Searching for Perfect

by Jennifer Probst

  Except on love.

  She seemed quieter and more reflective as she took her stance, glancing back over her shoulder at him. Her swing connected at the sweet spot, and put her right onto the green.

  But it wasn't a hole in one.

  He didn't say anything. They both stared at the ball, lying on the green, and something heavy pulsed in the silence. When she finally turned her head, those haunting amber eyes held the glimmer of tears, but nothing fell. "I lost."

  His heart tore and bled, and he wondered if he'd die right here on the golf course. "Yes."

  "But I can't play by the rules. Not now. Not with you."

  He let out a primitive cry that he bet cavemen had originated when their women had beaten them to the ground, literally and figuratively. "Don't," he tore out. "I can't--I can't take it."

  She lifted her hands in the air in pure supplication. Raw emotion ravaged the graceful lines of her face, and for the first time, he glimpsed all the hidden corners of her soul, naked for him in the blinding sunlight of the golf course. "I love you."

  "Oh, crap. You're going to kill me." He spun away and tunneled his fingers through his hair. "Now you decide you love me? We get on the course, you see me again and remember what it was like, and think you want me back?"

  "I came to see you weeks ago. You were out with Mary, and your brother answered the door."

  The pain was replaced by ice. So much better this way. It hurt less. "Why?"

  "I came to beg your forgiveness. To say I love you, that I believed in us, and a real relationship, and I was stupid and scared. You deserve more, I know you do, but I had to try and tell you the truth."

  He jerked and studied her face with an unrelenting stare. "You were so intent on this big declaration, huh? Then why did you leave? Why didn't you stay and fight for me?"

  "Because Connor told me you and Mary were sleeping together. He asked me to stay away from you, that you were trying to build a relationship with her. That you had a shot at happiness."

  "We never slept together. Mary found another guy and quit Kinnections. I've been trying to get over you."

  "I know," she said softly. "When you both pulled out of the agency, I thought it was because you were together."

  He tried to sort out the puzzle. "Why now? Why weeks later did you suddenly decide to waltz onto the golf course?"

  "Connor came to see me. He told me the truth. We had a long talk, and I confessed it was me who was scared the whole time. You were right." She drew a shaky breath and tipped her face up. "I gave myself excuses that weren't real. Tried to push you away by pretending I'd hurt you, that it was for the best, that I didn't deserve you. But I do. I deserve love, and I deserve not to be a coward, and I need to try. I will give you everything. My heart, my soul, my life. I will never leave you. I will love you for as long as you let me."

  His breath stopped. He gazed at the woman he loved before him, face pleading, and saw the truth in her eyes. She didn't want to run any longer. She loved him. All of his dreams came down to this moment.

  His eyes burned and he lurched forward a step, his mind reeling. He ached to drag her into his arms, forgive her, love her, but that tiny piece of fear still clung because he knew that this time there was no turning back. Something white fluttered in front of him, and he looked up.

  What the hell?

  A massive white banner opened up in front of him. Dozens of people clutched the material, holding it up proud and straight as the breeze tried to grab hold and shake it. Inky black writing scrolled over the clean, bright surface, flashing the words that seared right into his brain and straight to his gut.

  I Love You, Nate Dunkle. Really . . .

  Her voice floated, soft and husky behind him.

  "Connor and I decided I needed to do something epic. I understand if you don't want to take another chance. I can only tell you what you taught me."

  He turned and looked into her face.

  "You taught me to be brave, to open myself to joy, and to be a full person. You reached in, saw every broken part of me, and loved me anyway. You are my everything. But most of all, I learned I am perfect. For you. With you. I don't want half measures anymore. I don't want safety. I want you. Only you."

  She waited. Her humbleness and vulnerability made her even more beautiful, sketching out the lines of her face, softening her eyes, and giving him . . . everything.

  He jerked her into his arms and took her mouth. Drank in her sweet taste, and softness, and strength, as the sun streamed hot and bright and a cheer went up from the top of the hill from all the nameless, faceless strangers. He kissed her for a long, long time, and when he finally broke away, he knew his life would never be the same.

  "I still won," he said.

  She laughed, the sound rolling over the green and in his ears like a sweet melody. "This time. But I got you, so I'm the real winner here."

  He dove his fingers into her hair and kissed her again, long and deep and hard. "I love you, Kennedy Ashe. Let's go home."

