“You got a problem? You speak to me and I’ll sort it.” Hell slams his hand down on the table. “Respect. That’s what the club’s built on. After all these years, you should know your fuckin’ place. And that’s not telling a member who he can or can’t have sex with.”
“You disrespected Hell, Mom. Me, as well as Pal.”
I straighten my back, feeling sparks flying from my eyes. “Know my fucking place? You wonder why I don’t like coming to the compound. At home I can ignore it. Here you’re both misogynistic dicks. You might be okay taking your brothers’ sides at all times, but I’m not going to stand by and watch that lad ruin that girl the same way I was ruined.”
Demon rolls his eyes as dramatically as I’ve ever seen. “Have you watched them together? If you think he’s going to rape her, you’re very much mistaken.”
Hell chuckles, but it’s not a happy sound. “Kid doesn’t even know what he’s doing.”
An almost smile crosses Demon’s face, but clearly they’re not going to let me in on the joke.
“Sit down, Mo.” Hell waves to the chair while walking around his desk. “Fuckin’ start talkin’. What’s got into you?”
I’m still mad. My voice betrays it. “Give or take a few months, she’s the same age as I was when I came to the club.”
“Go on.” I don’t miss the look of worry that crosses Demon’s face at the tone Hell’s using. But I know my husband.
“I had hopes, dreams, Hell. I was going to travel the world or as far as I could. Instead I ended up pregnant and married. Same thing’s going to happen to that girl. She won’t have a life…”
“You didn’t have a life, Mo?” Hell asks, his voice deadly calm.
“Mom,” Demon starts warningly.
But I’m on a roll. “Of course I didn’t have a life. Cooped up with bikers. Living on the compound for years until we bought the house when Kennedy was born. Having to face up to what Blackie did every fucking day.”
“What did Blackie do, Mom?” Demon growls.
Why the fuck’s he asking? He already knows. He wants to hear it; I’ll spell it out. “Raped me. Got me pregnant. I was only fucking seventeen. He took all my choices away. WILL SOMEONE OPEN THE FUCKING WINDOW?”
Demon looks shocked at the bile in my voice. He staggers over and sits in the second chair, while Hell, used to my ways, not surprised by my abrupt change of subject, turns, undoes the latch and at last lets the cooler air in. I fan myself.
“You regret having me? You regret me?” Demon asks. It’s only then I notice his face has paled. I can throw things at Hell, not at Demon.
Immediately I try to repair the damage, to backtrack. “Of course not! It’s the circumstances I regret.”
“Mom,” his voice sounds slightly calmer, but he’s almost emotionless as he speaks. “What happened to you was awful. What Blackie did, despicable. He hurt you both. But, he was my father. If it wasn’t his undiluted blood running through my veins, I might not be the same person. I don’t think I’ve turned out to be a disappointment to you, have I?”
Somehow, his softly spoken words get through to me, more than if he’d been shouting. They both give me space, time to let clarity come to my thinking. Now it’s my turn to stand. I walk over to the open window, appreciating the breeze coming in.
“I’m sorry,” I say at last. “Look, Hell knows, you’ve probably guessed, I’m going through the change.” Demon’s mouth shuts fast as though it wasn’t an admission he wanted to hear from his mother. Hell, in contrast, parts his lips. “No, let me speak, okay? I’m getting old. I’m not the person I was.”
“You’re still beautiful, Mo.”
“Put your glasses on, Hell.” I smile at him briefly. “It’s not nice for a woman who knew she used to look good to be losing her figure and there’s nothing she can do about it. Getting wrinkles, broken veins. Knowing inside she’s drying up, unable to have children anymore.”
“You wanted more kids?” Demon asks, a worried look thrown toward Hell.
“Of course not,” I laugh, then look at him slyly. “Couple of grandkids wouldn’t go amiss.”
“I’ll work on it, Mom.”
“In wedlock, not out.” I pretend to slap him around the head, he pouts. “Anyway, I don’t know. It’s got my brain all screwed up. My body’s telling me I’ve left it too late. I’ll never follow my dreams. Sometimes all I can think about are lost chances, everything I’d missed out on. I just wanted to stop Jayden from making the same mistakes.”
