He reappears from the kitchen and sits down next to me.
‘Sure,’ he says lightly.
I pause, the statement spinning around my mind like it has been all day.
‘I don’t think Rachel is very happy,’ I say.
I glance up at him, expecting him to frown or at least look shocked by my statement, but his face doesn’t move.
‘I think she’s lonely,’ I continue. ‘I think Danny might have been away for a while.’
I pause. I’ve decided not to ask him outright if Danny and Rachel have split. If she hasn’t told me, then I’m not sure she will have told anyone.
‘I don’t think I’ve been a very good sister to her,’ I add.
This time I don’t dare look at him, and my face burns as I say the words out loud. A part of me is hoping he might defend me and try and shut the conversation down, but he just listens. I am half grateful.
‘So I want to do something for her,’ I say, ‘to show her how much people care about her, and maybe, like, perk her up.’
My eyes flit up to Isaac. He looks back at me, waiting.
Why isn’t he saying anything?
‘I’m going to throw her a surprise birthday party,’ I say, the wave of excitement I felt when I first thought of the idea rising through me. ‘In her house. I want to invite her friends and that Peggy woman I met the other day, and you and I’ll be there too, and I don’t know,’ I shrug, ‘I think it would be nice.’
I fold my hands into each other, and as I beam at Isaac, a look of panic flashes across his face.
‘Really?’ he says. ‘I don’t know if she’d like that.’
I feel a stab of annoyance.
I know I haven’t seen her in a while, but she is my sister and I think I know her better than he does.
‘She will,’ I say confidently. ‘I’ll make it perfect for her.’
‘And when do you think you’ll throw this party?’
‘Early next week,’ I say. ‘I think Tuesday – that’s my day off. I’ll come back from London for it. I’ll wait for her to take Bruno out and then I’ll get everyone in her house. I’ll just keep hold of her spare key for a few more days.’
At this, Isaac’s expression changes. I can almost see a thousand thoughts running across his face.
‘You’re going back to London, then?’
I pause, feeling my smile twitch.
‘Of course I am,’ I say, trying to keep my voice light. ‘My whole life is there.’
‘I’m not.’
A dart of fear stabs my chest, but I will myself to keep smiling.
No. He’s trying to talk about it. Why is he trying to talk about it? Can’t we just sit in blissful ignorance for a few more hours?
‘Well that’s why we’re not a couple,’ I say. ‘You know, it’s been fun seeing you again these last few days, but—’
I break off as Isaac grabs my hands.
‘Katy,’ he says, ‘don’t try and tell me that these last few days have just been a bit of fun. It was more than that. Or it was for me.’
He stares down at my hands and I feel my neck prickle.
I want to tell him how it was for me too. I want to be honest. I want to just stop lying to him, but as I meet his eyes, I feel my chest tighten. I can’t do it. How can I admit to him that these past few days with him have been the happiest I’ve had in years? That I’ve never felt anything even close to this since we broke up? He’d try and persuade me to move back here, and I can’t do that. I have no purpose in Wales any more. I don’t belong here.
‘Well it was just fun for me!’ I hear myself laugh. ‘Come on, Isaac. We’re adults now.’ I pull my hands away.
‘I don’t believe you.’ He shakes his head. ‘I love you, Katy. I thought I’d got over you, but seeing you again made me realise I never stopped loving you. I know you feel it too. You can’t walk away from this.’
I stare back, unable to say anything. Then Isaac moves his head towards me and kisses me. His lips are soft, and I stay rigid for a second before allowing myself to sink into the kiss. I take a breath as he grips his hands onto my head and kisses me harder, and the feelings I have been fighting since I saw him again break free and rush over my body. Suddenly I feel my wrist vibrate. Without quite meaning to, I pull away.
‘Sorry,’ I say breathlessly, gesturing to the watch.
Isaac hovers, his face scrunched into a scowl.
As I go to turn the watch off, Fiona’s name flashes on the screen and I feel my stomach drop.
‘It’s my boss,’ I say quietly, my eyes flying over the email. ‘She wants me back in London asap.’
