It’s sheer enjoyment, a luxury I’ve missed. I take my time, ignoring that my skin is wrinkling; it’s just so nice to lie back, knowing Theo is in good hands. I didn’t know how much I needed this moment to myself until I had it.
Mmm. This is so nice. It’s a shame I’ll need to get out soon; I swear, one by one, my muscles are unknotting as I let my arms drift weightless to the surface. In a state of total relaxation, I hear voices coming through the door. There are men in my room.
I come back to myself. My heart beats fast, then my brain kicks in, reassuring me. I’m safe in the compound. The men outside will only be Demon’s men. But what are they doing in the room that’s been assigned to me? Not really afraid, more curious, and slightly indignant, I rise from the bath, water cascading off me, then realise I’ve nothing to cover myself with but a towel. Having thought I was alone, I’d left my clothes outside, so they wouldn’t be dampened by the steam. Luckily, it’s a large bath towel. I wrap it around me. Then pause at the door, listening.
“Where the fuck does she keep it?”
They’re searching my room for something? I’ve no idea what, I’ve very little possessions here at all, nothing worth stealing. My temper rises. If they wanted something of mine, why didn’t they come and just ask?
Right. One, two… On the mental count of ‘three’ , I throw open the door, hard enough so it crashes against the wall before bouncing back. Three men jump, three faces carry identical startled expressions.
After a second, each shows a different emotion.
Cad is holding my purse, his hand rummaging inside. He looks guilty. Demon’s standing next to him looking annoyed, and Thunder is smirking. When Demon glances his VP’s way, he hurriedly steps forward, putting his body between me and the other two men.
Peering around him, I glare at the man holding my purse. “What are you doing with that? And you,” I prod Demon in the back. “I want the truth. What’s going on?”
He swings around, then averts his eyes as they land on the damp, bared skin above the towel tightly knotted over my breasts.
“Cad,” he tosses over his shoulder, “take the fuckin’ purse and get out. You too, Thunder.”
“Hey, that’s mine.” I try to go past Demon to stop Cad leaving the room with the bag holding all my personal possessions, but Demon moves to block my way. My glare has no effect, and my feeble attempts to budge him don’t work.
As the two men leave, Thunder tosses, “Good luck, Prez,” over his shoulder. That smirk I don’t understand and find myself wanting to smack off his face is still firmly in place.
“Speak. Now,” I demand, my temper getting the better of me as the door closes behind them. “What the hell are you doing with my purse? If you wanted something, you could just ask for it.”
I’ve little enough in there. But it’s personal. My face burns at the thought of Cad finding my tampons. Like any woman, I don’t carry much around. Only a few notes in my wallet, a couple of bank cards, my driver’s license. A spare diaper, pens, of course. A bit of makeup. An appointment card for Theo’s shots, a spare pacifier, a mirror, hand sanitizer, notebook, lip balm, tissues, band-aid, a few hundred receipts I just chucked in there. A few photographs of me and my mom in happier times, and God knows what else. Lots of things I’d be lost without. Oh, and my car keys, of course. Not that I can remember seeing them. I bet they’ve just gotten buried at the bottom; I’m always having to rummage to find them.
“I want it back, Demon.”
Demon pinches the brow of his nose, then says, wearily, “Put some clothes on, Vi. Didn’t know you were here, else we wouldn’t have disturbed you.”
“Obviously not,” I toss back angrily. “You’d prefer to come thieving when there was no one around.”
“Thieving? What the fuck, Vi? Cad’s not going to steal anything. You’ll get all your shit back.”
I snort. “That ‘shit’, as you so kindly put it, is private. No one should go into a woman’s purse.”
“Clothes, Vi,” he reminds me impatiently. “Got things I need to tell you, and I’d rather do it when you’re dressed.”
“Why?” I strike a pose to taunt him. “Can’t resist me?”
His hand slashes down through the air. “Vi,” he growls, warningly.