“Did you have counselling, Mom?”
“What are you thinking Demon?”
“PTSD,” he replies to Hell.
What? “I’m fine. I haven’t got PTSD.”
“You might have,” Hell contradicts. “It doesn’t have to manifest itself immediately. You had a kid, me, the club. Now, and it’s down to me, I know, you’ve got too much time on your hands. Fuck, I don’t know what a woman goes through. All I can say, getting old is having a toll on me too.”
Demon rests his elbows on the desk, lays his head down between them, then looks up. “It’s fine knowing getting to the root of what’s wrong. But how are we going to move forward? We’ve a club full of brothers who all heard Mom.”
“She apologises to Paladin,” Hell says.
I glare. Like fuck I will.
“Paladin’s not Blackie. Fuck, Mo, he’s more like me. He’s loved that girl forever. Anyone can see that. Just like I fell in love with you. And Jayden’s not you. Any dreams she’s got are hers, and not yours. She didn’t have your shitty family. She’s got people who care for her.”
“They’re not here.”
“Still not up to you to look out for her. We weren’t told to keep them apart.”
“I don’t like being here, Hell. I want to be in my own home. I only came to the barbeque because you wanted me here, now I’m stuck. I’m playing the part of the prez’s old lady, and that’s not me. Not anymore. I’m not that person.”
Hell draws his hand down over his beard, more white than grey now. His blue eyes, so similar to Demon’s, stare at the man he’s proud to call his son. “One solution,” his focus is back on me. “That you’re not the prez’s old lady anymore.”
Demon breathes in sharply, looks up at the ceiling, then back down. He seems to have cottoned on faster than me.
It takes me a moment to wonder how what Hell’s suggested could come about. Then it hits me. “You want a divorce?” Had I fucked up that badly?
Hell gets up, walks around the desk, and comes to crouch in front of me, his knees cracking as he does so. “Nah, Mo. Never, ever that. You and me babe? We’re for fuckin’ keeps.” As I tilt my head to one side, he continues. “The club? I’ve given thirty-seven years of my life to the men I call brothers, and I can’t change that either. I’ll be a Satan’s Devil until I can’t ride anymore. But, they’ve also had some of the best years, the last twenty, of me leading them. I’m tired, Mo. It’s not just you getting older, it’s me too. I think we both deserve to follow our dreams for a while.”
“Dad?”
Hell swings around so he’s facing our son. “I’ll stay in the chair until we’ve got this situation sorted, but after that, you can step up.”
“Hell, you can’t. Not for me…”
“Not for you, Mo, for us. You’re right. When have we had time just to be with each other? Christ, for the first few years, after Demon was born, it was a struggle just to stay alive. I’m lucky to be here, so many brothers aren’t. You had to live with that, not knowing whether your old man was going to come home.” He’s right. I had. “We deserve some time off. When did we last have a vacation?”
Er. Never?
“Let’s take some time for ourselves. Go to places you dreamed of. Just you and me. What do you say, Mo?”
“You mean it?” My heart skips a beat as excitement bubbles through. He’s talking about a different type of future than I’d been expecting. Maybe it wasn’t too late for us after all. Perhaps our ti
me together is only just beginning, not ending.
Hell leans forward, speaks under his breath directly into my ear. “Without all this stress, might get my cock working again.”
While he’s been speaking, my eyes have been watching Demon. There’s worry there, concern he might not match up to his father, but also a hunger. “You alright with this, Demon?”
I watch as he pinches the bridge of his nose, then looks up and nods. “Not what I would have wanted nor expected. Dad offered when I found out he wasn’t my father, but I’d turned it down. Thought that was the end of it. Blindsided me if I’m honest. But after you’ve done your Grand Tour or whatever, you’ll be back, won’t you? Back at the club and by my side.”
“Your club,” Hell emphasises. “Not mine when I step down. I’ll be a member. Always have your back, as my son, brother, and my prez.”
“Christ.” Demon shakes his head. “Don’t start yet, Dad. You’re still wearing the prez’s hat for now.”
