by Adaeze Okoli
“Hungry?” She asked.
Food always could make me happy. Mom use to say the fat Buddha was trapped inside me with the way I liked to eat. My stomach growled at the slightest mention of food. I nodded my head up and down before I said anything. Finally I was able to utter the words out of my mouth.
“Yes, of course. I’m always ready to eat.”
With a slight smile on my face, I told her about the fat buddha my mom claimed was trapped inside me.
Trinity laughed, “I know, I saw the buddha come out when you were eating dinner at my house.” I shook my head.
“No that was the hunger of a guy who had been eating T.V dinners for months, get it correct.”
We laughed boisterously together. Trinity and I always seemed to be laughing with each other. I never use to laugh like this unless I was having fun with my mom. If Trinity and I continue to hang around each other, their going to be able to hear our laughs a mile away. No doubt, we’ll be the best friends that you see on T.V. Always annoying everyone around them because they laugh too much.
Trinity pulled inside an IHOP parking lot. What an unusual choice. I loved IHOP, I didn’t get to go often though because my mom preferred Denny’s. I thought IHOP was a weird choice for Trinity. I thought this was a place for your average working-class people. Not rich people like the Kings. I watched Trinity get out of her truck. Trinity had to do a little hop to get out, her legs wouldn’t reach otherwise. Today, Trinity had an outfit on that was much more coordinated than the night before. She was wearing ripped black jeans, a red thick strapped tank top, black sandals with jewelry on the side. She went out without makeup today. Which was interesting to see because Trinity is always seen with makeup on at school. Her hair was put into a big messy bun. I loved this simple look, she didn’t have to do much to look beautiful. I was caught up in her beauty.
Trinity waited for me to get out the truck. She had a mischievous look on her face. What was she up to I wondered. Trinity punched me on the arm.
“Race you to the front door.”
Trinity took off running. She tried beating me to the front door of the restaurant, but she failed miserably. It was cute to see her try and beat me. Her legs couldn’t keep up with mine though, that and her pants were most likely a bit too tight. One wrong move and she would have ripped them.
Trinity was completely out of breath.
“How did that short distance of a run exhaust you?”
She was bent over holding onto her sides a bit.
“Leave me alone dude, I’m out of shape.”
She tried laughing but ended up coughing.
“Take it easy, besides you should have known you were too short to keep up with me.”
Trinity looked upset by me calling her short.
“Hey, I’m not short. I’m the average height of a female.”
I laughed, “Yeah? Says who?”
Trinity rolled her eyes at me, “Whatever.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
I opened the doors to IHOP. The delicious smell of maple syrup made my mouth water. We waited for a waiter to take us to get seated. I was more than ready to order food. My stomach let me know it was time to eat by growling again. Trinity and I sat down at our table. I started fidgeting with a crack that was in the old fake leather seat. I pulled up some of the synthetic material. When I looked up, I saw Trinity’s eyes were meeting mine. She was doing that thing again. The thing where her eyes are searching deep within me, but for what? I wanted to tell her what I discovered my dad doing last night. But I wasn’t too certain if it was even something worth mentioning. Trinity came from a perfect family, what would she know about anything that has to do with a broken home. She could listen, and try to understand, but as hard as she may try she’ll never grasp what I’m telling her. Who else do I have to tell about this though? She’s all I have currently.
“So, last night after you dropped me off. My dad, I caught him with another woman. I walked in on him and her on the couch together.”
Trinity twirled her fork around in her hands. She opened her mouth as if she were about to speak, but no words came from Trinity. This wasn’t the best time to mention yesterday’s events. But I needed to talk to someone. Anyone who could hear me out. I could imagine how awkward this whole situation must be for Trinity. I watched her reach for her orange juice. She took a good couple of sips before speaking.
“Were they sitting on the couch together, or…” she trailed off.
