Hell And High Water

by Angela Blythe

  ’Wee Renee!’ Pat shouted. ‘Get out it’s going back under the water! Wee Renee hey!’

  Wee Renee had heard her friend and shouted to the others to jump out of the massive hole that they had made on top of the squid’s head. A hole full of squid pulp and lots of Wee Renee’s drying concoction.

  They jumped out one by one. In the end, only Wee Renee stood at the top, making sure the last one had got out.

  ‘Gary!’ she shouted.

  Gary knew what she wanted from him. He ran over to her and threw her two Molotov cocktails, quickly lit them and passed them upwards to her. She dropped them into the hole as it finally folded shut. She jumped down onto the riverbank. Wee Renee was still in the air when the cocktails exploded. There was an almighty bang, throwing Wee Renee onto Tammy and Miles, who themselves fell back into Jim.

  Wherever the creature’s brain was, they hit it. Every mini squid dropped away from their host’s ears. The small and the large ones fell away, and the villagers dropped down. Unconscious but alive.

  One last battle to go, the humans and the small group of vampires limped over to Father Philip, where he still stood, trying to be as calm as possible. He was finding it very hard to keep his concentration with the noises he had heard behind him, but he had succeeded in holding back the pirates.

  The Ghost pirates were fully aware of what had gone on. Their keen eyes summed up the party that stared back at them. They all held weapons. Some were covered in blood. This was mainly their own. The rest of the inhuman body fluids on their clothes were yellow, green, black and grey.

  The pirates were always up for a fight, especially as they didn’t get one very often. However, they weren’t stupid. The one subject they all used to be experts on was fighting. The Ghosts knew that they were outnumbered by at least three to one, and these landlubbers were some of the most fearsome invaders that they had ever seen. What type of people were these? Plus, they had this Priest batting for them, who had done very well for himself. They could not get past what he was doing.

  ’The land is ours, go back to the Sea,’ Wee Renee said.

  ’Go back or die,’ Angela said plainly.

  ‘Our Champion against yours,’ The head pirate said. The humans vastly outnumbered the marauders by five to one.

  An unlikely person stepped forward instead of Angela.

  ‘Come on then, I want to go home sometime tonight. This is getting boring,’ Pat said.

  ‘No,’ Angela said.

  ‘Sorry love. I’m doing it,’ Pat said. ‘I’ve got the measure of this knobhead. Feel free to step in, if he guts me like a cod-fish.’ With that she stomped off, club hammer in her hands.

  From the rear of the pirates a large bald specimen stepped forward. He had a thick gold hoop through his ear and a mono brow. His shirt was split to the waist and he had two hooks for hands.

  ‘Evening,’ Pat said to him. He didn’t reply.

  Wee Renee clutched hold of Jackie. They were proud of Pat and would pit her against anyone … but a pirate, with hooks for hands? This would be a fearsome challenge.

  Pat kicked off her Lady Diana shoes, which remarkably had stayed on until now. One toe had poked out of her American Tan tights. She flexed her legs out one at a time and took a wide stance.

  ‘Ready, face-ache,’ Pat said.

  The pirate ran at Pat, but she was ready. Jackie could see that her teeth were gritted, which always meant trouble. Even as a little girl Pat had done that. And she was undefeated.

  Pat swung her hammer as her swept towards her, drifting a few inches above the riverbank. The leg manacles still connected him to the river. Pat connected with the pirates arm, which she discovered was very solid. It seemed to break inside the mushy green skin. Thin worms cascaded out of a split made by the bone.

  ‘Not even close, chummy,’ Pat said.

  She had a plan and stepped further away from the river, drawing him out. He struck out again and this time Pat was lucky to take his arm out fully with her hammer.

  ‘Is this the best you’ve got?’ Pat asked. In her moment of arrogance, the bald pirate came at her with the other hook, the glimmer of the hook luckily gave him away as she drew back, the hook catching her cheekbone and the top of her nose, instead of her eye. Angela began to walk towards them. She was putting an end to this. He wouldn’t spill Pat’s blood again.

  Pat stepped back further to assess her wounds. The pirate smiled at her. This fearsome wench could be injured indeed. In his old life, he would have taken her for a wife. It looked like she would make fine healthy children.

  She saw the twinkle in his eyes.

  ‘Oh, it’s like that is it. Why is it every monster fancies me, but I can never pull a live one?’ Pat said. ‘You filthy pig.’

