by Penny Wylder
“I know you love her,” I say, taking Seph’s face in my hands. “But I don’t. Leena and I have been over a long time. She doesn’t have to come between us anymore.”
She licks her lips. “I—I’d like to know what happened between the two of you. I don’t think I have the full story.”
I nod. “I’ll tell you everything.”
Thunder cracks across the sky. “Later?” she asks.
“Later,” I agree.
Ideally, I would like to get the generator up and running again before the rain falls. I can do it, but it will be trickier when it’s wet. And this is a summer rain in Georgia. Which means it’s likely to be a downpour.
We both jump in the car and Seph starts to drive. She’s lived here all her life. She understands what a thunderstorm like this means.
My phone buzzes, and I pull it out, expecting it to be one of the counselors checking in about our progress, but it’s not. My body goes cold. I don’t know if the woman is psychic, or if the universe really just does have a death wish for me today, but my body goes cold. The text on my phone is from Leena.
I haven’t heard from her since the day I put a true, final end to our relationship a year and a half ago. I made it clear that we were done. No more random hookups when we were bored and in the same town. No more ‘giving it another try,’ which I never really wanted. Nothing.
What could she possibly want?
I doubt that Seph told her about us, given how torn up about it she is in the first place, but she could have mentioned that I was here. I steel myself and open the message.
I hear you’re fooling around with somebody else. That’s a big mistake you’re making.
I roll my eyes. The last time I checked, a break-up is a break-up, Leena. I thought I made it clear that we were finished with each other.
Oh sweetie, she says. You’ll never be done with me. I’ll always be the best you’ve ever had, and I know that you’ll be back.
Attached to the text message is a picture. Leena, in lingerie. She’s posed lewdly, looking at the camera like she wants to fuck it. Leena is a beautiful woman, but the picture does nothing for me. The only person I want is the one sitting next to me.
The one who looks over and sees the picture of her best friend in lingerie on my phone right after I kissed her. Thunder cracks overhead and the sky opens up, pouring rain down on top of us.
Seph swerves the car in shock, and then pulls over. She gets out of the car into the pouring rain, and I dump my phone on the seat and follow her. My clothes are soaked through instantly. Her face when she turns to me doesn’t seem angry, it’s devastated. “You really have some balls, texting her in front of me.”
“I didn’t ask for that photo. I haven’t heard from Leena in forever. Did you tell her that I was here?”
“I did, but only so I could mention you by name without walking on eggshells. I didn’t tell her anything else. And this is why it won’t work, Eric. This will keep happening. Little reminders. Death by a thousand cuts.”
And just like that, I can’t keep quiet anymore. “Fucking hell, Persephone. I don’t know how I can say it any more clearly. I want you. I don’t want Leena. I don’t want anyone else. I want you. I’ve only ever wanted you.
“Never in my life have I wanted anyone but you. You were the one who pushed me away. And it was devastating.”
“What are you talking about?” she yells over the rain. “You. Picked. Her.”
I storm through the water and grab her, pulling her close and kissing her hard enough that I know that she’ll never forget it.
“I’m going to tell you what happened,” I say. “And I need you to listen. Not all of it is going to be easy to listen to, but you have to hear it, Seph. Because it’s the only thing that’s going to get us through this. And I want us to get through this. Because I am so fucking in love with you and I’m not letting you go again.”
I kiss her again to quiet any protest she has, and then I begin to speak.
23
Eric
Six Years Ago
It’s been twenty days since I left Seph sleeping in that camper, and I’ve thought of nothing but her. Her phone number is tucked into my wallet so I can use it tomorrow, but walking into my new high school, I’m hoping that I won’t have to use it.
This is Seph’s school. It has an amazing music program, and when camp ended, I wasn’t sure if I had made it into the program. I didn’t want to disappoint her or give her false hope. But I’m here now, and I can’t wait to find her. I want to see her face when I tell her that I’m going to be here every day, and yes, I still want to be with her. Yes, I’m still in love with her. That I’ve been in love with her the entire time and this is the time to really tell her.
But right now, I’m nearly late for my first class. I’m looking at the map that the office gave me while simultaneously at the students I pass for the girl who’s face haunts my dreams. This is a much bigger school than the one I’m coming from, and it’s probably going to take me a bit with the navigation.
“You look lost,” a voice says. A pretty blonde approaches me. “New?”
“Yeah,” I nod. “First day.”
She bats her eyes and gives me a smile. It would definitely work on me, if it was something I was looking for. “Where are you headed? I can point you in the right direction.”
“AP Bio,” I say. “Mr. Sanders.”
Her face lights up. “That’s where I’m going! Come with me. The science hallway is terrible to find.” She loops her arm through mine and practically marches me down the hallways until we reach the correct room. I’m happy she at least knew where she was going, but I don’t see Seph on the way, and she doesn’t seem to be in the class either.
“What’s your name?” I ask her.
She pulls back and smiles again, not being subtle about putting her cleavage on display as she does so. “You can call me Elle.”
“Nice to meet you.”
