by J W Cotter
As the town car took the corner at a bit of speed the old woman momentarily regretted knocking back that last brandy, the double one. Only a little burp surfaced, lucky, as for a moment she thought the brandy was going to return the way it went in. Wet and fast.
“George, not so fast” she said tapping the headrest of the driver’s seat. An apology and an immediate shift down in gears was the response and the woman continued to look out the car window as it drove cautiously through the streets of London, its doors firmly locked and windows closed. Nearing almost eight decades in the city she was glad she never left for longer than a month as the city changed so rapidly she feared she might have missed something, and she hated to miss anything. Although she wouldn’t have wanted to have been anywhere else when her grandson’s mother died tragically, she had to miss two evenings of bridge and poker with her quintet of London ladies who knew everything that happened in the city.
Eventually the car came to a stop outside a large townhouse, three storeys tall with staff quarters in the basement. There were twelve houses on the street, each pristine and well maintained, as was the street with its own security personnel and maintenance staff. After all it wouldn’t be nicknamed Millionaire’s Row with burnt out cars and overgrown weeds everywhere. George promptly exited the car and opened her door and she was met with a little chilled wind. The furred wrap she was wearing offered little shelter from it, but the large amounts of brandy kept her warm.
“Thank you George, now don’t forget I’ve morning tea with the Dowager Countess at half nine” she smiled as she climbed the first step.
“Yes Ma’am” he replied watching as she carefully negotiated the steps. He wasn’t quite sure whether she was being cautious because of her age or the fact that her legs were pretty useless after the drink. The door opened just as she reached the porch and out popped a young woman, dressed plainly in a black shirt and pants. As the door closed to the London Street George drove off saluting one of the guards as he went. Within the house the young night housekeeper/maid/cook/counsellor took the wrap from her employer and placed it delicately in the closet in the foyer.
“A pleasant evening Ma’am?” she asked as the old woman took a seat in the main reception room.
“Oh yes quite enjoyable, although that boar of a woman, Lady Ashcroft kept going on about her new charity, no wonder I’m so damn tipsy” she replied lifting up the newspaper and glancing at the front page.
“That’s unfortunate, shall I make some tea?” she asked standing in the doorway.
“What! Oh yes that would be lovely, thank you Pippa”. Alone in the room once again she looked at the headlines. “Deaths, tragedies and taxes, why do I bloody still subscribe to the paper, I hardly ever read it” she said to no one in particular.
“Well Ma’am how could you possibly know what’s going on in the social circle without the paper” Pippa smiled as she placed a china cup and saucer delicately down on the dark wooden table.
“Don’t worry, I’d find out!” she chuckled as she folded the paper away. Alone again she suddenly didn’t want the tea and instead took a quick and quiet trip to the bar in the corner of the room and poured herself a brandy that she knocked back straight away. “That hit the spot” she smiled as she rubbed her chest. “Pippa, I’m going up” she called and made her way for the stairs climbing them as slowly as she did the ones outside. “Perhaps it’s time I invest in a bungalow, these bloody steps will be the death of me” she groaned as she slowly advanced. Pippa threw away the tea and followed the elderly woman up the stairs being sure to keep two steps behind her at all times. Once at the first floor she overtook her employer and opened the large on the landing and quickly started turning on the lights.
“You’re slipping up my dear” she said as she sat on the large Queen sized bed.
“Sorry Ma’am, the tea distracted me” she took some of the larger pillows off the bed and placed them on an antique blanket box by one of the windows.
“Good heavens the sheets aren’t even warm” she said casually with a hint of disappointment. “It’s a good thing I had that last brandy, I’d freeze tonight otherwise”. Pippa just smiled and nodded, what she wanted to scream was that the blue blood in her veins would never heat up anyway. The old woman got up and went to the bathroom adjoining her bedroom while Pippa turned up the dial on the electric blanket. A scream came from the bathroom and she dropped the dial and ran, fearing the woman had fallen and was lying injured on the tiles. She wasn’t, she hadn’t even stumbled she was just standing in front of the mirror. “When did I get this old my dear?” she asked as she rubbed her finger along the wrinkles on her face. Pippa inhaled deeply and handed her a moist towel and returned to the bedroom and turned off the ceiling light and carefully switched on a table lamp. Almost everything in the room was older than the woman, except of course the electric items. Eventually she came out of the bathroom, it felt like almost a week, and she handed Pippa her black pearl necklace, asking her to place it in the safe with her other valuables.
