“Billy, I’m not a teacher. I don’t care if you smoke. It’ll kill you, though; you’re a dummy.”
Theo was aware he got too angry when people were jerks. He was making an effort to be more chill, since Billy was trying to be less of a jerk. Theo strongly felt Greendale needed more chill.
“Hey … Theo,” Billy said awkwardly. Theo grinned.
“Don’t mind me. Avoiding my friend situation.”
Billy leaned forward on his crutches. “Yo, everybody knows your friends are crazy, but your friends are crazy . Is Kinkle going with Roz now? Aren’t Roz and Sabrina best friends? If Carl stole my girl, I would be pissed .”
Theo rolled his eyes. “Don’t think that’s super likely.”
Carl was in the most obvious glass closet of all time, but Billy loved denial.
“Who’s that guy Sabrina’s with?” Billy demanded. “I’ve seen him around. Does he go to private school? Is Academy Guy aware of the lunatic mess he’s walking into?”
“Anyone would be lucky to date my friends,” Theo said sternly. “Not that I’d make out with any of them, ever, at any time. What a mess.”
The mention of making out made Theo realize they were standing alone in the shadows. Maybe it was Theo’s imagination, but he thought Billy was edging closer.
“Hey,” said Theo. “I realize you find this confusing, but I’m a guy. If we made out, it’d be as gay as if you made out with Carl.”
“I didn’t ask to make out!” exclaimed Billy. “I wasn’t gonna!”
Theo held up a hand. “Just wanna be clear.”
He left Billy sputtering behind him and found that Sabrina and Roz had jetted off to the girls’ bathroom to discuss romantic drama.
Nick Scratch was being swarmed by women. Also Carl. Theo didn’t blame them. Theo might’ve seen Nick around, but he definitely hadn’t seen Nick in a tux before. Jesus, well done, Sabrina. Roz and Sabrina had emerged from the bathroom and were trying to make their way to Nick through the rush. Harvey was standing off by himself. He looked thrilled to see Theo, then concerned.
“You okay?” Harvey asked. “Was Billy a jerk?”
“Surprisingly, no,” said Theo. “Tell you later.”
“We could go to the bathroom to talk,” Harvey offered. “Like the girls do.”
“Dudes don’t do that, Harv.”
Sometimes it was like Harvey had been raised in the woods by deer and little birds.
“Oh,” said Harvey. “Well … do you wanna dance?”
Harvey, Roz, and Theo had been dancing together earlier, in a happy friend ring. That was different. Baxter High would definitely read arty Harvey dancing with recently demanding-to-be-called-Theo as romantic.
When Theo glanced up, Harvey was watching the interested spectators with a dark glint in his eye. Theo saw Harvey did understand how they’d be perceived and didn’t care. Theo was almost tempted to say yes, but—Theo didn’t want his first proper dance with a guy to be with Harvey. He wanted his first dance with a guy to mean something. To have some romance for his own.
“Nah.” Theo shrugged. “You’re a lousy dancer.”
Harvey laughed. “I really am.”
The sweethearts’ dance was February. Now it was April. Theo still hadn’t told anybody about liking guys, and he was psyching himself up for his solo quest.
Harvey followed him down the steps, past Sabrina’s toad statues. “Let me drive you home.”
“No, dude, I have to fight demons.”
Sabrina was focused on saving Nick, the way she got super focused on projects. Theo should’ve realized Harvey would be the biggest problem. Still, surely Harvey didn’t think Theo was chicken. The guys at school said Harvey was chicken. Since Harvey was willing to throw down with demons, Theo felt there was a high bar for guys.
Harvey paused. “… You could drive the truck.”
Theo stopped in his tracks. “Oh, you wicked temptress.”
Harvey never let Theo drive the truck. He was always like, blah blah blah Theo, you don’t have a license. Whatever, Theo had been driving a tractor since he was twelve.
Theo grabbed the keys. Harvey climbed into the passenger seat and began conducting a driving lesson. Harvey thought Theo drove too fast, while Theo thought driving fast was fun.
“What if Sabrina and Roz were on the road right in front of us?”
Theo considered. “I’d hit Sabrina. She can do magic and stop the truck.”
“No!” exclaimed Harvey. “You stop the truck. With the magical power of brakes!”
