by Nella Tyler
This, above all else, made me angry.
“That may be so, but I still closed the deal. I have every right to take time off,” I answered harshly.
“Not when it jeopardizes the deal you claim you worked so hard to accomplish,” my father retorted, his eyes glistening with anger. “Besides, the deal isn’t really done until the papers are signed and since you are the serendipitous, conquering hero, we need you to be here to sign those papers, and you have not.”
“Well, I’m here now,” I answered, now showing my aggravation as I glowered back at him, taking a defensive stance.
“And yet, there has still been no signing,” he retorted.
I couldn’t believe this! There was absolutely no pleasing this man!
I huffed, unable to think of a response that would diffuse the situation and therefore, I decided to walk out.
However, as I was pivoting around, there was a knock at the door, followed by Mr. Lawson.
“Hi, Mr. Lawson,” I replied, trying to sound as though nothing was wrong. “How are you?”
Besides the fact that I wasn’t expecting to have to be pleasant when I wanted to punch a hole in the wall, I was also struck with a terrible sense of fear. No longer was Mr. Lawson simply my boss, a man I had learned to respect far more than my own father anyway, but he was also a direct connection the woman who had become my forbidden fruit.
The idea was mortifying, and that was not a feeling that I was burdened with often.
Somewhere within my rapid-fire thoughts, I wondered why it couldn’t have been anyone else who had come into the office. I could have taken out my angst on anyone else besides Brent Lawson.
“I’m doing well; how about you?” he asked, seeming genuine and completely unaffected by what had transpired between myself and his daughter.
Or rather, what hadn’t?
In a way, if only to get back at Mazie or simply to assuage my own instantly burning curiosity, I wanted to ask him if she had told him about our relationship.
Although I knew, even as the thought crossed my mind, I wasn’t that much of a dick.
“I am well.”
“I heard about your big victory this past week. Congratulations!” he exclaimed with far more enthusiasm than I believe my father had ever mustered in my presence.
I grinned, hoping that the earnest and due compliment from my father’s partner singed deep into my father’s cold, dead heart.
“Thank you, Sir,” I nodded in appreciative acknowledgment and left the room as quickly as I could. I wanted to look back at my father to see if he had given any unintentional reaction, but I didn’t want to look as though I was expecting anything from either of them. Therefore, I kept my curiosity to myself.
Yet, when I left my father’s office, closing the door behind me, I couldn’t help but wish that for just one second, my father could be a dad instead of a pompous, dickhead of a boss.
Although, since it hadn’t happened yet, I figured it was high time I stopped trying to draw blood from a stone.
Chapter 26
Mazie
When I arrived at the yoga class I took with Laura, I had a feeling that this session was going to prove to be anything but relaxing. From the moment I saw Laura, I knew she couldn’t wait to grill me on my personal life.
Since she was working all the time and wasn’t usually looking for commitment because of it, she liked to live through me, at least in that aspect. While she was my best friend, which gave her that right, at least to some degree, the way she went about it was often aggravating, especially when she tried to give me advice.
Considering the lack of communication that had transpired between Dexter and me, there was a good chance that I wasn’t going to like the conversation that I was certain was inevitable.
“Hey, Laura,” I tried to be casual, though I knew she was ready to pounce on the answer to her curiosity the moment it was even remotely acceptable.
“Good morning, Mazie,” she answered with a sly grin, which quickly turned into a strange, almost patronizingly empathetic expression, “You don’t look like you’ve slept in a week!”
“I’m fine, but I do agree that I need a break. That’s why I hope this is a relaxing class,” I replied, trying to give her a hint.
“I agree. I need to de-stress,” she answered, and at first, I was hopeful that she had received and respected my hint.
Instead of starting another subject, she unrolled her mat, drew in a deep breath, and focused on her chakras. However, after a short moment, I felt her eyes on me again while I tried to gain the inner peace that has eluded me for a while now.
At first, I tried to ignore her, but the intensity of her stare continued. I drew in a deep breath through my nose and let it out slowly, trying to ease the tension and help my mind wander past the awkwardness of her stare.
Eventually, though, I found my efforts were to no avail.
“Yes?” I inquired, trying not to sound aggravated.
“Class hasn’t started yet…and I have a question,” she replied with a strange intrigue.
“Okay…” I offered but said nothing else.
“Has Dexter tried to get in contact with you yet?” she asked as though the question had burst out of her and it was all she could do to hang onto the words for as long as she had.
“No, he hasn’t,” I replied, trying my best not to roll my eyes as obviously and continuously as I was in my head.
I knew she wouldn’t be able to resist, but at least she is getting it out of her system now, before class.
“See?” Laura sorted in a tone that assured me I wasn’t going to like what she had to say. That should tell you. Like I said the other day, he doesn’t give a shit about you.” I must have looked far more hurt than I intended to show, because immediately, her tone softened, “Look, I’d love to say that you were different and that he found what he lacked in you, but unfortunately, I think you were an infatuation, and as soon as shit started to get real, the fantasy died and so did your relationship.”
