I don’t reply. I go to say I’d have found a way to keep us together, but would I? Would I really? Or would I have sacrificed my own happiness to keep her alive? Only one answer to that question.
Prez hasn’t finished. “I don’t like the way she left like a thief in the night. My gut feel is that Lennox didn’t give her much choice.”
“Could have taken her at gunpoint. Threatened you? Threatened the club? Could have played on the fact that we’re an MC same as the Warped Jokers.”
“Ain’t nothing like them,” Buzzard objects.
Mace waves his hand in dismissal. “She’s a citizen. A few well-placed words about taking us down using the law could have got her on his side.”
Max takes the opportunity to nudge my knee with his nose. When my hand automatically reaches down, he licks it. What’s he trying to say?
I had a good woman once, no, I didn’t, but there was one I wanted. Only she had eyes for somebody else. Am I fated never to find anyone like Rock found Becca? Have to return to Tucson and live vicariously through the lives of my married brothers? I rub my chin absentmindedly. I don’t know what to think. One minute I want to race around like a headless chicken doing all I can to find her. The next, I want to forget she ever existed. Chances are, whatever I do I won’t be able to find her. That’s if she even wanted me to.
The table has gone silent, looking to me for direction. My gaze starts at the top, looking from Demon to Mace, then Thunder and Buzzard. Sparky has his head tilted to one side, Ink’s eyes are focused on a spot on the table in front of him. Rusty looks confused, Lizard and Cad just seem waiting on me to put forward my suggestions. Skull’s intrigued, and Hell just downright annoyed. Pyro and Bomber just seem poised to act on whatever decision I make. Pal, well he knows me better than anyone, his expression is sympathetic, as if he knows the turmoil in my head. Dan and Wills are keeping silent, too new to the table to challenge me.
What do I do? I’ve a club full of brothers who’d support any action I deem worth taking. If I say leave it, they will. I might not have my true brothers around me, but I know everyone here would have my back just the same.
“Beef?” It’s Pal who gets my attention. “She it for you?”
Giving a deep sigh, I reply, “I thought so.”
Paladin chuckles. “You know what the women are like, Beef. Seen enough of it in Tucson. See, we brothers think we’re the protectors, that we decide what’s up and what’s down. That we have all the answers. Trouble is, sometimes they think that way too. Way I see it, if you want my opinion?”
I nod, to show that I do. I value his input as much, if not more, than anyone’s.
“Well here it is. Stevie’s handicapped, no other way of looking at it. She’s limited as to what is in her power to do. I suspect it broke her to leave you, but she was persuaded it was in hers, and your best interest to go. What would happen if she just agreed not to testify? Jokers walk free, but she’d still remain a target. She has to go ahead and put them away, she’s been through too much shit to step back now.”
He’s right. “Even if she puts them away, she could still have their sights set on her.” I don’t add we all know what can be achieved even from behind bars.
Pal’s got more. “In her view her only option is to start anew once again. She’s already left her family behind. My guess is that leaving you will be killing her, but she’s got guts and will do what she has to do whatever the personal cost. She left her family, Beef. She’s wrenched herself away before, probably was no easier leaving you.”
“I was going to go with her,” I tell what not all of them know. “Turn in my patch, accept whatever beatdown I was given. I wanted to be there for her.”
Instead of outrage, my admission makes them go quiet. Surprisingly it’s Pyro, who I’d thought was disinterested, who’s first to respond. “It seems you don’t have a choice, Brother. You feel that much for her, put her above your loyalty to the club? Then you can’t turn your back on her now. She means too much to you.”
“But we’re not letting you go,” Thunder steps in. “Beatdown or not, know you too well, Beef. You might not have sat around this table long, but you live and breathe the club. What we need to do is find Stevie, and a way for you to have both. Satan’s Devils don’t walk away when the going gets hard.”
“Going gets hard?” I echo incredulously. “Impossible, more like what if the Wretched Soulz revoke our charter? I can’t be responsible for that.”
“No.” Demon appears to think he’s let everyone else speak for too long. “You can’t. But you can be responsible for your ol’ lady. Wretched Soulz would respect that.”
“What if she puts the Warped Jokers away?” I shake my head.
Hellfire has been quiet, thoughtful. Now it’s his turn to speak. “The worry has been that the Wretched Soulz don’t want the feds to get greedy. They take out one club, might set their sights on more. Seems to me, if we, and that’s the big ‘we’ including the dominant, are seen to be backing the Warped Jokers, we’re only confirming we turn a blind eye to, and support those committing, criminal activities. If, on the other hand, we come down on the side of right, feds got no reason to dig deeper to see if our blood runs the same.”
I have a new respect for Hellfire. He might be onto something.
Demon’s eyes sharpen as he looks at his father. “I’ll talk to RIP. You’ve made a good case, Hell. If we can get the Wretched Soulz to revoke the Warped Jokers’ charter rather than ours, it could send a message they’re out on their own, on the inside as well as out.”
If that works, Stevie might be safe. She might be able to return to her old life. But would that be with me, or back with her folks? Could she just step back into a life she left?
It’s Pal who seems able to read my mind. “If you love her, Beef, really love her. You’ll want what’s best for her.”