Another demon came slinking out from between the trees, a shadow with a ridged back and leathery wings. Theo ran over the demon and squashed it flat.
“Brakes?” Theo asked innocently. “What are they?”
As they drove down the winding road through the woods, Theo was still thinking about the sweethearts’ dance. If demons killed him, Theo wouldn’t have told anyone this truth about himself.
“Harvey will feel differently about you once you tell him,” one of the creepy birds on Theo’s shoulder whispered. Only one of Theo’s birds seemed to have the job of undermining his confidence.
“He won’t,” Theo said firmly. “Don’t be a moron, bird.”
“Is one of your birds talking to you?” Harvey asked. “What did the bird say?”
Theo pulled over. “Moron bird stuff. Harv, I’m into guys. Definitely not you. Though I love you, dude, and I’m sure you’re cute. To other people. I can’t forgive that sleepover watching the movies with tiny hikers.”
“The Lord of the Rings ?”
“There was no need for extended editions! Those tiny hikers had already been hiking way too long.”
Harvey was clearly charmed that Theo had said he loved Harvey. “I …” he began.
Theo patted his shoulder. “I know, Harv.”
Theo gave the silver bird on his left shoulder a triumphant look. Yeah, that’d been real traumatic. In the end, telling the truth always made Theo feel better.
The bird hopped up and down on Theo’s shoulder in a discomfited fashion, as if it weren’t sure how to proceed.
Harvey said, in the tones of one who’d had a great idea, “Wanna talk about guys?”
Theo blinked. “With you?”
Harvey brightened, because Theo hadn’t said his idea was dumb. Harvey always expected to be told off. Theo hated Harvey’s dad.
“Yeah,” Harvey said eagerly. “It’s garbage to say guys can’t tell if other guys are attractive. ’Course we can. And girls are trained to tell when other girls are attractive. Roz says it’s just different forms of compulsive heteronormativity, and I don’t like that.”
“Compulsory heteronormativity.”
“I don’t like that either,” said Harvey.
Harvey wasn’t dumb, despite what Theo knew Harvey feared. But he had been basically raised by his brother and his friends, because his dad was a nightmare. And he was sometimes a big dope.
Theo grinned. “Not a fan myself. I kept thinking—guys are meant to like girls, so did I like guys because other people thought I was a girl? Might I start to like girls? When I did like guys, I thought: Is it because I want to be them, or be with them? Did I want to dress like them? I wasn’t sure. So I kept it to myself until I was sure.”
Occasionally Theo had looked at Roz, the most beautiful girl he knew, and wondered about finding her attractive. Probably for the best he didn’t.
“So,” Harvey said, hopeful. “So who?”
“I’ve had dark moments of weakness … in which I found Billy attractive.”
There was a pause. Harvey might’ve thrown up in his mouth.
Theo moved on quickly. “And I admit among the witches, one guy really stands out.”
“I agree,” said Harvey instantly.
Theo blinked. “You do?”
“He’s so cool.”
Theo nodded with enthusiasm. “I hoped we’d meet more witch guys like him. So I could … maybe have someone like that for
myself.”
Harvey shook his head. “All other warlocks have been a huge disappointment.”
“Melvin,” murmured Theo. “Not the stuff of dreams.”
Harvey checked a grin. Harvey worried about being mean, but Theo thought Melvin was a weasel and felt okay about judging him.
“So, my magic almost-crush isn’t going anywhere either.”
“I think you should go for it. Ask him out,” Harvey urged.
Theo’s mouth fell open. “Harvey! Do you want our friend group to explode in fire and drama? Do you wish to see Sabrina kill me ?”
“Wow,” said Harvey. “I’m sure Sabrina would like it.”
“You are?” Theo asked faintly.
The witches must have brainwashed Harvey. Theo suspected Elspeth.
Harvey nodded. “You’ve gotta have more confidence, Theo. Sabrina would be stoked if you and her cousin hit it off.”
There was a pause.
“Harvey. Do you think I’m talking about Ambrose Spellman?”
Harvey stared. “Obviously?”
“Ambrose is a handsome guy,” Theo conceded. “But I noticed he seemed about twenty when we were six. Before we found out about everybody being immortal witches, I assumed Ambrose was forty with an awesome plastic surgeon. And I never thought about him that way.”