I scowled at her, growing angrier because I didn’t have a counter with which to argue her point.
“I’m sorry,” she offered, but as much as I knew she meant it, the sentiment was hollow. Her idea of a relationship was a mutually beneficial arrangement. It was a business transaction, in a lot of ways, and while that worked for her, that wasn’t what I was looking for.
Dexter had made me feel something. I was starting to believe that there might actually be something real between us. While it lasted, the feeling was wonderful, but now that it had apparently ended, it left me feeling stupid and vulnerable.
I sighed and shook my head, unwilling to even try to formulate a rebuttal.
“It’s okay…” I told her, and thankfully, the class started, so Laura couldn’t inquire about it again.
After class, I was sure to choose the subject quickly, in an attempt to draw her away from resurrecting what I hoped to be a dead issue, at least for the moment.
“I think this is going to be the last time I see you until after Christmas,” I told her.
“Oh?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Unless you want to come to my parent’s house with me,” I replied, “You know you’re always welcome.”
“When are you heading up there?”
“Tonight. I want to spend the holiday weekend with them, and besides, I think I need a consistent change of scenery.”
“I hear ya but do you think your parents’ house is the best place for that?”
“No, but I always spend Christmas Eve with them,” I answered honestly, “And it’s better than my apartment.”
“True, you haven’t screwed there,” she spoke quickly, but soon seemed slightly embarrassed. “I’m sorry…It’s just…Oh my God! Did you?”
“No!” I exclaimed, outraged, “I mean, TMI, but…you’re right. At least there are none of those memories there.” I made a face as the accusation fully sunk in. “Eww.”
“Sorry,�
�� she offered, raising her shoulders quickly and without much conviction, “But, I mean, it’s true.”
I shook my head.
“Well, on that note,” I simpered as I gave her a hug. “Have a wonderful Christmas, and I’ll call you later. Are you going to your parents’ house?”
“Of course,” Laura nodded, obviously annoyed by the prospect, “If I didn’t, they might actually disown me.”
“Right?” I grinned, thinking how funny how perfectly the two of our families fit together with the opposite daughter. My parents understood being busy and making a life for yourself, so the only reason I go to see them on any holiday is because I want to. They never even ask. If I show up, great. If not, they know they’ll see me soon. I’m the sentimental one, while traditional family values are inherent in Laura’s family; while she has a busy life that isn’t concerned so much with ‘family time.'
She would much rather do what she wanted, instead of making time to go someplace she really didn’t want to be.
“I swear to God, though, if they ask me one more time when I am going to get married, or God help me if they skip right over that and ask when I’m going to have a baby, I might do the deed for them and disown myself.”
I chuckled, knowing that she was more blowing off steam than she was serious. After all, she said this every year, and in a way, I knew how she felt.
Even though my parents were comfortable with the idea of the working woman, as they’d gotten older, they had wondered about grandchildren from time to time.
After all, I’m a teacher and I’m around children all day, so shouldn’t my maternal cherry be engorged and ready to pop with one of my own?
If only… I thought, trying to disengage myself from the thought of Dexter.
“I mean, if I wanted to be Mrs. Suzy Homemaker, I certainly wouldn’t be working my ass off to make a name for myself in the corporate world,” she shook her head, but reconsidered her harsh retort to an unspoken argument, “But, I mean, it isn’t that I don’t want kids…I just don’t want them now. It would disrupt my groove. Not to mention my sexy figure,” she chuckled, jutting her hip in my direction.
“Yeah, children tend to do that. Your body and your groove will certainly never be the same again. My parents think I should be practically begging a man to have a child with me, but I’m around children all day. The only way I would want that is if I found a soulmate who I wanted to spend my life with. I wouldn’t want to have a child just for the sake of having a child.”
“Just when I thought you might be growing a set and becoming realistic…” Laura snorted a laugh.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I demanded.
“Find a soulmate? Really? Just find a hot guy that you like to bang and you’ll be happier than you would with any soulmate,” she answered, obviously disagreeing with the idea of finding a lifelong love.
I didn’t respond.
Laura and I were best friends, but this was one difference that I didn’t bother to touch. She either didn’t believe in love, or she chose to believe it wasn’t for her. After all, as she had clearly stated, she had an image of fun, yet overly professional feminism going for her and she wasn’t about to give it up for something as quantifiably disastrous as children.
Thankfully, she didn’t press the matter, and I eventually was able to excuse myself.
We hugged, wished one another a Merry Christmas, and promised to call to secure our New Year’s Eve plans.
Afterward, I went straight to my parent’s house. I was emotionally drained when I got there. Although, my parents were happy to see me and beaming with the Christmas spirit, so that helped to boost my mood.
“I have meatloaf for dinner, since tomorrow we're going to have fish,” my mother explained, nearly ready to plate my dinner for me.
“That sounds great!” I answered, trying to fake joyfulness so that I didn’t have to answer a whole slew of questions. While I was close to my parents, this was one thing I didn’t feel like talking about.
