Beautifully Shattered: Shadowcrest Pack Series Book One

by B. Livingstone

  Mate. My mate. My mates. My wolf hums in my head. Her voice is a stranger to me. A tear threatens to leave me at the sensation of having her so close again. Wait, what did she say?

  Fuck me. No, no mate, no mates. I tell her over and over. I do not want that. I get that she does, it’s what every wolf wants.

  Besides how the fuck do you know that? There’s no pull, no connection that I feel. I remind her what needs to be there for it to be a true mate bond. I’m being honest with her; I don’t feel that instant connection that we’re supposed to feel when we find our mates, just a tingle. From what I heard growing up in the packs, it’s an undeniable pull that makes you want to mate right there. Looking inward I know this hurts my wolf to hear. She craves that connection, but I just can’t right now. A loss of a mate would kill me.

  You’ll see. All are my mates. They feel me. I see her in my mind, squaring her shoulders and holding her head high. Ready to prove me wrong.

  Oh, fuck.

  “I need a drink.” I sigh.

  “No,” Cree barks at me. My head snaps in his direction and my glare turns deadly.

  “Excuse me?”

  “I fucking said no, Riley.” Cree declares as though he has some magical control over me.

  “Okay,” I state in my sweetest tone possible with a smile on my face.

  Cree gives me a disbelieving look. As though I have two heads and he can’t believe what he is seeing. “Okay?”

  “Sure,” I state, continuing my sweet tone as I slowly get up and head toward the door.

  “Okay. So where are you headed then?” Glancing around, all of the guys are wearing the same puzzled and suspicious looks.

  “Somewhere else,” I smirk.

  Cree jumps out of his chair so fast the thing flies back into the wall with a crash. “I don’t fucking think so. You are not leaving this apartment.”

  I look him in the eye and whisper, “Then give me a drink.”

  Axel studies me from head to toe before stating, “Give her a drink, just one.”

  Cree looks at him with utter shock written across his face. Axel nods towards me and Cree looks down at my hands as do I. My hands have a slight tremor to them. I quickly tuck my hands under my arms to hide the shakes that have started. Axel guides me to the living room and sits me on the couch, throat clearer following in tow as Cree grabs me a shot of whiskey.

  Wrapping a throw around myself that I found on the back of the couch, I take the offered glass from Cree. Sipping my whiskey, I relish the burn as it glides down my throat. I take a moment to gather myself before starting their interrogations. Someone is going to give me answers.

  Axel

  They say first impressions are everything. In this case though that hasn’t been my experience. For me, it’s third impressions. The first time I met Riley was in quick passing. I was at the bar fixing up a couple of idiots for Cree when I glimpsed Riley behind the bar. We didn’t speak and I didn’t get much from her, just an angry vibe and a sense of heartbreak. The mindset I was in at the time had me ignoring her for the most part.

  Our second meeting was much the same; I was checking in on Cree and not in the mood for checking out any potential females. As I walked past the bar this time, I got the same sense from Riley with an added hint of despair. When I brought it up with Cree he just stated she was going through something and not to worry, he had his eye on her. That was the reason he had not fired her for drinking and taking pills while at work. Though I also sensed there was more to his reasoning but I didn’t press it, I wasn’t in the mood.

  This last time though was different. Walking into that room I knew something more was coming. It was as if I was seeing Riley for the first time. Fiery red hair cascading down over slender shoulders and slight curves that I could just make out under the blankets. What really got me though was the angelic face with big piercing gray eyes that held so much pain and sorrow. I couldn’t help but get swept up in the depths of her eyes. So much I almost forgot how to talk and the reason I was there.

  The real magic though, happened when I laid my hands on her skin, something snapped between us. Her wolf, who has been buried deep inside her, reached out, making herself known to me. My wolf perked up, immediately feeling that connection trying to form. Her scent surrounded me, sunshine and… well home. She smelled like home to me. Mate my wolf announced.