“No, I wish that’s all they were doing. I still would have been mad that he had another woman in the house. But that would have been better than what I saw. The woman was half undressed, and my father was naked.”
Trinity’s eyes bulged when she heard the words naked.
“Oh my gosh, but didn’t you say that your mom passed away the other day?” I nodded my head yes.
“He was having an affair?” Trinity asked.
“Yup,” I exhaled.
“Are you ok?” Trinity asked.
“Nope, nowhere near it,” I responded.
“My heart felt like it was being ripped out. It hurts to know that my father could even consider doing something as awful as this to my mom. She was always so good to him, tended to his every need, worked, and loved him without limits. How could he be so cruel to her? The worst part about this is I know, even as my mom lay there in the hospital bed. Taking her last few breaths, she thought of him. She loved my dad up until the day she died. And he couldn’t even show up or call her to say he loves her.”
Trinity’s eyes looked so sad and hurt. They looked heavy, it was as if my sorrow had transferred over to her.
“He couldn’t even make a thirty minute appearance at the hospital the day of their anniversary. He promised her and me that he would be there. And my father never showed up. The nurses got my mom dolled up, only for her to end up being disappointed. But it’s ok, at least the nurses stayed behind to celebrate with my mom.”
I reached into my wallet and pulled out the photo from that day. Trinity gasped,
“Peter, your mom was stunning. She looked so gorgeous. I for sure would be able to tell you’re her son. You both have the same fair skin and eyes. I’m sure your mom was still happy that you showed up on that day. I know she appreciated your support.”
Trinity put a forkful of food on her utensil and took a bite.
“Your mom was beautiful, and I know she was lucky because she had an amazing son like you on her side. What your dad did was terrible. But everyone deals with grief in a different way. I’m sure he still loved her.”
I swallowed the food that was in my mouth.
“People who love each other don’t cheat while the other is dying in the hospital.” The tone in my voice was spiteful and mean. Trinity didn’t know what else to say, she knew I was right. There was no use of her trying to deny it.
Silence fell between the two of us. Trinity scraped the side of her plate with her fork. I had ordered three chocolate chip pancakes, with hash browns and scrambled eggs. My stomach growled once again, giving me another warning sign to feed him. I looked over at Trinity’s plate, she had already made a dent in her pancakes and ate her eggs. I decided not to say anything else. I started eating and it wasn’t until then that I noticed how hungry I was. I almost cleaned off my whole plate in under ten minutes. Once I slowed down my eating, which was hard to do with this type of appetite I stopped and stared. What else could you do in a situation such as this?
I picked up my fork and started to eat again, and then I stopped once more to stare. I looked at her. There was no denying I was immersed in her beauty. Trinity. She was still eating, so she hadn’t noticed my staring. I had never seen someone so goddess like. She could have no makeup on, a horrible outfit and still my heart would skip a beat looking at her. I looked away and finished my food. I decided to ask Trinity about the slight tension I saw with her mom the other day.
“So not being rude or anything, but are you and your mom okay? I saw you seemed
upset at her the other day, and when she went in to you’re your cheek, you stopped her.”
Trinity’s eyes fell down to her plate.
“Oh, that.”
Trinity started to scrap the side of her plate at a faster plate, which made a louder noise. She chewed her toast then drank some of her water. You could tell this isn’t a question she was prepared for, she didn’t want to answer what I asked. What could have happened between them? My question caused her so much agitation. Trinity cleared her throat, still not answering the question.
“You know Trinity, it’s okay. You don’t have to answer the question. I didn’t mean to offend you. I wanted to make sure you were okay. That’s all.”
Trinity stopped scraping her plate and began to tap her finger on the table. I felt bad for causing Trinity so much distress. I wanted to offer her a chance to talk, and get things off her chest, like she had allowed me to. But I guess that doesn’t work on everyone. Finally she spoke.
“She’s not my mom, that’s Trey’s mother.”
