by Callie Rae
You're a fucking idiot, Dad. In this moment, I'm grateful for it.
I search through the last hour of footage and delete everything with me in it. Then I loop five minutes of footage from before I arrived, giving myself enough time to get out without anyone noticing.
I quickly exit the building, use James’s code to reactivate the alarm, and jump in the SUV, driving myself back to the only people in my life who matter.
Chapter 24
Fallon
I roll over, expecting to feel the warmth of Jesse’s body. To my surprise, his side of the bed is cold. And empty.
I sit up, letting my eyes adjust to the room as I look for him. He isn't here.
I crawl out of bed and hobble out of my room in search of him. I go to the living room first and find Cason soundly sleeping on the couch. I pull the blanket off the top of the couch and drop it over him carefully. Cason actually sleeping is almost a miracle. No one knows that he's been sleeping better here than he does at the Callaway house. I think he feels safer here, or maybe he just sleeps better when he has everyone he cares about under one roof. The mysteries of Cason never cease to confuse me.
I limp my way towards the kitchen. It's dark in here, all the lights turned off as the rest of the house sleeps. But I can see enough to know he's not in here.
"Can't sleep? Or just looking for a certain someone?"
Catherine's quiet voice spooks me, and I startle. I look over to find her sitting at the back corner of the table, hiding in the shadows.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. Come. Why don't you sit? You shouldn't be on your leg. The boys and Jade would have a fit if they knew I watched you walk around on it and didn't try to do anything about it." She pulls a chair out for me.
I hobble over to the chair and sink into it. I’m still tired, but she's right. I can't go back to sleep knowing he left me alone in bed and sneaked out of here so he could do who knows what—especially after he made a deal with me. I guess it was a long shot, trying to make him stop protecting his family. It's a part of him, that need to protect. A stupid deal wasn't going to stop him.
Catherine walks over to the stove and pulls a mug out of the cabinet above it. I’m staring off into space when she places a steaming cup in front of me. I look down at it. It's definitely not coffee.
"It's chamomile tea. It helps me when I can't sleep." She smiles as she sits down.
I wrap my hands around the mug and find the warmth comforting. I bring it to my lips, tasting it, and surprised to find the soothing liquid isn't bad. It's not like that first sip of coffee hitting my lips in the mornings, but it’s still good. I take a few sips of it before setting the mug down to look at Catherine. She looks tired—really tired. Maybe it's worry. She's adrift, lost; that much I know. But aren't we all?
"I guess you know he left," I say.
"Yeah, I watched him sneak out of here about an hour ago.” She takes a sip of her tea. “He didn't realize I was sitting here."
I shake my head. "What is he up to?"
"What he’s always up to: protecting the people he loves. It's his greatest fault, the poor boy. It's also his greatest strength." She sighs as she puts her mug down on the table.
I contemplate her words; she's right. Jesse’s loyalty is one of the things I love most about him, but I haven't been able to accept that he's never going to stop as long as a threat exists.
I change the subject. "And what about you? What are you up to?"
She gives me a small, sad smile. It would break my heart if it wasn't already in pieces.
"You're worried about them, aren't you?" I ask.
She laughs. "Are you always so perceptive?"
"It's my greatest fault." I smile.
"I'm worried about my kids, yes. But I'm worried about James and what he’ll do. I'm worried that we've done more harm than good for that one." She nods her head toward the living room.
"The worry is real. But when do you worry about yourself?" I ask her.
"A mother doesn’t always have the liberty of worrying about herself," Catherine says.
"But if you don't worry about yourself, then how can you be any good for them?" I tilt my head toward her, brows raised.
She looks over at me with eyes that shimmer in the light glowing from above the stove.
"If any of this has taught me anything, it's that it’s okay to not be okay. Besides, you raised observant kids. Cason's not sleeping on that couch for me." I lift my mug to my lips and take another sip.
Her answering smile is warm and loving. Proud. "He's always been my sweet boy. We traveled so much that I was able to hide so much from the other two, but never Cason. We'd get home and he would navigate toward me, always asking me how I was."
"That's his superpower: to understand the broken. I don't know how I would’ve survived after waking up in that hospital if it wasn't for him. For his understanding. I would still be lost in my head. Jesse and I, we wouldn't have been repairable.” I pause before saying the words I’ve been scared of voicing. “I'm still not sure we are."
She grabs my hand and taps it until I look over to her. "Your relationship will only fail if you let it. I've watched you two together. And some might say you two don't make any sense together, at least not on paper. But as I sit here, I know why it works. Because you're up, worried about what he's going to do, not why he's doing it. You get him. You love him for who he is, and you don’t try to change him. You balance him, give him purpose, and let him fill that need to protect. But you also make him think. You don't stand down. He needs someone to tell him when he's wrong. And that someone is you."
I ruminate on everything she just said. I sip more of the hot tea and roll her words around in my brain. Is that what I do for him?
"And what does he do for me?"
She chuckles again, shaking her head. "Isn't it obvious? He never stops fighting for you. He forces you to care. Gives you a reason to live. He's been that for you since you showed up in Cherry Creek as a broken girl."
