by Ivy Smoak
Chapter 11
Violet
I tilted my head and inhaled the sweet smell of cologne that still clung to the collar of Detective Reed’s jacket. He smelled like heaven. I silently cursed at myself as I pulled it off. Tucker was no heaven. He was my living hell of a nightmare. I hung up his jacket and forced myself not to breathe in his scent again, even though it was tempting.
What it came down to was that meeting Detective Reed had accomplished two things. It had turned me into a thief and back into a liar. I bit the inside of my lip. He had also made me remember what it was like to be looked at without fear. But the first two things outweighed the last. I didn’t care if people thought I was crazy. It was better that they did. I hated snoopers more than anything, and Detective Reed was a terrible snooper.
Whatever officer showed up later would be getting this jacket with instructions to give it to Detective Reed. I never wanted to see his face around here again. He was no longer welcome in my home. I planned on never speaking to him again. It wasn’t like I owed him anything. He fixed your heater. Brought you breakfast. Brought you dinner. Played with Zeke. Shut up, stupid reason! I owed him nothing because he was a liar too. He pushed his way into my life only to what? Take everything I held close to my heart away? No one would take me away from Zeke. He needed me just as much as I needed him. I’d do anything to keep him safe. To keep my secret.
The worst part was that I felt duped. For some idiotic reason, I thought Tucker might actually like me. I shook my head. Not Tucker. Detective Reed. Last night was a moment of weakness while I was sick and…drugged. My emotions couldn’t be trusted. I took a deep breath. No one in their right mind would like me. I didn’t even like myself. And I didn’t need a man in my life to point out my own shortcomings. I was self-aware enough to know my own flaws. One of my worst ones? That my heart was too big for my own good. Too trusting. Too caring. Too naïve.
I took another deep breath, trying to clear my head. I needed whatever cop that came here to believe me. Being upset hadn’t helped my case over the phone. A clear mind was a must. The last thing I needed was for this cop to just roll his eyes and write off my concerns because I was the crazy lady on the hill. Detective Reed had invaded my privacy. He had crossed all sorts of lines. He was…handsome, kind…God. I buried my face in my hands. He was an asshole.
It was as if my mind was at war with itself. One more breath in. And out. Again. And again. Three times. I closed my eyes and repeated the process. Again. And again.
“Mommy, what are you doing?”
My eyes flew open. I knew what I must look like. I had just been running around out in the cold for half an hour. My nerves were shot. I was always worse when I was upset. I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to pretend everything was fine. But then I did it a second time. And a third. “Nothing, little dude. Ready for some breakfast?”
Zeke squinted his eyes at me. “No, what’s wrong? We were so happy last night.”
I tried to swallow down the lump in my throat. Weren’t we always happy? Just the two of us? He was getting more perceptive of my nervous ticks. He was good at calling me out. But right at this moment, counting to three was the only thing that was helping me calm down. I bit the inside of my lip three times, hoping he couldn’t tell.
Zeke pulled his pet lizard out of one of the many pockets of his cargo shorts. “You can borrow Lizardopolous to pet instead of biting your lip. He’ll make you better.”
“Zeke, what have I told you about carrying him around in your pockets? You could hurt him.”
He didn’t listen to me. He just thrust him into my hands and then ran out of the room.
I didn’t like Lizardopolous. His little beady eyes freaked me out, like he was always watching me. The only reason I had allowed Zeke to get him was because Zeke’s eyes were adorable when he looked up at me with that pleading little face. I looked down at Lizardopolous. Ugh. A gross little lizard wasn’t going to make me better. But I wished it would. Because I didn’t want my son to think that I needed something to make me better. I was fine. But my pep talk felt like a lie. I hadn’t felt fine in a long time.
A car door slamming made me lift my head. “Zeke? Can you take him back?”
Zeke didn’t respond.
“Zeke?”
Nothing.
So I did what I had just told Zeke not to. I pulled on Detective Reed’s jacket and tucked Lizardopolous into one of the pockets. To make sure he was safe, I zipped the pocket up before shoving my feet into boots and opening the door.
I ran straight into someone. No, not someone. Detective Reed. I knew it before I even looked up. The smell from his coat was all around me now, invading my air supply.
“Are you okay?” He gripped both sides of my face. “Is Zeke okay?”
I wanted my skin to hate him as much as my mind did. Instead, I melted into his touch. And I hated how weak that made me feel. For just a moment, I tried to savor this feeling. I tried to hold on to what it was like to be cared for. And then I shoved my feelings aside and did what needed to be done to end this before anything got worse.
“No thanks to you.” I pushed him off of me.
“What?”
He looked truly confused. And upset. And I had no idea why he was going on with this charade like he actually cared. The game was up. And he won. He made a fool of me. “Seriously, they sent you?” The force he worked for was completely inept.
“And me,” said another detective standing at the bottom of my front porch. He walked up the steps and put his hand out for me to shake. “Detective Torres. It’s nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Clark.”