“Okay, okay.” I go to the drawer and extract a tank top and a pair of shorts that had been lent to me. I hadn’t bothered to pack much in my suitcase. “Which reminds me, Demon. I need clothes.”
“I’ll take you shopping soon, Vi. Promise.”
Back up. Two things there. One, that I’ll be allowed to go out, when I thought there was too great a risk of anyone seeing me, and the second he’s implied he’ll take me himself. Even my brother would have found some excuse to avoid clothes shopping. But knowing there’s some reason he won’t talk to me until I’m wearing less than the towel covers, I return to the bathroom, quickly throwing on my clean clothes, and tying my hair into a messy bun.
When I emerge, he nods approvingly and seems to relax, as if being in my room with me wearing only a towel discomfited him.
“Where’s Theo?”
“Out for the count. Jay and your mom have him.”
He startles when I mention Mo, but then recovers himself before I can think anything of it. “So, we’ve got time to talk.”
When I nod, he raises his chin as though pleased I’ve agreed. He starts to pace.
I’m not going to give him time to think of excuses. “Tell me, D. Why have you stolen my purse? I’m not going to be making a run for it.” Not that I’d get far with little more than loose change in my wallet.
“Vi, look. I didn’t want to worry you.” Again, his forefinger and thumb meet at the top of his nose. It’s a gesture he seems to use when he’s uncomfortable or when he’s thinking.
He’s going to worry me? Okay, so now I’m concerned. “I suggest you start talking.”
I perch on the end of the bed, pulling my legs up under me. Seated, I can better ignore the great difference in our height. With me in bare feet he probably has a good foot over my just below average for a woman height.
But instead of towering over me, he sits down by my side. Not close enough to touch or invade my personal space. If I was brave enough, I’d inch closer. My anger at the loss of my purse is starting to turn into something else as my heart beats faster at the realisation the man who attracts me so much is on my bed with me. The situation I’ve so often dreamed about. But that was back in the days when I was in my early teens, and him unobtainable. Now? I’m a woman. He’s a man. My son’s in good hands… For a second, I wonder what would have happened if I’d had the nerve to drop that towel. Would Demon have lost control at the sight of me?
Christ, who am I kidding? My body can’t compete with the likes of Titsy or Bella, or any of the whores come to think of it. They won’t have the baby fat I’m still carrying, nor the stretchmarks. He’s out of your league, Vi, forget it.
I sigh. Misinterpreting my action, Demon takes it as a sign of my impatience. “I met Don Lucio this morning. Angel’s father.” When I raise and dip my head, he continues, “A meeting to discuss club business.” His eyes flick to mine carrying a warning that I’m not to ask for more detail than that.
There’s a pause, a clenching of his teeth, then the admission, “Angel was there.”
My gut clenches like it always does when the name of my rapist is mentioned. I look away, then back. There’s a reason he’s telling me. He wouldn’t be bringing it up if it wasn’t important. I raise my gaze to meet his.
“I wanted to handle this without you knowing, Vi. Still could, I suppose; come up with some shit to keep you in the dark. Shit, I don’t know.”
I’ve not seen him like this before. Demon’s usually in such control, never at a loss for words.
“Just tell, me, D.”
A quick look, then, “No easy way of saying this, but he knows where you are, Violet. Where Theo is.” As my hand goes to my mouth to cover the gasp that
comes out, he carries on quickly, “That’s why Cad’s looking through your purse. We think he might have put a tracker in it.”
My initial thought is that I don’t give a damn about the how. I feel like I’m going to be sick, the knowledge Angel knows I’m in the compound has swept my feeling of comfort and safety away. I drop my head into my hands as realisation hits. He’s been tracking me. If that’s true, there’s no way I could have gotten away from him. Nowhere would have been far enough. I’d gotten rid of my phone. How the hell did Angelino...?
“I dropped my purse.” It comes back to me in a flash. “After the court hearing. One of his men bumped into me, everything spilled out. He picked up the stuff, shoved it back in and returned it. I didn’t think twice.” Damn it! “I thought I’d been clever, D, getting the new phone, changing my number.”
