by Nella Tyler
“Of course,” I nodded.
She held my gaze for a moment and all I wanted to do was give me an answer. Was I in or was I out? I just wanted to know.
“I met your brother once,” she said abruptly. “A long time ago.”
“You did?” I asked in surprise.
“Braden Morgan, right?”
“Yes,” I nodded.
“He was a gifted soldier,” she said. “And, he was devoted. I don’t think he would have ever retired from the military willingly.”
“That sounds like Braden,” I nodded.
“Did you know he was offered a placement here, too?” Ms. Patton asked.
I looked at her in surprise. “I didn’t know that.”
“He refused to even sit the tests,” she smiled. “He said he loved travelling too much to give it up. You’d have thought he was travelling to exotic lands and staying in five-star hotels.”
I shook my head. “That gives me some consolation at least,” I said. “At least he never felt like he was missing out on anything.”
Ms. Patton looked at me pointedly. “I suppose my question to you is, would you feel the same way?”
“What?” I said, unsure of what she was asking me.
She smiled. “You’ve got a place here in Camp Pendleton, Mr. Morgan, but it means staying put.”
I just blinked at her.
“Perhaps you need some time to think about it.”
“I…no,” I said quickly. “No time needed. I’m in.”
“You’re sure?”
“A hundred percent,” I said. “This is perfect for me.”
She nodded and smiled. Then she extended her hand out to me. “Welcome to the team, Mr. Morgan.”
“Please,” I said. “Call me Chase.”
I practically floated to my car, and I drove the whole way home with music blasting through the radio. I felt like I was on the top of the world. Now all I needed was Lauren at my side and life would be perfect again. I ran into the house the moment I parked and yelled for my parents.
“Mom!” I screamed. “Dad!”
“Chase?” Mom said in a panicked voice as she emerged from her den at the top of the stairs. “You’re back. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” I assured her. “Where’s Dad?”
“He’s out at the moment,” she said as she came down the stairs. “How did things go at the camp?”
I laughed out loud. “I’m in!” I said enthusiastically. “I’m still technically working for the military without actually being in it.”
“So you’re here for good, then?” she asked in delight.
“Looks like it,” I nodded.
She stood there for a moment on the last step and closed her eyes as though she were praying silently. I stayed silent until she opened her eyes again and ran towards me for a hug. “That is the best news I’ve heard in a long time,” she sighed.
“I figured you’d be happy.”
“Happy?” she repeated. “I am thrilled! Now I don’t have to worry about you anymore.”
“Liar,” I said fondly. “You’ll still worry.”
She laughed. “Yes, that’s probably true. But it won’t be the same type of worry.”
She hugged me again and then took a step back. “And now that you’re really and truly back, what’s the game plan?”
“You’re talking about Lauren, aren’t you?” I said.
“Of course I’m talking about Lauren,” she nodded. “And Cole.”
“Cole,” I almost whispered the name.
“You’re going to fight for them, aren’t you?”
I smiled and nodded. “I made a lot of mistakes the first time around,” I admitted. “I’m not going to make those mistakes again. Now that I’m stable enough to make some promises to her, I’m going to go all out. And this time, I’m not going to break any of them. I’m going to do whatever it takes to get her back.
Mom nodded up at me. “That’s my boy,” she said with pride.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Lauren
He told me he was picking me up at four o’clock. It was early, but I didn’t ask any questions. My mind was working overtime as it was trying to keep my nerves in check. The whole week I obsessed about our upcoming meeting…I refused to call it a date out of fear of the word and the implications it held.
I had spent the whole morning with Cole. We had woken early, gone for a walk to the park, and then we’d come home for breakfast with Grandma. Then we’d spent some time making Lego houses I dropped Cole off at Casey’s house for a play date. I’d walked back home thinking about Chase. The moment I got home, I called out for my mother, but she hadn’t gotten back from work.
So I moved into my room and lay on my bed, staring at my ceiling, wondering what the hell I was going to do with myself until Chase showed up. It wasn’t that I didn’t have anything to do; my weekends were usually crowded with chores. It was that I knew nothing would keep me distracted enough and I knew that if I attempted some of the household chores I’d been meaning to get to, I’d only do a half-assed job.
I suppose that was what led me to my shoebox full of letters. I approached my closet gingerly, as though I was scared of what was inside. Then I crouched down and pulled out the shoebox that had gotten a little heavier as the years had gone by. I closed my room door and went to the bed, settling the box of letters between my legs.
I stared at it for a long time, as though I was Pandora and this was the box I was told never to open. I removed the top and stared at the letters inside it. To the side was the little box that held the brooch I had received from Mr. and Mrs. Morgan on my graduation. I had worn the brooch a few times since receiving it, but only on special occasions. I’d worn it at Cole’s christening, his birthdays, and mine.
I’d never really thought about why I’d chosen to keep the brooch with Chase’s letters instead of in my jewelry box. I took the brooch out and examined it carefully. It was a beautiful piece and I knew it couldn’t have been cheap. I had always loved it, but I had always associated it with Chase, considering it came from his parents. Perhaps that was why I’d kept the brooch with his letters from the beginning.