“Not as warm as what one has come to be accustomed to, but it will have to do” she said climbing into bed and pulling down her face mask. Within seconds of her head hitting the goose-feathered pillow she was fast asleep. Pippa turned off the lamp and slowly closed the door and returned to the kitchen downstairs where the other staff members were waiting.
“So is the Queen asleep?” the young man in the corner asked with his feet up on the kitchen table, chewing and popping gum ever so annoyingly loudly.
“Thankfully yes” she replied putting on the kettle. The kitchen was one place in the large house where the old woman almost never stepped foot in unless she absolutely needed something urgently, like a top-up. Philip had been the newest addition to the skeletal staff of the woman’s household. Nobody actually really knew what his job was but her son wanted a male in the house for security reasons so in popped Pip (his nickname!). Joy and Pippa shared their job, it was in fact Joy’s day off but they all still lived in the house. Pip had no one to share the job with and if he needed some time off he would line up a friend, one of course that was approved by the boss. Pip continued to pop the gum loudly in the kitchen so Joy refused to give him tea or a fresh cream cake she had bought in the shops. They sat in the kitchen chatting about the job for almost an hour before each of them retired to their rooms. Pip didn’t have far to travel as his room was adjoining the kitchen while Joy had the furthest to travel as hers was all the way to the third floor, a walk that wasn’t easy when coming home from a good night out.
Another few hours passed and the house was extremely quiet, the rooms were all dark and the only light to be found was in the foyer. Everyone was asleep when suddenly there was a loud banging echoing through the entire house. Pippa, being the ever reliable servant, was the first one up and down to the foyer where the banging continued frightening her.
“Pip, Pip” she whispered from the top of the stairs that led down to the kitchen. She heard a rumble and he appeared at the bottom, dressed only in his underwear he hurried up the stairs. Another bang on the door and that was enough, she was awake. Pip quickly unturned the locks and pulled the door backwards and was met with a great chill that prickled his skin and a rather burly looking man who held another younger man by the arm.
“Is this Mrs. Ederon-Spice-Griffin?” he asked in a thick London accent.
“This is the home of the Honourable Egeton-Spencer-Griffin” Pip replied.
“Aye that’s what I said” turning the boy towards the staff. “Say’s his Nan lives here”. Pippa came to the threshold her dressing gown rippling slightly in the night breeze and examined the young boy before asking him to take his hood down.
“James!” she exclaimed as his face caught the light. “What are you doing here?” she asked but before the boy had a chance to answer the brutish man pulled him back.
“Racking up a hefty fair that’s what he’s doing, three hundred and sixty four pounds, I rou
nd up” he said. Pip snorted and turned away from the door but before any of them could say anything else a shrill sound forced its way to the foyer.
“Why is the bloody door open at such an hour? Who was doing all that insufferable banging? Who’s there? Philip, Philip why are you in your underwear? Pippa why is Philip in his underwear?” There wasn’t an option for a reply as the old woman moved surprisingly fast and was upon them before they knew it. “What is all this commotion about?” she asked as she pushed passed Pippa. “James, what are you doing here? Come in out of the cold” she said taking hold of his hand and tugging him into the large foyer.
“Sorry love I need paying” the taxi-driver announced as the old woman and her grandson nearly vanished into one of the reception rooms. She turned and with a face that could have turned the freshest of milk sour she let rip on the unsuspecting man.
“Now lets get one thing straight shall we my dear man, I am not now nor shall I ever be your love. Come back in the morning, somewhat more respectable looking” she quipped, looking him up and down with her eyes narrowing.
“Sorry love but I want paying now” he smirked, it was wrong to smirk. Her eyes narrowed even further and she pursed her lips, it appeared like she was biting into the tangiest of lemons.
“My dear man I am the Honourable Catherine Egeton-Spencer Griffin, grand daughter of the fourteenth Earl of Shaftsbury, second cousin to the current Earl of Shaftsbury, Godmother to Princess Eugenie and widow of Major Jonathon Griffin and this is Holland Park where I reside. I do not deal with finances, come back tomorrow when my assistant shall be here and she will write you a cheque or continue to stand on the steps of my mansion causing a disturbance and the fine young officers down there will not be long in removing you” she finished popping her head out and waving to the two uniformed men who were already looking up anxiously. The taxi-driver turned away and walked down the steps and got into his taxi muttering and cursing to himself. “Philip could you please go and put some clothes on, you are making me cold just looking at you” she said walking into the front reception room where James was sitting looking tired and withdrawn. “Pippa, some tea, perhaps some hot cocoa if we have any” she asked. Pippa followed Pip down to the kitchen leaving the grandmother and her only grandson. “Well that was quite a surprise my boy, what brings you here at such a late hour?” she asked sitting down on the red cushioned antique chair by the fireplace. “God if only the fire had stuck it out another couple of hours” she added glancing into the fireplace where only a few embers still smouldered.