His words make me feel selfish. Here I am thinking about my loss without giving a moment to think about hers. Do I love her? Her image floats in front of my eyes. Her voice echoes in my ears. Her courage, her ability to do so much more than I ever imagined. Her bravery, her independence, the way I feel when I’m inside her, or simply holding her, breathing in her smell, the way she makes me feel, all comes to mind.
Placing my hand over my heart, I give them the answer. “I feel her, in here.” My fist taps my chest. “I’ve been looking for something, didn’t realise I’d found it. Yeah, Pal,” I raise my chin toward him, “I love her.” Then my voice hardens. “And I’m fuckin’ scared shitless what’s happening to her. Need to know she’s alright. Need to know Lennox is doing right by her.” I let my heartfelt words sink in, then, aware I’m taking over but unable to stop myself, I start issuing orders. “Cad, get together with Mouse and find out who the hell found the information on Max’s tracker. Prez, you meet with the Wretched Soulz. I’ll get onto Drummer, see if I can locate Devil—Jason Deville—he’s a consultant. Works with the feds but has been on our side before. He may be able to find shit out we can’t.”
Demon’s mouth is quirked. “You quite finished, Brother?”
I feel my cheeks burn. “Yeah.”
“Okay,” he grins. “Seems like Beef here has issued instructions. Looks like a number of us have been assigned work. The rest of you, anything you can think of, any trace you can find of Lennox’s car, anything that might help…”
“We’ll be on it, Prez,” Thunder confirms.
“Right. Let’s find our brother’s woman and bring her home.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
Leaving church, I find Dan waiting for me outside the room. He shifts a little awkwardly and obviously has something to say. I raise my chin to encourage him.
“Didn’t want to speak up in there, but just wanted to say, Beef, anything I can do to help, just holler.”
Another jerk of my chin, this time in appreciation. “You’re not a prospect now, Dan.”
A quick grin. “I know. Still seems odd. Finding my place, yo
u know?”
Prospecting’s so far in my rearview I’d almost forgotten what it was like to first sit at the table. Now I dredge through my memory and remember. Yeah, sure, first it’s elation at now having a seat at the table, but then it’s a bit disconcerting as you’re not quite sure where you fit.
He’s offered, I’ll accept. “I’m going to call Drummer. See if we can dig up some leads within the feds. You wanna sit in?”
He’s eager. “Sure.”
I look back into the meeting room, now deserted. “Seems as quiet a place as any.”
When he follows me inside, I take the phone I’d collected from the box outside the room, stare into it until it recognises my features, then click on a contact and set it on the table.
“Whaddyawant, Beef?”
“Prez. It’s Stevie.” After telling him who’ve I’ve got in the room, I go onto explain what’s been going on.
“You think she went willingly?”
I shrug. Though he can’t see my gesture, he probably can hear the frustration in my voice. “Hard to tell. There was a note that she apparently dictated…”
“She got a phone? She could have texted you.”
Yeah. A point that’s been worrying me. She could have. “Her phone was left here. Presumably so we couldn’t track it.”
“You got Cad onto it?”
“Yeah, he should be talking to Mouse now. All we know is that she left with Lennox…”
“No. You don’t know that. That’s what the note said.”
My eyes meet Dan’s wide ones. Drummer’s right. “She wouldn’t have gone with anyone else.”
“Not willingly, no. Have you guys got security cameras?”
Dan gestures to himself and then the door. I nod. He gets up, presumably to go and ask Cad.
Dan’s back in seconds. “First thing Cad did was check the cameras on that side of the building but they didn’t show anything. The footage from the gate shows the car had blacked-out windows. We don’t know who was driving it.”
“Fuck,” Drummer and I say at the same time. “Lennox’s number in her phone?”
“I asked. Cad said no,” Dan inserts.
She probably hadn’t committed it to memory and put it on the burner. All she had was mine and the brothers.
“I don’t know what I can do from here that Demon and his brothers can’t,” Drummer gently admonishes me. I suppose he thinks it’s a betrayal that I’m not relying on my brothers in this chapter.
“There’s one thing, Prez. Devil. He in the US?”
“Devil?” He’s quiet for a moment. “Man’s as elusive as a pink elephant in heat. Last I heard he’d gone back to the UK. What’s on your mind? His contacts with the feds?”
“Be useful if he could check Lennox out.”
“Yeah. Okay. Can’t rightly remember if at this point we owe him a favour or the other way around, but we’ve done enough for him in the past that he might feel inclined to take a look. I’ll get on it.”
I thank him and am about to ring off—Drummer not being someone for unnecessary small talk—when he says, “I’ll do everything I can to find your girl, Beef. If you feel half for her what I feel for Sam, I’d be climbing the walls knowing she’s in the wind.”
It’s becoming easier for me to admit it. “I do, Drum. I do.”
I end the call and look at Dan. “Cad say he’s got anything useful?”
He shakes his head. “What do you know about the court case, Beef? You mentioned it was in a couple of months. Where is it? What court? I know two months is a long time, but if the marshals do the job that they should, she’ll turn up then for certain.”