Either I was successful in my pleasant deception or they chose not to sour the mood by inquiring about what was on my mind, because I was spared.
Dinner held no awkward conversation and admittedly, by the end of it, I seemed to find the ability to become more genuine in my pursuit.
After dinner, though, my thoughts traveled back to my troubles, and as soon as I could, I excused myself to walk outside, with my phone in my hand.
As though trying to keep the hope alive, I didn’t dare look at my phone until I was out on the balcony, away from peering eyes.
Yet, my disappointment was nearly palpable when the screen illuminated, but Dexter’s name was nowhere to be found among the notifications.
Still, for a few long, agonizing moments, I continued to stare at my phone, hoping that something would change.
Although, the only change was that of my heart sinking deeper into despair.
I knew I shouldn’t feel so out of sorts over a guy, especially Dexter of all people, but I couldn’t help it.
I wanted so much to forget about the time we shared together, like he had so obviously forgotten about me, but it wasn’t that easy.
After a few moments, I heard shuffling behind me before my father’s voice called my name.
“Mazie? What are you doing out here? Is everything alright?”
I turned, instinctively hiding my phone behind my back, for what purpose, I really didn’t know, and grinned, trying to feign happiness.
“Yeah, everything is fine,” I answered with a grin I hoped he didn’t know was phony.
“As much as I would like to believe you, I think I know my daughter better than that. Something is different. It has been for a while,” he replied, in a gentle, non-judgmental manner.
Even though I knew he was pressing me for an explanation, the way he went about it was almost comforting.
Still, I thought about how I wanted to proceed.
Finally, I decided that there was no point in hiding it and thus, I ended up explaining an abbreviated version of what had gone on with Dexter.
He listened carefully until I finished with, “I didn’t want to say anything because I knew that it could be detrimental to your business. Especially with the tension between Dex and his father.” I sighed as a quake of guilt erupted in my stomach, remembering the reason he had stopped speaking to me. “But, I guess, since nothing came out of it, none of that matters anymore.”
My father shook his head in understanding and thought before speaking.
“Well, while I had wished you told me, I understand your reasoning, and I appreciate it,” he huffed before connecting his eyes with my gaze seriously, “However, I never want the business…or anything else, to get in the way of your happiness.”
I grinned at him, though I was still saddened by the outcome of events.
“Dexter is a good man, and you have known him your entire life. I understand how you fell for him,” he chuckled, “Believe me, I’ve had my suspicions about the two of you for a while. I always wondered if you had ever gotten together.”
“But, the politics of it…if the relationship got serious and then failed…”
My father scoffed and shook his head, causing me to stop and stare at him in confusion.
“The business and the politics that come along with it aren’t your concern. Even if Dexter ends up owning his father’s business, the fact that the two of you are dating is still none of your concern. This isn’t your business, and if you decide that Dexter makes you happy, I would never want to come between that.”
“Thank you,” I answered honestly, “But it doesn’t matter all that much now. He’s angry with me, and he won’t even talk to me. He thinks I betrayed him.”
“Well, I am sorry. If I had known that Dexter hadn’t told his father yet…”
“No, Dad…It’s not your fault,” I insisted. “I shouldn’t have said anything to begin with. I knew what a big deal it was…”
“You were prou
d of him. Even though he’s angry now, I’m sure he’ll come to appreciate that, at least. There is no way I believe that he thinks you did it for any spiteful reasons,” my father stopped to beam at me pointedly. “If he believes that, then he doesn’t know you at all.”
“I don’t think he believes that either but he is extremely guarded.”
“Well, unfortunately, his father has never been one to help him with his personal relationship skills. Mr. Myers has never been able to figure that one out himself,” he chuckled.
I didn’t have any solid response and so a moment of silence passed between us.
“Come on,” my father urged, placing a hand on my shoulder, leading me back in the house, “Your mother is getting desert ready, and you know how impatient she can be when it comes to desert.”
“How impatient Mom can be?” I teased, raising my eyebrows at my father, who was notorious for his sweet tooth.
“Okay, maybe I’ve heard that pie call my name once or twice since we’ve been out here,” he admitted as we reached the door. “But, Mazie?”
I stopped and turned toward him.
“Everything will work out the way it’s supposed to. I believe everything will be okay.”
“Thanks,” I offered, trying to find solace in his attempt to help but was unable to be completely genuine. Realizing this, I groaned, “You probably don’t have to worry about any of it anyway, because he hasn’t tried to get in contact with me since everything happened. He probably won’t, even if he does conclude that I was only saying anything because I was proud of him.”
My father didn’t verbally respond. He simply nodded his head and ushered me back into the house, wearing a small smile on his face. I didn’t have any idea what that was about but didn’t bother to ask.
After all, that conversation had gone far better than I had expected, and ultimately, it had made me feel much better. Although, it took me a while to admit it.
I still didn’t want to let go, but not having to keep such a secret, when what happened with Dexter was the only thing consuming my mind, relieved the burden slightly.
For the moment, I assumed, that was going to have to be enough to get me through the holiday.