I place my empty mug on the table in front of me and slide my chair back.
"What are you going to do about him?" she asks.
"Nothing. I'm going to go back to sleep. I guess this is me giving him balance," I tell her as she smirks. I reach over and squeeze her arm. "Thanks for the tea. But try to get some sleep. Self-care is important. At least, that's what my therapist says."
I get up and walk towards the hallway, but her voice stops me.
"Fallon?"
I turn to face her, but keep quiet.
"I know that surviving everything you’ve been through has been hard for you, but thank you for staying and loving my children. All of them."
I nod and offer her a small smile, then turn and head down the hallway and straight to my bed. I might be Jesse's balance, and he might be my reason, but the three Callaways together are my light.
I thought meeting them had helped me find my lost light, but in reality, I’d never had it. Because I hadn't found them yet.
Chapter 25
Jesse
I have no clue what any of this means. None of it. I have one folder that could possibly wreck the life of my best friend—my brother—and I have pictures of a place that I've never laid eyes on, yet my father deems important enough to have an entire map of.
What does any of this mean?
I switch off my headlights before pulling into Fallon's driveway. I don't need anyone seeing me sneak in. I've only been gone for maybe two hours, but it's enough to raise questions if I get caught coming in.
I park in the same spot behind Cason again to make it seem like this vehicle has been here all night. Then I walk quietly to the front door. I pause and breathe. My thoughts on what all of this could mean scramble once again. I unlock and push the front door open as quietly as possible. I step over the threshold and shut the door slowly, holding my breath until I hear the click of the doorknob. There are no sounds coming from anywhere, and I let my shoulders drop.
I m
ade it back, undetected.
I keep my eyes on a still-sleeping Cason on the couch as I make my way through the room toward the kitchen and reach for a glass. I need some water, and another minute to calm my racing mind before I slide back into bed next to Fallon. I reach for a glass, then fill it from the tap and lift it to my mouth.
"Is there a reason you're sneaking around in the middle of the night?"
My mother’s voice makes me jump, spilling some of the water I’d been about to chug into the sink.
"Shit, Ma. You scared me," I hiss.
I set the glass in the sink and turn around to look at her. At first, I don't see her. As my eyes adjust, I can make out her outline hiding in the shadows at the table.
"What are you doing up?" I ask her.
"I couldn't sleep. What are you doing?" she responds.
"Same. Couldn't sleep and wanted a glass of water," I tell her, swallowing the churning in my stomach that comes from lying to her.
"Would you like to try that again?" she says. "After all, I did just watch you sneak in through the front door. Pretty sure you weren’t out gallivanting in the middle of the night for a glass of water."
I sigh. "I'm sorry, Mom. But it's better if you don't know."
I walk over to the table and stand next to her. She grabs my hand and holds it tight.
"I don't want to lie to you, but I also can't let anything happen to you. Or anyone else I care about."
"My boy. You're all grown up and I'm not ready for it," she whispers, squeezing my hand a little tighter. "Promise me something?"
"What's that?"
"Just be careful? I understand your need to keep us all safe, but it doesn't always have to be you who saves the day," she says.
Her words sting. If not me, then who? Who else is there?
"You don't understand, Mom. He will never stop being himself. He will keep going until he destroys everything we love and care about. Even you. I'm the only one who can stop him."
"Oh, baby. I do understand, and I can handle your father. You don't need to worry about me. I've been dealing with him for well over nineteen years." She pats me on the hand, then gestures to the empty seat next to me. "Would you like to sit down?"
It isn't a question. I can see that in the way her mouth is set in a thin line.
She sighs and props her head on her hand. Her eyes feel far away, even though she's right here in front of me.
"Your father…he hasn't always been this way. He saved me once, you know. A lot like you're doing with Fallon."
I start to speak because there is no way my mom has gone through anything similar…
"It may not have been as traumatic as what Fallon has been through. I'd never dilute the strength that young woman has. But you have a lot more in common with that man than you realize. Your need to protect came from somewhere," she says pointedly.
"No. No way." I shake my head, but she puts a hand up to stop me.
"Yes way. I didn't marry him for no reason, Jesse. You know me better than that. Do you think I would marry someone so ruthless?" She shakes her head and stares off into space again. "No, he wasn't always that way. A lot has happened along the way, and not all of it was his fault. And he changed."
She pauses, and I know she’s thinking back to how things used to be. I’m not sure if knowing he was once a decent man makes it harder to accept who he has become or not. It almost doesn’t matter, because he is who he is.
She echoes my thoughts when she speaks. "But regardless of what has happened, he is now an irrevocably broken man." She looks at me, eyes pleading. "I need you to understand—to really and truly understand—because holding on to this anger toward someone you're supposed to be able to rely on, love, and respect can be dangerous. Over time, it will kill your soul. I don't want to ever see you become something you really aren't."
I swallow hard. I can't quite believe what she’s said. But she's right. I do know her, and she wouldn't have chosen him if he’d been the monster he is today.