Fuck me. He’s right. I look at him with new respect. We might not know where she is now but we do know where she’ll be in a few weeks. Won’t be hard finding the court details. They’ll be public record. Though is he proposing that I wait six or seven weeks before I find out whether she’s okay? If she’s even still alive? Could I sit on my hands doing nothing in the meantime? Nah. “I can’t wait, Dan.”
“No,” he agrees, “you can’t. But there’s another angle Cad and Mouse could search. See if the lawyers are still acting on the assumption she’s going to appear.”
If Mouse can’t hack into a court computer system, he knows someone who can. Cara.
“Good point, Dan.” I commend him while thinking what the fuck I’d do if her name had been removed from that witness list.
I feel like slapping myself around the face for accepting things at face value earlier today and being prepared to think I’d lost her. Even if she thought she was doing the right things, it would be all for the wrong reasons.
I stare at the new member for a moment. “How did you think of the court? You got experience?”
“Nah,” he laughs, but there’s no joy in it. “Or not in the way that you think. Managed to stay out of trouble with the law so far. My old man was a judge. Not that I knew him. One-night stand with my ma. But she always hoped I’d take after him. At least I didn’t take after her.”
“No?” There’s more. I can sense it.
“Nah,” he repeats. “Found earning her living on her back was easier than doing an honest day’s work. Got herself killed when I was eleven. I ended up in the system. No one cared about my education then.”
“Judge,” I say, half to myself. Then I slap him on the back. “How’s about making you one, now? Judge as your handle.”
His eyes move heavenwards, and a smile comes over his face. “Christ, what a joke. I don’t mind. Think Prez will go along with it?”
I have a feeling that Demon won’t give a fuck. I’ve taken a liking for the lad, already suspecting he’s got intelligence, showing he’d picked up more of his dad’s traits than he did his mom’s. His background isn’t surprising, like so many cast adrift at such a young age, a family is all they long for. Belonging to an MC gives them what they’ve never had. Men like that can be trusted to have your back. They’re never going to fuck up the one chance they have.
“Beef? You around?” Demon’s voice bellows from the direction of the clubroom.
Dan—Judge—leaps up. “I’ll go…”
“Not a prospect anymore. You don’t need to run at everyone’s beck and call. Come on, we’ll both go see what he wants.”
What Demon wants is to let me know he’s set up a meeting with RIP, and that it’s going to happen fast. He’s meeting him and his VP at a local bar tomorrow. The speed is good. If we can get the dominant off Stevie’s back, then it’s one less thing I have to worry about. I’ll be able to make plans for Stevie and me. After I find her, of course.
“Hey, Demon.” I follow him back into his office, shutting the door behind me. “Who’s going to be at the meet from our side?”
“You want to be there.” It’s a statement so I jerk my chin. Try and keep me away. “I need someone to have my back.”
Again, a statement. Reminding me that that’s my role. Stand there and look ugly, intimidating. Not for the first time I wish I was seen as more than a muscular body and a threatening face.
But he surprises me. “Thunder won’t want to go, so you’ll stand at my side. RIP knows he isn’t my permanent VP so there’ll be no surprise there. But for a third? I was thinking…”
“Judge.”
He looks perplexed as well he might.
“I’ve just given a road name to Dan.”
“Story there?”
There is. But it isn’t mine to tell. I raise my chin.
“Judge. Yeah, I like it. Kid’s got a good head on his shoulders. Yeah, okay. About time we brought him on board.”
I grab a chair, turn it around, and sit with my hands clasped over the back. “How we going to play this, Prez?”
“You heard Hell.” He grins. “Don’t mind using my old man’s experience when it helps, but I don’t want him there. My show now. Anyway, Hell’s busy trying to keep himself out of the shit he passed on. You present it as your idea. Can you do that, Beef?”
“You sure? You seemed a bit uncertain, earlier.”
“Got issues, Prez. Needed a kick to get my head out of my ass. But yeah, I’m fine.”
A searching look, then a nod. “Best get Dan, Judge, ready then. Brief him on what to do, will you?”
I can do that. After all, it’s what I’ve been doing all my life.
After a sleepless night with a restless Max by my side, I’m more than ready to get to the meet the next day.
I’ve heard of RIP’s reputation, who hasn’t? There are various rumours about how he got his name. My personal favourite, and I think his, and why he insists his name be spelled in capitals, is that he gained it from being the last thing he says before offing someone. The more likely is that it’s short for Ripper, as his legal first name is Jack. It’s true that before he rose through the ranks I’ve heard him referred to as Ripper, so am pretty certain the second is closest to the truth. Still, who would want to argue with a Wretched Soulz prez?
I’m reminded of how much he likes theatre when, having left Beaver, the prospect minding the bikes, Demon, myself and the newly named Judge, walk into the bar, quickly seeing a trio of men sitting at a corner table. The others in the vicinity are left vacant, even though the place is busy.
RIP, president of the Colorado chapter of the Wretched Soulz stands and reaches out his hand, clasping Demon’s by the elbow and then pulling him in to slap his back. Next, he turns to me, his eyebrow raised quizzically. “RIP. R.I.P.” He spells out his name with a grin.
“Beef.” I shake his hand.
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