“I guess it went well if you decided to see each other again. How did it go today?” I asked, trying not to sound like I had a vested interest in the outcome of their date. Mom didn’t seem to notice. I wasn’t asking any weird or overly personal questions.
“It went well. He’s a very good photographer and he loves being outdoors. I was a little self-conscious about all the pictures I posted on Facebook, but he thought they were good,” she replied.
“Are you going to see him again?” I asked, squishing the marshmallow between the crackers, licking the melted chocolate before it hit the ground.
“Yes, we’ve planned a longer hike for next Saturday and then maybe go out to dinner. Will you be okay on your own? Nana won’t be home yet. Maybe you can invite your friends over?” she said, unsure.
“OMG, mom! I’m old enough to stay home alone on a Saturday night,” I said, pretending to be affronted. No need to mention I would invite my friends over because I actually was afraid to stay home alone. I had had no practice, she never went anywhere! “But I’ll see what Mel, Julie, and Sam have going on,” I added breezily.
“Wonderful!” she said, looking relieved. Poor Mom, worried about leaving her baby home alone.
We stayed by the fire long after we’d reached our limit of smores, just staring at the flames. I was pretty sure we were both thinking about Gary. Her, wondering if it would work out. Me, hoping it would.
Wait a minute, I thought. There was a way I could find out if it went beyond the third date. By the same token, I could have a peek at what my life would look like in a few months’ time. I wasn’t sure how to go about it, though. If I called on September, I think I’d be a passenger in her reality, the way I had been in January’s and April’s.
If I wanted access to September’s memories of my reality, which happened in the future for me but the past for her, I think I needed to see her at the Castle. But how did I make sure she was there tonight?
I got up abruptly and Mom jumped. “Sorry, I just remembered I forgot to do a final read through for an assignment I have to hand in tomorrow,” I said.
Mom checked her watch and asked me to get her book. She would read until the fire died down. I went to get her book and said goodnight, in case I needed more time to check in with September.
I put on pyjamas, brushed my teeth, and set my alarm. It was only eight thirty but I wanted to get these out of the way in case my errand took longer to accomplish. At Clarity Castle, there was no time and it didn’t matter how long things took, so I wasn’t sure how this would go.
I sat in my bed cross-legged and closed my eyes. I took a deep breath, cleared my mind, and called out to September in my mind.
“Hey, what’s up,” she replied instantly, presumably from her mind as well.
“I’d like to get a peek at what’s going to happen in September. That’s allowed, right?” I asked. It was easier if I just imagined she was standing in front of me in the yellow room.
“Yes, of course, that’s why we’re in the same group,” she replied.
“How does that work? Do you show me now? Do we make an appointment? Do we meet at the Castle?” I asked.
“We need to be at the Castle. If it’s only a peek, and not a whole month, then we could meet there anytime. Otherwise, it has to be at night,” she explained.
“If it was, how would I make sure you, or anybody else, would be there?” I asked.
“You’d ask, like this, beforehand,” she said.
“Ok, when would you be free?” I asked.
“I can meet now if you want. Mom’s reading by the fire and I’m already in bed,” she said,
“Same,” I exclaimed, amazed how our lives were mirrored even five months apart. April and September both were good times to enjoy an outdoor fire. “Did you have smores too?” I asked. She laughed and said no because her mom had cut out sugar so all they had was peppermint tea. I sympathized and hoped that wasn’t part of the coming attractions for me. We agreed to meet at the Castle.
Instantly, we were both in the yellow room.
Chapter 28
It’s kind of awkward, but we hugged when we saw each other. I was dying to talk to someone about all this and for a good fifteen minutes that’s what we did. I asked how her life had changed since discovering the Castle and her awakening.
“My art has improved a lot, and so have my relationships. Do you remember Max?” she asked.
“The quiet woodworking hottie?” I asked with a wink. She blushed.
“Yes, him. Well, as comfortable as we were doing our art in companionable silence, I wanted him to open up to me, you know, talk. Now, he’s always sharing his innermost thoughts and feelings. I sometimes wish he’d shut up so I can work,” she said.
“Be careful what you wish for. Got it,” I replied and we both burst out laughing.
“But seriously, it brought us closer and things have progressed to where we’re almost dating,” she said.
“Almost?” I asked.
“Though we’ve talked about everything else, we haven’t had ‘the talk.’ We hold hands at school, and he’s kissed me on the lips a few times, but nothing official has been decided,” she said.
“I’m no expert at dating, but I think that’s it, whether you said so or not,” I replied. Then, I told her about how April and Sam were dating in her reality and how it’s been haunting me ever since.
“Isn’t he your best friend? Well, one of them?” she asked.
“Yes! I’ve never seen him as anything but a friend until I spent a month in April’s life. Now I can’t unsee him in that role, or unfeel his kiss on my lips,” I replied.
“And of course, you can’t tell your friends about it because they’d think you were crazy,” she said, nodding in understanding.