"Either way, I will never regret marrying him. He gave me such wonderful children. I just hope you all find your way better than I did." She pats my hand once more and grabs her mug off the table as she stands. She pauses next to me and puts her hand on my shoulder, looking down at me. "Fallon needs you, baby. Now more than ever. She needs to be able to trust you, and she needs you to love her."
She drops a kiss to my forehead before walking over to the sink to deposit her now-empty mug. Mom disappears into the hallway, leaving me with more thoughts invading my mind than before.
I sigh and stand up from the table, then head toward the hallway. I glance over into the living room to see Cason sitting up on the couch, watching me. If there ever was a time when I needed him to read my thoughts, tonight is it.
He watches me for a few beats longer before his head dips into a nod, letting me know that he’s ready to do whatever needs to be done. He has my back, like always. I pat the doorframe to the hallway and nod back at him before following the hall down to Fallon’s room. I quietly push the door open, then close it behind me as I enter the room. I strip down to my boxers and climb back into bed with my girl.
"Is everything okay?" she mumbles through her sleep haze.
I kiss her on the temple and whisper in her ear. "Everything is fine, baby. Go back to sleep."
She rolls over so her back faces me and scoots back until the curve of her body lines up with mine. I wrap an arm around her and take a deep breath, inhaling the scent of her shampoo.
Her scent is calming. I’ve missed this. I’ve missed her. I’ve missed everything about our life before Marcus. I needed to give something back too, something normal.
My mom's words echo through my mind.
She needs to be able to trust you, and she needs you to love her.
That is exactly what I’ll do.
Chapter 26
Fallon
The Depot is one of the only places in this town where kids can enjoy themselves. There isn't much else to do here, and it’s why when we have a chance to go do anything as a group, it's either the Depot or a party.
I choose the Depot, even though I had a moment the last time we went. I’m still comfortable there. Cason drives us again and I can feel the concern radiating off him. He keeps glancing back at me in the mirror. He doesn’t know why it happened, but he knows something about the Depot set me off.
"You’re sure you're good with this?" Cason asks from the driver’s seat.
"Yes, I'm fine," I mumble. I hate having this attention on me.
"But if you're not fine at any point?" he asks through clenched teeth.
He's tense, worried about me.
"I'll tell you. I promise," I say.
He pulls the Jeep through the gravel parking lot toward the front of the track. There is always an open spot for the Callaways.
"Chill, bro. We're here to have fun and be kids. Celebrate our last few months of being high schoolers." Jade rolls her eyes. "Besides, we know all you care about is getting into the pants of your newest piece of ass."
I snicker at Jade’s comment as Cason throws his door open. "Oh, sis. You're just mad that I'm getting some and you aren't. I guess Adam isn't putting out? You’ve been pretty fucking grumpy lately."
Jade reaches over to punch him but he hops out and takes off before she can get to him.
"I know where you live, Cason!" she yells after him.
"That doesn’t matter if he never actually goes home," I laugh.
"I know." She smiles before jumping out of her own door and turning back to look at me, the same concern on her face. “You good?”
I look over at the cars lined up getting ready to race. I'm calm.
"Yeah, let’s go," I tell her.
I hop out and walk, locking my arm with hers for support. It feels good to have a friend. But it would probably feel better if she understood me a bit more.
We join the crew and watch the races. Beers are passed around, and everyone seems
to be having a great time.
"How's it going?" Narni grabs my attention as she drops next to me on the hood of the car we’re all standing around.
"If you're asking me if any of the cars have triggered any panic attacks tonight, no. I’m fine."
"Nah, just asking how it's going," she says with a smirk.
I look at her, but there is no judgement in her question. I recognize my own kind. She's broken too.
"I'm good enough for today. What about you?"
She nods. "I'm here." She pauses, then takes a sip of her beer. "I thought for sure your man would be up your ass after that night."
I laugh because she’s not wrong. "I think he's trying to give me some space." I side-eye her and smirk. "Don't worry. He has his eyes here."
She shakes her head. “Them damn Callaways.”
Something in her tone makes me turn and look at her. Her eyes aren’t fixated on the track. I follow her line of sight right to our resident playboy and one of my favorite people in the whole world: Cason.
I sigh. "Of course, that one won’t let me out of his sight.”
"Let’s get out of here, then. I know of a house party happening at one of the public kids’ houses."
I’m shocked at her suggestion. "What?"
“You need a night to be you, where you don’t have to act a certain way or be a certain someone. A night where you don’t feel like everyone is staring at you like you’re going to break,” she says seriously.
"What’s it to you? Why do you care?" I say, confused.
"I don’t. Not really. I mean, it’s your life.” She shrugs. “But it’ll piss some people off, and I’ll enjoy the hell out of it.”
I read her for a moment. She’s a no-bullshit person. She’s not worried about hurting my feelings. But she also doesn’t give a shit about me, and that could potentially be a problem.
I nod. “Okay. Let’s go.”
“Do you need to tell your friend?” She nods toward Jade, who is talking with a few chicks I recognize from her cheer squad.