  He ran forward, but Pat had positioned herself, to trap him. She moved sideways at the last minute as he swung his hook forward. Behind Pat was a chain-link fence. She heard his hook grate down the fence, then click in position. He was caught. The pirate tried to pull backwards and couldn’t. At the last moment he glanced towards Pat, who began to rain down blows on his head. After the third one, he dropped to his knees. If his body was impossibly damaged, especially on land, he would lose the evil spirit that inhabited it too. Pat continued to pummel away, long after the ancient mariners evil soul had vanished into the ether.

  This had been a long journey. Some might say for nothing, but the pirates would probably disagree. They had witnessed one of the worst battles the water had ever seen. One of their own had been sacrificed, in a fair and honourable fight, with a female warrior. These humans had earned their respect. It had been worth leaving the icy depths of the Seabed, if only for that.

  The head pirate touched his hat to say adieu. They seemed to shrink and disappear into the fog. Their faces and clothes became more transparent, and soon all that was left was the odd glint of their chains and coins that they held, which seemed to glitter for a lot longer afterwards.

  The riverbank held one more surprise. For the briefest of moments, someone else came. A ghost in a white jacket with a moustache painted on his upper lip.

  There was a gasp from the group there. That was how they all found out that their friend had indeed gone.

  ’I’m fine,’ Martyn said. ‘Well done all of you. I’ll see you again.’ His spirit winked out as quickly as it had arrived there.

  The night was finally empty.

  41 Foe

  Before setting off home, they checked each Villager that had fallen or was lying on their back. Every squid was located, usually hanging half out of their ear. Pat and Our Doris enjoyed stamping on these. No one would know what to say when they woke up. Ivy wondered if the Friarmere lot would remember walking over here. Father Philip wondered if they would remember what they had done and if they did remember, would they be able to live with the knowledge. He knew from experience that they wouldn’t.

  The gang wandered back to the Bandroom. Jason had drifted off in the river in the melee with the giant squid. He was probably still locked in the teeth of the Sea Dragon. Lee, Jennifer, Beverly, Hazel and Brenda said that they would make hot drinks for everyone, or there was plenty of alcohol to be had. Some people went straight home. Most knew that they wouldn’t be sleeping tonight anyway.

  Tammy was crying. She thought that she had had a rubbish Wedding, her cousins had died and all in all, tonight had been the worst night of her life. Our Doris reminded her that at least it had been eventful and that no one had an excuse to forget her Wedding Anniversary next year. This news cheered Tammy up a little.

  Everyone’s costume was filthy. Covered in monster blood or had parts missing, they certainly were all a bizarre sight. Ernie moaned about not getting his deposit back on the Elvis outfit.

  Sheila had been bumped up the stairs again in her wheelchair. She was pleased after having a feed.

  Jackie didn’t know who she had killed. This time she had gotten away with it. The list was a mile long of who they could blame. The shirt conc
ealment part of Sheila’s costume had long gone, but she still cradled the mannequin’s head in her hands.

  Father Philip was shaky after using all his mental and spiritual energy to keep back the horde of pirates but was also euphoric at what all of them had achieved. They had managed to save so many villagers, who for all he knew, if they hadn’t gotten restrained would have found themselves inside the stomach of the Mother squid.

  Wee Renee was going to ask for some music to be put on and then realised that it was Jason’s equipment and he could never be there to do it for them again. Darren, who knew about that kind of stuff, went over to play some soft calming music. They listened to it and tried to wind down.

  Graham sat in the corner. Underneath the table, he had the bag of bones – all that was left of the Gamekeeper. His night wasn’t over yet, but he hoped his nightmare had been put to bed, and so did Lee.

  Wee Renee was asking everyone about the monsters they had fought, as she hadn’t been there for all of them and was trying to hazard a guess as to which ones they were. She was horrified that there had been two Shellycoats, excited that there had been a will-o’-the-wisp and alarmed at the Borda. As for a few of the others, she was not quite sure of what they were.

  ‘Has it all gone?’ Julia asked.

  ’No, the crack isn’t closed, and we can’t close it. Unless we have some kind of giant wish given to us,’ Wee Renee said. ‘Looking for a genie or a wishing well is next on my list.’

  ’So, stuff will keep on coming?’ Jim asked.

  ’Aye, but surely after tonight, we must have got rid of a lot of it or most of it. I don’t think those pirates will be back soon. There is nothing we can do until the situation changes. We will watch the river and put fences up. I don’t know. It’s not out of our control yet. We’ll manage it. Sid told me to utilise Angela’s gang too. Split them between the two Villages. Do you still think you’ll live on the canal?’ Wee Renee asked.

