by Nella Tyler
Chase bent down and kissed me hard on the lips. I turned into him and let his hands explore me as our lips and our tongues entwined together. A decade’s worth of memories surrounded us, but we were not the same kids we used to be. And I was starting to believe that that was a good thing.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chase
The apartment was quiet and dark when we entered it. There was only one, lonely lampshade that had been left on for our benefit. Lauren motioned to me to follow her and I did so tentatively, not wanting to disturb the silence.
“Looks like everyone’s asleep,” I whispered, with an edge of disappointment in my tone.
“I didn’t even realize the time had gone by,” Lauren replied. “I would have liked you to meet Cole.”
“Me, too,” I sighed. “I suppose I can wait a day.”
Lauren turned to me and her green eyes looked blue in the shadows. She came forward and kissed me lightly on the lips before she took my hand and led me through the narrow corridor of the apartment to a room on the right. Gently, she pushed open the door and pulled me inside.
The room was boxlike. There was a dresser on one corner next to a miniature table and matching chair. On the other side of the room was a tiny, single bed on which slept my son. He was half covered by his sheets, but I could still make out the chubby roundness of his cheek, the darkness of his hair, and the fluttering of his lashes.
There was a tiny side table by the bed on which sat a nightlight that cast dancing images of fish on the wall. Lauren kept a firm grip on my hand as she encouraged me to move closer. She leaned in a little and pulled back the covers slightly so that I could see Cole’s face. I could see a little of myself in him, but I could see Lauren, too…and Braden.
I stared at him for a long time and it still didn’t feel like enough. “He’s perfect,” I whispered at last.
“He is,” Lauren nodded. “He’s the best thing I will ever do with my life. He’s my purpose.”
“Is it okay if we stay here a little longer?” I asked.
“You can stay as long as you like,” she nodded.
She waited patiently by my side as I stood over Cole and watched the gentle rhythm of his breathing. Every now and again, he stirred in his sleep and changed position. He had long, brown eyelashes that held tinges of gold. He had a birthmark just under his chin so that you almost missed it. He had a small, button nose he had inherited from Lauren. His hair was teetering on the long side and it tickled his neck and created little waves on his pillow. Every now and again, he sighed in his sleep as though he were dreaming.
It was only when my legs began to complain that I realized how long we’d been standing there. I turned to Lauren and nodded, and she led me back outside. Then we walked into her room and she shut the door behind us. We settled onto her bed, but we kept the lights off. It was intensely intimate with just the darkness and us. We lay together, side by side, our bodies twisted into one.
“I can’t believe he’s my son,” I said honestly.
“It’ll take some getting used to,” she said gently. “But you know, I used to tell Cole about you when he was a baby.”
“Really?” I said with surprise.
“Of course,” she nodded. “I told him that his daddy was a brave man and he was out there serving his country. I used to describe you to him and tell him little stories about your childhood and our life together before he was born. It was strange; whenever he cried, I would just start talking about you and he would stop.”
“It must have been hard raising him alone.”
“I wasn’t alone,” Lauren replied. “Mom was with me the whole time. Did you know that Cole was born on Christmas?”
“Really?” I said sitting up.
“I went into labor on Christmas Eve,” Lauren nodded. “And I delivered him on Christmas.”
“Christmas four years ago,” I said mostly to myself. “I remember what I was doing at that moment.”
“What were you doing?” Lauren asked with interest.
I hesitated for a moment. “I was writing to you,” I said softly.
Her eyes grew sad for a moment and then I saw them clear slightly as she looked up at me. “Your letters,” she whispered as she reached out to cup my face.
“You got them, didn’t you?” I asked.
“Yes,” she nodded. “I got all of them. I suppose I have another confession to make.”
I raised my eyebrows. “You burned all of them?” I asked trying to make light of it.
“Of course not,” she seemed offended by the idea. “Even back when I thought I hated you I would never have been able to burn anything from you. I kept them all, I just didn’t read any of them.”
“You never read…even one?”
“No,” she shook her head. “Not until today.”
I looked at her in shock. “You read all of them today?”
“I read them all a few hours before you picked me up,” she admitted. “It was the first time I had the courage to see what was inside them.”
“What made you decide to read them now, after all this time?” I asked curiously.
“Hope,” she said simply.
That was all the explanation I needed. I kissed her softly on the lips before she pulled back to look at me. “Thank you,” she said.
“Thank you for what?”
“For those letters,” she said. “They were beautiful.”
“I’m glad you finally read them,” I smiled.
She nodded. “Would you like to see pictures of your son when he was a baby?”
I sat up expectantly. “I would love that,” I nodded emphatically.
She got up off the bed and moved to her closet where she pulled out two, large albums. I switched on the bedside lamps and we re-positioned ourselves on the bed so that we could sift through the pictures. Every moment of Cole’s life seemed to have been accounted for. There were pictures of his first bath, his first yawn, his first laugh, and his first step.