She pulls me further into the classroom and guides me to a table, sitting on the stool next to mine. “What brings you to Anderson High?”
“Music program,” I say. “It’s better than my other high school.”
“A musician,” she coos. “That’s fantastic. You’ll have to play for me some time.”
I send her a tight smile. My eyes keep flicking to the door, hoping that Seph is going to walk through it. My hands are itching to pull the number out of my wallet and send her a text that I’m here. But I really want to see her face for the first time.
A burly man walks through the door and surveys us coolly. “I hope you like who you’re sitting with,” he says. “That’s your lab partner.”
Elle smiles wide, and I feel like I walked into a trap. Because it hadn’t occurred to me. I was so busy thinking about Seph and directions that I forgot about partners. I sigh. It’s fine. Once I find Seph, Elle will see that I’m happily taken, and she’ll stop with the flirting.
Thankfully, since today is the first day of school and the classes are short, I manage to break away from Elle and find my next class on my own, and then my next. Still no sign of Seph.
My next period is lunch, and I’m desperate for her to be there. As I’m about to enter the lunchroom, Elle slides up to me and slips her arm through mine again. “I’ve been looking for you! Let me show you around. I love introducing new students to people.”
I swallow. “I’m really okay.”
“Don’t be silly. No one needs to be alone on their first day.”
I take a breath. She’s being nice, and I don’t need to make any enemies on my first day here. So I nod, and let her take me into the cafeteria. “By the way,” she says as we work through the line, “I would love it if we could go out sometime. I can show you the town. We would have fun.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Great!”
I follow her to a table, and before we get there, I see her. Red hair, pale skin, book in front of her and one hand moving
with a pen while she writes. My heart kicks up into a gear that’s so fast that I might pass out. Elle moves forward. “Seph!”
She looks up, and then sees me and goes pale.
Elle sits down across from her. “Is this going to be our new table? I like it. It’s very central, but still far enough away to be cool.” She turns and looks at me, patting the chair beside her. “Come on, don’t be shy. Seph,” she giggles, “this is my new boyfriend, Eric.”
What? I stare at Seph, and then I stare at Elle. I sit down because I think that my knees are about to give out. This isn’t exactly the reunion that I imagined.
Seph is staring at me like she’s seen a ghost, and I can’t take my eyes off her. “When exactly did that happen, Leena?”
Oh shit. Not Elle. L. L for Leena. Oh my god, what just happened? She’ll say something, though. She’ll tell her that it’s pretty impossible for me to be Leena’s boyfriend when I’m already taken.
“Just now,” Leena says, and winks. “You know you have to get the new ones early.”
Seph looks at me and then smiles, extending her hand across the table. “Hi. I’m Persephone.”
I take her hand. “Eric.”
Seph looks at her friend and smiles. “You guys look really cute together.”
“I know, right?” Leena leans close and snaps a selfie of the two of us together. I think I must look like a mannequin, because I’m still so shocked that I can’t even move.
The lunch goes by in a blur, but all I can do is stare at Seph. Her lips. Her hands. Her hair. Her eyes which won’t meet mine. Finally, she glances at me. “I have to get to class. Nice to meet you.”
“I should go too,” I say quickly.
Leena grabs my shirt and plants a big kiss on my cheek. “See you later, baby!”
I don’t even respond as I grab my tray and chase after Seph. I need to talk to her. I need to find out what the hell is going on. She’s ahead of me, dumping her tray, and heading for the door. I dump my tray too and race in her footsteps, nearly crashing into people. “Seph!” I call when I burst through the door. “Seph.”
I think I see a glimpse of her hair, but she’s already gone. She knows the school better than I do, and I don’t know where her class is. I’ll never find her.
It feels like I’ve been strung upside-down by my ankles and shaken. What just happened? Why didn’t she tell Leena who I am?
Unless…
I feel sick. Unless when she wanted to take time apart, she wasn’t planning for us to get back together. Maybe that’s the reason she looked so pale when she saw me.
If she didn’t want to be with me, why wouldn’t she just say that before we left camp? Why would she put us both through this? She knew that I would come for her.
I don’t understand it. I feel dizzy. I need to talk to her. I need to fix this. If I can.
Please.
24
Persephone
Present
Eric’s eyes burn with intensity, and his fingers dig into my arms. He’s desperate to make me hear, and I need to listen. I have to hear it, no matter what it is. He said he was in love with me, and my soul suddenly felt light and happy, and more tears flooded my eyes. I’ve always wanted to hear him say that. And if there’s any chance that it can be real, then I’ll take it.
“When we were together, I knew that I might be transferring to Anderson. But I wasn’t sure, and you were so nervous about us being apart that I didn’t want to get your hopes up. And when I got in, I couldn’t wait to see the look on your face when I found you. I thought you would be so…so happy that I was there. And that we would be able to see each other every day just like we had at camp.”
He takes a breath. “Leena found me lost on the way to one of my classes. She was in it too and made sure that I was her lab partner. It was clear that she was flirting, but I wasn’t interested. When I asked her name, she told me to call her ‘L’. I thought it was the name and not the letter. Seph, if I had known who Leena was, I would have asked her where the fuck you were. I would have skipped that class to come and find you and kiss the hell out of you, just like I had been fantasizing about for weeks.”
