The Small Talk Code: The Secrets of Highly Successful Conversationalists
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You'll always find something similar lying around our house though. My husband is Mexican, and his mom will come
over and put a few authentic shells on the pan and fry them up and serve them as snacks. Those kinds aren't in the
stores, but there's a lady who sells them out of a cart at Bostco down on Main Street.
I'll have to go there some time!
Yeah, you should, she's great.
Anyway, I should get back to doing my work.
Okay, same here, catch ya later.
See ya.
CONVERSATION 3
Our house actually just sold.
Wow, that was fast! Didn't you just have it listed?
Yeah, it sold in two days, we couldn't believe it.
That's great for you guys. Did it sell for whatyou wanted?
Yep! Exactly. They said they want it, but we have to agree to fixing the back door first—we were like, 'Heckyeah, we'll
fix that right away!' So we took the offer and haven't looked back.
That's great. Yeah, fixing a door is a small price to pay in order to sell y our house.
Yeah, so now we just have the big pieces of furniture left to move and we'll be done—I'm so excited.
Are you moving it yourself or hiring someone?
We actually found this great non-profit moving company that donates to inner city kids. .
So, you can move and give to charity at the same time. .you can't beat that! And moving to XYZ will give you a much
shorter drive to work right?
Yeah, like 30 minutes shorter. I'll actually get to watch the six o'clock news when I get home now.
I used to drive that way all the time to visit my parents.J could do it in my sleep probably.
Yeah, I've nearly fallen asleep a few times driving that way.
There's absolutely nothing out there! It's like all cornfields.
It's the one place where I actually wouldn't mind a few billboards to look at.
CONVERSATION 4
Hey, how are you?
Good, and you?
I'm good. .I'm just trying to get everything wrapped up before I'm gone next week.
Oh yeah, where areyou going again?
Well, we were going to the Bahamas, but we decided to use the money for siding on the house instead. The siding is
partly ripped off, so we figured we might as well do it now.
I don't blame you, that's a big job. You don't want someone to mess that up and accidentally put up purple siding when
you wanted blue!
Exactly! You know the perfectionist in me couldn't stand to let someone work on my house without me there! Yeah, so
we'll just go next year.
Well, maybe you could rent a movie where they go on a tropical vacation, it's basically the same thing, right?
Yeah, right!
Like that XYZ movie, that was really good.
I never saw it. .maybe I will rent it. I'll definitely have the time, that's for sure.
Or maybe you shouldn't. .maybe it will just make you more depressed.
You're right.
I have a trip planned soon too actually - for that conference I was telling you about.
Oh yeah, that's right, you're going to that ABC conference in Vegas, aren't you? I'm jealous. .I wish I could go.
Yeah, I'm pretty excited. Actually, I'm really excited, but I don't want to show it. I don't want everyone hating me. Plus,
I'm just nervous about something going wrong. That always seems to happen to me. Last time I had a vacation planned,
my wife got really sick the night before the flight.
Oh no, that's not fun.
Yeah, it was horrible. She got that kind of sickness that only happens once every ten years. And we're really tough
about sickness.we always try to keep working. But she couldn't even get out of bed. So, we ended up not being able to
get refunds on a bunch of our reservations and losing like $1,000—it sucked!
Oh no, that's horrible.
So that's why I'm excited this time. I haven't been on vacation in a long time.
Where are you staying?
In a little place called the Bellagio or something, I don't know if you've heard of it.
Oh yeah, I may have. .
I think it has some fountains or something.
Yeah, like the coolest fountains ever—those ones?
Yeah. I'm excited.
I'm so jealous. I love going to Vegas. And I love to gamble, but I think my favorite part is the food. I love eating there.
The last time my husband and I went, we made it a goal to only spend money on food. So, we would go to casinos and
spend like a single quarter on a slot machine and then spend the rest of the time eating. It was great.
That's funny. Where do you recommend?
