Pat was not bothered at all. She was not small, and she was very strong. She squished further into the river mud towards Maurice. All the time she bashed at arms and heads and shoulders and cheekbones. She was swearing loudly. Also, it’s seemed that her current behaviour was bringing on her flatulence, which no one mentioned. One of her Lady Diana earrings was missing, and her frilly blouse had an algae ring around it.
Pat nearly got to Maurice, who had been pulled away from Carl, by two female Kelpies. They watched the war continue from the back, still holding their prize. One kept trying to grab for Carl, who swam nearby, waiting for that one second when they wouldn’t have a tight hold on Maurice. Two male Kelpies appeared before Pat, halting her journey to rescue Maurice. Two also rose behind her.
Pat recognised one of them, as he had been a member of the party on Jim and Julia’s narrowboat. He looked in a worse condition than everyone else. The four of them grabbed Pat, who fell into the water.
Jackie got in closer. There was no way that Pat was going down and out. She would die trying to save her sister. Jackie got the wire in her hands and tossed it around the neck of the first male, pulling with all her might. It cut straight through the majority of the Kelpies neck, fastening around a solid part of gristle in the centre.
It was enough and the Kelpie dropped backwards dead, the problem was that Jackie’s wire was embedded in the gristle of the Kelpie’s neck and it would not untangle.
Gary and Tony could see that the situation was getting worse.
‘Get in and help us!’ Gary shouted to the ones on the riverbank, who valiantly were leaning over to hit Kelpies with long weapons.
Everyone was in the water and they were all in danger. When the worst looked like it was going to happen, Wee Renee appeared, the sequins on her Barbara Streisand jumpsuit glittered.
‘Close your eyes everyone! There’s sawdust on its way! She shouted. Wee Renee threw the concoction over the culprits. It didn’t kill them, but it did make their Kelpie skin sizzle. They automatically put their hands on the burning areas or dipped themselves in the water. It was enough of a distraction.
Maurice got away from the females that firmly held him. Carl and Tony helped him up out of the mud. His bad leg prevented him from doing this on his own. Pat made her way back from the depths, aided by Jackie, managing to kill a couple using her trusty club hammer, as she shouted ‘Bastard’ very loudly.
They waited, wet, shivering and gasping on the riverbank not knowing whether there were more Kelpies or not. Their eyes were everywhere. Eventually, they relaxed. None were on their way out. Not at this site anyway. Between them, they knew they had got rid of an even dozen.
Lee, Our Doris and Nigel got to the bridge.
’Where is it? Is it still here?’ Our Doris asked.
’I think it could be under the bridge, but I’m not sure,’ Lee said.
’Just like the troll in the Three Billy Goats Gruff,’ Our Doris said. ‘You have to laugh, don’t you? It’s bloody comical.’
Lee didn’t laugh. He thought when she saw what was there, she wouldn’t laugh either. He was wrong.
With a wide set stance, Our Doris squatted down and looked under the bridge. She shone her torch underneath and at first could only see the water, flowing ferociously through there.
For a split second, she saw it, but if she hadn’t known what she was looking for, she wouldn’t have noticed. It was quite plain that there was a black domed head and two flat circles looking out, which reflected in her torch beam
’Oh, there you are,’ she muttered and shook her head.
‘He’s there,’ Our Doris fired back at the men.
‘Good,’ Nigel said, flailing his knife through the fog.
‘Hey come out,’ she shouted. ‘Come out and you can eat me.’ Our Doris chuckled before walking back to the two men who looked at her open-mouthed. She picked up her sword.
’He only saw little old me, and he didn’t see you two. Sucker,’ she said.
’Hey fishfingers,’ Our Doris shouted. ‘Come and show yourself. I’m very tasty.’ She winked at Lee and Nigel. ‘If that doesn’t bring him out, nothing will.’
’Don’t taunt him, Our Doris,’ Lee said.
‘If you think I’m getting in after it, that’s not happening. See, if it doesn’t come out, I won’t be using my charms on it,’ Our Doris said finally. She folded her arms and waited.
Lee didn’t think it was going to work, but after a while, he thought he could see what looked a bit like a scaly black balloon coming out from under the bridge. Nigel could see what he thought was a black ball that bobbed in and out of the rippling water, sometimes visible and sometimes not.
The creature must have found a part that was easy to walk up because it started to rise out on the riverbank in the fog. Like something out of someone’s worst nightmares it came. First the head with the scaly flat eyes, the mouth, fish-like with gills beneath. The shoulders, the arms, yes it was humanoid, but covered with a thick scale almost like a dinosaur.
It did not have fingers, flippers or webbing. The monster had five tentacles at the ends of what would be its hands. It emerged further out towards them. Now they could see two legs, the toes again when they saw them, were tentacles.
It walked stiffly as if that wasn’t usually its way of transporting itself in or out of the water. He didn’t seem happy unless it always looked like that, it was hard to tell. Its eyes were huge fishlike orbs that did not move on their own. It seemed to have to move its head from left to right to see them.