  ’I don’t think so,’ Jim said. ‘Julia is not happy there anymore, and she’ll make sure I’m not until we move. To be fair, who would blame her? We’ll probably get a house. I’d like to stay at Band so it will be close. I don’t know whether I’ll be living in the Melden Triangle though. The boss might not go for that,’ Jim explained.

  ’It’s probably a good idea. Although look at us all, we’re alright, and you and Julia have proved yourselves very capable, enough to manage being here,’ Wee Renee said admiringly.

  Some more heroes started to drift off. Sue and Tony took Bob and Adam home. Terry fired up the minibus, and the Melden contingent departed. The Moorston lot were in one corner laughing when Graham asked Lee if he could help him with a little job.

  They wandered off to the graveyard, holding the bin bag, to put Graham’s friend to rest.

  Wee Renee was just getting her stuff together to go home with Pat and Jackie when Ivy remembered that she had something to tell her.

  ’Ah, Wee Renee, I forgot to tell you, we saw someone tonight, someone you know. I don’t know who it was, but Father Philip said he needed to let you know. Father Philip!’ Ivy shouted. He came over to the two women weary and tired.

  ’Are you ready to go now, Ivy? I should just about manage to get us back over to Friarmere. I’m so tired I will fall asleep once my head hits the pillow,’ Father Philip said.

  ’I’ve just remembered that you wanted to tell Wee Renee something. About that man that we saw in Friarmere,’ Ivy said.

  ’Oh yes, I’m so glad you’ve reminded me, Ivy. With all this I nearly forgot. Guess who we saw tonight in the Village, Wee Renee? Father Philip asked.

  ’Who?’ Wee Renee asked.

  ’Michael Thompson, as large as life. And he was taking one of those kids away that had the squid. A teenage boy. He drove off with him,’ Father Philip said.

  Wee Renee’s mouth dropped open.

  ’Michael Thompson!’ She shrieked. Pat heard the name immediately, as did Ernie and Maurice. They all came over to join the conversation.

  ’What’s going on?’ Ernie asked.

  ’Father Philip saw Michael Thompson in the Village … just tonight. He was taking one of those villagers away that had the squid,’ Wee Renee told them.

  Now Gary had joined the conversation.

  ’He’s never made himself known to us, has he?’ Maurice asked. ‘That’s dodgy, that is.’

  ’Aye, it is,’ Wee Renee agreed.

  ’I wonder where he’s staying?’ Gary asked. ‘Where’s he been? And what’s his agenda now?’

  ’He’ll be up to no good,’ Wee Renee said, ‘I’m sure of it. Why else take that lad off in his car. I suppose we will find out that one is missing tomorrow. He’ll be lucky to see the light of day again sadly.’

  ’Who’s Michael Thompson?’ Jackie asked.

  ‘I’ll fill you in on the way home. He’s a wrong ‘un,’ Pat said.

  ‘It will take longer than that Pat,’ Wee Renee commented.

  The Fellus had made his way to the edges of Moorston. His special squid looking glass had dropped off about an hour ago. His eye felt sensitive to the cold now. The squid must have been keeping it warm.

  He could still tell that there was plenty of activity in Moorston, which was understandable after their night of excitement. He hoped that they were all gone before dawn so he could have a good forage around.

  Wee Renee was on her way back in the car with Jackie and Pat. She was going to get home and put some hot cocoa on for Jim and Julia. Jim was talking to Miles about his euphonium when she had left him. Julia and Tammy looked on, seething.

  Wee Renee was going to tell them that they could stay with her until they found somewhere else if they so wished. If Julia wanted to, she never would have to go back to the narrowboat.

  The fog was still thick, but Wee Renee felt satisfied that at least this crisis was mainly over. It was a good job that Sid had told her about the water again, or else the Vampires could not have got involved, and they undoubtedly would have faced more losses. Wee Renee was only half listening as Pat was telling Jackie of the thrilling tale of Michael Thompson. Her brain finally put it together. She remembered what else Sid had said and blurted it out.

  ’An old foe still watches over you, he said,’ Wee Renee shouted.

  ‘What did you say, Rene?’ Pat asked.

  ’Sid said that to me. That an old foe is causing trouble in the Melden Triangle. He said an old foe caused trouble last time with the Berberer. It has been Michael Thompson all along,’ Wee Renee said.

  ’Bastard,’ Pat grumbled.

  High on the hill, Michael Thompson cuddled his ladylove. Diane was back and he was not alone anymore. She had been fed and would be good for a couple of days before he would have to find another victim. All was fine and dandy in the world, and he was making steps towards where and what he wanted to be.

  The End.