The way he spoke to me made me even madder. Damien Torres. I had seen him around town. Everyone knew everyone around here. And if I knew his name, he most certainly knew the rumors about me. He knew I wasn’t married. He knew everything. “Miss Clark. But we both know that you already knew that, Damien.” I didn’t offer him my hand.
“Tucker has told me all about you, but he failed to mention that you’re a little feisty. I can see why…because that’s usually more my type.” He winked at me.
The fact that Tucker had told him about me stung even more. Just laughing at me behind my back like everyone else in this stupid town. “Well I hate to ruin your day, but neither of you are my type. At all. So you can both turn your asses around and get off my front porch.”
“Whoa.” Detective Torres lifted his hands to his side. “Ma’am, we received a 911 call that you were under duress. We’re only here to help you…”
“I don’t need your help. Or anyone else’s. That call was a mistake. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself without the help of two meatheads. I’m not going to ask you again. Get off my property.”
“Are you threatening us, Mrs. Clark?” Detective Torres asked.
He was trying to make me lose it. He was trying to see if the rumors were true. I bit the inside of my lip three times.
“Would you stay out of this?” Detective Reed said in a tone that even made me feel like telling him every one of me secrets. He turned back to me. “Violet what happened? The dispatcher said someone attacked you…”
Attacked? They really hadn’t listened to me at all. “No one attacked me. Like I said, the call was a mistake. So you can both just go.”
“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what happened. Did someone try to hurt you?”
The way he was acting so innocent made me want to cry. I felt tired and defeated. “Yeah, and you succeeded. In humiliating me in front of your friend too. You’ve had your fun like everyone else. Please just leave me alone.”
He shook his head. “What are you talking about? I’m here because you called the police…”
“On you! You looked around my house without a warrant, Detective Reed. You took advantage of me. We both know why you were here last night. And whatever you were looking for? I hope it was worth it.” I knew it wasn’t. The pistol was long gone. He had nothing.
He
shook his head again like he couldn’t comprehend what I was saying. “I didn’t snoop around your house.”
I was good at spotting a liar. After all, I was one. “Don’t bother lying. It doesn’t matter anyway. But drugging me?”
“Whoa.” He sounded just like his dumb friend.
And his dumb friend had the audacity to laugh. Like my whole life was a joke to them. I blinked back my tears, keeping my emotions locked inside.
“Wait in the car, Damien,” Detective Reed said.
I was surprised to see Detective Torres nod. “Good day, Miss Clark. See you around.”
We both knew he wouldn’t. But then I thought that maybe he meant it a different way. Like he knew he’d be seeing me again soon. Like I was in some kind of trouble. I glanced past him and the car down to the lake. How could they possibly know?
Detective Reed took a step toward me, too close for comfort, pulling me out of my thoughts. “I didn’t drug you, what the hell are you talking about?”
“The Nyquil.”
“Okay? It’s just Nyquil.”
Liar. “I freaking passed out just like you wanted.”
“The alcohol component in it isn’t even enough to get an infant drunk. I wanted you to feel better, I wasn’t trying to get you unconscious.”
“There’s alcohol in it?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I don’t drink!”
“Okay well…I’m sorry. I didn’t know that. But it’s hardly…”
“You looked around my house.” I wanted him to stop lying. I wanted to hear a confession. I needed to know if I was about to be taken to prison.
I watched his Adam’s apple rise and then fall. “And I didn’t find anything.”
I wanted him to admit it, but I never actually expected him to. Wasn’t that tampering with evidence or something? He just confessed to a crime. I glanced over his shoulder. Detective Torres was in the car, well out of earshot. No one would take my word over a detective’s.
The only problem was that I couldn’t tell if what he said was a lie. He seemed sincere. If he really hadn’t found anything, I was lucky. And I needed him out of my life before he did uncover something that would ruin me. “I’m glad I gave you and your buddy something to talk about.” I unzipped his coat and shoved it into his hands. “But if I ever see you anywhere near my property again…so help me…I’ll…” What? Kill him? The image of the blood dripping down the handle of my stepfather’s pistol made me feel strangled. “Just leave me alone.”
“Violet, I had a good night with you. A great night. I’m sorry that I looked around your house. I just needed to put this little voice in the back of my head to rest so I could give us a real shot. But like I said…I didn’t find anything. I know you’re not involved in that explosion. I know you’re innocent.”
God, he didn’t know me at all. But my mind didn’t focus on the word “innocent” in his spiel. It had focused and attached itself to the word “us.” I wasn’t sure why it hurt so much to hear me be part of a we again. But it did. Like a slap in the face from my past.
“Let me take you and Zeke out tonight. Let me make it up to you. I swear it has nothing to do with the case. I just want to get to know you better.”
“It’s too late.” My response really had nothing to do with him. It had been too late for years now. No one could help me fix the mess I had made. No one could pull me out of it. And love? Love was not an option for a monster like me.
“Violet.” He reached out for me, but I took a step back.