As far as Lee was concerned, they had never faced such danger. Lee clutched hold of the bridge, watching the nightmare play out. He had bought a spear, which he thought was fitting as the King of Tonga. It hadn’t been delivered sharp at all, but he had made some modifications to it. Yet he did not run for the beast.
Our Doris knew what Lee meant. It did look like the creature from the Black Lagoon. What a sight. She had had enough of watching it plodding forwards. Boring.
Nigel grew impatient too. He ran, knife held high, and the Bishop Fish was ready. In its own cumbersome way, it tried to deflect the blows of Nigel’s kebab knife. He hacked into the flesh, which was indeed fishy. Our Doris waited for him to weaken, as the Bishop Fish was taller than her. Plus, Nigel was in the way.
Lee thought he should have a go. For nothing else, only to save his own sanity. He plunged forth with his spear, which hit the stomach of the monster. The Bishop Fish reached forward with its hands, the tentacle fingers wrapped around it and it staggered towards Lee who still held the blunt end. It remembered him.
’Is he on the ropes Nigel?’ Our Doris shouted.
’I think so,’ Nigel shouted back.
‘Incoming,’ Our Doris shouted. She took a run at it, wielding her sword. Our Doris’s blow went straight through the top of its shoulders through to the other side. The Bishop Fish lay in two separate pieces. Not exactly beheaded, it was more be-shouldered.
’I couldn’t get high enough,’ Our Doris said, guffawing. ‘It’s a good job he was a soft ‘un, or else my sword wouldn’t have cut through a full set of shoulders. It was a good laugh though, wasn’t it?’
Lee sat on the grass in shock. He still didn’t want to laugh. However, he did smile. His dragon had been slain.
Ivy and Father Philip had joined the unlikely duo of Lauren and Ernie. They were looking for ways to help and unfortunately came across quite a nasty opponent. Another Sea Witch, a single one. She was swimming in the centre of the river. She didn’t seem to want to come closer. None of them wanted to go in to fetch her. She watched them. They watched her.
’What are we going to do?’ Ernie asked.
’I don’t know. Wee Renee would know what to do if she was here,’ Lauren said, admiringly.
’Okay, do you know anything about this and what it likes?’ Ivy said.
’Yeah, she likes cucumber,’ Lauren said, ‘but we haven’t got any of that.’
’And fingers, do
n’t forget that,’ Ernie said. Then he wished he hadn’t opened his mouth and decided to shut up.
‘You two are the ones that have weapons, and we haven’t, so…,’ she took a deep breath, ‘me and Father Philip will put our fingers in the water and try and attract her attention, and then you get her, okay?’ Ivy said.
’Watch her. She’s probably really fast,’ Lauren said, anxiously.
’Well you will have to be faster, won’t you,’ Ivy said.
Father Philip wasn’t that pleased that he had been volunteered to sacrifice his fingers to the Sea Witch, but she was definitely not coming closer for anything else. It might not work so they could stop after a few seconds, he told himself.
Ivy and Father Phillip knelt on the riverbank. They started to dabble their fingers in the river. Within a second the Sea Witch darted over to eat them. Lauren had a crowbar behind her back. Ernie had a very sharp spade, which he favoured. It was quite cumbersome, but when it was bought down effectively, it was lethal.
Lauren bashed the Sea Witch hard on the head a couple of times, which stunned her, as Father Philip and Ivy drew their fingers back away from the danger. Lauren continued to whack at her, but her powerful black tail flipped as she made to get away from them.
Ernie had run around the other side of Father Philip and Ivy. He was lifting his spade up to bring it down on her thick neck. Lauren was still cracking her one with all her might put it was not stopping the Sea Witch.
Out of her kneeling position, Ivy leaned forward again, winding her fingers in the Sea Witches course hair. She twisted the handful tight. Ernie brought his spade straight down, and through another 3 inches of mud, below.
The back half of the Sea Witch slowly slipped down into the water, floating and lifeless. They saw it taken by the current. Ivy unwound her fingers from the head of the beast. It stayed where it was, as Ernie’s spade held it there. Father Philip looked at the three of them, visibly relaxing now the threat had gone.
‘It can’t get any worse than that, can it?’ He asked. Behind his friends, up the river, he saw the pirate ghosts emerging from the fog.
39 Borda to Afanc
The Borda was one of the worst creatures that they would face that night. They were unaware of her and even Wee Renee had only read about her once. After what she had read, she hoped that she would not make an appearance.
Sadly, The Borda was always present where there was fog and where there was torment. The fog put her on a nearly level playing field with her victims, as she was blind. Her eyes were so terrible, so hideous, that she wore a dirty black blindfold around them. An ancient witch, her natural place was in the dark, the Halloween months was when she was most deadly. She killed everything that she touched without hesitation.
Joe saw her out of the corner of his eye - a woman with a dirty dress and blindfold. Long, stringy, wet, black hair trailing down her back. She was moving slowly forward, her arms outstretched. The Borda was to the right of them walking away from the river.