  I don’t know. I replied back to him, the thought of a mate scares me more than anything. How can you be sure?

  Feel. My mate. A pulling sensation built in the center of my chest and without a doubt I knew it was the connection between our wolves. She is my mate. Now what?

  Chapter Four

  Riley

  Slamming my glass down on the coffee table I repeat myself yet again. "Who the hell are you?" I demand for the third time. The throat clearer just stands there leaning against the door jamb with his arms crossed over his well-defined lickable chest, his muscles rippling under his well-toned, honey tanned skin. His honey blond hair looks messy, like someone has been running their fingers through it all night. Oh, how I want to run my fingers through it while he licks me. For the love of the Gods, what is with these guys being shirtless? Do they not understand what that view does to a girl?

  Gods, I really need to get laid. Laid by three hot as sin alpha males. Fuck!

  He stands there not saying a word, staring at me. I know I’ve seen him at the bar from time to time. Same corner booth, same drink, almost always alone. I just never really gave him much thought. Now though, with his eyes raking over my body like he's trying to commit to memory the image in front of him. I can feel his eyes on my body like it's his hands running over me. His hooded blue eyes meet mine and his silky voice washes over me as he says, "Reed." Just the sound of his voice sends shivers down my spine and his eyes flash an ethereal azure blue in return. I gasp with recognition.

  You, you are the wolf. I keep that thought to myself for now as my wolf whines, wanting to curl up with his wolf and claim him here and now. Not just his though, she wants the other wolf in the room and the bear too. Gods, wolf pick one. On second thought don’t. We aren’t going there.

  After taking a moment to compose myself I meet his stare, "Reed, huh. Well, Reed, one of you wanna explain to me just what the fuck is going on here?"

  “Alright,” Cree barks from the other side of the living room.

  Cree

  Riley walks out of the bar around 11:30 this evening, or more like stumbles out. She is obviously on something tonight. I can smell the toxins heavily mixed in with her normal stormy scent. This isn’t going to be a good night for her, she's gone too far this time.

  I follow in the shadows as she exits out the back door into the alley. I watch as she stumbles into the dumpster, holding her head like she is in pain. She grabs her chest and stops walking. Her breathing labors and her pulse slows. I rush forward, catching her before she hits the ground. Lifting her into my arms, I hold her to my chest. She moans as she clutches at my shirt. Her soft curves fit perfectly to me, like she was made to be held in my arms. Her long fiery red hair falls in a thick curtain around her slender shoulders and down her back. Her heart-shaped face is pinched in the tell-tale sign of the inner pain she faces every day. She is so broken and bruised inside, she can't see the inner strength I so easily see in her every day. The strength to get up every day and keep moving. My bear and I want nothing more than to take the pain, protect her from everyone and everything around her, including herself.

  Although I have no right to these feelings, Riley isn't ours. She is a wolf, and as such she should mate with another wolf. One has even been hanging around, waiting for her to notice him I’m sure. Of course, over the last two months she has hardly even looked his way, be it consciously or subconsciously. That amuses me more than it should. What can I say, I love that she denies the wolf. My bear doesn’t care that Riley is a wolf, he wants to stake his claim on her regardless.

  I carry Riley back inside and to my office. After l
aying her on my couch, brushing her hair away from her face, I silently and quickly make my way back downstairs to find the annoying alpha wolf.

  Reed is seated in his normal corner booth, sipping his beer, and watching the hall that leads to the back door. No doubt waiting for Riley to return. His head tips back and his nostrils flare. I smirk, knowing he can smell her on me, and my bear is preening at the one up we got on the wolf.

  Approaching Reed, I nod my head toward the hall, he stands and meets me halfway.

  “I need your help, Reed,” I inform him.

  “What’s going on? Is Riley okay? I can smell her on you, but it smells ... off,” he adds that last part with an edge of concern in his voice. Considering he’s been watching and studying Riley for the better part of two months; I know he’s not wrong about her smelling off.

