She glances at me from under her lashes, hiding any hint of recognition. “It’s fine.” That’s all she says before walking into the bathroom and closing the door. Hearing the click of the lock was like a slap to the face.
Reed stands beside me staring at the bathroom door when my head goes flying forward.
“What the fuck man, that hurt!” I exclaim rubbing the back of my head where he smacked me.
“Next time watch where you’re going. Also, remember that feeling. Riley is not one of your race bunnies. You’ll treat her with respect and dignity. Got it, asshole?” Reed’s alpha command washing over me. We may both be alphas but he’s always been the most dominant out of all of us.
“Dude, I get it, alright.” I’m rubbing the back of my head as I follow Reed into the living room, joining Cree and Axel.
Cree looks up and exchanges a look with Reed, tilting his head toward the door. We know what he’s wordlessly saying. Enzo is gone.
“What happened back there?” Axel asks in a hushed tone breaking the silent conversion.
Reed proceeds to explain what transpired between Riley and Enzo. What he heard standing outside the bedroom, the creeper, and Enzo’s reaction to Riley’s panic attack before he intervened to talk her down. Cree tells him about Enzo’s state as he stormed out of the penthouse, silent but deadly. No one tried to stop or slow him down, in that state you let him go work it out.
“Speaking of state of beings. We touched on this before but I think we need to get something straight. You know, make sure we’re all on the same page,” Reed begins to state before Cree cuts him off. Gods, those two are so alike, they should just fight or fuck to determine who is the true alpha already so we can get a moment’s peace. That is a show I would enjoy watching either way, Riley too I’m sure.
“We are on the same page, Reed. We all feel the connection to Riley, including Enzo, even if he thinks he’s fighting it, which he’s not. None of us are going anywhere. Am I wrong?” he questions. No one replies, we all know what’s coming and none of us question the will of the Gods. A fated or true mate is not something you question. It’s something you embrace and treasure. While we know right now Riley is not in a state to bond with us, we’re not going to leave her either. We’ll be whatever or whoever it is she needs us to be until she’s ready to call us mates.
These guys are my chosen family, we may not share DNA but I know if I ever needed them they would be there for me, no questions asked, other than where to bury the body. I would do the same for any of them. Enzo and Reed formed the foundation of this family while they were serving their country overseas. After returning back to the states Reed took it upon himself to keep an eye on Enzo, as Reed puts it he was never really the same after coming home to find what he did. To me he’s always been a violent motherfucker. Cree provided the place where Enzo would go to get drunk in an attempt to forget it all, or at least numb some of the pain. Funny story there, he picked a fight with me one night over a race bunny, a fucking race bunny. I got my ass handed to me, of course, because Enzo is scary as shit, but we developed a bit of bromance after that. Don’t ask him, he’ll deny it, but he totally loves me. Cree, well until recently was just sort of there, owner of the bar and all that, but I have a feeling all of that is about to change. And then there’s Axel. He was at the bar the night Enzo beat the shit out of me, patched me up and became our go-to-guy. Good soul that guy, a little quiet at times, but to each his own. So to share a mate with them, even the bear is no hardship.
Cree and Reed continue to discuss Riley and the drugs and alcohol issue, including what they found when we had raided her apartment yesterday. Bringing Axel up to speed since he stayed behind with Riley. The amount of both in her apartment was disturbing and a major cause for alarm. Her withdrawal is going to get more painful and harder, both for her and her wolf.
It’s a half hour before Riley finally brings herself to exit the bathroom. Cree, Reed, Axel, and I are sitting around the living room drinking beer and watching TV. Trying not to look like we were just talking about her. She stops frozen in her tracks; a deer caught in the headlights look on her face upon spotting us. The look morphs into one of concern and confusion.
Looking around the room, she asks, “Where’s Enzo?”
Enzo
Jab.
Cross.
Hook and elbow strike.
