“Princess, I mean…” He looked hesitant. “What should I call you?”
What should he call me? The question almost made me laugh again. Who the hell was I? It seemed like my identity changed from month to month. “Did I have a name?”
“Of course you had a name.” He pulled gently at his beard, flustered, unsure. “Signe.”
I didn’t even know how to spell it, let alone what it meant. It didn’t feel like me. A stranger’s name. A name for a girl in another life. A dream girl. A dead girl. “Just call me Shay.”
He nodded, but his lips went pinched and thin, and I knew he wanted to call me Signe. Knew that he hoped we could pick up where we’d left off. He could be the doting, but strict father, like some T.V. sitcom dad. I could be the rebellious, but loving daughter who just wanted to do good.
Too bad. He’d lost that right. I didn’t know him. And he didn’t know me. He’d barely seemed to like me when we’d first met. In fact, he’d seemed entirely disgusted by my presence. But he didn’t look disgusted now. He looked sad, hopeful.
Could it really be true? Was this oaf of a man my father? “I need time,” I said. “To think about this. All of this.”
He nodded reluctantly. “I understand.”
I hoped he’d leave. He didn’t.
“There’s one more thing…”
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. How much more could I take? “What?”
His hand tightened around the hilt of his sword, something, I realized quickly, he did when he was upset. “The woman who raised you on Earth…Sarah.”
A sick feeling of dread weighed down on me. My mouth went dry. I could feel the truth all the way to the marrow of my bones. “Yes?”
“She’s here.”
****
This wasn’t real. None of this was real. She wasn’t here. Wasn’t standing in front of me smelling a familiar scent of sweat and eagerness. She wasn’t here with that all too common conniving gleam in her eyes, as if she had something planned. Something that would ruin what little life I’d managed to maintain.
But she was. She was here, and I could no longer deny it.
In the past, that gleam had sent us scurrying from city to city, town to town, leaving behind some irate man she’d ripped off. But where would we flee now? I had to remind myself that she was nothing to me. I owed her not a thing. She’d been doing a job, and she’d been shitty at it. None of this was my fault. So why did I feel so anxious? Trapped?
Her familiar arms wrapped tightly around me. Smothering. I couldn’t breathe. I pushed her away, stumbling back. “What are you doing here?”
I didn’t miss the shared glances between Brynjar and the general. Both seemed uneasy. Too bad. I’d been uneasy my entire life, they could deal with five minutes. I glanced at the tent flap. Where was Mak? No, I couldn’t rely on him. When this was all over, we’d go our separate ways. He’d marry some princess, and I’d…
What would become of me?
“They let me go, Shay.” She cupped the sides of my face. She was smiling. She never smiled, only smirked. And this smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. Her gaze was glassy, desperate. For what? Approval? Did she worry I would tell them the truth, that they would label her a traitor?
“Aren’t you happy to see me?”
“Of course,” I whispered, my throat so tight it was hard to get the words out. “I just…don’t understand.”
I could have told the general that she’d abused me; left bruises on my body at times. I could have admitted everything. But then he would have put her in a dungeon, or worse. Why did I feel some odd desire to protect her? Some weird sense of loyalty? She should have meant nothing to me. But she’d kept me alive, hadn’t she? I never wanted to see her again, but I also didn’t want her hurt. She’d been the only parent I’d known. Freaking Stockholm Syndrome. God, I was screwed up.
“She was captured by Cashel, but they let her go with a message,” the general said, as if that was all I needed to know. As if that explained everything. “King Aksel wants to meet on the hill to negotiate.”
I knew they were talking. I could see the general’s lips moving, and then hers. But I couldn’t seem to understand what they said. It was as if a million cicadas had taken up residence in my ears, blocking all sound with their loud buzzing.
It was as if the shadow that had been lurking within my soul, suddenly jumped out and threw a blanket over the only burning candle in my life. I’d thought I’d left my old world behind, but here it was again…creeping up on me, arriving with my mom.