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
RACHEL
I smooth down my top as I walk down the garden path towards Fiona’s impressive home. William and Jasmine’s bedroom light is on, and I can see Fiona sitting in the kitchen next to William. I feel a warm glow. This house feels more like a home than mine has for the past two years. Grandma took the last flicker of life with her when she died. I didn’t realise how much I loved being part of a family until I slotted myself into Fiona’s. My chest aches at the thought of leaving tomorrow and returning to my cold, empty cottage. Alone, again.
I feel the baby squirm around and place my hand on my bump.
Well, I won’t be alone for much longer.
As I lift my hand to knock on the French doors that lead into the kitchen, William spots me and springs to his feet, abandoning the picture he was colouring in. I smile as he tugs on the door and throws his arms around me, his blonde head resting on my bump and his little arms only reaching me.
‘Rachel!’ he cries, letting me go. ‘Look, look, I’ve been drawing you.’
He tugs me towards the table and Fiona smiles at me as Jasmine thunders down the stairs. She is head to toe in white and has half a set of cat’s whiskers painted on her face.
‘Rachel!’ she says, interrupting William, who is trying to show me his drawing. ‘Mummy said that you’re leaving tomorrow and we have to say goodbye to you!’
She looks at me indignantly, as though what Fiona has told her is a downright lie and she’s expecting me to unveil the truth.
‘Don’t be so rude,’ Fiona scolds. ‘How about, hello, Rachel how are you? Would you like a cup of tea or a biscuit?’ She rolls her eyes at me and small patches of pink form on Jasmine’s cheeks.
‘It’s my school play today,’ she gabbles. ‘Mummy, Daddy and William are all coming to watch me. I’m playing a cat.’
‘You look great,’ I smile.
‘Look,’ William says again, tugging on my sleeve as I sink down onto a bench. ‘Look what I drew today.’
He pushes the picture in front of me and I feel as though he’s thrown a bucket of ice water in my face.
It’s a drawing of a stick woman with glasses and lots of dark hair. She’s holding something in her arms and standing in front of a purple house next to a male stick figure. At the top, large wonky letters spell out:
RACHEL AND HER BABY
I swallow, a lump forming in my throat as I realise that a seven-year-old has a better grasp of my reality than I do.
‘That’s you,’ William says proudly, pointing a finger at the stick woman, ‘and that’s your baby.’
‘Do you really live in a purple house?’ Jasmine says, her eyes wide as she stares at the drawing. ‘Mummy said you did.’
‘No,’ Fiona says, getting to her feet and flicking the kettle on. ‘I said it might be nice for Rachel to live in a purple house, as it’s her favourite colour.’
‘How do you know that?’ I say.
‘You wear purple every day!’ Jasmine squeals. ‘I noticed because it’s my favourite colour too.’
She sticks her chest out boldly and William shoves the drawing closer to my face.
‘Do you like it, Rachel?’ he says, trying to push Jasmine out of the way. ‘That’s your husband,’ he adds, jabbing his finger at the stick man.
I look down at the drawing, my heart thuddi
ng.
‘What’s his name?’ Jasmine asks.
‘Danny,’ I say, my mouth dry.
‘Right.’ Fiona claps her hands together. ‘Let’s make Rachel a tea, shall we? Jasmine, have you given her your present?’
Jasmine jumps as if Fiona has given her a small electric shock and turns on the spot to bolt up the stairs. Fiona places a steaming mug in front of me and rests her head in her hands before quickly jabbing something into her phone.
‘Don’t do this to me,’ she mutters under her breath.
I smile and look down at William, who is still holding his drawing out to me expectantly. I give him a squeeze.
‘Thank you,’ I say, trying to control the lump swelling in my throat. ‘I will cherish this drawing forever. I’ll put it on my fridge.’
‘Oh!’ Fiona coos, her head snapping up from her phone as she ruffles William’s hair. ‘On the fridge! That’s a prime spot, isn’t it, William?’
She winks at him and then jumps as her phone vibrates aggressively across the table. She snatches it up and charges out of the kitchen. William’s large eyes follow her for a second as her loud, furious mutters fade, and I quickly pick up his drawing.