’Look at that Craig,’ Joe said. Craig followed the direction of Joe’s gaze and saw what he was on about. Her long dress was black or grey; it was so dirty they couldn’t tell what it was in the dark. Her hair was black too, and her skin was filthy. She seemed almost to be made of the fog, her hue matched so distinctly. This was why she used it.
Darren and Rick who had heard Joe’s voice looked over too.
‘Come on,’ Joe said. Before the men approached, she heard them coming and changed her direction to come directly for them. The Borda’s arms were outstretched, her mouth agape, black lips and grey sharpened teeth inside. She gnashed her teeth at them, the bony fingers clutched at the air. The Borda could touch, hear and bite, but not see.
The men knew not to make any sound. Rick had his chain with him. Joe had his weapon of choice in his hands too, but it was extremely noisy and would take a few seconds to get going. When it did, it would do the job efficiently.
Joe looked over to Rick, she was coming for them, reaching for the voice she had previously heard. Silently the four men surrounded her.
Joe nodded once and Rick cast out his long chain, which he hooked around her waist. Now she had a direction to go - towards the holder of the chain. The Borda quickened her pace towards Rick, and that was when Joe switched on the electric chainsaw. It didn’t fire. The Borda moved faster, trying to grab frantically at the holder of the chain. Rick still held her but had to move away from the others, with a backward jog, to get away from her
Craig ran behind her, smacking her head with a hammer that he had. Darren ran at her, and with his one good hand stabbed her in the ribs. She continued unfazed towards Rick, their attacks having no effect on her.
Joe was fiddling with the chainsaw. What a time for it to not work. He was sure that the fog inside it. Some evil type of fog with an agenda, which stopped it from working. He would saw through her manually if he had to.
Joe stopped working on the chainsaw and ran to catch up with them. Craig and Darren still attacked her, but she was relentless. She knew she had a victim in her sights. As he ran, Joe kept on pressing the start button but there was nothing there.
Then he realised what had happened. He had forgotten to take the safety catch off it. What a schoolboy error. With the safety off, it fired first time. There it was, the little beauty. Joe ran full force at The Borda. He swept his chainsaw from left and right, taking the top couple of inches off her head, ripping her blindfold off along with it. Through the eyes, for a moment there was a glimpse of bright green light that shone from them. Her poisonous black brain was now visible, yet she still had the will to go on. Joe stuck the chainsaw through her heart, and she stopped dead. He had done it.
Rick was still running backwards and so dragged her body for a few steps before he realised that he was out of danger. Just in case the weird thing did not die without a head, Joe went up and shoved his chainsaw through her a couple more times. The four men looked down at her. This one had been really creepy.
‘What the fuck was that?’ Rick asked.
’Probably something that would have done more than bite your fingers off,’ Darren said dismally.
’We needn’t worry about it, it’s dead now. And it was only one of them,’ Craig said.
’We had better get back to the others. Keep your eye on the riverbank for what comes next,’ Joe said.
They ran past Alan and Ann. Alan was sitting on a Villager as Ann taped the captive’s hands and feet up. His eyes were now on trained on the dark grass beneath him.
‘Evening,’ Alan said.
On the other side of them, they saw Penelope had knocked out a Villager with one super roundhouse kick. Hopefully, that would not prove too fatal. In any and every direction, there was a victim, or a monster, or a fight blooming out of the Fog. What a day for it to happen.
Pat and her sister Jackie were at the top end of Moorston. They had situated themselves behind the pirate ghosts, wondering if another wave would appear. They stood back a little from the bank, in case they suddenly materialised, putting them in danger.
It was very marshy, and Pat was sure there were plenty of nasties going to come here to them from the East.
This was a slightly narrower section of the river upstream from the main Moorston area. It seemed quieter here. The only sounds came from the right of them, where the others battled with many foes.
The two of them had their eyes peeled for ghosts when Pat saw a light. It was small and white, dimmer than a torch beam. From what she could tell in this fog, it seemed to be bobbing along the grass in a hopping fashion. Pat nudged Jackie with her elbow.
’What’s that?’ Pat asked Jackie, pointing to the light. The fog thinned in the patch it crossed. The tiny light revealed that something dark was underneath it. Pat started to walk to the source of the light.
‘Do you know what? I think that’s one of those will-o’-the-wisp’s that Rene has told me about. It’s a free roaming spirit,’ Pat said.
‘Are you on about the light, or the thing under it – or both?’ Jackie asked.
‘The light. It’s separate Jackie. It’s not attached to anything,’ Pat informed her.
’Apart from being attached to that foreign object, jumping underneath it,’ Jackie commented.
‘I think it’s just along for the ride,’ Pat observed.
The light still hopped along and then the creature underneath the will-o’-the-wisp apparently heard their approach … as the light began hopping towards them.
When it got closer, they saw that it was a grotesque bearded little lump of an object. Neither human or frog or dwarf, but a cross of the three – the Bolotnik.
Hell And High Water Page 28