  “I’m not sure, Reed. I don’t know a lot about wolf physiology. Riley took a lot of drugs tonight, rather than healing like usual she seems to be getting worse. The drugs appear to be lingering in her system longer, so I don’t know if she took something stronger or if after repeated usage they are just ... I already called in Axel to consult, but I am worried for her wolf, she feels weaker. I mean she’s always been buried down deep, but I can’t feel … and Riley, she’s just …” I can’t finish that thought. Even thinking that she may be dying has my bear roaring in my head.

  We make it to my office and Reed immediately races to Riley’s side to look her over. As he leans over her to sniff her neck my bear growls and he shoots me a what-the-fuck look. I just shrug my shoulders at him. He shakes his head at me and continues his examination. He informs me that Riley has been neglecting her wolf. She hasn’t shifted in at least a year, which is why her healing isn’t at full strength and her wolf’s scent trace is indeed faint, more than normal.

  We decide to move Riley to my place upstairs. She is beyond pale, cold, fragile, and just so beaten down in this moment. My bear clings to the feel of her in my arms, pressing warmth and comfort to her. She lets out a slight moan as the first wave of warmth penetrates her body and she nuzzles closer like she's trying to be absorbed into me.

  Axel arrives shortly thereafter, immediately setting up an IV to flush the drugs from Riley’s system. He sits on the edge of her bed and brushes the hair from her face. The look of concern and confusion on his face lets me know he felt the connection we did with Riley but that he was also receiving a glimpse into Riley. Axel has a unique gift for healing. Not only can he heal the body using modern medicine, he is a gifted empath. Feeling other people’s emotions and catching glimpses into their pasts, he is able to heal their minds and souls. This also makes it much easier for him to build connections with others. He shakes himself free of the connection and back into professional mode. He explains that the IV should help Riley’s wolf heal her body as the drugs dilute and flush free. However, he also states that this won’t help in the long term, she needs to withdraw completely, cold turkey, and reconnect with her wolf as soon as possible. The disconnection between her two halves is indeed killing her. She’ll need to trust us so we can help ease the pain she’s in store for.

  How the hell do we get our girl to open up? To let us in. To trust us.

  Riley

  Cree explains to me all that happened. About how he followed me out back in my drugged-out stupor and consulted with Reed when he had a hard time feeling my wolf. Then how they called in Axel to discuss the drugs and my healing, how he set up the IVs to flush my system of the drugs so my wolf would be able to heal me…. again.

  Gods, Riley, when will you ever learn?

  “What the hell were you thinking, Riley?" Reed bellows as he paces between me and the fireplace. Eyes glowing that otherworldly blue, fists hanging at his sides like he's trying to hold back his shift. His honey blond hair is slicked back now, I think I preferred the messy look. Gods how I would love to mess up his hair. So not the time Riley.

  Rolling my eyes, I mutter, “Thanks, Grace.” Gods, he sounds just like her. This better not be what she meant by hot as sin, good things.

  “What?” he asks in utter confusion.

  "Nothing, Reed. Are you sure you really want the answer to that question? I can tell you right now, it'll only piss you off more and you are barely holding it together as it is." His wolf is so close to busting free, I swear that’s fur sprouting out of his shirt collar.

  "Yes!" He stares at me, his eyes still radiating from the presence of his wolf just under the surface; his breathing rate increasing as he fights to maintain control.

  Head high, holding his gaze while rising one brow at him, I square my shoulders and confidently state, "I wasn’t, Reed. That was the whole point after all." That was the truth of the matter. I didn’t want to have to think or feel. I wanted it all to end. I was so fucking close this time too. Fucking bear.

  Reed

  She wasn’t thinking. I know what she really means is she was trying to shut it all off, to end it all. I’m not stupid, I’ve seen her at the bar strung out and drunk. Still blows me away that Cree put up with this behavior for this long. I’ve watched her down pill after pill when she thought no one was watching. But I was always watching. Which was why I was on such high alert when Cree walked in smelling like Riley, but not.