He saw Harvey was in the midst of a terrible realization.
“So when you were talking about a cool witch guy, you meant …”
“Aw, I’m sorry, Harv,” murmured Theo, while Harvey mouthed the name Nick Scratch .
“Well!” said Harvey. “Back to Billy!”
Theo snorted. “I’m not that hard up.”
“When we get Nick back from hell, we can … go on triple dates. Me and Roz, you and Billy, Sabrina and Nick Scratch.”
Harvey’s face was that of a man anticipating being burned at the stake.
Theo slapped him on the arm. “You have only great ideas, Harv.”
“Can’t wait,” said Harvey gloomily.
Theo murmured in a positive fashion, without actually agreeing to Harvey’s loopy vision of the future.
“Everything going okay with you and Roz?”
Harvey hesitated. Theo’s stomach swooped, dreading romantic catastrophe. “Roz wants me to … sing to her.”
“Oh no,” said Theo.
“If anyone’s looking at me—my voice gets choked up in my throat.”
“I know. Like the school play when you fainted.”
“The school play when I briefly lost consciousness,” muttered Harvey. “The stage lights were hot. But Theo, I can’t say that to Roz. I can’t tell her I don’t want her to look at me.”
“Ooof,” said Theo. “Sorry, bud. Don’t know what to say. Hey, I won’t tell you about crushing on people you hate anymore; we’ll gossip like normal people. Let me show you a picture of my celebrity crush! He’s in a Korean pop band.”
He held out his phone for Harvey.
“His pink hair is awesome!” said Harvey, as expected. Harvey had seen a lady with a cool lavender mohawk at a festival this summer and talked about nothing else for weeks.
Theo thought about wanting to be with someone, or be like them, or even dress like them. Theo and Harvey dressed in approximately the same way, though Harvey had more nerd shirts than Theo. (Theo had some.) Flannel shirts, T-shirts beneath, and worn jeans: camouflage for guys trying to pass under the radar in Greendale. Theo’d always found comfort in dressing like Harvey. And Harvey dressed the way his dad did, the way his brother had, in the uniform of Greendale men. It’d never occurred to Theo before that Harvey, who loved art and all things avant-garde, might privately wish to wear rings or dye his hair.
“Do you wanna dress like Ambrose Spellman?” Theo asked.
“Maybe? I do think the way he dresses is cool and artistic. I definitely don’t want to dress like a Goth gigolo .” Harvey sounded revolted. “Learn what colors are, Nick, you monochrome jackass.”
“If I dressed the way Ambrose does, with the velvet and the jewelry …” said Theo tactfully. “People would think it was girly.”
“I’m sorry,” Harvey told Theo at once. “You should dress however you want.”
“Even if I wanna get a badass leather jacket and look like Nick Scratch?”
Harvey regarded Theo affectionately. “Get a badass leather jacket. You’d look way cooler than Nick.”
“Thanks.” Theo turned on the ignition.
He knew Harvey meant it, but Harvey thought anything Theo, Sabrina, or Roz did was brilliant and perfect. And Harvey would think so even if they wanted to dress up like giant chickens every day.
Theo had to work this out on his own. Still, he appreciated Harvey having his back. Theo’s friends always did. Theo wanted to have theirs in return.
He kept remembering the time Roz collapsed screaming in class, and Theo had to get Harvey. Theo’d found Harvey in the boys’ locker room.
Harvey ran, and Theo ran with him, but Theo didn’t have the strength to carry Roz like Harvey did. Theo hadn’t been able to help Roz. But Theo could help Sabrina.
“You know what?” Harvey said when they reached Harvey’s house. “Keep the truck for today.”
“So I can squish more demons beneath the wheels? Sweet.”
Harvey didn’t joke back. He sat there miserably quiet, until Theo gave him a hug. Harvey hugged back hard, hand curving protectively over Theo’s growing-out hair.
“Be safe ,” Harvey begged in a fraught whisper.
Sometimes Theo noticed how worn and scared his best friend was, since the past cold winter. When magic got real, and Tommy died.
Theo drove home more carefully than he would’ve with Harvey in the truck, because Harvey was trusting him.
