Beautifully Shattered
Shadowcrest Pack Series Book One
B. Livingstone
Copyright © 2020 B. Livingstone
Published by B. Livingstone
In USA
All rights reserved.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced/transmitted/distributed in any form. No part of this publication shall be shared by any means including photocopying, recording, or any electronic/mechanical method, or the Internet, without prior written consent of the author. Cases of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law are the exception. The unauthorized reproduction/transmitting of this work is illegal. This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or places, events or locales is purely coincidental. The characters are products of the author’s imagination and used fictitiously.
Formatted By: Purrfectly Haunting Formatting
"I do know you. You are Riley Wright.
However, I have a lot to learn about who you are."
- Enzo
Contents
Acknowledgments
Description
Important Contact Information
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Epilogue
Shattered Strength
Prologue
Chapter One
Stalk Me
Current Works
About the Author
Acknowledgments
I’d like to thank everyone who put up with all my craziness in putting this together.
To my family who had to put up with the most. My sleepless nights and lack of daylight energy never stopped their support. You are my rocks and greatest cheer team.
To my awesome beta team for all their rereads, outstanding comments, and amazing suggestions. Your commitment to this project is remarkable. I could not have asked for a better team.
To my ARC readers, who even before getting the chance to review this book were encouraging and supporting me. Thank you.
To my girl Tasha for your endless support and encouragement to not give up and keep pushing through. I wouldn’t have made it as far as I have, had it not been for your constant encouragement.
Description
Four alpha wolves, one alpha bear and one lost, confused, and hurt alpha she-wolf. Sounds like the beginning of a really bad bar joke. Only this was my life.
I knew one day I would be the alpha of my pack. Been preparing for it since before I could walk. I just never thought I would have to lose everything to get there, including myself.
After years on my own, the new alphas in my life have taken it upon themselves to try to fix me. Only they don't know who they're dealing with.
Beautifully Shattered is book one of three in the Shadowcrest Pack Series. This is a reverse harem, paranormal romance featuring one female with five males; that is a slow/medium burn containing M/M and F/M/M/M/M/M sexual themes suitable for +18 audience. Trigger Warnings: This book includes substance abuse, sexual assault, physical abuse and violence, swearing, and PTSD.
Important Contact Information
National Mental Health Helpline
1-800-662-4357
National Eating Disorder Helpline
1-800-931-2237
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255
National Domestic Violence Helpline
1-800-799-7233
National Substance & Alcohol Abuse Helpline
1-800-662-4357
Prologue
Riley
One … two ... three ... four ... BOOM!
The clouds overhead have started to turn gray as the wind picks up speed and thunder crashes in the distance. A stunning interpretation of my current emotions.
"A storm is rolling in," he whispers in my ear while wrapping his arms tenderly around me.
"Looks that way." I grab a hold of his forearms, as I look out the large bay window on the second floor of our Vancouver city apartment.
We stand there, me in his arms not saying a word as I contemplate the meaning of this day. Of that part of me that is now missing, never to be replaced. Of what it all means for my future.
That is until he breaks the silence with the two words I never want to hear again.
"It's time," he tells me as he gestures out the window, "the guests are waiting downstairs for us." He really just called them guests, really, at a gathering like this. Guests just seems too jovial a word.
I can see their cars with little black flags on the hoods lined up, circling the horseshoe shaped driveway, ready to go.
Not that any of this really matters, it's all a farce to keep up appearances. She's not even down there.
I shake my head in negation, hard enough I thought I felt my brain rattle. He places his chin on my shoulder, adjusting his head so his cheek is firmly against my own, stopping my side to side movements. "I don't want to do this," my voice comes out small. Dejected.
"I know," he whispers softly, pulling me closer to him, wrapping his arms around me a little tighter. Trying to soothe the ache in my soul.
"I can't do this," my wolf begins to whine from deep down in my soul. She feels just as lost and broken as I do.
"You can baby, you're not alone in this. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. Promise." He really shouldn’t make promises. That’s what she did. Look how that turned out.
"It doesn't feel that way.” Tears begin to well in my eyes, I swallow them back down, refusing to let them fall. “Why did they let this happen? How could they take her from me?" My voice slowly rises in volume as my breathing quickens. My nails dig into his forearms, eyes squeezing shut as I try to hold back those tears. I can feel the panic rising up within me.
The cavern in the center of my chest widens, sucking me deeper into its tenebrous depths. Deeper and deeper, until I’m drowning and no longer able to see the light.
“Who, baby?” He squeezes me a bit tighter reminding me he’s there, letting me take comfort from him. What little there is to be taken.