My fists fly, connecting hard with the bag. My knuckles are red, bruised, and raw but I keep going. The stinging pain in my hands reminds me of the pain I’ve felt in my soul for so long. A pain I never want to feel again, so raw and open. The reason why I swore I would never get close to anyone ever again. Why I have to keep my distance now.
Jab.
Cross.
Hook.
Roundhouse.
I got too close to Riley, I let myself feel her. Not just physically in my arms but on an emotional and primal level. My wolf reached out to her wolf, drew her out and to the surface. What the fucking hell was I thinking?
Harder.
Jab.
Cross.
Hook.
My wolf is whining in my head, begging me to go back to her. To make sure she is okay. I know Reed will take care of her. He’ll break through and help her through her panic. A panic we induced in her.
Jab.
Cross.
Hook and elbow.
Sweat runs down my face, neck, chest, and back. I keep going, not stopping. My breathing increases, quickly inhaling through the nose and exhaling out the mouth. My knuckles are bloody and sore.
Jab.
Cross.
Hook.
Spinning heel.
My heart rate flies. I won’t stop, not yet, not until all I can think about is the pain I feel in my knuckles. Not until it all shuts off and I’m alone in my head again. Until I can’t smell her on my skin or hear her sweet voice in my head. Until my hands are so numb I can’t feel her lush curves beneath my fingers. Until I no longer feel the heat of her core against my growing hard erection.
Jab.
Cross.
Hook.
Collapse.
I am so fucked.
Riley
Standing outside the gym I can see Enzo through the window. The look of pain as he punches the large bag is like a stab to my own heart. I don’t know why I feel a connection to these men but it’s there. Okay, that’s a lie I know why, it’s my wolf poking her nose where it doesn’t belong. I don’t want to feel these connections. A connection means it can be broken. Which means I can be hurt again and I fucking refuse to be hurt again. Gods damn it.
“What’s he doing?” Reed drove me to the gym Enzo owns and is now standing with me, watching his friend beat his knuckles fucking bloody.
“He’s dealing with his emotions the best way he knows how.” You can hear the brokenness in his voice as he answers. As he tucks his hands in his pockets and looks to the ground at his feet.
“By beating the shit out of a bag?” I ask sarcastically.
His head snaps up and he eyes me with a seriousness I wasn’t expecting, causing me to shrink back some. “By expressing them in training rather than on another person. He’s protecting others by letting his wolf express his feelings through him as well. This way they both deal and no one else gets hurt. Unless you would rather have him go on a murder spree. Because he’d easily become the next Jack the Ripper if you’d let him.” The strained harsh edge to his voice tells me there’s a story there. One I may not want to know about. But because I am me, with no sense of self-preservation, unable to resist my curiosity I ask anyways.
“Sounds like there is a story behind that statement. Care to share?”
“No.” A clipped one-word answer is all I get. The set of his chiseled jaw tells me he’s not going to share but I keep pushing.
“Why not? You look like someone just kicked your puppy, Reed.”
Reed places his hand on my shoulder causing me to look up at him to meet his eyes. “It’s not m
y story to tell, Riles. If you want to know about Enzo’s past you need to ask Enzo. But don’t be surprised if he doesn’t share it with you.” His expression makes me see the hurt and pain in a new light. Whatever happened in Enzo’s past is dark and full of pain. Something I can relate to. I understand the feeling of safety in his arms now, kindred spirits calling to each other.
He continues before I can say anything else. “We all deal with our tough emotions differently. Wild drives and fucks the bunnies. Enzo trains and fights. Cree, well I don’t fucking know, he’s a bear. Axel works harder to save others. Me, I drown in my work. And you ... well you drown in pills and alcohol. We’re all broken in some way and a bit fucked up in the head.” He turns and starts walking away before adding, “You’re among good company, Riles. Good. Fucking. Company.”
