Kat says, “That’s awesome. We’ll be praying for something to come through for you. It would be so amazing to have you here.”
Conversation flows between us about Kat’s next trip to photograph a dinosaur dig and some interviews she has at the Museum of the Rockies. She’s doing a journal piece on fossils, paleontologists, and archeologists in Montana.
Mindy shares about her camp this week. Jack talks about life at the coffee shop. I’m soaking it in. Honestly, I almost feel tears behind my eyes. You never know what’s missing until it’s right in front of you and you feel the hole you’ve been carrying around inside yourself fill up. I’d do anything for any one of these three people around this table. They are my family.
After supper we clear our plates. I suggest, “Hey, let’s take a walk to make room for dessert.”
Mindy looks like she did in sixth grade when she gets all giddy and says, “You made dessert?”
“You bet I did. And it’s chocolate.”
She does this little bounce on her toes when I say that.
“Y’all are too cute for words.” Kat is looking between us with a big smile. “I didn’t know if you’d ever find your way to one another. I should talk, huh? I mean, Jack and I had too many near misses. But I caught him and now he can’t get away.”
Jack comes up behind her.
“You think I want to get away? You try and make me leave you. Sorry, beautiful. You’re stuck with me for life.”
Kat smiles and leans into him. It feels good to watch my brother so happy. Feels even better to be here with Mindy. I’m hoping I can land that job at a local station right after this fire season so the four of us can have nights like this way more often.
After dinner, I drive Mindy home. We roll into the Morgans’ drive around nine. The sky is getting dark and we hear the low chorus of birds and insects as we walk toward her porch. I know we are going to kiss, and I can’t wait. I turn to Mindy and scoop her up so I’m carrying her.
“Caleb!”
She’s laughing and swatting my back.
“Put me down, Caleb Anders!”
“I would if I thought you really wanted me to, Mindy Morse. But I know better.”
She grins up at me and leans her head onto my chest while wrapping her arms around my neck.
I stride up the steps and walk over to her swing. I sit down, still holding her as I set her down on my lap. She’s looking at me with those blue eyes. I study her for that moment. I’m trying to memorize her. We’re going to be at camp tomorrow, but the kids will be there, and then I leave. I just want to commit every bit of Mindy to memory.
Mindy says, “You look so serious. Are you ok?”
“Yeah. I’m so okay. I’m beyond okay. Okay was like miles ago. I can’t even remember what okay looks like. This—you and me. I’ve had years of hoping—of giving up hope. Now you are right here with me like this. I’m overwhelmed. But, I’m so okay.”
Her mouth turns up into this peaceful grin and she leans over and brushes my lips with hers. Then she turns her head and nestles it on my shoulder, and we sit that way for a while, content being together.
After a bit I say, “You know, it kind of stinks that fire season is coming up right away. That’s what I was thinking when you asked. I mean we just connected and now I won’t be here. I know we’ll be fine. I mean, we will, right?”
“I waited for you for over eleven years. I can wait three months. Knowing you are waiting for me—I’ll be waiting, and I’ll be praying for your safety. The time will fly. Then we’ll see what’s next after you finish doing your summer jobs. But I’m not going anywhere.”
I lean in and kiss her again. I would get on one knee right now if I thought it wouldn’t be sheer insanity. I don’t know if I have enough to offer Mindy. I know we feel just right together. She’s the only girl I’ve ever wanted—I’m sure she’s the only one I ever will. I just don’t want to shortchange her with the life of inconsistency and danger I’ve chosen.
I set that thought aside as we sit comfortably on the swing together. There’s time to figure out the details of how we’ll make this work. Tonight, I’m going to watch the canopy of stars spread across the big sky of Montana while I breathe in the sweet scent of her hair and absorb the feeling of her head nestled on my chest like it was custom made to fit there.
I WAKE EARLY FRIDAY morning and take a second to remember where I am. I hear Jack in the kitchen. I trudge in to grab a cup of coffee. It helps to have a brother who owns a coffee shop. He keeps some of the best coffee at his house.
