by Nella Tyler
It was more than just finding a convenient explanation for Cole, however; I knew that a part of me had wanted to hurt Chase by telling him that I was with someone else, that while he was away, some other man had swooped in and taken his place. I had seen the shock on his face, I had seen the hurt in his eyes, and I had gotten only a few moments of satisfaction before it had crashed down around me.
“Hi, barkeep,” Chase said sliding into place beside me. “Can we get some shots over here for the both of us.”
“I’m not drinking tonight,” I said firmly as Chase sat down.
“Yes you are,” he replied.
I glanced at his face. He seemed to have shaken off the shock and there was a new expression there. I wasn’t sure I could read it and that made me depressed somehow. So when the shots appeared before me, I thought to myself ‘fuck it’ and downed one swiftly. When I set the shot glass down, Chase was looking at me with a smile playing on his face.
“What?” I demanded.
“Nothing,” he said quickly as he took a shot, too.
He threw it back and then looked over at me. “So, are you going to tell me about this Cole?”
“Umm, no.”
“Come on,” he prompted. “I’m curious.”
“Too bad,” I replied.
He kept staring at me and the more he did, the more self-conscious I became. I figured the best way to combat that would be to keep drinking, so I took another shot and glared at him. “Stop staring.”
“Sorry,” he replied easily. “That I can’t do.”
I sighed in frustration and grabbed another shot. A part of my brain registered that I was going too far with the drinking and I was also vaguely aware of the fact that I hadn’t drunk much in the last four years so my alcohol tolerance had significantly reduced. I was dangerously close to being drunk and I had only been there an hour.
It didn’t help that Chase kept looking at me as though he wanted to throw me across the bar and take me in front of everyone present. I felt my thighs heat up and moisture begin to form between my legs as I grabbed another shot. Chase’s smile stretched into a grin as he saw me down the shot.
“Don’t you have anyone else to talk to?” I demanded.
“Please,” he said shaking his head. “I came here for you, and no one else.”
His words sent a thrill of heat racing through my body and I became painfully aware that the alcohol was messing with my willpower. With every shot I took, it became harder and harder for me to resist him. I looked around for Beth, hoping that she would be able to save me from a bad decision, but she was nowhere in sight.
“Who are you looking for?” Chase asked, leaning in a little.
He smelt so good, and I backed away from his intoxicating presence. He didn’t seem to mind; in fact, he leaned in further so that his dark gaze trapped me.
Beth was right – the stubble suited him. He looked more intensely masculine, more powerful, and more confident than he ever had before. I could detect changes in him, both physically and otherwise, but they were subtle and every one of them suited him. It was infuriating.
“Whatever happened to the gym you dreamed of owning one day?” Chase had the gall to ask me.
I gave him side eye and grabbed another shot. “It got delayed a bit,” I replied. “But don’t you worry, it’s still happening.”
“I always knew you could do it,” Chase went on. “With or without me.”
“I’m glad it was without you,” I said firmly as I turned to him. “Now when I look at my business, all I’ll see is myself and my accomplishments. It won’t have anything to do with you.”
If he was hurt by my words, he did a good job of hiding it. “Then I’m glad I wasn’t involved, either,” he said. “I wouldn’t have wanted it to have anything to do with me. This is all you, Lauren, and you should be proud.”
I turned away from him. It was incredibly annoying how he managed to turn around every single thing I said and still come off sounding like the more evolved one. I gritted my teeth and grabbed another shot. The moment I finished it and slammed it down against the bar, Chase grabbed me by the hand and pulled me to him. That was the first indication I got for how drunk I was because my body didn’t seem to have a will of its own. Chase pulled me and I went.
“Where are you taking me?” I asked trying to muster up the necessary force behind the words.
“To the dance floor,” he replied. “And this time, I want to see you dance.”
He took me to the center of the floor so that we were lost in a crowd of bodies and pulsing lights that distorted our faces and made us look like we were camouflaged. I glanced around.
“Nobody’s watching us, Lauren,” he leaned in and whispered in my ear. “It’s just you and me now.”
And oddly enough, I believed him. A sea of bodies surrounded us, and yet I felt utterly alone with him. It was the strangest sensation, but I suspected even at the time that it had something to do with all the shots I’d drunk. I decided not to think about it. I decided to simply be in the moment and dance.
Chase’s body was right up against mine the whole time. I could feel his hands on my hips, my stomach, and my torso. His eyes never left my face and his hands never stopped exploring. If I had been sober, I might have stopped him, but I was past the point of caring or resisting him. I was blissfully open to the night’s possibilities, and I found it freeing.
The more we danced, the less inhibited I became. I grew more relaxed and Chase grew bolder. His hands travelled to my ass, cupping it slowly and pulling me to him with purpose. He bent his head down and kissed my neck and when I didn’t resist him, his lips travelled up until he was kissing me on the lips.
It was the first time in four years that I’d been touched this way and I realized how much I wanted this. But it wasn’t just about sex. It was about him. I wanted him. I wanted him to defile me and ravage me and take me hard against any surface he could find. I wanted to feel him inside me and I wanted to remember what it felt like to be whole again…even if it was for just an hour.