I stand outside the gym until I see Enzo crash to the floor. He is on his knees, breathing heavily, his head in his hands just sitting there. I think I want to go to him, try to help him through whatever it is that he’s dealing with, but I’m not sure if I’d be welcome in there right now. He seems upset, with me, or with himself, or by something else altogether, I’m not sure. It isn’t until he looks up and looks in my direction that I see the pain he is trying to hide and I get my answer. He needs some space and time to himself. So, with a nod and tight smile I turn and walk the fuck away. Closing my eyes and breathing deep, I can’t explain why that simple act hurt so fucking much. Gods, I need a fucking drink and a happy pill.
Chapter Ten
Riley
I know I have a large shadow following me, only I don’t fucking care. Cree could shadow me all he wanted but he’d have to wait on me because the cool night air felt fan-fucking-tastic. Stopping, I look up at the star filled night sky and take a huge deep cleansing breath. My lungs expand and I feel free for the first time in ages. My mood is soured when Reed’s words replay in my head about Wild and how he deals with emotions by fucking the race bunnies. I can’t explain it but that hurt, like a lot hurt.
I take the long way around to my shitty little apartment on the wrong side of the tracks. Bad idea, before I make it three quarters of the way home my hands begin to shake and I’m hit with that need for another fix. Before I even have my key in the lock of my front door, I can smell them. “Fucking assholes! Every last one of them.” They had all been inside my fucking apartment and I knew exactly what they had done before I even made it through the door. Opening my door, the first thing I see is an overflowing trash can full of empty alcohol bottles. I scoff, “they didn’t even have the decency to take out the trash, dipshits.” There was at least a thousand dollars’ worth of empty alcohol bottles in there, I can’t believe they just dumped it like that. I know they are trying to make a point here but all they managed to do was fucking piss me the fuck off.
My skin begins to heat as sweat forms on my brow and my hands start to shake the more pissed off I become. My head snapped toward the bathroom. “They better not have touched my pill stash. I swear to the fucking Gods if they did I will fucking kill someone.” I already knew they took the fucking bottle from my bag so all I had was the bathroom stash. I race down the hall and into the bathroom. Lying in the sink are five empty pill bottles. “Fucking. Hell!”
My knees hit the tile floor; my hands fly to my hair. Fisting my hands, I pull as I scream my frustration and rage into the empty space. Tremors rack my body followed closely by the chills and nausea.
Fuck, I need something.
Crawling around the bathroom floor, I scour every corner. One must have fallen. “Damn it, please Gods, just one fucking pill.” White hot pain sucker punches my gut and before I know it I am getting up close and personal with the porcelain God. My stomach empties of everything I have not eaten today.
Taking a deep inhale, I try to center myself to stand but get a big whiff of campfire and honey. “Cree,” I growl.
It takes me an hour to stumble my way to the bar, thanks to the pain searing through every muscle and vein running through my body. Switch sits on his stool at the front entrance, upon seeing me his face pinches with worry. “Riley, are you okay? You don’t look so good sweetheart.”
“I’m fucking pissed off, Switch. Where the fuck is Cree?” I storm past Switch and head to the bar to get a fucking drink. Switch following on my heels. My hands shake as I reach for a glass and a bottle of vodka.
“He’s in his office,” he replies and takes the bottle from my hands. He pours me a triple shot while still giving me a look of concern. His eyes move over my shoulder and I know instantly who is there. I ignore him as I give Switch a nod of thanks.
Clear liquid splashes out of the glass as I lift it off the bar, my hands shaking like I’ve been hit by a live wire. I start to lift the glass to my lips when it suddenly goes flying. “NO!”
Cree
The sound of a commotion downstairs catches my attention. Standing in front of the loft window overlooking the bar I see Riley enter followed closely by Switch. She looks fucking pissed but more than that she looks like shit. Looking at the clock I know it's been nearly 24 hours since she had her last fix and is no doubt itching for one now. She wouldn’t have found the fix she is seeking at home since we cleared out her supply of pills and alcohol. I shadowed her home this evening, so I know she didn’t pick anything up on the way. I called Wild to watch over her when I got a call from the bar. He followed her when she left the apartment and called me when she headed this way. Therefore, I also knew she was coming in hot.