“I don’t go out on dates. I don’t date period. And if I ever did change my mind…I certainly wouldn’t date you.” I wondered if he could spot a lie as easily as I could. Because I was full of them this morning. But it didn’t really matter. I’d never open the door for him again. I wouldn’t answer his calls. He was out of my life. I let my eyes meet his once more. And for just a moment I got lost in their warmth. In their sorrow. In their hope. I had the strangest sense that his eyes were a reflection of my own. That he knew my pain. That maybe he really could save me.
But he didn’t say a word. He didn’t call me out on my lies. He didn’t see that my pushing him away was actually me begging him to say. I wasn’t sure I had ever felt so alone as I did in that moment with him. Truly and utterly alone.
I dropped his gaze. My thoughts were right before. It was way too late to be saved anyway. I opened up my front door again and closed it behind me. I wasn’t sure why, but I held my breath. Like I needed to hear him retreating, leaving me, like everyone else had. I wiped away the tears on my cheeks as I heard the car door slam and the tires on the gravel. He was gone. Out of sight, out of mind. I hope. I bit the inside of my lip again and again and again.
Zeke came running into the room. “Mommy, where is he? I want to try to teach him a new trick.”
For a second I had no idea who Zeke was talking about. Was he referring to Detective Reed like a dog? I stopped biting the inside of my lip when I tasted blood. And as soon as I stopped the nervous habit, my mind cleared, and it came rushing back to me. Shit. I looked out the window, but Detective Reed’s car was already gone. His jacket along with him. And Lizardopolous.
Chapter 12
Tucker
“Sooo…” Damien’s voice trailed off as I sped down the winding trail in the woods.
I ignored him. There was nothing to say. I wanted to blame him, but I blew my shot with Violet. Damien wasn’t the reason I was angry. Although his demeaner toward her certainly hadn’t helped. I had gone to her house last night with the intention of snooping around. But I hadn’t really ended up doing that. Sure, I had looked around the basement while I was fixing her radiator. And I'd casually looked around the first floor. But I had quickly abandoned the fact that I was at her house on business. It had turned into a real date. Apparently a one-sided one, but still.
The fact that I had carried her to bed and stumbled upon a loose floor board that happened to be hiding an unregistered gun? I hadn’t been snooping. Except for the fact that I could have ignored it. I could have walked out of that room and she could have still trusted me. Clearly she knew what I had seen. Clearly she didn’t believe my lies. And why had I lied? I could have just told her that I saw the gun and didn’t care. Why had I fucked everything up for no reason?
“She seemed really into you, man,” Damien said with a laugh.
“Can it, Torres.”
“Torres? You must really be pissed at me if you’re using my last name. What did I do?”
I chanced a glance at him during a turn. “Mrs. Clark? Pretending not to know her? Oh and then there was the fact that you hit on her right in front of me.” I turned my attention back to the narrow path.
Damien laughed. “I forgot how hot she was. I couldn’t help myself. If anything I was giving you a compliment.”
“Commenting on her looks isn’t giving me a compliment. It’s…sexist and demeaning.”
“Sexist? Don’t tell me you’re turning into a feminist on me.”
I clenched my hands on the wheel.
“She has you wound around her little finger and she doesn’t even like you, Tucker. What the hell are you doing wasting your time with a chick like that?”
“She does like me. We’re just having a disagreement.”
“Seems a little early for couples counseling. And you didn’t exactly deny the fact that you’re whipped.”
“I can’t be whipped. We’re not technically in a relationship.”
“Even worse for that couples counseling thing then. You can’t even work things out in the honeymoon stage.” He whistled. “Imagine actually being on a honeymoon with that loon.”
“Can we please just drop this?”
“I’m only getting started. Forget your lack of relationship. Did you really look around her house without a warrant? What the hell were you thinking?”
“I was there on a date.”
“So it had nothing to do with the fact that she’s your prime suspec
t in a case that you promised me you gave up?”
I didn’t say anything.
“Are you at least going to tell me what you found in her house?”
“I wasn’t looking around.”
“Fine. Let’s just pretend for a second I believe you. Which I don’t. Did you really drug her? That’s crossing all sorts of lines.”
“Of course I didn’t drug her. I brought her Nyquil because she wasn’t feeling well.”
“That’s adorable. And also super crazy…sorry, I mean weird. Is that a better word for her? It’s weird that she called the cops on you for being adorable.”
I shook my head. “Apparently she never drinks. It hit her harder than she expected. She thought I was trying to knock her out so I could look around her house.”
“Hmm. Maybe she’s less crazy than I thought. Because that’s the same conclusion I’d come to. You know…because that clearly was what you did.”
“That’s not what I did.”
“Sure.” Damien picked up my jacket from the center console and started playing with the zippers on it. “She may be weird, but she has great taste in jackets. Can I have this?”
“No you can’t have it. That’s my jacket.”
“Oooh she bought you a present? That was fast. Maybe she’s secretly loaded.”
“I loaned it to her. She returned it. End of story.”
Damien laughed as he tossed it back onto the center console. “That really is the end of the story, because it sounds like she doesn’t want to see you again.”
I know. But that wasn’t going to make me stop trying. I just needed a chance to explain.
“Anything I can do to make you feel better about your new breakup?”