He studied Charity’s face as he stroked her cheek. She turned her mouth toward his finger and opened her lips. “I would still need to work for Davis. This would be a side job. I think this little girl is ready to eat.”
“Her bottle is warming on the stove.”
He got up to get it.
“I went to see Lilly because I heard she had a place to rent,” Maisie said.
He froze. They had talked about her getting her own place, but he didn’t think it would be so soon. “It would be close.”
“Someone else had rented it before I got there.”
His relief was startling. She wasn’t leaving him yet. “I hope you know there’s no rush. I’m perfectly comfortable where I am.”
“I appreciate you saying that, but I do feel odd sleeping in your bed while you sleep in the barn.”
He returned to his chair with the warm bottle of milk, picked up his daughter and began to feed her. “In that case, we can trade beds. You can have the cot up there and I’ll haul the big bed down to my room.”
Maisie laughed. “There isn’t enough space in there. You would have to walk sideways to get to the stove.”
“That’s true. I guess you’re stuck with the better bed.”
“You could move Mack to your room and put the bed in his stall. There’d be plenty of room then.”
He laughed. “No way. Donald snores. I’m not sleeping next to him.”
She grinned. “I guess it would make the cow and her calf jealous if Mack had a stove and they didn’t.”
He tried to sound serious. “We could have a barnyard revolt on our hands before we know it.”
“The roosters might start crowing at midnight in protest.”
He smacked his hand on the arm of his chair. “That settles it. Mack is staying in his old stall no matter how upset he gets.”
She giggled and he loved the sound. It was good to see her being carefree, even for a little while.
“Both babies are awake and not crying. You should read to them,” she said.
“Why don’t you sing instead? There is a lullaby my mamm used to sing to me. ‘Schloof, Bobbeli, Schloof’—do you know it?”
“‘Sleep, Baby, Sleep.’ Of course I know it. I’ve sung it many times.” She put her head back in the chair and began to sing softly. He joined in and their voices blended in a pleasant harmony. By the time the song ended, both babies were sleeping. She put Jacob to bed and then took Charity from Nathan’s arms and tucked her in.
He leaned back in his chair and glanced toward the kitchen. “Something sure smells goot. What’s for supper?”
“Is food all you think about?” she asked, still smiling.
“I reckon,” he replied, but it wasn’t true.
He was thinking about the reason for the bishop’s visit. Marriage. Maybe it wasn’t such a far-fetched idea after all. There would be advantages to a more permanent relationship.
But could he get Maisie to see them?
Their relationship had been rocky at best. Only when they were with the children did they seem of one accord. He couldn’t do much to improve the situation unless he was home.
He got out of his chair. “I’m going down to the phone. I should leave a message saying the nanny position has been filled in case anyone calls about it.”
“Okay, I’ll wait supper on you.”
“Danki.”
He got his hat and went out. When he reached the phone booth, he recorded a new message and then dialed the number for his boss.
* * *
Maisie followed the smell of frying bacon down to the kitchen early the next morning. Nathan stood in front of the stove with a large blue apron over his clothing.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
He turned to her with a breathtaking smile. “I thought I would make breakfast for a change. I hope you like hearty eggs.”
This was different. “And what are hearty eggs?”
“Eggs with diced onions, grated cheese, grated potatoes, crumbled bacon and hot sauce to top it off. One of the guys at the lumber camp showed me how to make them.”
“That all sounds fine except for the hot sauce. Is it optional?” she asked hopefully.
“Of course, but you’ll never know if you like something new unless you try it.”
She was almost convinced but thought better of it. “I’ll have mine less hearty than yours.”
“Don’t tell me you’re a fraidy-cat.” He shook his head and make a tsking sound. He brought the plate to the table and sat down.
After saying grace, she cautiously tried a spoonful and found it was quite good. He pushed the hot sauce toward her.
She sprinkled a few drops on her next spoonful and regretted it as soon as it touched her tongue. With her mouth open, she tried to fan the heat away. “Water,” she croaked.
He put a glass of milk in front of her. “This is better.”
She didn’t care what it was as long as it was liquid. After several moments, the heat died away. She frowned at him. “Why would anyone want to eat something painful?”
“It wasn’t that bad. Admit it.”
“I admit nothing. I believe I’ll have some toast.”
He pushed the plate where she could reach it. “The Fishers are hosting a frolic on Thursday to build a greenhouse. I thought you might want to go.”
“I’ll see. It depends on the babies and if I feel up to it. It’s a pity you can’t go. I know you’ve become friends with Gabe.”
“Who says I’m not going?”
She frowned. “What about your work?”
“I told you Davis hired another feller. I called him last night and asked to use the rest of the time off he’d promised me when I told him about Annie and the babies. He agreed.”
“But what about your pay?”
“I’m not getting paid time off, but I can cut and haul the timber for Zeke Fisher and make up the difference. I want some time with you and the babies before you get your own place. Last night was nice, wasn’t it?”