“And I’ve had the same feeling about your portrait of me as a writer. I thought I could leave it alone and just wait and see. But now I have another reason to have a peek,” I said, getting excited again at the idea of having Gary for a stepdad. I asked her if she remembered him from some of the other’s realities.
“I wish my mom would meet him! Maybe I should nudge her toward that dating app,” she replied, pensive.
“It feels like cheating, but I have to know,” I said. She laughed.
“It’s not cheating, silly. That’s why we come to Clarity Castle. To find clarity, answers, to choose what suits us best. How can we know what suits us if we don’t try it out first? Nana always says, ‘you can’t make a cake…’” she started.
I finished the famous expression, “without cracking some eggs!” and we both laughed. This was so much fun. Like having a best friend and a sister all rolled in to one.
“Ok, what would you like to see? Is there a date in particular?” she asked.
“I have no idea, but maybe pick a day where I’ll see something relating to writing, Mom and Gary, and Sam and me,” I said, aware I sounded like someone ordering from a catalogue.
She closed her eyes and seemed to be mentally flipping through the month. Then she smiled and opened her eyes. “I have the perfect day!” she said and took one of my hands before I knew what she was on about.
* * *
There was a Labour Day party at our house! It was the first we’d ever hosted. The weather was fantastic and there were quite a few people in the pool. In addition to Mel, Julie, and Sam, there were some other kids of various ages I didn’t recognize.
Mom and Gary were in a hot tub I guessed we’re getting in the next five months. Gary! Nana was in there with them with what had to be her boyfriend because he was nibbling on her ear. Gross!
Even Uncle Roley was here, grilling burgers on the BBQ. I looked around to see Aunt Felicia, and there she was, serving margaritas fresh from the blender. I looked back at the kids in the pool, and realized they were Chase and Evan with their girlfriends. I hadn’t seen them in so long.
Just then, Sam grabbed me by the waist, planted a kiss smack on my lips and said, “we have to w
in this one!” He then went under the water, scooped up my legs and emerged for the water with me on his shoulders. Chase and Even had done the same, and Mel had Julie on her shoulders. It was some kind of volleyball game.
Within minutes, Chase and Mandy were crowned the ultimate champions and we were being called out of the pool to eat.
I went to my room to change out of my wet bathing suit. As I was about to leave my room, I saw an envelope on my desk. It hadn’t been there this morning. Maybe Mom had forgotten to check the mailbox on Friday and Gary had stopped on the way back from getting some ice this morning.
It was from the local bank. It read, ‘Dear Ms Knox, we are happy to inform you that your essay titled “Change your thoughts, change your life” has been selected as one of the three finalists in our annual young writers’ contest…’
What? I hadn’t entered any writing contest, nor had I written that essay. Oh, right. I hadn’t done those things, yet. The letter went on to say the finalists and their families were invited to an official reading after which the judges would announce the winning essay. The winner would receive a scholarship, in trust, for their post-secondary education, of three thousand dollars. Wow!
I rushed out holding the letter in one hand and my wet bathing suit in the other.
* * *
My hands were still holding the invisible objects when we arrived back at the Castle. I guessed I had my answers. Yes, on all fronts. I still had mixed feelings about the Sam thing.
As though she was reading my mind, September said, “remember, you have free will. And so does Sam, your mom, and Gary. It can all happen exactly like that if things keep going the way they have. But anyone can change their minds and go in another direction. So, don’t worry about it. It’s just another one of a million possibilities,” she said.
We chatted some more about her and Max. Then she helped me clarify my mixed feelings about Sam. In the end, the important thing was to let things happen naturally and see where they led. No pushing, but no resisting either. I thought it was great advice. I thanked her for taking the time and we both went back to our lives to get ready for bed.
Chapter 29
That night, I was intent on finding out what had happened to April. Surely if she had disappeared for good, they would have replaced her, and we would have been called to witness the new April’s memories. As it stood, I had no idea how to retrieve the updated month of March from April’s reality.
When I got to the yellow room, April was there wearing her usual debate club outfit. So far so good. As I neared, she got up and hugged me. She was smiling, so I guess it worked out all right.
“How did it go?” I blurted out, too curious to wait for her to show me.
“It worked!” she said triumphantly. “Well, the main goal was achieved. As soon as I went back, I started hounding my dad every chance I had, providing as many details as I could remember. At first, he brushed me off. Then, after he’d told Mom I was acting weird, they had me see a shrink. That was the worst. They thought I was crazy, having delusions. Thankfully, the shrink was really good, and she convinced them that other than this bit about fraud, I was perfectly well adjusted and sane,” she explained.
My hand was on my mouth, eyes wide with horror. That was the ultimate nightmare, having your parents think you’re crazy. I took her hand in sympathy and sighed with relief when she said the shrink had been on her side.
“That’s when he started quizzing me about the details. There was no way I could have known about the opportunity he would be presented with. It hadn’t been in the papers, and he hadn’t talked about it with Mom, so it wasn’t the result of eavesdropping. Eventually, he told me to leave the matter to him and he would sort it out. I didn’t have to worry about it anymore,” she continued.
