me, let him stroke his tongue against mine. He pulled back, his hands stayed on my face and his thumb stroked my cheek lightly.
“So damn much,” he kissed me again, “We need to talk.”
“No you need to go, I need to go,” I wiggled out of his arms.
“Look I have a lot to tell you. Crazy shit Carly, but you deserve…”
I grabbed the tree started walking away.
“STOP,” he grabbed the tree, “Give me five fucking minutes!” I turned and shook my head no, I was afraid I would cry if I spoke. “The hell you won’t! So much has happened Carly. I really thought I could just walk away from you, do the right thing you know? But I can’t stop thinking of you, wanting to hear your voice, smell you, kiss you, taste you, it hasn’t changed Carly…”
“I’m seeing someone,” I looked at him and his eyes flashed hurt and then anger.
“Brad?” he hissed.
“That’s none of your business,” I turned and walked away. I could not look at him anymore.
“Don’t fucking walk away from me!”
“You did it first!” I screamed back and then I ran. I left the tree sitting on the sidewalk and ran all the way home.
I walked in the door and rat terrier growled. I threw my coat on the floor, grabbed my bag, and ran upstairs to my room. Well what used to be my room? Fucking bitch! She had painted it fucking pink, with pink frilly fucking curtains and bedding. The carpet had even changed. I threw my clothes on the floor and pulled out my warm fuzzy pajamas pants and a tee-shirt and changed. I climbed into bed and cried.
I woke to something wet on my face, it was the rat terrier. I jumped up, “Listen little spawn of Satan, if you think…” He rested his head on my knee and looked up. “We are not friends!” I laid down with my back towards him and closed my eyes. He hopped over me and licked my cheek again and put his paw on my hand. He cocked his little head to the side and perked his little ears up, “This does not make us friends,” I said before petting him. He snuggled against me and I fell asleep.
/>
I opened my eyes when I heard a piercing scream. It was morning and apparently Dad and rat terriers owner were home. I looked beside me and rat terrier looked up at me and she screamed again. Rat terrier laid his head down and put his paw over his eyes and I laughed.
I let her rant and rave for about five minutes before I decided to walk down the stairs. With ratty in my arms.
“Good morning Dad,” I said loud enough to gain his attention.
“What are you doing with Pauly?” Barbie cried. Yes-- she actually cried. She tried to grab him and he growled, which made her jump and cry even more, “What did you do to him?”
“Your dog slept in my room…”
“His room!” Barbie tried to take him again and he snapped.
I looked at Dad as I sat the dog on the ground, “So, I’ll be sharing a room with…”
“Your belongings have been moved to the room at the end of the hall,” Barbie was finally able to pick up rat…Pauly. “Why don’t you take your daughter to breakfast while I clean up this mess?”
I looked at my father who still could not look me in the eyes. He grabbed his coat, “Could I shower and get dressed first?” I walked up the stairs trying not to freak out.
~
Dad and I walked into a little diner on the boardwalk. We ordered and he finally decided to speak.
“Barbie and I are getting married,” I looked up at him, “I’m sorry about…”
“About what my room now being a dog’s? And seriously? A boy dog with a pink room Dad?” I tried to joke, which was better than freaking out.
“Look, I know you don’t particularly care for Barbie,” he stopped when the waitress set our coffee on the table.
“That’s kind of funny Dad, she’s the one who has never even said hello. But she certainly can bitch,” I rolled my eyes.
“Carly, I will not have you talk about her like that. She is the first woman I have actually loved…”
“And please tell me what you find remotely lovable about her? She is a RAVING lunatic…”
“She’s good for me Carly. You’re going to have to learn how to deal with her,” Dad looked up as the waitress brought out our food.
“Have you had the same talk with her? Is it alright that she treats me like a second rate citizen?” I was pissed, so pissed, “She moved my stuff out of my room…”
“To be fair Carly, you’re only here a few months out of the year and you never liked the new house anyway. I’m sure you weren’t attached to the bedroom,” he didn’t even look up at me.
“That’s nice Dad, there’s a word for what is going on with you,” I sneered.
“Do not disrespect me,” his fist hit the table.
“What the hell happened to you? Wait-- don’t answer that. I’m going to walk home…”
“The tree is not coming in the house,” he looked at me with the parental warning glare.
“What are you talking about?”
“The one on the front lawn Carly.”
“Fine, thanks for breakfast Dad,” I hadn’t noticed the tree but I’m sure I knew how it got there.
I walked out into the cold air and started walking towards home, or the house that apparently isn’t home, apparently it never was. I know I’m twenty years old, but this hurt. It was certainly a Christmas Eve I would never forget.
I walked a little further until I came to the spot on the beach where I had met Jase. It was empty, I was freezing-- but I didn’t care. I wasn’t going back to Barbie’s house. Not now, because I’m pretty sure my inner badass, tattoo shop girl was ready to rear her bad-ass head again. I needed to put her in check.
I sat shaking on the rock that Jase had sat on, one of the first times I saw him. I pulled my knees to my chest and buried my head, shielding my face from the cold wind. I’m not sure how long I was there, but long enough to seriously worry about frostbite.