No. Not my mom.
My mom was dead.
A woman who pretended to be my mom. A surge of confusing emotions bombarded me at once. I didn’t want her here. I wanted her gone. Away. I didn’t want her touching me. I didn’t want her to act like she cared. I’d found a life here. A future. A reason for being.
I’d found a light at the end of the long, dark tunnel, and I didn’t want her to remind me of the past. I didn’t want her to make me feel like that sad, pathetic child I’d been, so starving for affection. I felt strong in Acadia. A superhero. Worthwhile, even without my princess title. But she was my kryptonite.
“It was a difficult journey, I had to endure quite a bit of pain and suffering.” I hated that she had their accent. That she sounded more like them than I did. She wrapped her arm around me, her scent so familiar it made me nauseous. “But I managed, knowing it would lead me back home, to you.”
My heart hammered.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
“I was so scared when you disappeared in New York. I know we’ve had our differences, and I know I wasn’t perfect, but I was only trying to protect you. Always trying to protect you.”
Thump. Thump. Thump.
The general was quiet, watchful. I could see his concerned gaze darting from me to my mom, and back to me. He was trying to read the situation. A father I’d never met, suddenly concerned. A mother I’d always known, who’d never cared. In many ways, they both disgusted me. I wanted to be alone. Away from them. I wanted…
Mak.
“They have a tent for us,” she said. “I told them you’d want to stay with me.”
Thump. Thump. Thump.
She smiled, relieved, as if she’d gotten away with something. “We can catch up.”
She was playacting. She knew they would not be happy if they knew the truth. And she knew that I was too weak, too pathetic, to tell them everything. But I had told Brynjar some of it, hadn’t I? I’d admitted that she hated me, so why wasn’t he speaking up?
“Shall we go to our tent?” my mom asked, her gaze on me. “To rest and talk?”
“No.”
I wasn’t sure where the burst of confidence came from. She seemed just as startled as me, her dark eyes flickering with nervous energy. Always so much energy, that she never seemed to know what to do with it.
I took in a deep, trembling breath. “I mean…I need to speak with the general and Brynjar.”
She squeezed my shoulder. It was gentle, yet still made me flinch. “Sweetie, it can wait, surely—”
“Mom,” I snapped. She didn’t own me. We weren’t even related. I needed to grow a backbone and fast. “I’m the princess. They’re counting on me.”
Yes, I’d lied, but I wasn’t prepared to tell her the truth. Not yet. Being the princess was the one bit of power I still held over her. She couldn’t question me in front of them. Her jaw clenched, her face flushing. The anger that flashed into her eyes was all too familiar. That was the woman I knew. It was almost a relief to see her normal again.
“Of course. How could I forget.” She released her hold, yet I could still feel the imprint of her touch as if she’d branded me. Maybe I’d always feel branded by her. With a pointed glance, a warning of some sort, she started toward the tent flap. “Well then, Princess, I’ll wait for you in our tent.”
The place went silent when she left. Brynjar and the general were waiting for me to respond. To take the lead
. And I should, right? I knew her better than anyone. “I don’t want her here. Send her back to the castle, send her to a cottage in the woods, I don’t care. But I don’t want her here.”
The general sighed. “Brynjar explained the issues you’ve had. I understand she didn’t treat you well, but you look whole and healthy.”
Such a stupid, privileged thing to say. I could still remember that time Sarah had gone to get food stamps. The way the man had looked me over, taking in the new outfit the church had brought me.
“She doesn’t look like she’s in need.”
Sarah had thought to make me look presentable; it had failed.
I shook my head, confused and angry. Hadn’t treated me well. I snorted in disgust. That was an understatement. But I supposed my father saw a strong, healthy young woman before him. In his eyes she couldn’t have been that bad if I was still alive.
“We can’t trust her,” I got out.