“I had to get out of there Granny” James said in a quiet hushed voice.
“I’ve been saying that for years” she replied with a little chuckle. “Do you know I begged your father to let you come live with me when your mother died, but he wouldn’t have it, said you belonged in Hamlet, ha, the only things that belong there are farmers and their sheep, no place for a young grieving boy” James looked at her, he always liked his Dad’s mom, way more than he liked his Dad and the thought of actually living with her ignited a bit of hope in his mind. “London, now that would have been the place, new school, new friends, new everything” she continued her eyes beginning to sparkle at the thought. The sparkling was almost infectious as James too began to feel it and suddenly all he could think about were the bad things in Hamlet, past, present and to come, and he wanted no more of it.
“Do you think I could stay here?”
“Well you are here now, and it is a terribly long journey back there and if my memory serves me correctly, its almost mid-term isn’t it?” she smiled a wicked smile and right then Pippa entered with a silver tray and placed it on the coffee table in the centre of the room by James. A large silver pot contained tea while the smaller one had freshly made cocoa, sugar was in cubes in a silver bowl while the milk was in yet another silver jug. Catherine, Kitty, as her closest friends called her, made her way to the coffee table. “No cake, no biscuits! Honestly do you think I need to diet or something?” Kitty sniped; Pippa apologised and left to fetch something for them to eat.
“You’re funny Granny, mean but funny” James said as he poured himself some hot cocoa, the steam rising from his china cup.
“I have to get my jollies somewhere” she winked as she sat down next to him patting his knee.
“Sir it’s time to get up, Ma’am will be back soon and if she sees you still in bed, well I’m afraid it won’t be good for any of us” the woman said as she pulled back the heavy curtains and let in the bright autumn sun. James stirred in the large four poster bed and poked his head out from underneath the warm blankets. It was a different woman, not the one from last night and not his Grandmother’s assistant. “What would you like to eat, I can make pretty much anything” she added while taking his clothes that were on the chair closest the bed and smelling them. “Oh these need to be washed” Picking up the socks that were by his trainers she bundled them all together and headed for the door. “If you have no preferences, then may I suggest egg and toast?” James looked at her standing by the door while she looked at him. She definitely learned his Grandmother’s icy stare.
“Am, you’re taking my clothes” was the only thing he could think of to say.
“Don’t worry, Pip was sent out first thing with your measurements and lets just say you have a wide selection” she replied before going to the walk in wardrobe and turning on the light. Inside were shelves of sweaters, t-shirts, jeans, shirts, a couple of suits and even some casual clothes. Belts and trainers, shoes and socks were also there along with packages of underwear. “Will this suit Sir?” she asked. James could sense a hint of sarcasm in her voice. He nodded. “And breakfast, does Sir have a preference?” she asked again, and again it was laden with sarcasm.
“The eggs will be fine” he replied.
“Very good Sir, and in case you need anything, the name is Joy” and with that she was gone and James was able to get out of bed and change. He wasn’t one for clothes; he didn’t really care what he threw on his back as long as it didn’t have any affiliations with a sport. He always felt he was bullied enough without adding to the fire. Dressed smartly and with his white streak of hair gelled beneath his blonde hair, James made his way for the dining room. He hadn’t been in his Grandmother’s house for a long time but he still knew the layout, she wasn’t one for change. The dining room was almost exactly like what he remembered it, a long narrow room with green walls and cream curtains that hung over the bay windows. Two crystal chandeliers provided both light and affluence to the room while the marble fireplace with its gold candle holders offered assistance. The table had never changed, not since the family first moved into the house almost one hundred and fifty years ago and the antique still looked in pristine condition. James sat at the top left corner of the table, the one closest the door he entered. Looking down he counted seven empty chairs and across from him another eight and imagined the types of people who had sat at this very table over the years. His imagining was quickly scuppered when the young man from last night entered the dining room. Dressed in black pants and shirt which was buttoned to the last top button he approached the table.