“The fucking Gods,” I nearly shout, “All of them. They could have stopped this. She didn’t fucking deserve this.” A slight crack forms in the wall I so carefully constructed around my emotions. “She was the best of us you know, a good person. With big dreams and an even bigger heart. She wanted to help people for crying out loud. None of this makes any sense.” Pounding my fist against the glass of the window, “We can’t even have a proper burial for her. This is so fucked up.”
"Baby, I don’t pretend to know why they allow the things they do to happen or to know if they even have the power to stop the awful things from coming to be. What happened to your family when you were kids was unfair, made worse by your sister's illness. However, what I do know is they will take care of us after we go. That we’ll be happy, that she’s happy and pain free now. And as much as I’d rather not put you through this, sweetheart, it really is time." The gentleness in his rough voice cracks the wall further and a single crystal tear drips from my lashes as I softly nod my head in understanding and take a deep centering breath. I guess there is no going back, no matter how hard I try, you just can’t reset time.
&nb
sp; Turning around his in arms, I wrap mine around his waist and bury my head in his shoulder. “Thank you for being here Matt. I couldn’t do this without you.”
“Baby, there is nowhere I’d rather be than at your side. You know I’m always going to be here for you.”
So, it’s time, time to say goodbye. I just didn’t realize at the time how much I was really fucking losing.
Chapter One
Riley
“What the hell is wrong with you!" Grace scolds me, not for the first time, mind you. We’ve been doing this song and dance for the last two years. I know it’s not really Grace, seeing as Grace is dead. She was buried just over two years ago in an unmarked grave alongside our parents. Somewhere in my mind I know this is just a dream; my subconscious giving me another moment with my baby sister.
What a wonderous thing the subconscious is. Mine has given me these little moments like this one many times since she passed away. In all of them my sister shows up to scold me on the errors of my wicked ways, just like this one. “Well, I’m waiting, Riley.” Yep, just like that my sister is back as though she never left, and I can breathe again. I can almost forget about the last two years of dead-end jobs, pills, drinking, and emotionless sex. I can just be. “Riley! Are you listening to me?” Grace barks.
Although I know it’s not really a question, being the smartass I am, I answer her anyways. "I don't know, Grace. Maybe I'm tired of being alone all the time!" I yell back at her, frustration boiling over at the fact that she just doesn’t fucking get it. Doesn’t she see how hard this all is? The loneliness and agony that cuts deeper every fucking day, digging to the very core of my soul. Leaving me hollow and empty inside.
"So, what, the solution is to just fucking off yourself? That's real smart, Riley." She breathes a heavy sigh and walks over to me. "Riley, you can't keep doing this. It will not bring you peace. It may bring you temporary relief from your suffering, numb it as you say, yet when the drugs wear off, you are right back where you were before. Wouldn't you rather be able to move forward, away from the pain rather than drown in it every day?"
Frustrated and tired, I sigh. How do I make everyone understand? "Easier said than done, Gracey. Mom and Dad are dead, most likely murdered. Jimmy, remember him, the man who loved us like his own daughters, is dead. YOU are fucking dead. To put a fucking sweet ass cherry on top, Matt just up and fucking left too, one fucking month after we put you in the Godsdamn ground, Grace. He fucking promised me he wasn't going to go anywhere. That he’d be here to help me process and get through losing you, except he lied. Oh, and he fucking left me with nothing, except my clothes. Hallelujah for that small blessing I guess. The point is, I am fucking alone now, Grace, and it hurts too fucking much. What am I supposed to fucking do? It’s not like I can go back home. I don’t fucking have one to go back to. The packs are not fucking home anymore. What would you have me fucking do?"
Grace looks at me, shakes her head and smiles. “You need a swear jar in here, Riles.” She takes a deep breath before continuing.
"Riley, you have to listen to me. For the first time in your life, listen to me. You are meant for so much more. You’re a damn alpha for crying out loud. You were born to lead and inspire. Some painful moments are going to try to tear you down. During those times, remember some really, really good things are coming your way as well. And by good, I mean hot as sin.” She mimes fanning herself to prove the point and I roll my eyes at her antics. “Although you must stop this, or your body will give out sooner or later. Your wolf cannot keep healing you, she's not strong enough anymore. Since you’ve been slowly disconnecting emotionally with her, she has been weakening. You need to build your connection with her, remember who you are, who you are meant to be, and be one with your wolf again. It’s not too late to make it better, Riles.
"Do you remember when we were kids and I used to get so frustrated with myself due to the fact I couldn't shift like the other kids in the packs? You used to tell me something, what was it?"
"Keep your head up, tomorrow will be better," I mumble.
"That's it, Riles. Keep your fucking head up. Tomorrow will get better if you want it to. Now I’m going to give you the most important two pieces of advice. First, get your head out of your ass. Secondly…. WAKE. THE FUCK. UP!"