There were pictures of his first trip to the park, his first birthday, and his first tooth. There were pictures of a chubby, infant Cole sitting in a high chair while Lauren tried to feed him peas, there were pictures of a more mature Cole getting ready for his first day of kindergarten, and there were pictures of his first outings to the zoo, the museum, and the aquarium.
“I have videos of some of these moments, too,” Lauren told me as she looked over my shoulder.
“I’d love to see them,” I said fervently.
I was looking through the second album when I turned to Lauren. “What is it?” she asked me.
“Cole is going to have questions about who I am,” I said.
“I know,” she nodded, but she didn’t seem as concerned as I felt.
“What are you going to tell him?” I asked.
“The truth,” Lauren replied without missing a beat. “Both you and he deserve that. You’re his father, he’s your son, and you deserve to know one another.”
“How will you explain my absence all this time?”
“Again, with the truth,” Lauren replied. “You were off fighting for and protecting your country. If you are going back, Cole will understand that.”
“Go back?” I asked wrinkling my eyebrows.
She hesitated. “You said that the military gave you purpose, Chase,” Lauren explained. “You said it gave you meaning. I just assumed you’d re-enlist if that was the way you felt about service.”
“It is,” I nodded. “But I’ve since realized that there’s a hierarchy of priorities and you are at the top of that list. I’m staying here, Lauren. I’m staying put.”
“You are?” she said as her face lit up. “Truly?”
“Truly,” I nodded.
“But…you love the military,” she said softly.
“In a way, I’m still going to be with the military,” I told her. “I’ve been offered a place at Camp Pendleton. It specializes in arms and gun training, for which I’m uniquely qualifie
d. It means I can still do my part and stay here…with you and Cole.”
I could see the moisture in Lauren’s eyes and it made me emotional, too. “You’re serious?” she said as her voice shook slightly.
“Of course I’m serious,” I said. “I’m not leaving you behind a second time.”
She flung herself onto me and I collapsed onto her bed, hugging her tightly. She started kissing me all over, my eyes, my nose, and my mouth until I got lost into her. I encircled her with my arms and gently flipped her over onto her back so that I was lying over her.
We made out like teenagers, but there was a slow burn lying between us, the promise of everything that was to come. “I can’t believe this is happening,” Lauren sighed into my neck. “I feel as though I’m dreaming.”
“Me, too,” I nodded. “You have no idea how many times I’ve dreamed of this moment…or different versions of this moment anyway.”
“Your parents must be so glad you’re back for good,” Lauren said as though she had just thought of it.
“They are,” I nodded. “Ecstatic, really. But I think they were more excited about the possibility of a grandchild.”
“I think your mom knew the moment she set eyes on Cole,” Lauren said. “I never admitted the truth to her, but she knew.”
“She did know,” I nodded. “She knew before I did.”
“Didn’t she share those suspicions with you?” Lauren asked curiously.
I smiled. “She did, but I think I was too scared to believe her. What if I believed that Cole was mine only to find out later that he wasn’t? That would have been too much for me.”
Lauren ran her fingers down my chest. “What if Cole had been someone else’s?” she asked.
I stared at the ceiling for a moment. “There was a moment there when I first saw you with him that I truly believed that. I thought you’d had a child with someone else. And honestly, once I had processed that, I realized it didn’t matter.”
“It didn’t matter?” Lauren repeated.
“Yes,” I nodded. “I realized I didn’t care if you’d had a son with someone else because that child was still a part of you. And I loved you enough to love your child the same way. I was prepared to be the world’s best stepfather. I was prepared to adopt the little guy, if that’s what it took.”
“You would really have done that?” she asked incredulously.
“I just wanted you, Lauren,” I sighed. “In any way I got you. If you came with a child, then I was happy to call that child mine regardless of whether I was the biologically father or not.”
“Wow,” Lauren breathed. “That’s really something.”
We were kissing once more when Lauren heard a sound and broke away from me. “What’s wrong?” I asked. “Did you hear something?”
“I think Cole’s up,” she whispered to me.
I jerked upright. “How do you know?”
“Instinct,” Lauren replied. “And he sometimes has bad dreams. He usually comes into my room when that happens.”
On the heels of her words there was a gentle rapping on the door. “Mama,” the little voice called out. “Mama, I had a bad dream.”
Lauren got up and turned on the lights. Before she opened the door, she turned to look at me. “Are you ready to meet your son?” she asked simply and without reservations.
I took a deep breath. “I’m ready.”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Lauren
There was something magical about that night. There was an almost fantastical element about sitting and watching Chase and Cole together. Chase was talking softly to his son, and Cole was listening to him as though he were Santa Claus. The apartment was filled with the muted light of the lampshades and the smell of hot chocolate wafted through the air.
I was busying myself unnecessarily, tending to small chores in the kitchen so that I could give Chase and Cole a little privacy. It had been very strange to stand there and introduce Cole to his father, but somehow, in the course of an hour, Cole’s nervousness and confusion had melted into comfort and he had warmed to Chase almost immediately.
The explanation we had given him was simple. Chase was his father and he had been away working as a soldier in a foreign land. The moment he heard this, Cole had turned to me. “Like G. I. Joe?” he asked.