‘I would love to live in a purple house,’ I say, smiling at him as he moves his gaze away from the kitchen door. ‘I think that would be great. What colour house would you like to live in?’
He cocks his head to one side and looks up, as though every colour he knows is flying above his head.
‘I don’t know,’ he says. ‘I like so many colours.’
‘How about a rainbow house?’
He grins. ‘Yeah!’ he cries. ‘A big rainbow house with a slide!’
I laugh as Jasmine crashes back into the room, her little hands squashed into fists, which she springs open to reveal two beaded bracelets.
‘I made us friendship bracelets,’ she says, ‘so you won’t forget me.’
I look down at the bracelets, one made with fat pink beads and the other mirroring it in purple. I hold out my hand and she pushes the purple bracelet onto my wrist and shoves the pink one on her own, grinning at our matching jewellery.
‘Don’t you worry about that,’ I say, staring down at the bracelets, ‘I will never forget you.’
Jasmine sticks her chest out proudly as Fiona reappears, her body slouched over like a balloon with no air. Her phone is now hanging by her side and her face is sullen. She sinks into a chair and takes hold of Jasmine’s hands, turning her towards her.
‘Mummy, look!’ Jasmine cries. ‘Rachel likes the bracelet!’
‘That’s wonderful, darling.’
I try to catch Fiona’s eye to ask if she’s okay, but she keeps staring at Jasmine.
‘Jasmine, sweetheart,’ she says quietly, ‘I’ve got some bad news, I’m afraid.’
Jasmine stares back at her, eyes wide and expectant.
‘Daddy has to work late again,’ Fiona says, her voice tired. ‘He can’t come to the school play.’
I feel my chest ache for a moment, and when I hear Jasmine burst into tears, it feels as though my heart has snapped clean in two. I notice William hovering behind his sister and I smile at him. At this, he steps towards me and rests his head on my bump.
‘But he promised,’ Jasmine cries, fat tears spilling down her round cheeks. ‘He said he wanted to see my costume. He said he’d put it in his diary.’
Fiona looks back at Jasmine, and for a second it seems as if she’s about to cry, too.
‘We’ll send him a picture, and I’ll film it so that we can all watch it together,’ Fiona says, wiping the tears off Jasmine’s face.
‘Rachel, are you coming?’
William lifts his head from my bump and blinks up at me, and I notice that Jasmine has stopped crying and is looking at me too, waiting for my answer. I quickly steal a glance at Fiona, expecting her to shake her head apologetically, but she just looks back at me.
‘Well if you’d like me to come, Jasmine,’ I say, ‘I’d love to.’
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
KATY
I lean on the side of Isaac’s bath, my heart ringing in my ears as I read the message for the third time.
Hi, I know this is a bit weird, but Fiona has asked me to go watch Jasmine in the school play and I can’t say no. Hope that’s okay.
I feel a shock of nerves flit through me as I picture the two of them drinking wine together and chatting about life.
I knew she’d end up speaking to Fiona. Even if Rachel listened to my every word (which she never does), Fiona would have found her. She joked about not being able to survive without me, so I knew that as soon as she spotted a cardboard cut-out of myself sitting in my cabin, she’d see it as a replacement for the week. An even better version, in fact. Rachel wouldn’t bore her by reminding her of meetings she needs to attend and contracts she needs to sign. Rachel didn’t screw up the most important event for her company. If anything, she’d be the perfect upgrade.
But I didn’t expect it to go this far. I thought maybe they’d share one dinner, and then Rachel would make her excuses. Not end up going to Jasmine’s school play. I mean, what is she doing? Does Fiona know what’s wrong with her? Has Rachel confided in her?
I sigh.
Rachel’s message was a welcome distraction from Fiona’s email. I switched the watch off and told Isaac I didn’t want to talk about going back to London, but I could tell by the look in his eyes that he wasn’t about to let it go. He’d just asked me to stay in Wales with him, and I hadn’t replied. I hadn’t said yes.