“I think odds are, knocking into you wasn’t an accident and he slipped something in at the same time. He obviously suspected you’d skip town once you knew he was after Theo and wanted to be able to track you. You weren’t to know, Vi.” Briefly, his hand touches mine. A brotherly gesture of support.
Raising my head, I meet his eyes again. “So it’s back to plan A. Cad destroys the tracker, and I disappear out of state.” I wouldn’t be able to visit my mother, ever. But she’s being well looked after, and it’s not as if she would know whether I was there or not. I think for a second, then get excited. “Or, can one of your men go on a long drive, take the tracker with him? Leave a false trail? Have him chasing his tail trying to find me while I’m going off in the other direction? That would work, wouldn’t it?”
His eyes grow dark, his cheeks pinched. He doesn’t seem as excited about the idea as I am. “Not going to happen, Vi. On your own, with a kid? Not going to happen.”
“But, Demon. Look, I researched him. I know how big the Silvestri family is, they’re the Mafia. And if they know where I am now ‒ oh, hell. I have to run, get out of here today…”
“I said no.” He stands and walks to the door. He doesn’t open it but turns and leans his back against it. “I promised Nathan I’d look out for you, and that’s what I’m going to do. This morning, words were said, put a plan into action.”
“What words and what plan?” My eyes narrow. What’s he talking about? I’m in a blind panic here, knowing I have to get away.
For a moment Demon seems more interested in his feet, then he looks up, meets my eye, then looks away again.
“I told Angel that Theo was my kid.”
“You did what?” I shout incredulously.
“Told him Theo was mine,” he repeats, patiently.
“He bought that?” My heart leaps for a second. As easy as that to get my rapist off my back? I’d always denied his parentage, but never thought to substitute another name. But there had been no man in the running, no friend I could call. I’d been out of state too long. “He believed you?”
“Nah,” Demon shakes his head. “But it has to have sown a seed of doubt. And…” he pauses. He straightens, walks over, and sits by my side again. “Vi, hear me out, okay? Give me a chance to tell you everything before you interrupt.”
Confused, I nod, wondering what else he’s going to tell me.
“I’m claiming Theo.” He says it as if it’s a major announcement.
“If Angelino thinks there’s a chance Theo isn’t his, then it can only help. D. I’ll happily say you’re the father if you’re sure you’re okay with that? Of course, I won’t ask you for anything, we’ll keep the lie between us. Perhaps Angelino will put less effort into getting a child that he must now doubt is his.” I begin to breathe easier. Yes, this help I can accept.
Demon puts his finger to my lips. “I asked you to hear me out, Vi.”
I nod and say nothing. I don’t know what else he has to tell me, but I’ll listen. He’s trying to help me after all.
“Did you put a father’s name on the birth certificate?”
I stay dumb.
“Vi, I asked you a question.”
“I thought you said I shouldn’t speak?”
He ‘humph’s exasperatedly. “Vi,” he growls.
“No, of course I didn’t,” I answer.
“Then we can get it changed. Add my name. There’s no problem if we both say the same thing. I’ve checked it out. Won’t take much to change it.” Again, he pinches his nose. “Vi, listen carefully. Whatever Angel threw up about your supposed background in court, it was evident he didn’t believe you’d jumped from his bed to mine. It was also clear I’d have to do something, say something, to convince him.”
Okay. I nod. Sitting forward, I wonder what he’s going to say next, interested to hear his idea.
“I told him we’d be getting married. We’ll do that this week. You can change the birth certificate to name me as the father at the same time. It will be harder for him to contest…”
My brain picks out one word on which to focus and I don’t hear anything else. Married. Married to Demon? Married to Dave, my brother’s best friend, who sees me as nothing more than a sibling? Married to Demon, the president of an MC?
My horrified answer comes fast. “No.”
“Vi, think about this.”