I kept a straight face, I gave her all my attention as she spoke. This news was shocking to hear. Trinity’s life was perfect. The perfect home, perfect social life, so it would only make sense for her to have a perfect family as well. Did her mother die like mine? I couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact she didn’t have her birth mom. I mean my father was a cruel man to my mom, but divorce was never on the radar. I couldn’t imagine having a woman come into my home and expect me to call her mom. Especially not a women like Jessica.
“Trey’s mom is always trying to fill the spot of my mother, I know she has good intentions, but she tries too hard. She never gave me a chance to warm up to her. As soon as she married my dad she expected me to call her mom.”
Trinity took another sip of her water before she spoke again.
“I never got the chance to know my own mom. And I’m still trying to come to terms with that. I don’t have a relationship with my own mom, so how do you expect me to have a relationship with you? What if as soon as I get attached to my dad’s new wife she decides to up and leave like my biological mom. People do that you know? The moment you get attached to someone, they have the power to destroy you. You give them the option to stay or leave, and oftentimes people leave. That happens to me a lot, and it first started with my mom. My mom left me and dad when I was five. My birth mom’s words to my dad were that she’s not ready to settle down and be a mom. That having a kid was too much to deal with, being a wife was not the lifestyle she wanted. She wanted to be free. She said my dad and I were the reason she wasn’t happy in life. Imagine not knowing your mother own mom, but the one thing you do know about her is that she despised you. My mom claimed I was the reason she wasn’t happy in life. Which begs the question of why did she have me. She knew from the very beginning I would be nothing but a problem for her. She could have aborted me, and I wouldn’t have been a burden any longer.”
Trinity’s eyes stayed focused on her almost empty plate.
“Carrying the weight of knowing you were a problem for someone who didn’t even know you becomes heavy. Especially when it’s your own mom. The nurture. But the worst part of it all is the crying. How can you cry for someone you don’t know? Someone who didn’t love you?”
I watched as Trinity’s eyes welled up with tears, yet not a single tear was shed. She was strong.
“So, my mom left, and she never came back. I never received a letter nor a single call from her. I’ve only seen photos of my mom from years ago. And even in the photos that were taken of all three of us, she was never seen holding me. It was always my dad carrying me. What would my mom look like now. Has she regretted what she’s done? Is she living a happy life?”
I looked at Trinity, I had no idea what to say. What could I say. Even with all the words in the world, nothing seemed right. I never expected Trinity to have had something as sad as the story of her mom happen to her. Trinity’s life seemed well put together, but as I looked at her, I realized how sad she was. I could tell that this was something that eats at her soul daily.
“The other day, I tried reaching out to my mom. In hopes of her responding to me. I don’t know what I expect her to say back to me. For all I know she’d rip the letter up an throw it away. There’s no telling. For all I know, she could be dead. My mom’s existence is all one big question mark. Trey’s mom saw me writing a letter to my mom and said to me I shouldn’t do that. I’d only end up hurt when she doesn’t respond. She then went babbling on about me accepting and saying she hasn’t done anything wrong to me. She wouldn’t stop talking. My step mom kept jumping from subject to subject. Each subject she would brush on was worse than the last. I couldn’t take it anymore. I screamed at her and said for her to stay out of it, that she doesn’t know me or what my mom may or may not do. Although, deep down I knew she was right.”
“That’s why you saw the tension between Trey’s mother and I the other day.”
I grabbed Trinity’s hand from across the table and squeezed them a bit.
“Trin, I’m sorry your mom hurt you the way she did. I know if your real mom would have stuck around to see you now she’d see what a wonderful daughter she has. It’s her loss for missing out on your life. Don’t let her mistake of not being in your life hold you back though. You have an amazing opportunity at having the love of a mother. Trey’s mom doesn’t seem to be terrible. She wants to show you that she can give you the love you’ve been missing out on. You’ve got a second chance at having a mom. I’d say you’re pretty lucky.”