“Good morning Sir” he said with a smile as he placed a covered tray in front of James. James just smiled back. There was no side of sarcasm but there was coffee, something James wasn’t overly fond of. “I see the clothes fit” Philip added as he lifted the silver cover to reveal scrambled eggs on brown toast with two cherry tomatoes and a strip of bacon.
“Yes, they’re perfect. Thank you” James said.
“Bon Appétit” he replied and left James to his breakfast.
The front door suddenly banged shut and James could hear is Grandmother give out to someone, not viciously, just in her usual way and then he could hear the sound of feet coming towards him, more than just one set.
“James my boy” a voice said one that didn’t belong in the household. “My god he has grown, he’s built like a craphouse” he
added as he looked James up and down.
“Charles, do you have to be so vulgar” Kitty snapped as she took a seat at the head of the table.
“Joy’s eggs are divine, it’s the main reason I haven’t fired her yet!” Kitty winked at James, she knew Joy was within earshot.
“Ma’am your coffee” she said placing the cup on a coaster before turning to Charles. “Sir would you like some coffee?” she asked politely.
“I would my dear, preferably an Irish one!” he replied sitting down next to James.
“Joy dear, just a coffee for him, Decaf and hold the whiskey” Kitty said as the young maid exited the room.
“Spoil sport” he sniped playfully at Kitty who just turned her head and took a sip of her coffee. Charles nudged James’ shoulder and showed him a little canister nestled in the inside pocket of his jacket.
“Charlie if you think I do not know what you have in that little canister of yours, everyone in London does and I think the more challenging thing is how are you going to empty its contents without me seeing?” she smirked, her eyes glaring with delight.
“Look the Queen!” he shouted, pointing out the window and in a flash he took out the canister and sucked it dry, with both Kitty and James looking at him.
“There is something seriously wrong with you, perhaps its time you went into a home”
“Nothing wrong with me dear sister, I worked hard all my life now I get to play hard!” he replied laughing with somewhat redder cheeks than when he arrived.
“Worked hard. Ha!” Kitty snorted before finishing her coffee. Joy entered with Charles’ coffee and he gladly took it, especially when he got the slightest smell of whiskey entwined with the steam. For a few moments they sat in silence, Kitty eyeing her brother, her brother eyeing her and James eyeing both of them. There were very much alike, both tall and slender with the same high cheekbones. His hair was slightly balding at the back while hers was almost youthful looking. Not a grey strand to be seen amongst the light brown hair.
“Remind me why you are here again brother? Other than to load up on spirits”
“Dear sister how quickly you forget yourself, it was you who invited me after I did your dirty work!” he replied getting up from his chair and moving to one of the cabinets placed against the wall. He casually started opening the doors and drawers.
“You’ll be looking for a while” she said as he moved on to another cabinet. Before he could respond James finally found his voice and queried what “dirty work” his Gran Uncle was referring to.
“Well I was going to wait until later but seeing as that lush brought it up” she started before being interrupted.
“Lush! You’ve out drank me on many occasion, you’re like an Irishman when you get going” he replied, casually pulling at one of the curtains to peek behind. Kitty decided not to reply to that but instead fill James in on the dirty work she had Charles carry out. Apparently she wasn’t on the best of terms with her son at the moment either and so instead of herself phoning she asked her brother to do it, for as long as she could recall Charles and Jack were more like brothers than uncle and nephew. Jack was always an old head on young shoulders while Charles simply stopped growing up, mentally. It was agreed that James could stay for a couple of weeks, one of which incorporated the school mid-term so he would only be missing a few days of school. Kitty assured him though that once the couple of weeks were up, she would think of another ploy to allow James to stay.
The next week flew by and before anyone knew it Halloween was only days away and with it James’ birthday. His grandmother had gone into overdrive and was throwing a party for his sixteenth birthday, sending Pippa, Pip and Joy into tizzies trying to organise the whole thing. Many important guests were going to be in attendance but nobody from Hamlet or James’ school. It was unfair to ask Sebastian and William to attend a party in London, it was too far. Kitty nevertheless assured James that the party would not be full of people whose next vacation could include a wooden box or an urn. James wasn’t exactly comfortable with parties or any large gatherings but seeing as it made Kitty so happy he obliged, after all she was allowing him to stay there and he wanted for nothing.