I set the brooch aside and picked up the first letter Chase had ever sent me. It had been posted more than four years ago and it suddenly stunned me that I’d managed to keep from opening it all these years. Now, it didn’t seem so daunting to open them up and see what was inside.
It felt almost like an auspicious moment. The letters had been sitting untouched in my closet for so long that the possibility of opening one felt like a ceremony. I ripped open the first letter he had ever sent me and just as I was about to pull out the piece of paper inside, I heard my mother call my name.
“Mom?” I called. “I’m in my room.”
A moment later the door opened and she popped her head inside. “Hi, honey,” she said. “What are you—”
She stopped short as she noticed what was in my hands. “Oh,” she said.
I gave her a confused smile. “I felt like seeing what was inside,” I said sheepishly.
“I’ll leave you to it then,” she said, ready to back out of the room.
“Wait,” I said quickly as I set down the letter without opening it.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“I’m scared,” I said honestly.
She hesitated for a moment before she stepped into my room to sit down next to me on the bed. “What’s scaring you?”
“I don’t know exactly,” I admitted. “I just feel like…there’s four years’ worth of words and thoughts and stories in here. I don’t know what to expect.”
“What made you want to read them now?”
“After I agreed to this…meeting,” I said stumbling over the word. “I guess it just opened me up. I started thinking of….”
“Of what?”
“Of the possibility of Chase and I,” I said. “I think I’ve started to hope again and I’m not sure if tha
t’s a good thing.”
“Of course it’s a good thing, sweetheart,” she said adamantly. “It’s a wonderful thing.”
“I’ve been angry with him for so long,” I said softly. “I’ve been bitter and hurt and resentful for so long that I don’t know how to not be bitter and hurt and resentful anymore.”
“You’ll figure it out,” she said gently. “Once you stop over thinking things.”
I sighed. “I don’t know if I can stop over thinking things,” I admitted.
“You can try on this…meeting of yours tonight,” Mom said using the default word that I had taken to using.
I smiled. “We’ve both made mistakes,” I said mostly to myself. “Maybe I should remember that. Chase’s mistake was leaving me behind and my mistake was in not telling him about Cole. You were right, Mom, and so was Beth. I should have told Chase that I was pregnant. I was felt too…betrayed.”
“The fact that you acknowledge that is a big deal, Lauren,” she said, stroking my head. “Maybe you should say as much to Cole.”
“I plan on doing just that tonight,” I said.
“You’re going to tell him that Cole is his son?” she asked softly.
I nodded. “Yes,” I said. “I feel as though I have to.”
Mom smiled. “It’s going to be okay, darling,” she said comfortingly. “Chase is a good man. He will understand.”
“What if he gets angry?”
“Maybe he will,” she said. “But I don’t think he’ll stay angry.”
I sighed and looked down at the letters. “I think it’s time I see what’s inside them,” I said.
Mom nodded left me to my room to give me some privacy. The moment I was alone, I pulled out the first letter and read through it as slowly as I was able. Once I had finished, I read through it again. They were the words I had always longed to hear. He was sorry, he regretted everything, he wanted me back, and he loved me. The words were plastered over the paper like a poem, and I couldn’t stop reading it.
I set it aside and looked for the second letter I had received. Once I was done with that, I moved on to the next one, and then the next one, and then the next one. I didn’t stop reading until I had read every single letter that Chase had sent me. When I was done, all I could see were his words plastered across the backs of my eyelids, a canvas of his life over the last four years and his prevailing love for me through it all. Little snippets of each letter flashed through my mind and I could almost imagine Chase sitting in a dark bunker writing them out.
Lauren, I miss you so much. Sometimes in the morning before I’ve opened my eyes I forget that I’m not with you anymore. I forget that you’re not lying next to me, and I reach out for you. Then my hand strikes the edge of the bed, and I open my eyes, and I realize that I’m on the other side of the world and I haven’t seen or spoken to you in months. It’s lonely here, but it’s lonelier without you.
Lauren, Just when you think there’s nothing to find on this rough terrain except bugs and sand and brown, you see the sunset and you think, there’s a little bit of beauty no matter where in the world you land.
Lauren, I dreamt of you last night.
Lauren, We moved locations last week. We’re now in the middle of the desert and it’s hot as hell. There’s this stray dog I found wandering around the campsites looking for food and water no doubt. I call her Rose after that Sting song you love so much… “Desert Rose.” It seemed appropriate. I’m with a different group of guys this time around, so I don’t really have anyone to talk to. So I talk to Rosie. Mostly, I talk to her about you. She’s happy whenever I mention your name. Or maybe that’s just me.
Lauren, We had chicken pie today and I thought of you.
Lauren, Do you remember the first senior party we ever went to? You spent a whole week talking about it and then we left early so that we could drive to the empty football field and dance in the center of the lawn.
Lauren, I was thinking of your father the other day. I used to promise you that I would never leave you behind like he did. I’m sorry I didn’t keep that promise. I will find a way to make it up to you one day. I swear it.