“I was still a little worried, especially when he and Mom announced our family trip to Cozumel. When I cornered him about it, he said he and Mom had been planning it since January because he’d gotten a huge bonus at the end of the year. I relaxed a little. Even more so when, in a whisper, he added that it was best if he was out of the country when the arrests were made,” she said. I nodded.
From what I remembered, however, that had led to a rather stressful arrival at the Montreal airport and I told her so.
She grinned and held out her hand. I looked at her sideways, hesitating. I had not enjoyed my trip the last time. Tired of waiting, she grabbed my hand by herself.
* * *
I had forgotten how much I enjoyed the trip to Mexico before the resulting ordeal. It was even better the second time around. Mom and Dad were even more relaxed, and it was an amazing week.
Upon our return, no agents assaulted us. We loaded up the car, stopped for dinner on the way home and made it back to Cowansville around eight. After unloading the car, Dad went back out to get groceries. Mom made us empty and put away our luggage and she had a load of laundry started before Dad came back. She hated having stuff lying around. Then she started whipping up a batch of muffins for the next morning. Though Penny and I had a ped day on Monday, it was back to work for Mom and Dad.
The rest of the month was dramatically different. While we were away, arrests had been made and the office had closed down for the week. Early Monday morning, Dad’s boss called and asked him to come into the office to answer some routine questions so they could resume their operations. Dad told the truth, omitting my insider knowledge, and was cleared of any implications.
Instead of visiting Dad in jail every weekend, we had the standard busy family schedule. Mom and Dad had date night on Friday nights and Nana came over when she wasn’t on a trip somewhere. On Saturdays, Penny had swimming lessons in the mornings, and we played family games at night. On Sundays, Mom and Dad often had brunch with friends before heading to the grocery store for the week’s provisions.
April’s life had greatly improved, but I still wouldn’t trade places with her.
If it had been up to me, I would have spent more time with Penny. She was such a great little sister. Between the debate team, homework, and the time spent with Sam, I barely saw her during the week. I could always request follow-up visits.
I was a little torn about Dad, though. Since I hadn’t grown up with him, I didn’t miss having him around. Oddly enough, I regretted Gary’s absence more than Dad’s. Though I felt somewhat disloyal admitting it, even to myself, the truth was that Gary suited Mom better. In all the lives I had seen him in, she was happier, more relaxed. With Dad, she was harder, more driven in her career, and focused on material things. Gary made Mom fun!
Meanwhile, I got a good look at April and Sam’s relationship. There were subtle differences that weren’t due to the fact that Sam and I were only now starting to explore our feelings for each other.
Because April was so driven in school and had a clear path set out for her future, which coincided with Sam’s plans, they were more of a power couple than anything else. It was as though they had decided they were stronger together and made a pact to help each other reach their individual and common goals. They’d set a very definite course for their lives, convinced they were in it for the long haul.
Who decides they’re getting married at fifteen? They had it all mapped out: finish high school, get married, move to the city, attend law school, spend their summers interning at the best firms in Montreal, Toronto, and Vancouver, pass the bar, join elite firms, buy a house, have two kids.
It made my skin crawl just thinking about this ten-year plan. I’d only just found out I had a way with words and may or may not become a writer. Clearly, April was going to use those words to write briefs. But who was I to judge, in the end? She and Sam seemed content. I just wondered what that meant for my relationship with my Sam.
Would it be like Dad and Gary for Mom? Would dating me alter Sam’s present? His future? For the better or worse?
My Sam was nowhere near as driven as he was in this reality. Or maybe I didn’t know him intimately enough. I could see how Sam and I wou
ld make a great team; we were great friends and great study partners. But I was hoping the friendship would be the basis of any relationship we might develop. I wanted us to help each other grow, and, of course, I wanted Sam to reach his goals and would help in any way I could. But, to me, a romantic relationship was supposed to be, well, romantic.
Though I wasn’t ready for raging hormones and the level of physical intimacy I saw in couples around me, I was hoping for more emotional intimacy. I was ready to have a best friend, without dropping Mel and Julie.
No, I didn’t want April’s life, but I was happy it had worked out for her. And I was happy I had visited both versions. It had been a golden opportunity to sort out what I didn’t want, which was a step closer to figuring what I did want.
Chapter 30
With the milder weather, it was no surprise that kids flocked outside at lunchtime. On our ride yesterday, the gang had decided to meet at our usual spot. However, when I got there the only one sitting at the table was Sam. I tried to remind myself that there was no reason for this to be awkward.
“Hey! Are the others running late?” I asked as I sat across from him. He frowned at the change in routine. I normally sat next to Sam, but if no one else came, it would look weird.
“Mel had a last-minute play rehearsal and Julie’s mom picked her up a few minutes before the bell. Seems there was a cancellation at the orthodontist she’s been trying to get in to see,” he said. I checked my phone to see if Mel and Julie had messaged me, but there was nothing.
“How do you know all this? They didn’t put it in the group text,” I replied with a pout.
He laughed and started unpacking his lunch. “I saw Mel on my way here, and she told me about Julie because they were both in French class together before lunch,” he explained.
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