Before he knew it the morning of his birthday had arrived and as he woke he found his room surprisingly bear. He was certain that Kitty would have placed a present in his room for when he woke but there was nothing. Joy or Pippa didn’t even come in to open the curtains or ask what he wanted for breakfast; it was all a bit strange. Still, there was no point staying in bed, and so he made his way to the door but before he opened it his Mom’s face flashed in his mind. Tears started to stream down his face, he couldn’t remember the last time he thought of her. It was different being in London with his Grandmother, there weren’t as many reminders of his mother, she and Kitty never truly got along with one another but were always civil. With one hand on the handle of the door James stood motionless, still crying and trying to imagine what he would be doing right now if his mother was still with him. She would have undoubtedly cooked him breakfast and asked what he wanted for dinner and especially dessert and every birthday for as long as he could recall there would be numerous presents, given throughout the day starting from when he woke. Tears continued to stream down his face, his eyes became so blurred he couldn’t make out anything around him and just about managed to fall back into his undressed bed. Pain etched across his chest, pain that he had never felt before not even when he was stabbed. This was a different type of pain, one that came from the soul. James writhed in agony as his mind melted with the shame that he had forgotten about his mother. Memories rushed back to James, good ones, bad ones, horrible ones and funny ones yet none of them could hold back the tears. He stayed in bed, the pain slightly subsiding as the tears dried up. Time passed and James continued to lie there, drifting in and out of sleep and finally his mind wandered to something other than his mother. Why had nobody come to force him out of bed? So with red eyes, a throbbing headache and a snotty nose he made his way downstairs, slowly. On the first landing he heard the backdoor bang.
“Hurry up, she’ll be back any minute” a voice called out from the kitchen and James watched as a young man in a white uniform rushed through the foyer and towards the voice. Placing one foot on the staircase James heard footsteps coming from behind him.
“Morning Sir” the young man said as he hurried past James and down the stairs at an alarming rate. James caught a glimpse of his uniform and the logo, he was from a florist. Following him down he stopped in the foyer and his bare feet absorbed the cold from the freshly scrubbed tiles, a shiver ran through him.
“Sir you should dress before your Gran arrives, it’s almost three and I don’t think she’ll be happy that you’re still in your pyjamas” Pippa said as she appeared off the foyer, her face flush. She looked tired and frazzled; the party planning was obviously taking its toll. James obliged and turned to go back up the stairs to dress, he didn’t want to upset his Grandmother after all she’s done for him. “Oh and Sir, Happy Birthday!” Pippa shouted after him.
Staying out of the way for the rest of the day was the wise choice as James wasn’t sure if he was over the worse of the waterworks and seeing as there was an army of planners, waiters, waitresses, cooks and entertainers James thought it best to hide in his room and plug himself into the computer and block out the world. Unfortunately the time came when the world came knocking in the form of Kitty who entered the room looking like somebody off to a wedding. No expense had been spared, her hair was delicately styled, her black dress touched the floor and her silk wrap seemed to catch the light whenever she moved. It was either that or the diamonds hanging around her neck or off her ears or either wrist or upon numerous fingers.
“My my my you look positively handsome” she smiled as she approached her grandson. He was given strict instructions to be ready for seven thirty and ready at seven thirty he was. The clothes were picked out for him, the barber made a ho
use call and all he had to do was dress himself, although he was pretty sure someone would have done that for him as well if he needed.
“Your Grandfather always looked strikingly handsome in a suit, your father on the other hand couldn’t really pull it off” Kitty said as she patted his shoulders and straightened his bow-tie. Tonight was a formal affair, black tie, which meant of course Tuxedoes and bow-ties and for some people, capes and top-hats. Seeing as it was Halloween most people wouldn’t look twice, they would however if they knew it was almost normal attire for a few of tonight’s attendees.
As the first knock on the door echoed throughout the foyer Kitty sprung from her chair, almost spilling her brandy. James was quickly ushered to the kitchen where he was to wait until all of the guests, well at least most of them, had arrived and he could make a more grand entrance. Kitty downed her drink in one breathe and banged the glass in to the chest of one of the waiters to dispose of. Pip was given the important take of answering the door and Kitty stood proud in the centre of the foyer to greet the guests.
“Lord and Lady Ashcroft and their daughter the Lady Annabelle” Pip called as the man whispered in his ear. It was common practice for members of the aristocracy to have their arrival announced, even if there were very few people to hear it.