He was the first man I had ever slept with, he was the only man I had ever slept with, and I had believed at one point that he would be the last man I would ever sleep with. With those thoughts circling in my head, it was impossible for me to think straight. It was impossible for me to make a sensible decision and walk away from this. Because when he was kissing me, it felt like everything was okay.
“Come home with me,” he groaned in my ear and I could feel the strength of his erection at my waist.
I barely hesitated. “Okay,” I replied. “Let’s go before I change my mind.”
We stumbled out into the cold night air and Chase hailed a taxi. We stayed on opposite ends of the back seat, barely looking at each other the whole time. We didn’t say two words to each other. There was nothing to say. The atmosphere was so charged, so full of lust and sex and passion, that it did all the talking for us.
It had been a long time since I’d found myself at Chase’s parents’ house. It looked unfamiliar somehow, as though the new flowers outside the drive and the fresh coat of paint had transformed it completely. I waited till Chase paid the driver and then I followed him upstairs to his room.
I didn’t have time to notice anything about his room because the moment he closed the door behind us, he was on me and it was nothing like it had been on the dance floor. He was like a ravenous animal whose appetite needed to be satiated. His lips were everywhere and left a burning trail of heat wherever they landed. His hands tore at my dress, pulling it off me within seconds so that I was naked while he was still fully clothed.
My hand reached for his penis and wrapped itself around the length of his erection inside his pants. I felt him shudder against me and took the opportunity to remove his shirt and unbuckle his belt. When we collapsed backwards onto his bed, we were both naked, both clawing at each other like starved animals seeking water. I wanted him inside me.
“Lauren,” he whispered,
rubbing his erection against my clitoris. “Lauren…fuck, I’ve missed you.”
I felt my body tense at his words, and I squeezed his penis harder, hoping that would put an end to the talking, but he just continued. “You’re so perfect, you’re so fucking perfect. I should never have left you behind.”
I removed my hand from his penis and slammed it down against his mouth. “Stop talking,” I said fiercely. “Stop talking now.”
He looked at me as though he were not sure what I meant.
“You want to fuck me?” I asked. “Fine, go ahead, my body is yours for the night. You can fuck me till there’s no life left in your body. I want you take me in every position you can think of, I want you make me cum over and over again, I want you to cum on me, and I want you to enjoy it. But what I don’t want is to hear about your feelings or your mistakes or your regrets. I don’t want to hear about love. This is not love – this is sex. So shut up and fuck my brains out.”
I removed my hand from his mouth and challenged him to defy me. His response was to push himself inside me with such force that I screamed and reached for the headboard just for something to grip. He did exactly what I asked of him. He fucked me until he couldn’t fuck me anymore. He fucked me till my body was sore and my legs were shaky. He fucked me in eight different positions until sweat trickled off both our bodies and mixed together.
He didn’t handle me gently or sweetly or tenderly. He was rough and wild and unapologetic. He left marks on my skin just as I left marks on his. He made me cum until I was screaming with my hands in fists and my body quivering with desire. And then he pulled out at the last possible minute and came on my breasts, his entire body shaking uncontrollably, as though it were possessed.
I stared up at him as he knelt over me. There was still a slight resemblance of the boy he used to be, the boy I had fallen in love with all those years ago. But we were both different now. Everything was different now.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chase
It was like the first time all over again. Except this time, I knew what I was doing. There was so much I wanted to say to her, but she was in no mood to hear it. She wanted to fuck, plain and simple. I sealed my mouth shut and did exactly what she had asked of me. If lust was my in, then I was going to use it to win her over.
We fucked like animals because I knew that was what she wanted. Her body had changed very little, but she had stretch marks around her stomach that I couldn’t understand. It didn’t matter; I ravaged her like I had dreamed and it was better than my imagination could ever have hoped to accomplish. Afterwards, I collapsed onto my back beside Lauren as she reached for a tissue to wipe her breasts. I reached for the tissue to do it, but she resisted my attempt.
“I can do it for you,” I said.
“No, I can manage,” she replied, and I let it lie.
She was breathing heavily, too, and I was satisfied that I had made her cum so many times. My body felt drained, but it was the good kind of fatigue that made you feel full and whole again. I turned to my side so that I could admire her body. My eyes tracked the swell of her breasts, the flatness of her belly, and the curve of her hips.
Her hair was a mess of brown curls that lay across my pillow casting patterns on the shadows there. Her green eyes were turned away from me so I couldn’t see their brightness. I ran my fingers between her navel and her breasts as I leaned into her so that we could find that cozy sweet spot that had always helped me sleep in the old days.
She cleared her throat heavily as I tried to bring her closer to me. Then she removed my hand gently and sat up in bed. “I have to go,” was all she said.
“You have to go?” I repeated stupidly. “It’s late.”
“I can get a cab.”
“If you have to get home, I can drive you,” I said. “I just thought—”
“You just thought what?” Lauren asked as she turned to me with that new fierceness in her eyes.
“I…I thought it would be nice if you could stay,” I suggested.