“Morning, Jack.”
“Good morning, bro. Help yourself to a cup of coffee.”
“That’s why I’m here. I only come for the coffee. You know that.”
“Well, you came to the right place.”
He bumps my shoulder and we laugh.
Jack asks me, “What’s your plan for the day?”
“I’m going to go for a run. Then I’ll shower and head over to meet Mindy for camp. After that I have to hit the road. We’re on a fire tomorrow. My fun is up. Time to work.”
“Well, I am off to the shop in a little bit, so I might not see you before you head out. Stay safe. It was so good to have you visit. I can’t even say how wonderful it was to see you and Mindy together. Like it’s been destined to happen all along.”
“Feels that way on my end too. I have to keep hitting the brakes internally. You know? We’ve already done the ‘get to know you’ and ‘see how we get along’ parts of a relationship our whole lives. Now that we added in the romantic connection, it feels like we are all the way there. It’s not like dating someone you barely know.”
“I can only imagine. Kat and I were the opposite. We got to know one another quickly, but we had to figure one another out. Something clicked right away, but we didn’t have a history. You and Mindy, you already know one another so fully.”
I sigh and rub my hand through my hair.
“Now we’re going to see how we can weather my crazy fire schedule.”
“You’ll be fine. What you two have is solid. I can tell.”
The summer camp is located on a large property right outside town. As I pull up, I see Mindy standing with a group of kids around her. She’s wearing a bright yellow shirt with “Rock Creek Ranch Camp” emblazoned on it. I worked it out with a local hook and ladder crew to bring their engine and truck so the kids can see how the equipment works. We’ll use the water from the engine to practice spraying. This company of firemen is one of the ones where I have asked for a transfer, so inviting them here is also a little way for me and some of the local firemen to get to know one another. Their vehicles are parked off to the side of the property.
I hop out of my truck and all I want to do is run over to Mindy and greet her with a hug and a kiss, but this is not the time and place. I walk over to let her know I’m here.
“Good morning, Miss Morse.”
“Well, hello, Mr. Anders. We sure are glad you could come show us what fire fighters do.”
“It’s my pleasure Miss Morse.” I wink. She gives me a little grin.
She turns to the group and says, “Kids, let’s go over to the truck and engine and let the firemen show us what they do and how we can be safe with fire.”
About forty campers are present from what I can tell. Some other camp volunteers wearing yellow shirts walk along with us.
Mindy says, “Kids, these two men are from our local fire department, Fire Station Number Three. Can you say hello to Firefighter McMasters and Engineer Dubois?”
A chorus of greeting goes up from the kids.
“And this is Fire Technician Anders. He works in Yellowstone and other forests putting out forest fires.”
The kids shout out good morning to me too as I wave to them.
We spend the next hour teaching stop, drop, and roll, talking about not playing with matches, and letting the kids climb into the tillerman seat and all over the truck. We turn the hose on the engine to low at first b
ut increase the pressure later to show them how powerful the spray can get. They practice aiming at the bottom of a pile of wood to emulate where to aim to put out a fire. Then we have Q & A.
One boy asks, “Mr. Anders, is it true you jump out of planes?”
“I used to. That kind of work is called being a Hotshot. We would jump with parachutes as part of a campaign to stop fires.”
I look over and Mindy is beaming at me.
I explain, “Now I spend more time working on the ground. I lead a crew, so I train new recruits, and I drive the truck into fire situations and plan our attack to contain a fire.”
The kids ask all sorts of questions to me and to the other two firemen with me. We wrap up with all the kids forming a line as the three of us run past them giving high fives. Afterward we stand together for a moment while the campers go eat their snack at some tables across the property.
The firefighter named Mike says, “Caleb, it was great to meet you.”
“You too. I put in my transfer to one of the stations in town. Since Bozeman fire is through the city, I have to wait to hear. It’s possible we’ll be seeing a lot more of one another in the fall.”