I stood and walked to the sidewalk.
“Carly?” I heard a familiar voice and turned around.
Of course, “Xavier?”
“You remember me?” He smiled as he ran up to me.
“Yes,” I smiled back.
“Does Jase know you’re in town?”
“Yeah,” I looked at the water, “Sure is cold here this time of year. I almost forgot.”
“So we are going to talk about the weather to avoid talking about my brother?” Xavier chuckled.
“It was a summer fling. And yes,” I giggled back.
“And the fall was what?” Xavier elbowed me lightly.
“Epic,” I rolled my eyes and he laughed out loud, “No, I’m not talking about his visit…”
“Sure you’re not, you forget we Steel men know our shit Carly,” he joked, but it really wasn’t a joke. If the rest were like Jase, holy shit. Look out any female who may get stuck in their head for any length of time. She wouldn’t have a chance...
“Come have breakfast with me?”
“I already had breakfast, but thanks…”
“I am not trying to get into your little lavender panties, Carly.” Xavier smiled knowingly. My jaw must have hit the cold ground, “Brothers talk, and as sure as I am about my ability to please a woman… better than Jase ever could, there is a code. Your panties are safe, your virtue is safe…”
“He doesn’t own me!”
“So what are you saying Carly? You want me in your panties?” Xavier grinned. I laughed and so did he, “Come on, just coffee then?”
“I really should get home, I kind of have a mess to deal with. It was nice seeing you Xavier, have a Merry Christmas,” I smiled politely.
“I’m sure I will see you again soon, Merry Christmas” he hugged me and then kissed each of my cheeks before he winked and took off in the direction he came from.
~
Xavier walked into Forever Steel, laughing. “What’s so funny X?” Cyrus asked, looking up briefly from the appointment book.
“I just ran into Carly,” he smiled.
I looked over at him and waited and then became impatient, “What did she say?”
“She said the fall was Epic,” he chuckled, “Right before she declined my invitation to breakfast after I reassured her I wasn’t trying to get into her little lavender panties.”
“Better tell me you’re fucking joking, X.” I glared at him.
“If I did, I’d be lying. Then she told me you didn’t own her. I’m pretty sure she wants to see which one of us is better in the oral department.”
Cyrus chuckled and I tapped my foot loudly on the ground.
“You see her again you keep your mouth shut little brother,” I sneered.
“Jase, it’s clearly been awhile since you have seen it, there is nothing little about what I have. And I certainly would have sealed the…”
I jumped up and Cyrus grabbed me, “Let it go, Jase.”
Zandor laughed when he walked through the door, “I just finished with her, and deal has been sealed. Tasty little morsel, too.”
“You two shut your fucking mouths! It’s Christmas eve!” Cyrus had me against the wall with one hand and pointing at Zandor and Xavier with the other, “Act like a fucking family, not a bunch of little bitches that need to get laid.”
“I got laid this morning, all set,” Zandor smiled as he left the room.
“Alright, no appointments for the next two days. I am going to hang out until close to sell any gift certificates or art work anyone may stop in for. You three take off,” Cyrus looked at me, “You need to get a grip, man.”
“I can stay, you go,” Zandor smiled as he re-appeared from the back.
“No I got it,” Cyrus raised his eyebrow, “You’re just looking for a piece of ass. It’s Christmas eve… leave the lonely married broads alone.”
Xavier laughed, “Why?”
“Like I said, it’s Christmas eve, now go!”
7
Christmas was an impressive mess. Barbie made Dad cut up the tree that was on the front porch before her family showed up
. He didn’t even have time to make the traditional Christmas breakfast of Aebleskivers and fresh fruit. When I was digging through the cupboard, she asked what I was doing, “Trying to find a pan. I’m going to make breakfast.”
“No, we are having brunch. My family will be here at ten,” Barbie shut the cupboard with her foot.
“That’s fine, but this is a tradition that I plan to keep. Now please move your foot,” I looked up at her.
“You’ll make a mess and I’ve already cleaned…”
“Rosalie cleaned yesterday, and I am capable of cleaning up my own mess,” I waited for her to move and she didn’t. “Listen, I am very well aware that you don’t like me, and I can tell you I’m trying my best here. It’s Christmas Barb…”
“Barbie!”
“Fine, its Christmas Barbie and I’m going to eat the same breakfast I have for as long as I can remember.”
“Not this year, and probably not next. It’s time for a change around here.”
“You are a horrible person, a bitch actually. I have no idea what my father sees in you,” I stormed up the stairs and slammed the bedroom door.
I grabbed my phone to call the airport to see what flights may be available to get myself the fuck out of here before I kicked Barbie’s ass on Christmas.
My father came in my room and lectured me and I listened without saying a word. When he left I heard him and her through the door. She was “expressing” her concerns about my behavior in front of her family.
~
Dinner was interesting to say the least. I excused myself saying I was tired-- an excuse to get the hell out of there. Cameron followed me up and told me to just ignore her like he did. I said I would.
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