  The words had never sounded more perfect.

  epilogue

  KENNEDY SIPPED HER tea and leaned back in the seat. "I still think my 'happy ever after' ending is a tad better than yours. After all, you just got recliners."

  Kate rolled her eyes and poked her in the upper arm. "Heated, leather, massaging recliners. Golf course endings are like airports. Overrated."

  Kennedy gave her famous pout. "What do you think, Arilyn? Whose is better?"

  Arilyn sighed and finished doctoring her tea. "Both are beautiful, and quite satisfying. Now stop acting like children and try this scone thing. It's outrageous."

  Arilyn broke off three pieces and Kennedy nibbled with enthusiasm. Eating was a wonderful thing, and she was beginning to embrace it a bit more easily. The melty sensation in her chest was becoming more familiar. At first, she thought it was a wonderful kind of indigestion. Kate had finally set her straight.

  It was happiness.

  "Well, at least Kinnections is booming," Kate said. "The clients are pouring in. Do you think it was that story leaked to the city paper? I wonder who could've done something like that after it was discussed and agreed we'd keep our personal lives private?"

  Kennedy focused on chewing. It wasn't polite to answer with a mouth full.

  Arilyn shook her head in disapproval. "We know it was you, Ken. That damn sharklike marketing gene of yours is gonna kill us."

  "Where's Slade when I need a defense lawyer? I plead the fifth. And I didn't notice you crying me a river when our list shot up after the story broke."

  "Fine. Then you won't mind if we film a video of your own relationship journey, right? That will get us tons of exposure."

  "I can't. If mine is publicized, people will begin to think we're a matchmaking agency that steals the clients for ourselves. Could be bad PR."

  "She has an answer for everything," Arilyn said.

  "We can always say it was the love spell," Kate joked.

  Kennedy and Arilyn shared a glance. "I forgot about that. Kind of hard to track, though. Gen was already engaged, and you have the touch."

  "Do you remember the qualities you requested? Does Nate have them?" Arilyn asked.

  Kennedy sputtered a laugh. "No one would have all the traits you dream about. Plus I was drunk. I doubt . . ." she trailed off, her mind sifting through the list. "Huh. That's weird."

  Kate got a funny look on her face and placed her tea down on the table. "What?"

  "Nate hits every one of my dream requirements. Even the ones I thought weren't possible to achieve."

  Arilyn looked nervous. "We shouldn't have done the spell. I knew it. We opened up a portal or something."

  Kennedy shook her head. "Listen, don't get spooked. So, the list was right. Doesn't mean the love spell works. Tell you what, A, if you find the man with all the traits you requested, then we know for sure it's valid. There's no way you're not gonna settle with a man who wears organic cotton, doesn't eat meat, owns dogs, teaches
yoga, and practices tantra in the bedroom."

  Arilyn looked away. "You don't know what I put on my list," she said quietly.

  Kate raised a brow. "True. You gonna tell us?"

  "No."

  Kennedy laughed. "Thought not."

  The red door slowly opened, and the tiny Japanese woman exited. Her gleaming white robe was tied with a bright scarlet sash. Her bare feet floated over the bamboo floors as she walked toward them, a tiny smile resting on her lips. Kennedy couldn't help the slight tremble of both anticipation and nervousness before a session with Ming.

  As Nate well knew.

  Her lover trailed behind Ming in a dazed cloud of peace and relaxation. His skin was damp, and he smelled deliciously of citrus and soap. His gaze scanned the room and locked on hers.

  Nate smiled. "Hey."

  Her heart squeezed with emotion. "Hey, baby. Good session?"

  "Not sure right now."

  Ming gave a delighted cackle and gently pushed Nate toward her. "He good boy. Much better this time."

  Kennedy snuggled into his arms, warm and snug and safe. "This my woman," he slurred.

  Kate laughed. "He's punch-drunk, Ken. Gotta love a man who can't hold his muscles through a Ming session."

  Ming reached out a hand and pointed to Kate. "You next."

  Kate bit her lip. "Umm, can Arilyn go first?"

  "No. You get married soon, no? You need cleansing."

  Kate shuddered and slowly stood up. "Okay. I think."

  Ming's sharp gaze swung to Arilyn. "You drink more tea and wait. You have man?"

  Arilyn nodded. "Yes, I have a man."