Smiling at the memory, she nodded. “It was a pleasant evening.” Following a stressful day.
“Goot. We should have more like that one.” He winked at her. Actually winked. “Without the squabbling first, ja?”
Chapter Fourteen
Maisie poured coffee refills into the cups for her guests. “Have either of you heard about a place for rent nearby?” Bethany and Gemma had surprised her with a visit on Thursday morning.
Both women shook their heads. “How are you and Nathan getting along?” Bethany asked.
Maisie grinned. “The change has been like night and day. I don’t know what happened. Well, maybe I do. I gave him a frightful scolding last Sunday. Nathan has been so nice to me these past few days that I’m tempted to scold him once a week.”
“That’s what I do to Jesse,” Gemma said, hiding a smile with her cup. Since Jesse towered over little Gemma, the thought of her shaking her finger at her mountain of a husband made both Bethany and Maisie chuckle.
Gemma leaned forward. “Did Agnes Martin really apply for the babysitting job?”
Maisie nodded. “I’m sure she’s a nice woman but she didn’t seem a good fit for the twins.”
“You made a wise choice,” Gemma said, sharing a speaking glance with Bethany.
“Agnes wanted Gemma to be shunned when she first returned to us,” Bethany said. “After the bishop had granted her forgiveness.”
“I was pregnant but not yet married,” Gemma explained shyly.
“Agnes isn’t the kindest soul,” Bethany said. “I don’t think she would have been right for the job.”
Maisie shook her head. “You should have met the Englisch woman who came with her résumé. She couldn’t stop checking her phone the entire time I was talking to her. I was shocked. Who would hire som
eone like that to watch their children?”
“Nathan chose the right woman when he chose you,” Bethany said. “We can all see how much you love those babies. They will never know another mother except you.”
“Unless Nathan remarries,” Maisie said quietly. Neither of her friends said anything.
Maisie pasted a smile on her face. “Are you going to the frolic at the Fishers’ today?”
“I wouldn’t miss it.” Bethany set her cup in the saucer. “I made a cherry pie for dessert. What about you, Maisie, what are you bringing?”
“Nathan said he likes apple. I think I’ll make two of those. One for the frolic and one to leave here.”
Bethany rolled her eyes. “I hope he knows how fortunate he is to get a kinder heeda who cooks and cleans, too.”
“We should get going,” Gemma said. “Jesse loves watching the children for me but for some reason the house is always a mess when I get back. We’ll see you this afternoon.”
As much as she enjoyed their company, Maisie was glad to see them on their way. She had pies to make because she knew Nathan would enjoy them. He loved the smell of something good cooking in the kitchen and she liked doing it. It was a small thing, but it made her happy to make him happy.
Until she found a place of her own, she reminded herself. And then he would be cooking for himself again unless she took pity on him and cooked something while he was at work. It was getting harder to contemplate making that break from him. His recent kindness had her puzzled, but perhaps he realized how unfair he’d been to her in those first few weeks.
She wanted to think they could come out of this as friends.
* * *
Nathan paced in his small room as he tried to decide what to say to Maisie. He was going to propose today. Things had been good between them since Sunday. He was afraid if he waited any longer something would happen to derail his plans.
Her friends had left nearly ten minutes ago. If he waited much longer his courage was going to fail him.
He left the barn and walked up to the house. Outside the door, he stopped to take several deep breaths.
This was a good idea. He’d thought it through carefully so why was his stomach churning?
It was the logical thing to do. Maisie would understand and appreciate the advantages when he pointed them out. She wasn’t the most logical of women—he’d seen that—but she had a good head on her shoulders when she wasn’t angry. He was sure that she had gotten past being upset with him.
Nathan rubbed his suddenly sweaty palms on the sides of his pants. This was as good a time as any. He opened the door and stepped in the house.
She was in the kitchen slicing apples into a clear bowl with cinnamon and sugar. Two pie pans with unbaked crusts were sitting on the table. He walked up beside her and leaned against the counter. He crossed his arms because he didn’t know what to do with his hands.
He cleared his throat. “Making apple pies?”
A smile twitched the corners of her lips. “What gave me away?”
“Yeah. It’s pretty obvious.” For some reason the collar of his shirt suddenly seemed too tight. He gave a small tug on it.
“Did you want something?” she asked, reaching for another apple in the bowl beside her. She deftly peeled it and started slicing until only the core was left. She tossed it in the garbage can beside her.
“There’s something I’d like to talk to you about. I think you’ll see that it’s also an obvious solution.” Did he tell her it was the bishop’s suggestion? He decided not to mention that.
“So talk.” She reached for another apple.
His hand shot out to cover hers. “Could you stop doing that for a minute?” Her hand was so small and soft compared to his. A tingle skittered up his arm, centered in his chest and made his breath catch in his throat. He jerked his hand away.
A tiny frown creased her brow as she looked at him. “I have to get these in the oven if they are going to be done in time for the frolic.”
“This won’t take long.”