Am I selfish? Taking my man away from the club?
It’s as if Hell can read my mind. “Would have to step down sooner or later, Mo. Would rather it be on my own terms, and while we’re both young enough to enjoy ourselves.” He stands, his bones protesting audibly again, and holds out his hand to me. “Think you need to make an apology, Mo.”
I nod, and first turn to Demon. “I’m sorry.”
“Nah,” Hell scoffs, “Not to me or the VP, to Paladin. Near tore his head off out there.”
Before agreeing, I take a moment. Maybe my dreams weren’t abandoned, just delayed. Jayden’s life might pan out different, she may get exactly what she wants. Perhaps she doesn’t have the same expectations that I had. And maybe, just maybe, if Paladin’s half as good to her as Hell has been for me, maybe he is right for her. I’ve never been one for platitudes, never said a word if I didn’t mean it. Finally, I nod. I can say my apology, and as sincerely as I can make it.
I stand, take my man’s hand, following him to the door. Then I swing around. “For goodness sake, shut the window before Hell freezes in here, Demon.”
We leave the room to his bark of laughter.
Neither Paladin nor Jayden are in the clubroom. Brothers seem awkward, eyeing us carefully as we make our way across to the stairs, heading to Pal’s room to try to find the young couple. I’m gripping Hell’s hand, pleased he’s still with me, knowing how much I’d pushed him tonight. Eating humble pie is never nice, but I feel better now I’ve got the weight I’d been carrying off my shoulders, and the promise of a future where I won’t have to worry every day about Hell.
We walk down the corridor, past all the closed and locked doors. I notice Bitch jumping up at one, expertly swinging on the handle, but it doesn’t open. Taking pity on the long-haired fluffy tabby, I crouch down, holding my hand out.
“Be careful,” Hell warns, “she’s got one fuck of a scratch to her.”
But she comes straight over to me. I stroke her for a moment and soon have her purring. “Poor girl. No one wants to share their bed with you?”
“Can you fuckin’ blame us? Look.” He holds out his arm, showing me the scabbed over scars from his last encounter. “Only thing she’s fuckin’ good for is catching mice.”
I laugh, standing unscathed. “Don’t think she likes men.”
“You think?” He shakes his head. “Come on.”
A step or two in front of me, he pauses in front of a door, but his hand stops in mid-air, and his other reaches out to halt me. “Er, think we better leave the apologies until the morning.”
From the noises coming from behind the door, well, fuck. Seems my outburst hadn’t deterred them.
Hell’s looking at me strangely, heat in his eyes.
“What?” I take a step backward.
“Come here, old lady.”
I take another step back.
“Woman.” He snarls warningly.
I step away again.
Suddenly he launches himself on me, pulls me up in his strong arms into a fireman’s lift over his shoulder, slaps my ass and turns in the direction of his, our, bedroom.
“You might have to give me a moment for the blue pill to work, but the way I’m feelin’, woman, that shouldn’t take too long.”
“Perhaps, old man,” I giggle into his ear, “there’s things you could be doing while we’re waiting.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
Jayden
I slept held safe and secure in Paladin’s arms, a deep dreamless sleep. When I woke, I felt his hardness against me. As memories of the previous evening come back to me, I know I’m feeling happier than I ever have before. What had happened between us was so right, so easy. No awkwardness, no embarrassment, no bad memories returning to haunt me. Any doubts I’d had that he was the one for me had been swept away.
Learning Pal was a virgin had made me brave. The knowledge I didn’t have to compete with anyone, that we were doing things our own way, learning together. I wasn’t an inactive participant; I didn’t let things just happen to me. Sex had been fun, something I hadn’t been expecting.
This morning, I want to surprise him. While leaving him sleeping, I slide down under the covers, taking his cock first in my hands, then daring to place my mouth on it. I explore with my fingers while my tongue swirls around his uncircumcised head, finding the slit and licking up the drop of pre-cum that’s escaping.
It tastes salty and not too bad. One hand cups his ball sac, covered in hair. I’m thoroughly enjoying myself exploring his body when the covers are thrown off and I hear a loud groan, then a hand lightly covers my head.