  My wolf lost his cool and I lost control. He’s pissed that our mate hurt herself like this. That she wants to leave us. As irrational as it sounds considering she has no idea who we are yet. But all wolves grow up learning about true mates, or fated mates as some call it, knowing they are out there, and she just wants to leave before meeting us. Why? What could be so bad that she would willingly give up on something so special as a true mate.

  My wolf pushes forward forcing the change. He turns his attention to our mate, protectiveness warring with his anger. He glares at her, keeping eye contact demanding her submission. He wants her to submit. If she does, she won’t be able to hurt herself again without permission. She can’t leave us; we'd be her alpha. She doesn’t back down though. She holds his gaze, unwilling to break. My wolf whines at her, trying to get her to understand; but she is our mate, our equal and she won’t submit. Not this way at least. Not by force.

  She raises that brow again and smirks at him. Fucking smirks.

  That does it, he fucking loses it. His temper flares and he growls at her as he lunges forward, landing nearly in her lap, baring his teeth. I see it the moment fear registers in her eyes and I fight him for control again. Willing the beast back down and the shift to come. I assure him we will gain her submission; we just need to get her to trust us first. I know just the way to do that. He crawls back to the corner of my mind, scared for his mate and their future together. But also, angry because she won’t acknowledge the bond between them. I again assure him she just needs some time, a chance to heal but she will come around. When she does, she’ll feel the connection and want to be with him, but he needs to back off and let her come to him.

  I get on my knees in front of Riley, hands out, palms facing her and slowly lower them to her knees. She lets me rest my hands there. “He wanted to hurt me,” she whispered to me with tears in her eyes. “I didn’t think he really would hurt me, why did he do that?”

  “Baby, I’m sorry he scared you. He didn’t want to hurt you; he was just showing his frustration and fear for you.” Her expression changes to one of confusion.

  “Frustration about what? And why the fuck would he feel fear for me when he was the one trying to fucking scare me? Did he really think that trying to scare me into submission would work? Because I don’t scare that easily.” My wolf lets out a low growl at the challenge and I can feel him rising to the surface again. I let go of her knees and start to back up, trying to talk my wolf down. He is pissed again at her show of defiance. I’m partially shifted when Cree shoves me across the room and away from Riley. She's going to be the death of me.

  Chapter Five

  Riley

  That was not the first time I had a fucking wolf in my face. If he
thinks he can scare me into submission, he’s got another thing coming. He may be an alpha but so am I. Bring it on big boy, I’m ready to tango. My smirk gives away my thoughts and Axel chuckles in the corner of the room.

  My medic. Mine. Mate. My eyes widen as my wolf purrs in my ear. Oh no you don’t, wolfy, we are not claiming any of these men. We’ve been through this, you hussy, knock it the fuck off.

  While Cree attempts to calm Reed and his wolf, Axel wanders over to sit beside me on the couch. His face shines with the most gorgeous smile I have ever seen. That thing is extremely dangerous. He did things to me with just that smile. Now the rest of his body did things to me as well. His rich espresso skin is flawless, even and toned. His arms are soft muscles yet firm; you can tell he works out, not to really build up, but to stay fit. His arms are ones made to be inviting and offer comfort. His eyes are a beautiful and soulful almost onyx but when his wolf shines through they transform into a stunning honey brown you could get lost in. “Axel, can I see your wolf’s eyes again?”

  He gives me a quizzical look but flashes his eyes at me regardless. I gaze into the eyes of his wolf and lift my hand, resting my fingers on his cheek. “Gods, they are so beautiful,” I sigh as he leans into my touch, his nose resting on my palm. I swear his wolf is purring like a pup, it makes me blush slightly. He closes his eyes and breathes in deeply, like he’s breathing me in, imprinting my scent on his soul. My heart skips a beat, my hand sliding up to rest my palm on his cheek, my fingers grazing his ear. His hand comes to rest on my hip, his fingers digging in trying to maintain control. Pulling me closer and holding me back at the same time.