She gave me a smile that was anything but warm. “I’m not staying, Chase. Either you can drive me home, or I’ll get myself a cab.”
Then she got off the bed and proceeded to get dressed as though I wasn’t watching her every move. She seemed unconcerned by my gaze, but from the way she studiously avoided my eyes, I knew she was conscious of herself.
“I can’t convince you to stay?” I tried one last time.
“No,” she replied shortly.
It was strange how quickly the magic of the past few moments had dissipated. I had actually believed I was making some headway just to find myself at a brick wall. I was started to realize that there were invisible changes I had missed before. There was a new hardness in Lauren and I suspected it had a lot to do with me.
“Okay,” I nodded as I swung off the bed and started to get dressed too.
Lauren stood by the door waiting for me to put some shoes on. Every once in a while, her eyes would survey the room as though she were trying to fight off the memories.
“You have a new bed,” she observed.
“It was a welcome home gift from my parents,” I replied.
She hesitated a moment. “How are they?”
I glanced at her and noticed she looked slightly uncomfortable. “They’re fine,” I nodded. “They’ve managed to find some peace after Braden’s death. Mom said she tried calling you a couple of times.”
Lauren sighed. “I know. It was wrong of me not to call her back, but….”
“But?”
Her eyes flashed to mine and then away again, “I was trying to move on with my life and I didn’t want constant reminders of a past I was trying to leave behind.”
“Oh,” I said because I had nothing better to say.
“Will you tell her I’m sorry?” Lauren asked after a moment’s silence. “Your mother has always been really good to me. She didn’t deserve to be ignored.”
“I’ll tell her,” I nodded as I stood up and walked towards her. “Lauren, I—”
She must have suspected that I was going to get sentimental on her because she didn’t let me finish my sentence. “Let’s go,” she said abruptly, cutting me off as she turned and walked out the door.
I had no choice but to follow her downstairs and outside towards Dad’s car. I unlocked it and moved to hold the door open for her, but she gave me a pointed look. “That’s unnecessary,” she said. “I can open my own door.”
“I know you can,” I said with an amicable smile. “I’d just rather do it for you.”
She rolled her eyes and got into the front seat. I walked around and got behind the wheel, aware of how quickly the atmosphere had changed. Now that we had used up all the sexual tension between us, there was nothing more than stiff silence and four years’ worth of wasted time. We had both sobered up too, and that didn’t exactly help matters.
“Where to?” I asked as I turned on the ignition and moved down the drive.
“Corner of First and Maine,” Lauren replied. “Thistle-Brick Apartments.”
“You live with your mother,” I said.
“Yes.”
“How has that been?” I asked, hoping to get an easy flowing conversation started.
“How has that been?” she repeated with raised eyebrows as though she were stumped by the question. I had to admit it wasn’t the best, but I was desperate to get her talking about anything.
“Well…I just…. What’s it like living with her?” I asked stumbling over my words.
“I’ve lived with her before, you know,” Lauren pointed out. “The first eighteen years of my life.”
“Right,” I nodded sheepishly. “Right. How is she?”
“Fine,” Lauren replied shortly.
“That’s good,” I nodded. “Is she still the caretaker at Hoffman’s?”
“Yes.”
“She really likes the job huh?”
“I assume she does,” Lauren replied. “There’s no other reason f
or her to have stayed there so long.”
“Right,” I nodded. “You mentioned that you were starting up your business soon.”
“I am.”
“When is it launching?”
“Soon.”
I sighed inwardly at her clipped answers, but I couldn’t blame her. I was a little surprised that the conversation was so forced after what we had just shared, but I also knew that it was naïve to believe that good sex could solve everything.
“You look the same, you know,” I remarked. “Still beautiful and confident and completely unaware of how beautiful you are. Still the same.”
“Funny,” Lauren replied. “You look completely different to me.”
I glanced over at her. “I do?”
“I barely recognize you anymore,” she replied.
I knew she was trying to hurt me, but a part of me was glad for that. If she was trying to hurt me, it was because she cared. She still cared about how things had gone between us and she cared because she still had feelings for me. I wondered if this was just more wishful thinking and I decided it wasn’t.
“How are the old clients?” I asked. “Ray and Travers and Lucille?”
“I wouldn’t know,” Lauren replied. “I lost contact with most of them after I stopped training them.”
“Right,” I nodded. “There’s no one you still keep in touch with.”
“They’re my clients, Chase,” I replied. “Not my friends.”
“Right,” I said, and then I felt self-conscious because I realized I was saying “right” a lot. “Is Romano’s still open? They had the best ice cream.”
“Chase, you don’t have to make conversation the whole way there,” Lauren said with a sigh. “I’m perfectly happy to sit here in silence.”
“But I want to talk to you,” I said. “I’ve missed you, Lauren.”
She didn’t answer. Instead, she turned her head to the side so that all I could see was her shiny, dark hair that formed a curtain over her face. I refused to give up, though. I had to keep trying no matter how long it took.
“It’s strange being back in L.A.,” I said as though she had asked me the question. “Everything feels different somehow. Especially compared with the Middle East. But I suppose that’s to be expected.”