I watch as she takes a seat at the bar and reaches for a bottle of something. Over my dead body will she be getting her fix here. I storm down the stairs and head toward the bar. I catch Switch’s eye and can see the concern written all over his face. He knows there is something going on with her. He pours her a triple shot of vodka and I see red. As she begins to raise the glass to her lips, I swat the damn thing from her hands, and it goes flying across the bar. “NO!” she bellows as her head snaps my way with a shocked and pissed-the-fuck off look.
Her eyes are bloodshot, and her face is deathly pale except for the red blotches marring her complexion from crying. Her muscles are tense with tremors causing her to shake where she sits. She’s half hunched in on herself holding her center when her right hand flies up and covers her mouth. She’s off her stool and racing toward the bathroom. I follow after her, thankfully there’s a noisy band playing down the street and most of the evening regulars are gone already so we’re not too busy and there’s no one in the bathroom.
I can hear her in the last stall and slide the door open. She’s hunched over the bowl dry heaving since she hasn’t eaten anything today from my understanding. I reach forward and gather her hair at the nape of her neck with one hand and rub soothing circles up and down her spine with the other.
“Riley, this has to stop. I won’t stand by and watch you hurt yourself, not anymore. I can’t, Riley.” My voice comes out as a growl until that last part when it breaks. The fear I feel at losing my mate comes through. I know she hears it by the slump of her shoulders and shake of her head. I can’t lose her, not when I just found her.
Her spine straightens and her head comes up, shoulders square. I know then I’m fucked. “First of all, it’s not your call, Cree. My body, my life, my fucking call. Secondly, no one asked you to fucking get involved. You assholes dumped everything, now look at me, this is your fucking fault,” she finishes stating just as another round of dry heaving starts. I feel like fucking shit that she’s suffering, but I know in the end it’s for her own good. She’s been slowly dying on the inside from the pain she carries, the pain she thinks we can’t see, and slowly killing herself on the outside because of it.
Time ticks slowly by as Riley continues to heave nothingness into the toilet. After what feels like a lifetime, she finally stops heaving and curls up in the corner of the stall. I sit down beside her and pull her out of the corner and into my lap. My action is met with her weak protests, which are completely useless at this time
considering she can barely move her head let alone break free of my arms which only tighten around her slender frame, boxing her in closer to my chest as she tries to leave them. Her whimpering quiets as I tuck her head under my chin. After a few minutes of silence that I can’t stand, I break, “Riley, I know you're pissed at me and the guys. And honestly I don’t fucking care, we care about you and we want you to get better. The drugs and alcohol are a crutch to help you hide from whatever it is you’re running from. If you let us, we’ll help you live with the past and move forward from it instead. You have no reason to believe me, but I hope you will when I tell you, you can trust us.”
Suddenly her body is racked with tremors so hard it feels like she is having a seizure in my arms. She is stone cold physically and emotionally as she chuckles under her breath, and stutters out, “Trust you, that’s rich. You all fucking broke into my apartment Cree. You went through my Godsdamn things. Got rid of whatever you didn’t fucking like, regardless of what it would fucking do to me.” She stands up on shaky legs, bracing herself on the stall wall. It takes everything in me to control the impulse to reach out and steady her or pull her back into my fucking lap. But I know she needs this moment. A moment to be strong and feel in control.
“Riley, believe it or not, I do fucking care about what is happening to you. Withdrawal is a fucking bitch in heat, I know. We all fucking know, and we will all help you through this.” I try to pour every ounce of conviction into my statement. I stay seated in my spot on the floor waiting for her to look down at me, to catch my eyes and see the truth in my words.
Beautifully Shattered: Shadowcrest Pack Series Book One Page 6