Mike says, “That would be great. You take care during fire season, Caleb.”
I say, “Will do. You too.”
Mindy walks over and I separate from Mike and Chase. I want a little alone time before I have to leave her.
I ask her, “Hey. Is there somewhere we won’t have forty sets of little eyes on us? I have to get going to head back to the station. We’re on a fire tomorrow. I would rather not just leave with a handshake. It would be nice to kiss my girlfriend goodbye.”
“Your girlfriend, hmmm? Let me see. Can you tell me what your girlfriend looks like, and I’ll see if I can find her?”
“Well, she’s about this tall. Prettiest thing you will ever see. She’s got silky long blonde hair and blue eyes that you can get lost in.”
Mindy says, “Why don’t you head over there by the side of the supply shed. I think she might be able to meet you there for a proper goodbye kiss.”
She gives me a wink and I’m ready to retire from fire service on the spot and get a job as a greeter at Walmart. How am I going to leave her for three months? I walk to the supply shed where she pointed. The side does block the view of the campers. When I get there, she comes around the other side with the sweetest grin on her face.
We walk towards one another. I reach down and pull her to me as I bend in and give her a kiss. She runs her fingers through my hair and grips the back of my head. We kiss knowing this is the last time we will until I come back. We’re making promises and giving ourselves to one another. When she pulls away, she looks at me with intensity.
She says, “I’m going to miss you every day you are away. Don’t wonder about that. If you think of me, just think, ‘she’s missing me’ because I will be.”
I tell her, “I can’t believe you are mine.”
“I’m yours, Caleb. I always was.”
We kiss again and then I give her a long hug. I just stand there holding her because I don’t want to leave her here and go two hours away. I know once we’re in the fire, I’ll be fully focused on safety for our team and the job at hand. Every spare minute when I’m not battling the blaze, I will be thinking about Mindy. She finally pulls her head away from my chest.
She says, “I have to go. I know you do too. Be safe.”
I stare at her and then pull her in for one more kiss.
I say, “I have to go and not look back. This is killing me. If I stay any longer, I won’t go. I have a job to do. I’m going to be back here the minute I’m off fires.”
She stands on her tiptoes and brushes a kiss on my lips. She’s got tears on the edges of her eyes. I wipe one with the pad of my thumb.
I want to say it—to say I love her. I do. I just don’t know if it’s too soon, so I say, “Goodbye, Mindy.”
“Goodbye, my sweet boyfriend.”
And she turns and walks the other way. I watch her go around the corner of the shed and I force myself to go to my truck. I drive through Bozeman fighting the urge to turn back.
As I drive further from town, my thoughts start to shift to prepare for the work ahead. Mindy is never off my mind, but my work and the intensity of what lies ahead is now kicking in.
chapter ten
Caleb
WE’RE ON A FIRE JUST outside Billings. I’m in my sleeping bag at the edge of the fire line waiting out my eight-hour shift of rest. Some of the other firefighters have pup tents up. Jared and I prefer sleeping in the open air—even if it’s a bit smoky from the fire further in.
We’re in a in a spike camp—separated from the larger group of firefighting teams—making this feel more like a real campout. I can’t sleep well. I should be sleeping, but my adrenaline is jacked up from the fire work.
We’ve been digging a trench down to the mineral soil to create a barrier for this fire. My hands ache and I’m bone tired. I’ll be back in for sixteen hours of digging in no time. I need to fall asleep. I turn to Jared. He’s awake too. I can tell by his breathing.
“Hey, man. I can’t sleep,” I say quietly.
He answers, “Yeah, me either. I’m exhausted and wide awake. Lethal combo.”
I remind him, “We’ve got to keep our attitudes up. You know that.”
“That I do. So, why don’t you tell me about this girl of yours one more time. That will cheer you up and settle us both down. Let’s tell one another stories until we get the digging and fire out of our minds. You know that usually makes us fall out soon enough. Our bodies are bound to take over at some point and require us to sleep.”