“Michael, Sarah delighted you could make it” Kitty said kissing each of them on the cheek and placing a palm on Annabelle’s face. “Come in, come in have a drink” she added while Pippa took their coats. The five walked to the main reception room where most of the furniture had been removed and replaced with numerous small tables with chairs, each with centrepieces befitting a wedding.
“So sorry we’re early Kitty, Michael insisted he knew a shortcut” Sarah droned as she entered the room.
“Turns out he did!” Kitty loudly said as she patted Michael’s back. “Why not just show up yesterday with a tent and sleeping bags and be done with it!” Kitty whispered to Pippa. Kitty was soon with a fresh glass of brandy while she chatted with the Ashcrofts and grilled their eldest daughter on her life. “You’re one age to James aren’t you dear?” she asked, but didn’t wait for a response. “Of course you are, I was at the baptism, how is school? Any boyfriends? You know James is new around and might be joining your school, would you consider helping him if he” before she could finish the door knocked and she was up again and rushing to the foyer forgetting all about the Ashcrofts and their plank of a daughter. More Lords, Ladies, politicians and even a couple of religious professionals entered the house, most of them were announced by Pip and pretty soon the population of the house was after ballooning. It was time for James to come out of the kitchen and to greet his guests, well his grandmother’s guests, he was sure all of the people here were going to be at least twice his own age. He had asked not to be announced and so he crossed the foyer and as he walked passed a large table with piles of elegantly wrapped boxes he took a deep breath and entered the main reception room. He was right, for as far as he could see there wasn’t a single person under the age of fifty in the room. Almost immediately his hand was grasped and it was being squeezed and shaken by the most robust of men he had ever laid eyes on. As he chatted with the man, whose grey beard and moustache did nothing to hid his extremely red face, James thought he recognised one of the waiters who promptly glided by holding a tray of empty champagne flutes. Thinking it time, he left the robust man to his other slightly less robust friends and mingled more.
It was strange for James, he seemed to be managing the mingling pretty well for someone who never liked social occasions and felt uncomfortable in large crowds. As he moved from shaking hands with Lords and politicians to kissing the cheeks of elderly Ladies he found himself sneered by a small cluster of men, a bishop one of them discussing the impact social media was having on the young generation’s view of religion. He wasn’t quite sure what he was to say so he just nodded when it seemed appropriate to nod and shook his head when the bishop rolled his eyes. Thankfully Kitty appeared virtually out of nowhere and took his hand and made polite excuses to his Excellency and took James away.
“You’d need a couple of these to listen to them” she whispered in James’ ear as she showed him her champagne. The brandy was making her too drunk too fast so she had turned her lips to the bubbly. “Ladies here he is” she announced to a group of four women, each seemingly closer to the pearly gates than the last. James smiled, keeping that thought to himself, and sat down. The woman next to him was surely older than his Gran and looked extremely regal.
“My goodness look at those blue eyes, they’re magnificent” she said peering straight into James face, he could feel her breathe. “They’re not from your side Kitty, must be from your mother” she said squeezing his cheek. Kitty immediately saw the sadness twinge in James.
“James why don’t you head down to the Marquee, that’s where all the loud music and dancing is happening” Kitty smiled winking at James. Quickly getting up he left the main reception room and entered the secondary one where the French doors led to the back garden. Sure enough outside stood the large Marquee where the music was loud and the lights blinking. He followed the lit path down and found himself standing outside not quite sure what to do. There was no one in there that he knew and seeing as it was his birthday it was going to be strange to just stand there looking miserable.
“Are you James?” a girl asked. James nodded and she placed her arm within his and pulled him into the Marquee and through a crowd of young people, none of them he recognised, stopped at a table near the top at the opposite end from the DJ booth. Seven people sat there and with James and the mysterious girl, that made nine. Introductions were quick and screamed. Mason, Oswald (called Oz), Lysander (called Lys) were the boys. Winifred (called Winnie), Lettice (called Lettie), and there was a slight giggle that erupted through the group where Charlotte’s nickname was spoken. Addison (called Addy) and Olivia (called Liv) were the other two girls. That left the girl that brought James to the table, she screamed her name Rosalind along with the fact that it was her grandmother’s name and she went by Roz. James liked her name, both the long and the short, and he liked her. James sat down with them and Mason filled a glass with champagne and handed it to him, he held it and seeing as it was his birthday after all he downed it in one go. Maybe he was more like his grandmother than he knew. Patting his back Mason filled up the glass again and James happily drank it down, the bubbles tickling as they filled his stomach. Oz stressed that James should play rugby as he had the build for it and talked about it for almost three glasses until Winnie took his attention away. James just took a glance around as Mason filled yet another glass. He was in the midst of a group of interesting, confident people and he was happy, not nervous or shy, he was happy.