When he climbed out, a demon launched itself off the roof of the pickup. Theo leaped away and fired, and the demon crumbled to dust. The mark of the demon’s claws still stung on his neck, beneath the collar of Theo’s shirt, as he opened his front door.
Theo’s dad was sitting at the kitchen table when Theo clattered in.
“Took one of the guns?”
“Um,” said Theo.
“Out shooting cans with Harvey?” His dad’s voice was mild. “Put it back.”
“I will soon,” promised Theo.
He edged closer to the table, trying to work out what he was seeing, even though it was simple enough. The table was piled high with flannel. His dad was sewing the buttons onto Theo’s shirts.
“Noticed they were getting a little worn … son,” Dad said.
“Oh, uh,” said Theo. “Didn’t realize you knew how to sew.”
His dad gave Theo a look that reminded Theo of how Theo himself looked at his friends, loving but mocking too. “Who d’you think mends my shirts?”
Theo’d never really thought about it.
“Figured you made your hot secret mistress do it. Hey, remember when Sabrina and I were ten and tried to set you and her aunt Hilda up? You missed your chance.”
“Hilda Spellman is a lovely lady,” said Theo’s dad, “but actually, her sister is more my style.”
“Dad!”
“Fine-looking woman, Zelda Spellman.” Dad kept peacefully stitching.
“Wow, Dad. I guess you live for danger.” Theo took a seat at the table. “Speaking of dating … I’m interested in dating guys.”
His dad was quiet for a while. Theo stared at his father’s hands, work-scarred and growing more gnarled with age, plying the needle. His dad wasn’t old, but farm work was hard on a body. Sometimes Theo was surprised, seeing his dad’s hands. Thinking: They got twisted somehow, when I wasn’t looking . Theo used to trot in his father’s shadow from one side of the farm to the other. Theo was always small and his dad tall as a tower, but Theo wanted to be exactly like him.
“I remember when your uncle Jesse told our parents something similar,” Dad remarked at last. “They weren’t … real pleased.”
“How about you, Dad?”
“You’re your own person, Theo,” said his dad. “You’ve always been that, thank God. But sometimes I think you’re a chance for me to make up for a past I wish had gone differently. Some folks never get that chance. I’m lucky.”
His dad had blue eyes like Theo, but paler and tired, as though time had washed the blue away. Even though his dad tried to be understanding, Theo kept thinking his dad’s patience might get exhausted. Yet Theo couldn’t stop pushing. If he had, he would’ve frozen in place, somewhere and someone he couldn’t be.
Theo cleared his throat. “What do you say when people ask if you’re ashamed of your … daughter?”
His dad said: “I tell them I’m real proud of my boy.”
Theo leaned his cheek against his dad’s shoulder while his dad kept painstakingly mending Theo’s shirts. Then Theo said he had to see Sabrina. Before he went, Theo picked up the little sewing kit and put it in his pocket.
“He always pauses before he says son,” said the bird on Theo’s left shoulder.
“And he always says it,” said Theo, and shut the door firmly. “C’mon, bird. You always tell the truth, but the truth isn’t always lousy. You know that, right?”
After a moment, the bird cheeped assent.
Theo climbed into the pickup and drove through the night gathering among the trees.
“You love your father,” said the bird. “But you don’t love this lost boy. Why go to all this effort?”
Nick was a dreamboat, for one thing. More important, Theo now believed Nick was a decent guy. At first, he’d suspected Nick was a jerk.
The first time they actually hung out, Theo noted Nick watching Sabrina fondly in the diner as she ordered a milkshake. When it came to Sabrina, the guy was clearly Goth Harvey.
“Also a shaken milk for me,” said Nick.
“Vanilla?” asked the waitress.
“Anything but.”
Theo choked. Nick grinned. Then Nick caught Sabrina’s eye and pointed to the jukebox, which magically started playing a song. That surprised a mischievous smile out of Sabrina.
Then Harvey came to the table, and everything got awkward.
Harvey called Nick dude . Nick smiled a sharply condescending smile, and called Harvey Harry.
“Nick,” Sabrina scolded. “It’s Harvey .”
Theo eyed Nick coldly. If you were really into a girl, you didn’t forget her ex’s name. Nick was doing this to make Harvey feel small. Theo had no time for jerks.
Path of Night (Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, Novel 3) Page 12