“You sure you want to hear me go on about Mindy? I mean, you don’t have things hidden in your bag to throw at me, do you?”
“Ha! No. My digging equipment is stashed in my fireline pack. You’re safe tonight.”
“Jared, she’s the one. She’s been the one, only I never thought I’d get my chance. She seemed unattainable. She’s one hundred percent too good for me.”
He gives a drowsy laugh. “That’s pretty much true about most girls.”
“Ha ha! Well, she’s not other girls. She’s funny, but not like Kat. Kat’s like life-of-the-party funny. Mindy has a surprisingly good sense of humor. She’s got the most giving heart. She’s beautiful. She listens to me. She believes in me. She loves kids—even spends part of her summers off working at a camp as a volunteer. She runs for fun and exercise and it shows. She’s beyond beautiful—but in a natural way, and she doesn’t even know it. Her laugh makes everything feel right. I miss her so much right now if I didn’t have to be here, I’d jump in my truck and go knock on her door. I’m texting her the next time we’re in cell range. That at least takes the edge off our separation.”
Jared says, “I’ve heard you talk about Mindy since we met. I’ve never seen you so full of joy as these past few weeks since you two made it official. I’m so happy for you. One day I hope I find someone who makes me feel the way you do about her.”
“I know you will. I’ll be honest. It’s most likely not going to be while you’re working this crazy fire job. I mean love can come out of nowhere. It did for my brother. But, usually, you have to be around women regularly enough to build something from nothing. With the way we work, things are too unpredictable, you know.”
Jared says, “Yeah. I know. I’m giving that lots of thought these days.”
He yawns and I hear him reposition in his bag. I feel a yawn come on. We lie in silence staring at the vast blue-black expanse overhead, spotted with stars and swirls of galaxies. Even with the haze of smoke slightly obscuring our view, we see the Milky Way and thousands of pinpricks of stars.
At some point I fell asleep. Now we’re up, rolling our bags, packing the packs. We hydrate and grab breakfast. It’s on. We’re back to digging for another 16 hours.
The fire is progressing, and we have to dig this furrow as a line that says, “no further.” O
ur air crews are dropping phosphate and water to deter the fire. If they can slow it, the flames may not even make it over to us. Either way, we will have removed the debris and made a trench that will help prevent fires from coming through this season.
We dig all day until I feel like my blisters have blisters. The air is hot from the blaze that is just beyond our sight. The only thing keeping me sane right now is the jokes we tell one another and the fact that I know this work is going to save the forest and protect local residents.
I hear Coby down the line.
“Think about it. For years people have been trying to achieve the American dream. What does that involve? A house, good marriage, kids, dog. What do we do with our days? We live in the woods like a bunch of heathens digging our young adulthood away. We spend our time swinging axes and hauling chainsaws. Anyone stopped to wonder what on earth is wrong with us?”
A few of the guys laugh.
Roy answers, “Hey, I love being outdoors. You know you love this job as much as I do. What blows my mind is when people say, ‘We’re going camping this weekend.’ Then they load the RV with all their luxuries and roll it up next to some trees. I’m like, dude, you just relocated your house. That is not camping.”
We all laugh. The camaraderie is thick between the twenty guys out on this job. We rely on one another. We’re together out in forests for up to three weeks at a time, depending on the intensity of each fire. We eat, sleep, and work together. Firefighting is hard work, but there’s really nothing like it.
WE WERE ON THAT BILLINGS fire for seventeen days. We worked sixteen hours straight most days, digging, cutting, removing debris. It doesn’t sound glamorous because it isn’t. Still, we’re considered the elite. They treat us like Navy SEALs in the fire world. Lots of respect because we are the ones right up against the fire. It’s us against the blaze. Now we’re back at the station, but there’s no break. We’re bound to be called back out in no time. This is the season—like malls at Christmas, but for us it’s fire after fire.
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