“Fuckin’ good way to wake up, Doll.”
“Good morning,” I murmur around his cock, the vibration of my voice and my hot breath causing it to jerk.
Using my hands to hold the length I can’t get into my mouth; I pick up the rhythm he’d shown me the night before. I try to get more of him inside, I gag, and pull back.
“You okay?” he gasps.
To answer, I just go back to what I was doing.
His sounds of appreciation, his grip on my hair, give me a powerful feeling. This man, right now, is completely under my control. It doesn’t take long before I feel him swelling.
“Fuck, Jay, I’m gonna come.” The words are staccato, his voice strained.
Remembering how horrible his cum tasted, I pull back, continuing to jerk him off in my hands. Once again his stomach is covered. I’m fascinated by the white strands, cupping it in my hand to stop it running onto the bed sheet.
“Babe, that was fuckin’ amazin’.” Leaning over, he picks up the tee he discarded last night, and wipes himself clean.
I look at him apologetically. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t…”
“Fuck, Doll. That doesn’t matter. Wow. What a way to wake up. You wanna do that every morning? Ain’t gonna stop you.”
I giggle. Suddenly I’m thrown on my back. I’m the recipient of a lewd leer, then he slides down my body, pausing only to play with my nipples before he’s between my legs, parting my thighs, and putting his mouth there. My head rolls back on the pillows, my fingers grasp the sheets. I’m already turned on and wet from administering the blow job.
He licks, his fingers are inside me, it makes me want more. Today he’s buying condoms, I think quickly, wondering how what he’s doing to me could get any better. That place he’s found inside me… As soon as he touches it, I lose all control. I wail, try to breathe, I can’t. My muscles clench, the tingling builds, I need, I need… Christ, I see stars as I cry out loudly.
“Pal, God, Pal.”
“Just me, babe,” he raises his head just at the point when I can’t take anymore. “Just me here.”
“You are a god, Pal,” I assure him. “I’m sure I had a religious experience just then.”
He rests his chin on my mound, his fingers toying with my trimmed pubic hair. “You know, first times aren’t supposed to be amazing, it takes time to know one another. It should only get better from here.”
>
“Don’t think I’m going to survive, Pal. Anything more would kill me.”
He chuckles, I can feel the vibration. It’s arousing me all over again. He slides up the bed and holds me, my clit is throbbing now, feeling neglected. Shyly, I can’t find the words to ask him, but take hold of his hand, and try to move it downwards. He picks up on my unspoken message, moving his fingers to the spot where I need them.
It doesn’t take long before I’m pulsating and crying out all over again.
“Hmm, like that I can give you multiple orgasms. You got any more in there?”
I place my hand over his fingers to still them, I’m too sensitive now, but it’s not long before the tingling restarts. The next orgasm takes less time, and isn’t as powerful.
“Fuck, I can’t wait to be inside you.”
Neither can I. But there’s something to be said for learning each other’s bodies before going all the way. I feel so much more comfortable with him.
He pulls his hand away and sits up unashamedly naked. His cock is again erect, but he ignores it. “You know what the best thing is? We’ve got a whole fuckin’ lifetime to explore and get to know each other.” Tapping his head, he continues, “Got lots of ideas in here.”
I grin cheekily. “From the porn you’ve been watching?”
He places a gentle tap on my ass. “Am I going to regret tellin’ you that?”
Not if it means he knows what he’s doing. For an answer, I smirk.
Reaching over me, he picks up his phone and checks the time, he sighs. “Better get showered and dressed, Doll. Rather stay here, but I’ve things I need to do.”
I sit up, going to pull the sheet around me, then realising I’ve no reason to hide from him now, leave my breasts on display. I’m rewarded by a hungry stare. “Doll, it’s fuckin’ hard to leave you.”
“Do you have to, Pal?”
He looks reluctant. “Unfortunately, yeah.”
Tilting my head, I query. “What types of things do you do, Pal?” I’ve never asked him before, but now we’ve been so intimate, surely there’s no need for secrets between us?
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