I bring Fiona’s email up again, and my heart turns over.
Hi Katy, sorry for not replying sooner. I think we need to talk about a few things. Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. I need you back ASAP!
I read it again, a feeling of dread filling my body.
I think we need to talk about a few things.
What things? What does that mean? That could mean anything. Is she going to offer me the job in the office, or fire me? All I know is that I need to get back to London. I can’t believe I took my eye off the ball and allowed myself to get swept up in Isaac and all those bloody relaxing walks. Why wasn’t I checking my emails? I was on the cusp of a promotion, the job I’ve wanted for years! What was I thinking?
I’ve been in the bathroom for about ten minutes now, not that I think Isaac will particularly notice. He’ll be pretending to wash up.
My phone vibrates next to me and I look down at a text message from Ellie.
Hi Katy, lovely to see you earlier. Surprise party for Rachel sounds like a great idea! I can do Tuesday evening. I’ll bring some of the other girls, they all miss Rachel too! Let me know what time x
For a second, I almost forget about the looming email from Fiona and smile at the phone. I don’t care what Isaac says, there is something not right with Rachel. I’m not sure I can fix it, but maybe this party will make it a little bit better.
I pull myself to standing and catch sight of myself in the mirror. The carefree face of three hours ago has gone, and the frown line across my forehead has returned. I stare at it, my chest pounding.
When did that come back?
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
RACHEL
I shuffle in the tiny plastic chair, wincing as I hear it groan under my weight.
Why oh why have they put the children’s chairs out for us to sit on? What adult is the same weight as an eight-year-old? Don’t they have any normal-sized chairs in this school? All I’ll have to do is sneeze and it will snap in half, leaving me scrabbling on the floor like an upturned beetle.
‘I can’t see,’ William moans, craning his head from left to right. Fiona hoists him onto her lap and rolls her eyes at me.
‘Thank you so much for doing this,’ she says. ‘We were about to have a proper meltdown.’
I shift again as the baby jabs its elbow into my ribs. Fiona catches my expression and smiles sympathetically.
‘God, I’m sorry,’ she says, ‘dra
gging you to this when you’re so pregnant. All you should be doing is lying down and having people bring you chocolate.’
I laugh, placing my hands over the bump to try and calm the baby down.
‘It’s fine,’ I say. ‘I just might cry while watching it. I’m so hormonal, anything seems to set me off. I cried watching Cash in the Attic the other day.’
William screws up his face. ‘My granny watches that.’
I laugh. ‘Exactly.’
‘Well if you need to step out, that’s totally fine.’
Hmph. Like I’ll be able to get out of this chair by myself.
I take out my phone. Katy hasn’t texted me back, not that I’m surprised. I’ve practically ignored all her requests since I arrived, but me going to a precious family event with her boss is probably enough to make her head explode.
I’ll try and call her tomorrow to explain.
My chest tightens as I remember I’m going home tomorrow. I have to tell her the truth soon; I’m running out of time.
‘Ah!’ Fiona says, as the lights go down and the light murmur from the audience dies away. William straightens his back, pulling himself as tall as he can in order to see. As the teacher finishes the introduction and the children troop on stage, my eyes scan the rows until I spot Jasmine. She’s on the far left of the stage, her shoulders pushed back and her eyes fixed defiantly on the audience. As the piano tinkles and the children start singing, I feel my throat swell. I glance across at Fiona, embarrassed at myself for crying when they’ve only just started, and notice that her face is already wet.
*
Fiona clicks the handbrake up and looks into the rear-view mirror. She smiles at me and I follow her gaze. Both William and Jasmine are fast asleep, their heads lolling from side to side like abandoned puppets.
‘We were only driving for fifteen minutes,’ Fiona says.
I smile. ‘Must be all the excitement.’
She nods. ‘And all the drama.’
The play lasted about forty minutes, and seemed to be an odd version of Puss in Boots, which explained why Jasmine was dressed as a cat. The hall was jam-packed with beaming parents (one of whom climbed onstage with a little boy who almost cried after forgetting his lines), and the roof nearly flew off when the curtain came down.
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