Jolting upright, I shake my head and take a deep breath. I am sitting in a pool of sweat back on my bed and shaking like a junkie jonesing for her next fix. Probably because I am. That's right, I'm a junkie, an addict and I own it. Don’t judge me.
"Grace," whispering as a lone tear runs down my cheek. Gods damn it! It has not been long enough between tears. The pain in my chest starts to surface again as I give myself that one tear. Only one, one tear, one moment to grieve before I am sucked into that pit of despair that I can’t pull myself out of again.
I reach over into my nightstand and pull out a small bottle of various pills. Grace told me to stop only I can't. I don't want to. Stopping means feeling and feeling means overwhelming torture.
I pour a pile of various pills in my hand, studying the different sizes, shapes, and colors. Grace’s words replaying in my mind, it will get better ... it will get better … only it really won’t, not with the past I can’t face. The room around me begins to fade and I’m hurtling into the darkest memories of the past.
Chapter Two
Riley
“Mom? Dad? You home?” I call to my parents as I walk through the front door of our small pack cottage in Tongass National Forest in Southeast Alaska. My family line has served as the alphas of the Shadowcrest Pack since their formation 80 years ago under their first alpha, my great-great-grandfather, and now I’m next in line to take up the responsibility. “Mom, Dad, where are you?”
I find Grace alone in the kitchen working on her homework. “Hey Gracey, where’s Mom and Dad? Did they leave you here alone?” They never leave her alone. At 13 years old they hate leaving me alone and she's only 10 years old, even if she thinks she's 20. So I know they wouldn’t just leave her here.
“I don’t know, they weren’t here when I got home from school.” Her voice breaks as her chin quivers and a tear leaks from her eye.
Concern crashes through me and I’m across the room in a flash, pulling Grace into my arms. “Gracey, hey what is it?”
Shaking her head in a gesture to say it’s nothing, she tries not to break. I grab her face in both my hands. “Grace, what is it?”
“Something is wrong, Riles, I can feel it,” she sobs, her breath hitching as she gasps for breath. “I-I h-had a d-dream last n-night.” Her tears flow freely down her face as she breaks.
“Shhh, shhh. Take a breath, Gracey. Just breathe for me.” Releasing her face, I pull her in and hold her to me, stroking her hair. “Keep breathing. When you’re ready then you can tell me about your dream.”
Gods I hope it wasn’t about Mom and Dad. Nonetheless, I already know it is.
There is a knock at the door as Grace finally starts to gather herself together again. I know her dreams weigh on her young mind and heart. It’s both a gift and a curse. “I’ll get that, sweety. Why don’t you go get cleaned up and then we’ll go ask Alastair about Mom and Dad, ok?” Grace just nods her head in acknowledgment and heads off toward the bathroom.
Opening the door, I’m surprised to find Alastair, my father’s beta standing there. “Alastair? Grace and I were just about to come see you. What are you doing here? Do you know where Mom and Dad are?” He has a solemn look on his face but what looks like excitement in his eyes.
“I am so sorry to have to tell you this, sweetheart, your parents are gone and they’re not coming back.” He steps through the door reaching out to grab me, but I push against him taking a step back.
“No,” I whisper, shaking my head like that will make the spoken words untrue. “Grace, oh Gods. She ... she ... oh Gods, no.” I can feel the weight of his gaze on me. My heart pounds with so much force, my blood pumps overtime through my veins causing my head to swim. I sway o
n my feet, ready to run except for my knees feel like jelly. A hand comes down on my shoulder forcing me back to the moment. Alastair grabs my bicep and runs his hand down my arm to my elbow. His touch makes my skin crawl and itch like a thousand ants running just under the surface. I really don’t want him touching me and my wolf growls in agreement in my head. Something about this feels so wrong and I have to protect Grace.
Alastair’s eyes flash with a crimson glow as I take a deep breath and step out of his reach. He looks angry at my move. “What happened to them, Alastair?”
He seems to choose his words carefully before he speaks. “I’m not fully sure. There was a dispute with another pack earlier today. They were called away to help settle it before it turned into a fight, or worse, a pack war. Word has it that a few members of the rival pack were not happy with the agreement made so they followed your parents when they left, waited until they were alone and killed them. I am so sorry, Riley.” He reaches out again, but I step out of his reach and his eyes flash crimson again. What the hell is that all about?
I take a steadying breath before speaking, “I have to go talk to Grace and explain to her what has happened. Thank you for coming by to tell me. Please inform the Elder Council I’ll be by to see them as soon as I have Grace settled.”
Beautifully Shattered: Shadowcrest Pack Series Book One Page 1