I saw Trinity’s eyes light up for a quick moment.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. I could be nicer.”
Trinity became quiet and didn’t say another word. We finished up our last few bites of food in silence. But this time the silence between us held something else. Maybe it was our sadness coming together. Whatever the feeling was that was in the air, I know Trinity felt it too. Trinity understood. We finished off our drink then headed off to her truck and drove around. Trinity wanted to take me to the movies, as well as some small local coffee shops that were her favorite. I was shocked to learn her favorite coffee shop wasn’t inside Beverly Hills. In fact, she took me to downtown LA. We were sitting inside Urth Caffe. We were sitting down waiting for our drinks.
“I don’t mess with Starbucks. The best coffee is non-franchised.”
While Trinity continued to talk about the best coffees, and local shops that I’ve never heard of I zoned out. Although I love the sound of Trinity’s voice, and listening to her, I couldn’t help but tune her out. I had a nagging feeling, although Trinity has been the kindest person I’ve met since my mom passed. And although this may be the best coffee I’ve ever tasted, this all felt wrong. Something in the back of my mind told me, I had overstayed my welcome, and shouldn’t stay another night.
When Trinity and I reached her house, everyone was home. Trinity’s parents didn’t mind me being over again, but her brother did. Trey looked at me as soon as I walked in. He got up off their couch and did a dramatic eye roll. He shifted his focus to Trinity.
“You’re such a pest,” Trey said to her.
He put his focus back on me. “And you. Go home.”
I know he didn’t mean for his words to hurt. I know it’s Trey’s mission to be as annoying as possible, but those little words got to me. Trinity knew that her brothers words had hurt me.
I laid out on Trinity’s sofa in the corner, while she laid upside down on her bed. That’s when it hit me. What am I doing? I looked around at Trinity’s room. I don’t belong here. I don’t fit in with people like Trinity. As I observe the room, it becomes apparent that I stand out. Trinity doesn’t deserve the stress of having to sneak me in and out her house. I don’t want her to think I’m mooching off her. Sooner or later her family will realize what’s going on and Trinity will have to suffer for that. I don’t want to be the reason she stops having that tight bond she has with her family. I don’t want to be another person’s issue. I
made up my mind.
By the time night fell around I told her I had to go.
“Hey Trinity, I know this is sudden, but I have to get going.”
In reality, I didn’t need to go anywhere. I didn’t want to have to become her responsibility and I did not want to become a burden to her. The voice in the back of my mind kept saying she has other problems to worry about, why make her issues worse? She looked confused when I told her.
“Where will you stay?” she asked.
“My grandparents came into town for my mom’s funeral. When I get to them, I’ll tell them what my father has done. No worries, of course they’ll take me in. They have a home down here and will move here since I’m finishing up school.”
This was far from the truth. Dad had mom’s body cremated, I’m sure of it. And if he didn’t I’d never find out about a funeral. My grandparents on both sides of my family passed away.
“Oh okay,” was all Trinity said.
That, “Oh okay,” had so much pain within it. Her voice made me want to change my mind and stay. But deep down, I knew I couldn’t, and Trinity wasn’t stupid. She knew this wouldn’t work for much longer as well.
The quiet was almost deafening. This was the first silence between us that I didn’t like. Every time I thought I had found the right words to say, I would begin to speak. But once I would start speaking I’d cut myself off. My words were useless at this moment. Trinity kept her eyes on the road, not looking over at me once. I thought I was doing her a favor, but I ended up hurting her instead. Trinity’s face looked cold, she showed no emotion. I missed her heartwarming smile already.
Trinity dropped me off at a McDonalds where I said my grandpa would get me from. I was back in Inglewood. I never noticed how the grocery stores in Beverly Hills turn into liquor stores on my side of town. I hated that Trinity knew where I lived. Seeing the difference of our neighborhood must make her a bit sad? I know my heart sinks whenever we come back this way because I already know there’s nothing here for me.