I smiled. “Very much like that,” I nodded. “Your father is a hero.”
Cole had looked between Chase and I. “Can I tell my friends?” he had asked.
Chase and I had laughed. “You can,” we both nodded together.
Fast-forward to a few hours later, it was almost two o’clock in the morning and Chase was still talking to his son. Cole was lying against Chase’s chest and his little eyes were beginning to droop with sleep. I put away the cocoa mugs and walked over to the both of them.
“I think it’s time to put him to bed,” I said stretching my arms out to take Cole from Chase.
“It’s okay,” Chase as he got to his feet gently taking Coal with him. “I’ll put him to bed.”
Chase carried him slowly back to his bedroom and I pulled back the covers as Chase placed his son gently onto the bed. He straightened up and stared at Cole for a few minutes before we both backed out of the room.
“Why don’t you go back to my room,” I suggested. “I’ll turn off the light in the living room and meet you there.”
He nodded distractedly and disappeared into my bedroom. When I returned to the room, Chase was sitting on the edge of my bed staring at his hands as though he were seeing something else. I locked my room door and moved to sit beside him.
“Are you all right?” I asked taking one of his hands.
Chase breathed deeply. “That was….”
“Surreal?” I offered.
“Exactly,” he nodded, then he turned to me with some concern. “Do you think we did the right thing by telling him like that? We didn’t…scar him or anything?”
“Of course not, Chase,” I said. “He deserved to know the truth, and you deserved to have him know the truth. I didn’t see the point in telling him in stages, either. You saw him tonight; he was so ready to know you. He’s missed having a father in his life.”
“How do you know?” Chase asked as he looked at me imploringly.
“Because I did,” I admitted in a low voice. “Even though I knew my father wasn’t the best man, I still missed having that paternal presence in my life. It’s a natural craving and Cole doesn’t have to feel that anymore.”
“Do you think he’ll remember all that tomorrow?” Chase asked as though he were scared that Cole would forget him.
“Not likely,” I assured him. “But if that is the case, we’ll just remind him…together.”
He smiled and kissed my hand. “He’s amazing,” he said in hushed tones. “You did an amazing job, Lauren. He’s spectacular.”
“He is, isn’t he?” I nodded. “I’m sorry that I never gave you the chance to know him before now. I realize that—”
“Lauren,” Chase said cutting me off. “Don’t. You don’t have to go there. We’ve both made mistakes and we’ve both apologized for them. I think it’s time we put the last four years behind us and move forward. I’ve forgiven you. Have you forgiven me?”
“Yes,” I nodded.
“Good,” Chase smiled. “Then I think it’s time to focus on our future together.”
I rested my head on his shoulder and nodded. “That sounds perfect.”
There was a beat of silence and then Chase spoke in a voice that was slightly reluctant and hesitantly cautious. “Lauren?”
“Yes?”
“There’s one more confession I need to make, in the interest of full disclosure,” he said and immediately, I tensed. I didn’t want this perfect night to be marred by confessions that might rock our entire foundation. I wasn’t ready to deal with anything more. We had forgiven each other and I thought that had been the end of it.
“Okay,” I said pulling back a little. “Tell me.”
“It’s about your gym,” Chase said unexpectedly.
“What about it?” I asked in confusion.
“It’s about the investor that is giving you the capital for your business,” he continued.
“Yes?”
“I'm the investor.”
I just stared at him. “What?”
“I’m the investor,” he said again. “I contacted Beth a few weeks ago and I convinced her to set up a meeting for me…with Jeremy.”
“You’ve met Jeremy?” I asked incredulously.
“Yes,” I nodded. “He didn’t know who I really was. I used an alias and told him that I was an old high school friend of yours. I told him that I’d recently come into more money than I knew what to do with and I was looking to repay a debt.”
“And he believed that?”
“Well…his reservations were overshadowed by his desire to get your business off the ground,” he replied. “I was fully expecting to hate the man, but after meeting him, it was hard. He seems like a decent guy, and it helped that I knew you hadn’t slept with him.”
I couldn’t suppress my laughter. I shook my head at Chase in amazement. “I don’t know what to say. I’m shocked.”
“Say that you’ll stick to the plan and keep the capital so that you can get your business started,” he said adamantly.
“Chase—”
“Please, Lauren,” he said quickly. “You can’t go back now.”
“You said this happened weeks ago?” I clarified.
“Yes,” Chase nodded.
“Why did you do it?” I asked. “I mean, you didn’t know what was going to happen between us; you didn’t even know if Cole was yours.”
“I didn’t,” Chase agreed. “But that was not the point. I was doing it because I loved you and I wanted to be there for you regardless of whether I got to be in your life or not. I just wanted you and your child to have a bright future and I wasn’t sure you’d accept that kind of help from me, so I had to think of an alternate method.”
“And if I had told you that I didn’t want to be with you?” I asked.
“I would have gone through with it anyway.”
“And if I had told you Cole was not your child?”