As the bottles of empty champagne climbed, James and Roz became closer to the point where she was sitting on his lap and they were kissing. It was James’ first kiss and it was heaven, everything he wished and imagined it would be. The girl was beautiful, funny, educated, cultured and a two years older. His eyes closed his other senses were heightened and as his tongue explored a taste he never experienced before. Then suddenly heaven started banging an eviction notice as Mason nudged James’ arm as the parentals started streaming in through the various openings of the Marquee. Kitty was first and foremost accompanied by the largest cake James had ever seen in his life. Feeling slightly tipsy Roz took his hand and together they walked to the centre of the dance floor where almost everyone had now gathered in a circle to wish him a happy birthday. He was swaying slightly, the champagne undoubtedly gone straight to his head; Roz wrapped her arm around him and somehow used her petite size to balance him.
“My darling James, I want to wish you the happiest of birthdays and hope that there will be many many more” Kitty said as she kissed her grandson on the forehead before pointing to the cake. “Make a wish” With the help of Roz, James was able to blow out the hundred flickering flames without vomiting on the cake. A h
uge round of applause erupted in the Marquee and James and Roz kissed rather passionately. Her hands were wrapped around his neck, her fingers slowly moving through his hair while James’ hands found the small of her back. Kitty’s eyes widened, but not with anger or shame. James had managed to charm the Dowager Countess’ granddaughter and if truth be known it was a match she had been praying for. Cake was quickly dished out to the guests who were sober enough to enjoy it and pretty soon it was gone past one in the morning. After two slices of cake James was after sobering somewhat and was astonished at the time, for a party he dreaded, he didn’t want it to end. People were making their way for the front door, bidding a goodnight to Kitty. It was either the lateness of the hour or the fact that a very drunk grand-uncle Charles had found the microphone and was singing had people rushing for the door. Mason, Oz, Lys, Addy, Charlie, Liv and Winnie had said their goodbyes to James with Oz instructing James to be ready for midday as he was going to take him to rugby practice and pretty soon it was just James, Roz, an intoxicated Charles and a DJ paid up until two left in the Marquee. Holding on to one another and kissing every few seconds the two were blissfully happy and felt like they belonged together. They swayed to the highly politically incorrect song that Charles was mixing the words to until Charlie appeared at the French Doors calling for Roz. One last kiss and she was rushing away with her friend, having made a date with James for tomorrow night.
Sitting back down at the table the Marquee had undergone a mass evacuation and even the DJ had managed to pack up and leave in a matter of minutes. No doubt it was a stipulation that as soon as the last guest left the workers had mere moments to follow, with all their equipment. Kitty knew what she wanted and she always got it. His head spun slightly, a good spin, as his mind wandered to the kiss mere minutes earlier. A wide smile etched across his face pushing up his cheeks and closing his eyes, he sat in silence remembering.
“Your first kiss, how adorable!” a dulcet voice said. James opened his eyes but could see no one. Suddenly he heard footsteps walking across the timber dance floor, high-heels clinking with every step.
“Who’s there?” he asked as the steps got closer.
“Whoops, sorry!” the voice replied and right in front of James in an array of red mist Lue appeared as she continued to walk towards him. Dressed in a long red woollen coat James was quite sure what was underneath was very little and as she sat down it opened slightly to reveal a bare leg. “So James how you been?” she asked picking up a half full champagne flute and drinking it down. “Ugh, warm! Still alright though I guess” she said as she picked up a second and then a third.
“What are you doing here?”
“We came to bring you home James, to Hamlet where you’re needed” James looked at her for a moment as he digested the sentence. We. That could only obviously mean that she didn’t come alone.
“Who else came with you?” Lue didn’t need to answer that question as the all too familiar tapping could be heard coming along the paved back garden. Ida, and she wasn’t alone, Kitty was following her with the most fearsome of faces James had ever seen her wear.
“James, James my darling go up to your room, this mad woman says she’s here to take you home, bloody madness” Kitty called as she overtook the slightly limping Ida to reach James first. Entering the Marquee she found James and Lue standing by the table, Lue with her fifth glass of champagne in her hand. “Who’s this wagon?” The Honourable Katherine Egeton-Spencer Griffin wasn’t one to hold her tongue and when she was slightly tipping towards the wind it did become looser.