Lauren, Rose died today. I think she was sick when I found her. By the time I realized something was wrong, it was too late. I buried her myself, and I cried when I was finished. I wish you had been there with me.
Lauren, I love you.
Lauren, Sometimes I wake up in the night thinking about you and my heart hurts for missing you. I was a fool for leaving you behind. I was a fool for leaving at all.
My eyes were wet with tears. If Chase had been there, I would have collapsed into him and never let go. In the end, I ended up soaking in my bathtub for half an hour trying to regain some semblance of composure. By the time I was done, it was a quarter to four and I knew Chase would be there soon.
I put on a blue, silk dress and left my hair loose and free around my shoulders. I put on some foundation, mostly to cover up the fact that I’d been crying, and dabbed a little gloss on my lips. Then, I snapped on the piano brooch his parents had given me and walked outside where my mother was tidying up the living room.
“Oh, Lauren,” she said as I entered. “You look lovely.”
“Thanks,” I nodded.
“Did you read the letters?”
“All of them,” I nodded.
“And?”
“It was good I read them now,” I said. “I was ready to hear what they had to say.”
“Then I’m glad,” she nodded just as a knock sounded on our door.
Our heads jerked towards the door and my heartbeat rocked up a few notches. “He’s here,” I breathed. “And he’s early.”
“Should I get the door?” Mom asked. “Or I can go to my room?”
“No,” I said breathing deeply. “You can open the door.”
She moved forward and opened the door. Chase was standing on the other side in dark jeans and a gray sweater. He looked just as beautiful as I remembered. And this time, I wasn’t drunk on alcohol or bitterness, so I could really appreciate his beauty.
“Mrs. Powell,” Chase said with a smile.
“Oh, Chase,” Mom replied. “It’s so, so good to see you.”
He leaned in and hugged her. It was a long hug and I could sense the emotion coming from both of them. When they broke apart, Mom cupped his face with her hands. “I’m glad you’re home.”
“I’m glad to be home,” he replied before he turned to me. “Hello, Lauren.”
“Hello, Chase,” I said.
“Are you ready to go?”
“I am,” I nodded, taking my purse.
“Is your son here?” Chase asked suddenly, and Mom and I exchanged a glance.
“No,” I said cautiously. “Why?”
“I was hoping to meet him,” Chase said with a smile.
“He’s at a friend’s house today,” I said.
“Later then,” he nodded.
We said goodbye to my mother and walked downstairs together. He had wanted to meet Cole and had said “your son.” I wasn’t sure if that meant he suspected or not. The moment we were in his car I turned to him.
“Chase,” I started. “I need to tell you something.”
He took my hand and kissed it gently. “We’ll have confession time later,” he said. “But for right now, let’s just be together and have some fun.”
I felt my nerves dial back as I gave into his smile. “Okay,” I laughed. “Let’s have some fun.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Chase
It was a heady feeling to have Lauren sitting next to me. A part of it felt surreal, as though I wasn’t really there and this was just a very realistic fabrication of my imagination. I realized that I’d spent so much time fantasizing about this moment that now that it was finally here, it had a dreamlike quality about it. Every so often, I would glance over at Lauren to make sure she was still there.
She was wearing a soft, blue dress that was fitted at the chest and waist before fann
ing out lightly at her hips. The sleeves were floaty and just slightly see through, so that I could see the pale skin of her arms through the fabric. She was wearing the brooch my parents had given her on my behalf and I was glad about that. Her dark hair fanned her face perfectly, bringing out the green of her eyes. She looked magnificent, and I couldn’t help but say so.
She smiled, but said nothing. It was a secretive smile and made my blood boil. Instantly, the image of her naked and in my bed popped into my head. I forced the image out, knowing I’d never be able to get through the night if I kept focusing on those memories.
“Where are we going?” Lauren asked as she studied the route I was taking. “We’re passing the hub.”
“I know,” I nodded. “That’s because we’re not going into the city.”
“Then where are we going?”
“You’ll see,” I said, giving her a secretive smile of my own.
She seemed to accept this answer as she glanced out the window. I wanted to reach out and take her hand, but I didn’t want to come on too strong. I wanted to ease into the night and make her feel comfortable.
“Can I ask you a question?” Lauren asked.
“Of course,” I said. “Anything.”
“I know we’re just having fun tonight,” she said. “But does that mean we can’t talk about the past?”
I considered that for a moment. “We can,” I said slowly. “But let’s promise to leave the issues aside.”
“I can do that,” he nodded.
“Good,” I smiled. “Because I really do want to know about the last four years of your life, Lauren. I want to know everything I missed.”
“There’s a lot to tell.”
“I don’t doubt it,” I nodded. “Maybe we should start at the beginning.”
“What is the beginning?”
“Graduation,” I said softly.
She glanced over at me. I could see the emotion in her eyes. She had really wanted me to be there, but she didn’t say that. We were keeping our issues out of this conversation and Lauren was nothing if not true to her word. “It was nice of your parents to come,” she said.