There is this great Italian place owned by John Smith, and I had the chicken linguine, and oh my gosh, each bite was
like the best food experience I've ever had. I go there every time now.
You're making me want to get on a plane right now!
You'll have to tell me how it goes.
Definitely!
Okay, we should probably talk about work.
Yeah, so the XYZ project.
CONVERSATION 5
We finally got rid of cable.
Oh yeah?
Yeah, we just do streaming only now.
Do you miss it at all?
Not one hit.
We got rid of ours about six months ago, and we don't miss it at all either.
We've become spoiled now though because when we find a show we like, we just binge on it for the entire week until
we're done.
I know, it's so hard to resist! Our kids will never appreciate the days of having to wait for something.
When we have to watch network TV, our kids are so confused. .they're always like 'why can't you pause it, Daddy?'
That's so funny.
Yeah, they're so cute.
Hey, I forgot to ask, how was your Thanksgiving?
Good, yours?
We only had one major incident. .our turkey exploded, so that was weird.
Oh no, really? How?
Yeah, it must have had too much water in it. We just heard a loud popping sound—it looked like someone dropped a
tiny bomb inside it. It wasn't the prettiest thing.
That's not good—did it still taste good?
Yeah, it was actually really moist—which probably isn't surprising.
Hey, as long as it's not over-dry, that's probably the best you can hope for, right?
Yeah, my mom was so embarrassed though! In 35years she has never messed up a turkey before.
Ours wasn't as crazy, but it's strange because everyone has kids and babies now. We used to all talk and stay up late
playing board games, but now everyone just wants to sleep! And if we do stay up, we end up waking a baby, so our
games never last long.
That's too bad. Yeah, silent Pictionary wouldn't be very fun!
Anyway, I've gotta go.
Yeah, me too, I'm trying to finish this really great book.
Oh yeah? What's it called?
The Small Talk Code.
I've read that, too! I loved it!
Yeah, isn't it great?
It's probably the best social skills book ever written.
Most definitely. The author is some kind of genius.
I know. Anyway, it was nice chatting with you!
FINAL THOUGHTS
You may be wondering how you'll ever start conversations like a boss with so many techniques to practice and
remember. From feeler comments, to FOOFAAE, to all the question types, to connectable opinions, there's a lot
to remember, I know. It's important to focus on one technique at a time. Because one day, after focused and
deliberate practice, the techniques transform into effortless h
abits.
A boss doesn't expend energy thinking about how to make conversation; everything is second nature.
Bosses can focus on other pursuits, work, and creating an exceptional life. Bosses can focus on being their best
selves, and that's what being a boss is really about.
Self-improvement isn't easy. It doesn't happen overnight. Even if you can't recall a single technique from
this book, you've enhanced your understanding of social dynamics, and that's a great foundation for learning
additional social skills. Your growth will continue by following the final boss rule:
From now on, in every social situation, ask yourself, "What would a boss do?" And try to do that thing.
For many more tips, techniques, and support, check out socialupgrader.com.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Geoffrey "Gregory" Peart, M.Ed, is the founder of
socialupgrader.com, the place for awesome social skills
techniques, tips, and general life advice.
Document Outline
Titlepage
Also Available
Halftitle Page
Copyright
Dedication
Frontmatter
Contents
WHO ARE THE HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL CONVERSATIONALISTS?