“She’s with me” Ida said after finally reaching the Marquee and pushing aside Kitty with her cane.
“Touch me once more with that old woman and I’ll break it across your good leg!”
“Huh, I’d like to see you try” she smiled away the threat and moved towards James and Lue.
“Right, I’m calling the police, Philip, Philip, PHILIP!” Kitty screamed towards the house. Ida sat down next to James but didn’t speak or look at him; her attention remained with Kitty who was getting ever so hysterical. Suddenly Pip appeared at the entrance of the marquee and glanced inside looking kind of worried.
“Ah Philip, there you are, quick call the police we have intruders” Kitty instructed her employee and he promptly backed out looking slightly bewildered. Then there was a silence, not an awkward one, more a tense “I’m going to strangle you” one. Kitty’s eyes darted between Ida and Lue not sure which one of them she trusted least. Ida still had paid no mind to James yet continued to relish in Kitty’s discomfort. A grunt and a snort soon broke the silence and sitting up from behind one of the far tables they could make out Charles, completely inebriated with his tie missing and his shirt half opened. Swaying slightly he took a glass from the table in front of him, it clearly wasn’t his as there was a lipstick stain on it but nevertheless he swallowed it back and loudly belched.
“Aye, Aye, buurrk, what’s going on here then?” he slurred and belched as soon as he realised he wasn’t alone. Kitty’s eyes left the two uninvited women and widened at the sight of her brother. Any other time she would have given him a total tongue lashing for getting into such a state but she was just happy she had someone to stand next to her, James wasn’t exactly moving from the seat although Kitty put that down to his champagne and first kiss induced dizziness.
“Charles, Charles that retched woman and her little bitch are trying to take James away” she said not mincing her words. It was funny for a moment as he tried to act sober, straightening a tie that was no longer there and buttoning buttons that had already fallen out, they were lucky his zipper was still there, and up! Breaking out a smile and the pearly white false teeth he quite remarkably steadily passed his sister and made his way to Ida.
“Such a vision” he boomed kissing both her hands with his rum soaked lips. “What brings you to my neck of the woods?” he asked holding her hands in his and rubbing them softly.
“You stupid horny old bloody leach; you’re useless get out of the way!” Kitty snarled as she took hold of her brother’s shirt collar and dragged him back and pointed him towards the exit.
“Call me you gorgeous vixen” Charles begged as he stumbled out of the marquee and into the night not entirely sure where to go. Kitty’s heart was now beating faster and little beads of sweat appeared on her powdered forehead as the adrenaline she hadn’t felt in years suddenly started pumping through her body.
“Well seeing as Philip is using carrier-pigeons to contact the police; it looks like I’ll have to get rid of you myself” she said and made her way for the table and before anyone knew what was happening the old woman had a fistful of blonde hair, with Lue’s head still attached. James was still feeling the effects of the champagne and endorphins and slumped down on the seat and was soon lying down as the commotion was kicking off all around. Kitty continued to drag Lue by the hair towards the exit all the while she kicked and screamed. Ida just shook her head in their direction. Thankfully Philip showed up and placing a cup on a table he saw to separating the two women.
“Ma’am why don’t you sit down over here, the police will be here in moments” Philip said as he guided her to the table where he placed the cup.
“Have some tea Ma’am” he added, handing her the delicate China cup. Dropping some blonde strands of hair to the floor Kitty picked up the cup and with her eyes narrow and focused on the women again she took a hearty sip and slowly her eyes felt heavy, then heavier and within seconds she was fast asleep.
“About time Pip, I don’t think a bald patch would have suited Lue!” Ida smiled as she got up from her seat using the cane to steady herself. Pip walked across the floor towards the trio and as he did his clothes slowly morphed from the black pants and shirt that Kitty required him to wear into a long flowing brown robe complete with hood and small white satchel.
“How much sand did you use?” Lue asked as she rubbed her head.
“She’ll be out till tomorrow afternoon at the earliest” Pip replied before moving over to James.
“And him, will I give him a dose?”
“No need, no need Pip, I doubt he’s going to be rising very soon. Just bring the car around, we have a long drive ahead of us and my eyes are getting sore!” Ida replied as she headed for the marquee’s exit, her cane tapping along the timber floor.