She laid the knife on the counter and dried her hands on her apron. “You have my attention. What is it?”
“I’ve been thinking about our situation.” He swallowed hard. Was it hot in here? From the stove. Of course.
“And?”
“I have a solution. Please hear me out.”
She crossed her arms. Her eyes narrowed slightly. He could still see the gold flecks in her green irises. He hadn’t noticed before what thick eyelashes she had and how they framed her eyes so beautifully.
“Do I have something on my face?” She rubbed her cheek.
“Nee.” Should he tell her that she had beautiful eyes? Maybe not. It had nothing to do with their situation. He needed to ease into this conversation, point out the advantages for her.
She tapped one foot. “I’m waiting.”
“You have pretty eyes.”
A blush crept up her cheeks. “That’s kind of you to say. Is there anything else?”
“I think we should get married.”
Her eyes widened with shock. “What?”
“There are so many advantages,” he said quickly. “You won’t have to look for a place to live. You can live here. We can live here. You won’t just be a nanny to the children—you’ll be their mother. I know you would like that. You would never have to be parted from them. I know you already feel in your heart that they are yours.”
She half turned away from him and braced her hands on the counter. “I do love them. What about us?”
“Us?”
“Ja, us. As in you and me. Together.”
Why was she making this so hard? A simple yes was enough.
All the things he wanted to say ran through his mind.
Marry me so I can take you in my arms and kiss you. Let me hold you close and tell you my hopes and my dreams and hear you whisper that you understand. That you care for me.
He would say those things in time, but he wasn’t sure she was ready to hear them. “We get along pretty well now. You have a bit of a temper, but you also have a generous heart. I don’t see a reason it won’t work.” He stared at his toes. “I wouldn’t make any demands on you,” he said softly.
She was silent for several long, uneasy moments. He saw her fingers splayed on the counter curl into her palms and then slowly open again. She drew a deep breath. “Getting my own place is a better idea.”
He jerked upright. “But I thought you liked it here. You have ideas for how to make the cabin a better home. You are going to expand the garden.”
She picked up her knife again. “I have to finish these. We don’t want to be late.”
“You don’t want to marry me?”
“Nee.”
Why did that one word hurt so much? He had trouble drawing his next breath. What else could he have said? What could he offer her? Maybe he was rushing her. “If you want to think it over, I don’t have to have an answer right now.”
She whirled to face him. “I’m not a replacement for my sister. I’m a person with my own thoughts and my own feelings. Did you really expect me to jump into your arms and be thrilled at the idea of stepping into my dead sister’s shoes?”
“That wasn’t what I was thinking. Look, I have rushed you. I’m sorry. Take some time and think it over. I believe you’ll see it’s best for both of us and the babies.”
“You have my answer. Now please get out of the kitchen and let me finish these pies.” Her voice broke and she threw the apple core into the trash hard enough to make it bounce out and land at his feet.
Nathan let his hands drop to his sides. She didn’t want him. Just like her sister hadn’t wanted him. A sick feeling seeped through his body. What was wrong with him? Why wouldn’t she give him a chance to make it work between them?
It didn’t matter. He could se
e her mind was made up. “Fine. Call me when you’re ready to leave. I’ll be in the barn.”
He stormed out of the kitchen and slammed the door, wishing he could somehow leave the pain behind, too, but it stayed like a ball of broken glass in the center of his chest.
* * *
Maisie covered her face with her hands as her sobs broke free. She sank to the floor in a heap of misery as hot tears flowed down her cheeks. He had ruined everything. She couldn’t pretend that he was starting to like her. He had only been nice because he thought that would persuade her to accept his proposal.
He could bring himself to marry her, but he didn’t love her. He couldn’t say the words she needed to hear. She was a solution to his problem. Not someone he loved. She cried until there were no tears left and then she hauled herself to her feet and washed her face at the sink.
God forgive her, she had almost said yes. She loved him. He had offered her everything she wanted except the one thing she could never have. His heart. Annie had ruined him more completely than she could have known.
As much as Maisie had grown to love Nathan, she knew she couldn’t fix him. Couldn’t change him. She had tried with John and only earned more heartache.
She was greedy. She wanted more. She wanted to be loved because she was Maisie. Nathan would never see her as anything but a pale imitation of Annie.
The magnitude of Maisie’s grief hollowed out a place where her heart should have been. She wouldn’t be able to stay here. Constance had offered to let her live with them. That’s what she would do. Nathan was going to be off work for several weeks. The babies would be fine with him, though the thought of leaving them was unbearable. She needed time to decide what to do next.
She wouldn’t be able to look at Nathan every day and know she could have been his wife if she had been willing to accept his proposal.
It wasn’t fair. She had already endured one loveless marriage. She would not subject herself to that humiliation again.
* * *
Nathan hit the nail with as much force as he could muster. The head of his hammer slipped off and the nail bent. It was too far in to be pulled out so he hit it over and over until he smashed the bent part into the wood.
An Amish Mother for His Twins Page 16