“She has information,” Brynjar continued. “Information that could help us win this war. Information that could help us defeat Cashel for good.”
Defeat them for good? What did that even mean? Would they kill Mak and his sister? His friends? Destroy the royal line?
“We have nothing else,” the general admitted. “She knows where some of their camps are located. It’s all we have to go on.”
I paced the tent, frustrated and agitated. Why weren’t they listening to me? “How did she even escape? It seems impossible.”
Brynjar cleared his throat. “Apparently they let her go. Prince Makaiden’s sister took pity on the woman and talked them into releasing her.”
Damn, it might be true. From what Mak had told me about his sweet sister, it was entirely plausible that she had helped Sarah escape.
I stared out the tent flap until my mother disappeared around the corner. I didn’t miss the flirtatious grins she sent passing soldiers. What was her agenda? “I don’t care if Queen Iduna herself helped my mom escape; I’m telling you we can’t trust her.”
Brynjar stepped closer. “I understand, Princess, but—”
“No!” Damn him, he knew I wasn’t the princess, why didn’t he call me Shay? “You don’t get it. She’s not trustworthy. I’m trying to save your stupid kingdom, just as everyone expects me to. But I can’t if you won’t listen to me!”
“You’re not the princess, Shay,” the general reminded me. “We don’t expect you to save us.”
Not anymore. Although he said it gently, the comment was like a slap to the face. I looked to Brynjar, but he remained mute. I wasn’t the princess. The fates and stars were not going to align to help me win this battle. I no longer held any power over these men, this kingdom. I was just a silly girl.
“I guess you’re right then. We do need my mother.” My hands were shaking. Perhaps my entire body. God, it was hot. I felt faint. I started for the tent flap, eager to escape before they noticed. “I’ll see what information I can get from her.”
“Shay,” Brynjar called out.
I hesitated, hopeful, so close to Bryn that I could feel his heat. I needed to hear his words of comfort. Needed to hear that he was on my side. Bryn always said the right thing. “Yes?”
“We think it best to continue the ruse.”
Confused, I turned to face him fully. “What do you mean?”
“We mean,” the general started. “If the men find out now that there is no princess, no one to save them, their morale will suffer. So, we think it best if you keep pretending to be the princess…for now.”
No words of comfort. No taking my side. Only more pretense. I nodded, feeling used and dirty. Another act. Another play. I felt like I’d been pretending my entire life. “I’m going with you when you meet King Aksel.”
Not bothering to wait for their agreement, numb and disconnected, I strolled out of the tent and across camp. Flies buzzed around the area, no doubt drawn to the death and carnage.
In the distance, I could hear the battle. The clang of swords, the cry of those who were dying. It was far enough away that we could escape, if needed, but it seemed so close.
I didn’t miss the way the men bowed their heads as I swept by. How would they feel when they knew they’d been duped? They were bowing to a soldier’s daughter. How humiliated they’d be. If they hadn’t resented me before, they sure as hell would now. There was a sorcerer out there somewhere. There was a queen destined to save them. They were stuck with me.
“There you are,” my mom snapped the moment I stepped into the tent. Gone was the smile, the friendly, caring tone of her voice. “I assume they’re treating you well?”
I nodded and sank onto a chair near the corner. It was a large tent with a rug on the dirt floor, two cots along the wall with fur blankets, a small sofa, a washing stand made of porcelain, and a tray full of cheeses and fruits. I almost laughed, it was so typical of her to take advantage of a situation. No doubt she’d demanded as much finery as she could get the moment she’d arrived.
“Good.” She went to the tray of food. “I was worried.”
Surprised, I looked up at her. “Were you?”
“Of course.” She hesitated, a purple grape between her long fingers. Her eyes turned cold, mean. “So, were you just going to leave me there?”
“No. Of course not.” I didn’t know why I felt the immediate need to defend myself. Even more of a need to apologize. “I didn’t really have a chance to return for you.”