  Ming frowned and jumped up and down in temper. "Your man no good for you. I feel this. You need to refresh aura for right man."

  Arilyn's mouth dropped open. "No, I don't! I'm--happy."

  "You lie. I speak with you later." Kennedy buried her face in Nate's robe and tried hard not to laugh. Ming was a massage therapist, healer, and psychic, and no one ever knew what type of session they'd have. Her humor was short-lived when Ming focused all that concentration on her. "You marry this man?"

  "Not yet. One day. Right now, we're happy the way things are."

  Nate tugged at a wayward curl. "Yes, we're getting married. As soon as I convince her," he said with an amused grin. They had decided to move in together and had settled into a happy routine, inviting Connor to join in on their eclectic family and encouraging him to pursue school.

  Ming nodded, pleased. "She hard case, but you strong. You don't give up."

  His face softened. "I never will," he whispered.

  The man said the damndest things. She knew they were both right. She'd break down and say yes, but not for a while. It was too much fun to let life take her in this direction, enjoying every second of the incredible gift of Nathan Ellison Raymond Dunkle.

  Ming turned to Kate. "We go now."

  Her friend gave a desperate look back and stepped into the hallway. "Bye, guys. Wish me luck."

  The door closed.

  Arilyn shook her head. "I'm happy," she insisted. "Ming is wrong."

  "I believe you, babe. No worries. It'll all work out in the end." She looked up at the man she loved and smiled.

  "It'll all be . . . perfect."

  acknowledgments

  AS ALWAYS, I must begin with my thanks to the team at Gallery Books, especially Lauren Mc-Kenna, the coolest editor on the planet. Girlfriend, thanks for saving this book and especially for Ming. It was epic.

  Thanks to my agent, Kevan Lyons, for her guidance.

  Huge thanks and smooches to the Probst posse for their support, cheerleading, and help with naming my hot geek hero!

  To my childhood friend, fab assistant, and gym supporter, Lisa Hamel-Soldano. If you weren't around, I wouldn't have a posse or be able to make a deadline, so thanks for keeping me sane.

  To my amazing, kick-ass husband who cooks and helps me in every way possible, and keeps me laughing at every turn. Love ya, babe.

  This is a nutty business. My author friends are the best and deserve a special shout-out: Aimee Carson, Wendy S. Marcus, Abbi Wilder, Catherine Bybee, Megan Mulry, Alice Clayton, Elisabeth Barrett, Jen McLaughlin, Jenna Bennett, Jen Talty, Bob Mayer, Ruth Cardello, Kathleen Brooks, Melody Anne, Janet Lane Walters, and way too many more ever to name here without creating a separate book. Thanks to all of you for the inspiration, support, and laughs. Bring on the conferences!

  AUTHOR PHOTOGRAPH BY MATT SIMPKINS PHOTOGRAPHY

  JENNIFER PROBST's New York Times and USA Today bestselling novels, novellas, and ebooks include the acclaimed Marriage to a Billionaire series: The Marriage Bargain, The Marriage Trap, The Marriage Mistake, and The Marriage Merger. She lives in upstate New York. Visit www.jenniferprobst.com.

  FOR MORE ON THIS AUTHOR: authors.simonandschuster.com/JenniferProbst

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  ALSO BY JENNIFER PROBST

  The Searching For Series

  Searching for Someday

  The Marriage to a Billionaire Series

  The Marriage Bargain

  The Marriage Trap

  The Marriage Mistake

  The Marriage Merger

  Can Mia and Bryn save their lingerie shop while still keeping it Classy 'n' Sassy?

  Coming soon from Pocket Star books at a great low price!

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  This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author's imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Copyright (c) 2014 by Jennifer Probst All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information address Gallery Books Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.

  First Gallery Books trade paperback edition April 2014

  GALLERY BOOKS and colophon are registered trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

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  Cover design by Marion Designs Cover photograph by Keith Saunders Photos Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Probst, Jennifer.

  Searching for perfect / by Jennifer Probst.--First Gallery Books trade paperback edition.

  pages cm

  1. Mate selection--Fiction. 2. Man-woman relationships--Fiction. I. Title.

  PS3616.R624S42 2014

  813'.6--dc23

  2014000758

  ISBN 978-1-4767-4494-0

  ISBN 978-1-4767-4498-8 (ebook)

  contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgments

  About Jennifer Probst

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