The rain starts to lessen as he speaks, and he quiets his voice because he doesn’t have to project over the sound of the downpour.
“Leena asked me if I wanted to go on a date with her going through the cafeteria line. I said that I would think about it, mostly so that she wouldn’t keep asking. And then she introduced me as her boyfriend, and I kept waiting for you to say something. To intervene and clarify. I was so shocked that I couldn’t speak. Fuck, if I could go back to that day and do it over again, I would have gotten myself together and made it precisely, exactly clear that I was not with her.”
“But you didn’t.”
“No.” His voice is anguished. “I didn’t. But I went after you. You disappeared and I couldn’t find you to ask what was going on. And when I saw you after that, you pretended that you didn’t know me. And when I had seen you in the cafeteria you looked so pale that I wondered if you had wanted to break up and didn’t want to tell me. I didn’t know what to do. You wouldn’t talk to me. You cheered Leena on with me. It seemed like you were pushing her toward me, so I gave in.
“I shouldn’t have. But I did. I wasn’t happy. There was part of me that was always waiting for you to remember what we had and say something. It felt a little like being in a dream.”
He takes a breath and holds me closer. I let him. He feels good in the cold after being wet, even if the Georgia air is still hot.
“I’m not claiming to be blameless. I never should have used Leena the way I did. I kept seeing her mostly so that I could keep seeing you. You went everywhere together, and I could always count on that. Until…” he hesitates. “This is the part that you’re not going to want to hear.”
“I still need to hear it,” I say. I had no idea that this is what he went through. What he thought about me. I can’t even blame him, because he’s right. I didn’t stand up for him. Or for us.
“I used Leena to see you, until she wouldn’t let me anymore. She became more and more possessive. Constantly demanding things and that I spend time with her and only her. She got suspicious when I wasn’t with her and was constantly checking on me. Even when I was only rehearsing. And I was good at deflecting her. Good enough that I didn’t bother to break up with her.
“She was my only connection to you, and I knew—deep in my gut—that if I broke up with her, she would make my life a living hell. And I couldn’t break up with her to date someone else, because I didn’t want anyone else. I only wanted you.”
“But you stayed together for years.”
He shakes his head. “When we all left for school it was in name only for most of the time. We barely spoke because neither of us had the time, and she was…occupied.”
“You mean—” I cut myself off. I can’t even say that I’m that surprised.
“She was cheating? Yes, and frequently. We were only together a few times through college. Once was a drunken mistake. Once I was so desperate for a touch and reminder of anything that had to do with you that I settled for her. And the last time, I was done.
“She came to visit unexpectedly and blew up at me for not having the time to drop everything to be with her. To plan romantic dinners for her and take her out on the town. To ‘fuck her like she deserved.’ And I knew that she hadn’t been remotely faithful to me. I didn’t care that she wasn’t either, but I was done being at her beck and call, and I told her so. I told her that we were finished, and that there would be nothing more between us. Ever.”
He goes quiet for a moment. “That was when she had everyone block me. I figured it out when you cut me out of all the social media. And I wondered if I had made a mistake. Because I had set myself free, but there was nothing left of you. Even though by that time I had given up all hope of seeing you again. But I…I never really moved on. I’ve just been waiting, because it was always you.”
Eric kisses me hard. An imprinting kiss that sears my heart. Brands it as his. “Yes, Persephone. I should have told you a long time ago. I should have told you before I left camp. I never should have left without saying goodbye. But I’m saying it now. I love you. I adore you. I don’t want anyone else but you.”
I’m really crying now, and he kisses me again as a new wave of rain starts to come down. Taking my hand, he pulls me back to the car, and he opens the back door. We tumble in together, barely getting the door closed before he’s on top of me. Lips and hands and rearranging clothing. And then he’s pushing into me and I brace my hands on the already fogging windows. “I love you too,” I manage to say as he stills inside me, holding the moment still. “I never wanted you to be with her, I just…I didn’t know what to do when she came up and said that. Because she had found me before lunch and told me that she was in love with the new boy. She gushed about how gorgeous and sweet he was. And later when she appeared with you, it was too late. I had already cheered her on and told her to go for it. I felt like I had to tell her yes. Because when I told her about you and us at camp, she had cheered me on. And then I saw how much you liked her—how much I thought you liked her—and I was willing to stay quiet as long as you both were happy.”
My eyes blur with unshed tears. “I’m so sorry, Eric.”
This kiss is soft, and he starts to move. Healing us both with the pleasure that he brings. “You don’t have to apologize, Seph. We both made mistakes. And we both are here now. Let’s not make those mistakes again, okay?”
“Never,” I promise. “Honesty only from here on.”
He tangles a hand in my hair as he drives deep, pushing in harder and faster, excising all of the pain that we’ve both felt through this and replacing it with pleasure. With love. I love him so fucking much that I can’t contain it. So much that the whole sky would not be enough space for it.