A BRIEF NOTE ABOUT MAKING SMALL TALK
SECTION 1: PREPARING FOR SMALL TALK SUCCESS 1. BOSSES OPTIMIZE THEIR LIFE FOR SUCCESS
2. BOSSES ACCEPT THE SMALL TALK MINDSET
3. BOSSES DON'T OVERTHINK IT
4. BOSSES SEE THE HIDDEN SCRIPTS OF CONVERSATION
5. BOSSES UNDERSTAND THE FIRST LEVEL OF SMALL TALK
6. BOSSES UNDERSTAND THE SECOND LEVEL OF SMALL TALK
7. BOSSES UNDERSTAND THE THIRD LEVEL OF SMALL TALK
8. BOSSES ALTERNATE BETWEEN SERIOUS AND PLAYFUL
9. BOSSES FIX MAJOR PERSONALITY FLAWS FIRST
10. BOSSES DON'T FORGET THE NONVERBAL
11. BOSSES MAKE OTHERS FEEL GOOD
12. BOSSES FOCUS ON EMOTION MORE THAN FACTS
SECTION 2: INITIATING NEW TOPICS 13. BOSSES GO FIRST AND GAIN THE ADVANTAGE
14. BOSSES MAINTAIN WITH FEELER STATEMENTS
15. BOSSES CONNECT QUICKLY
16. BOSSES AREN'T AFRAID TO BE GENUINE
17. BOSSES FOLLOW THE FOOFAAE FRAMEWORK
18. FOOFAAE: A CASE STUDY
SECTION 3: MASTERING THE FOOFAAE FRAMEWORK 19. BOSSES ARE COMFORTABLE WITH FEELINGS
20. BOSSES ARE SUPER OBSERVANT
21. BOSSES ARE OPINIONATED
22. BOSSES SPRINKLE OPINIONS ON EVERYTHING
23. BOSSES ADJUST THEIR OPINIONS ACCORDINGLY
24. BOSSES PASS THE OPINION SPEED TEST
25. BOSSES OFFER PLAYFUL OPINIONS
26. BOSSES ARE FACT HUNTERS
27. BOSSES KNOW HOW TO TAPP
28. BOSSES ARE ACTION ORIENTED
29. BOSSES MASTER THEIR OWN AUTOBIOGRAPHY
30. THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY WORKSHEET
31. BOSSES MAINTAIN WITH EVENT TIMELINES
32. BOSSES MASTER THEIR OWN EVENT TIMELINE
SECTION 4: KEEPING A CONVERSATION FLOWING 33. BOSSES STEER WITH CONTROL COMMENTS
34. BOSSES KEEP THE FLOW WITH SMALL TALK FILLERS
35. BOSSES CONTROL WITH QUESTIONS
36. BOSSES ASK FLOW QUESTIONS
37. BOSSES ASK THE FULL RANGE OF FOOFAAE QUESTIONS
38. BOSSES MAINTAIN THE FLOW WITH QUESTION ASSISTANTS
39. BOSSES PAINT INTERESTING SELF-PORTRAITS
40. BOSSES DISCLOSE SMALL CHUNKS
41. BOSSES PAINT SELF-PORTRAITS CONTAINING FRIENDS
42. BOSSES OWN THEIR FLAWS
SECTION 5: CONNECTING AND GROWING SMALL TALK 43. BOSSES KNOW HOW TO CONNECT
44. BOSSES KNOW HOW TO CONNECT WITH FOOFAAE
45. BOSSES LOOK FOR FREE INFORMATION
46. BOSSES DEVELOP THEIR KEYWORD RADAR
47. BOSSES HUNT FOR HOT BUTTONS
48. BOSSES OFFER SOMETHING TO CHEW ON
49. BOSSES SPRINKLE IN CONNECTABLE KEYWORDS
50. BOSSES MAINTAIN SMALL TALK WITH CONNECTABLE COMMENTS
51. BOSSES MAINTAIN SMALL TALK WITH CONNECTABLE OPINIONS
52. BOSSES ENGAGE WITH LIGHT PROBLEMS
53. BOSSES AREN'T CONNECTION BLOCKERS
54. BOSSES KNOW THE GOLDEN RATIO OF CONVERSATION
55. BOSSES ARE FANTASTIC LISTENERS
56. BOSSES ECHO MESSAGES
57. BOSSES HELP A TOPIC GROW
58. BOSSES CAN CARRY A CONVERSATION
CONVERSATION SAMPLES