Now I’m the one throwing myself off the bed and frantically pacing the room. On my second pass, I halt and look directly at him. “I don’t need to think about it, Dave. You’re out of your freaking mind. Angelino isn’t going to fall for a sham of a marriage. We’d have to make it look real. We can’t pretend, it would have to be official. I don’t know how quickly we’d be able to divorce, either. You don’t even like me that way.”
“I don’t have to like you ‘that way’.” He uses air quotes. “It’s just pretence, Vi. We’ll live here in the compound, only my brothers will know we don’t share a bed. And there’ll be no divorce, not until I’m certain Angel’s no longer coming after the kid. If that’s until Theo is eighteen, well, that’s what I’ll be signing up for. I’ll be giving him protection until he no longer needs it. It’s what Nathan would have wanted. Me to make sure you were looked after.”
Moving a step closer, my finger prods him in his chest, punctuating every word. “Problem is, Dave, I’m not Nathan’s little sister any longer. I’m a grown woman. As a woman I have needs. You expect me to stay here, living in the compound, watching you go off with whores while I what? Lie in bed with a vibrator?”
“Vi!”
His jaw drops and his face grows red, but I’m not letting him get a word in. Not now. This is my turn to have the floor. “There’s better solutions, one which doesn’t tie me to you, or you to me. I’ll need your help to do it properly, but I’ve told you, I’ll change my name and leave.” It would break me. But to stay here in a sham of a marriage with a man I want who doesn’t want me? That’s an even worse alternative.
He grabs hold of my hands, strong fingers around mine, stilling them. “Marrying me means you can come out of hiding. Visit your mom. You really want to leave and never see her again?”
It seems he’s going to bring out every weapon in his armoury.
“No, of course I don’t. But as she doesn’t even remember she has a daughter, it’s not as bad as you’re making out, Dave. Look, I’m grateful to you for giving me breathing space to get my priorities straight. But I’m not going to marry you and that’s final. And don’t bring up this stupid supposed debt you owe to Nathan. I don’t need you stepping into the big brother role, I’ve done okay by myself up to now.”
He’s standing, towering over me, fury raging from those eyes which seem to be glowing, providing an insight as to how he got his handle. I wrench my hands out of his grasp and take a step back, and then another. He stalks me. When my back hits the door, there’s nowhere left for me to go.
“You’ve done alright? First you put yourself in the position of being raped, Vi.” I gasp, but he relentlessly continues, “If I’d been there for you, it wouldn’t have gone down the way it had. If you’d spoken to me, and I’d checked who you w
ere proposing to work for, I’d have told you the lay of the land before you put yourself in danger.”
“Stop right there!” I cry out. “No woman, ever, puts herself in the position of being raped. Nothing she does excuses a man. Is that what you’re doing, D? Absolving Angelino and putting it on me?”
“Fuck, Vi, I didn’t mean it like that.” His eyes roll. “I’m not blamin’ you, I’m blamin’ myself. Angelino should never have been able to get near you. I should have been there for you. If I’d known you were in financial difficulties, if you’d come to me, we could have sorted that shit out. But you lost your home, Vi, ended up homeless, with no money and a kid to support. Because I wasn’t there for you, your only option was to give him away to strangers. Should have fuckin’ been there. If Nathan had been alive, he’d have helped you out. So don’t try and tell me there’s no debt to repay.”
I make the mistake of looking at him. He’s leaning over me, one hand balanced on the door to the left of my head. I smell his breath, a mingling of mint and coffee. Feel it as he exhales, a warm huff against my cheek. I’m scared of the beast I’ve taunted and enraged, while I know he’d never hurt me. Even if such violence was within him, the respect he holds for my brother would hold him back. What frightens me is how much he’s made me aroused. My breathing is coming in pants, his chest is rising and falling as fast as my own. Momentarily we stare into each other’s eyes. Me, willing him to lower his lips and…
I come to my senses.
He’s never going to do something so intimate, and all because of the long past relationship between him and my brother. I may be hot for him, but he’s never going to have the same feelings. How could I exist in a loveless relationship, knowing he’s fucking other women when I’d rather he was fucking me? Never in a million years could I do that.
“No,” I tell him again.
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