“A chance?” She collapsed onto her sofa and popped the grape into her mouth. “You were in the castle, from what I’ve heard, for weeks before you disappeared into the mountains with that prince. Did you even ask about me? Worry about me?”
I shifted. “Yes, of course.”
She snorted. “I bet you couldn’t wait to get rid of me. Wanted to hog the glory for yourself. You wouldn’t want me to tell them what you’re really like. The truth.”
The truth? I was tired of feeling guilty. I owed her nothing. Fury burned a bitter path through my body. Slowly, I stood. “What am I really like?”
“Lazy. Ungrateful. Common.” Her face pulled back into a snarl. “Let me tell you a little secret, Shay. You’re not the princess.”
I didn’t react, although I was shocked. Hell, she’d known all along. She’d known and hadn’t told them.
She laughed, looking so smug. “Surprised? That’s right. But I’m willing to keep your little secret. As long as you do me right. Think of what we could have if we worked together.”
Had it always been about greed with her? I was just a pawn in her quest for power. For money.
“Don’t look at me like I’m a greedy bitch. They didn’t give me enough money to survive, we weren’t supposed to be on Earth that long.” Her eyes filled with tears, surprising me. “You have no fucking idea what I had to do just so we had a roof over our head. No idea!”
She was right. I didn’t.
“And what about the fates?” I asked softly. “The princess is supposed to save the kingdom.”
She shrugged, lounging back in the corner of her sofa. “I wasn’t lying. I do know some information. I can help your people.”
“They’re your people too.”
Her face went to stone. The same look she’d gotten any time I tried to ask her about our family, our country, our past. As if all emotion fled. “They stopped being my people the day they sent me to Earth with a brat baby.”
They hadn’t forced her. She’d volunteered, but she would blame them, blame me, because it was easier than taking responsibility for her decisions. “How did you even get back to this realm?”
“It’s so stuffy in here, I can’t stand it.” She surged to her feet and strolled to the tent flap. “Think about it, whether you want to keep pretending to be the princess or not, either way, you need me. In other words, don’t piss me off, Shay.”
With that loving warning, she left.
I hesitated, feeling lost, unsure.
And I realized in that moment, the one person I
wanted to go to, the one person I trusted the most, was Makaiden…the same person born to be my enemy.
Chapter Nineteen
Makaiden
It was a bad idea.
We all knew it.
The general blatantly asked if it was a trap.
Brynjar said it would probably get me killed, and he hadn’t seemed the least bit saddened by the thought.
Shay had been the only one who hadn’t questioned my motives.
She understood.
She knew I had to try.
These people were my family. My friends. My home. My last chance.
Although I couldn’t condone what they’d done, what they were doing, I also couldn’t let them go. At least not yet. Certainly not when my sister was involved. But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that a large part of the reason why I put my very life in danger by confronting my uncle, was for Shay. Shay, who had come into my tent shaking and pale because her mother had arrived.
Me.
She’d come to me when she could have gone to anyone else. And that made all the difference. It had fed my ego. Damn, if I hadn’t wanted to shove it into Brynjar’s stoic face. Instead, I’d offered her what little comfort I’d been able to, even though it hadn’t done a bit of good.
But I could admit, at least to myself, that there was something dark and possessive about the way I felt toward her. It was a feeling that I’d experienced in New York, and it had only grown the longer we were together. I knew without doubt that she was mine, and I was hers. And nothing, nothing, would prevent us from being together.
A cool breeze swept down from the mountains that stood to the west. There was something on that breeze I couldn’t quite identify. Something that made me uneasy. I shifted my gaze to the snow-topped peaks.
A warning, perhaps?
The closer the horses trudged toward the battlefield the more curious I became. How would it feel to look into the eyes of my people after having been gone a year? To see the men with whom I had shared a life? To come face to face with subjects who were supposed to obey my commands, and were now lined up ready to do battle against me?
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