This wasn’t the Will I used to know.
That was my first mistake.
Forgetting that when I’d last seen Will, he’d been a boy.
This Will was all man.
I felt evidence of it in the way he gripped me, owned me, unapologetically moved against me as if he manipulated the situation, took ownership of my body without even taking off my clothes.
Nope, this Will Sutherland, this man, could make a woman fall to her knees with all their clothes on.
I didn’t realize I was panting until he turned me in his arms, lifting my arms above my head, wrapping them around his neck until we were breathing the same air, until I felt his arousal pressed against me, his body stretched taut, every fiber of muscle tight as if one more movement was going to set him over the edge.
His half-lidded gaze was the only indication that he was still okay, that we weren’t seconds away from doing something like ripping off each other’s clothes on the dance floor.
The line between acting and our past demons threatened to rise up between us. Tears welled in my eyes as he pulled away only to jerk me against his chest, wrapping my leg around his hip and dipping me back, his warm lips met my neck, and then made a blazing trail down until his tongue swirled between my breasts.
Jay still hadn’t yelled cut.
I wasn’t sure if I was thankful or horrified with the way my body reacted.
Kiss. I just needed to kiss Will and then take a cold shower, right?
And hide under my bed.
In my room without a door.
So next time he walked by shirtless I’d most likely die of lust.
Sounded like a fun time.
I tried to get my head in the game.
Tried to make this a job.
Kissing Will a job.
Getting the scene done.
Job. Done.
But when my eyes opened, when I saw the way his eyes blazed at me, I knew, I was already past the point of no return.
We both were.
We both knew it.
I gripped his head with my hands, my fingers tugged at his hair, he let out a vulgar curse as his mouth crushed against mine.
I wasn’t prepared for the hunger.
The kiss the night before had been a test.
An experiment.
Half apology, half sadness.
This kiss was madness.
It was combustible chaos.
It was wild, confusing, frenzied, I opened my mouth as his tongue plunged past every physical barrier I should have put up.
His kiss wasn’t the same as it had always been.
Years ago our kisses had been romantic, lustful, aggressive.
This kiss possessed.
And marked me as his to anyone watching.
I had no choice but to fight back.
I wanted to fight back to protect myself.
He didn’t let me.
He kissed deeper, harder, making it hard to breathe, hard to think, and then he retreated just enough for me to suck in some of the air he provided, before he tried another angle, and made love to me with his mouth.
“Cut!” Jay yelled.
NO! I wanted to scream back.
I pretended not to hear him, pressed my body tighter against Will’s, he let out a guttural groan and finally broke away from me.
Chest heaving.
A sheen of sweat running down his half-naked torso.
The music stopped.
Talking buzzed around us.
Jay approached, hid his smirk behind a clipboard, and then pretended not to notice how impossibly turned on we both probably looked before he yawned and then said, “So, that was nice.”
“Nice?” I gasped, my voice hoarse, body pulsing with need to have Will’s hands all over me again.
And then they were.
But they were holding me back from lunging at Jay.
Which just seemed to amuse our lovely director even more.
“Take the rest of the afternoon, we’re going to re-shoot some scenes with Linc and Pris.” His suggestive chuckle made me want to drown him in the ocean. “Oh, and I don’t think we’ll need to re-do that scene, considering one of the PAs ended up closing her eyes halfway through — very strong Catholic family, she’s an intern, only sixteen, I think your little R rated show made her… either extremely uncomfortable or pregnant.” His chuckle became a full-out laugh. “Either way… good job.”
And that was it.
I quickly gripped Will’s arm, I wasn’t sure I was capable of walking with my dignity still intact, at least not after that. My entire body was both weak with the emotional and physical trauma of what just happened, while my hormones were dying a slow death of disappointment that we had to stop.
“You okay?” Will’s lips grazed my ear. I jumped a foot. “Guess not.” He chuckled, “Home?”
“Bad idea.” I found my voice. “Very, super, very bad idea.”
“Very, super, bad idea,” he repeated. “I think I like the sound of that.”
“Don’t.” I shook my head a few times, didn’t look at him, just held on to him. “Don’t take me home, Will. Don’t.”
“Afraid?”
“Of you?” I blinked back tears. “Every day since you walked away. My biggest fear has never been of death or a crappy reputation. My nightmare always includes you walking into my life — only to walk right back out.”
He stiffened, and then picked me up into his arms and freaking carried me off amidst the stares and whistling from people around us.
I would have been fine with it, had cameras not been waiting for us outside.
Him half-naked.
Me getting carried.
Well, shit.
He swore, then set me on my feet, helped me into the car, ignoring the camera flashes around him as he got in the driver’s seat and hit the accelerator.
I TURNED THE AC on full blast, opened every damn window in the car, and was still sweating profusely.
It was fifty outside.
So I only had my own internal wildfire to blame. Just touching her like that, kissing her… I slammed my hand against the steering wheel, she jumped next to me.
Maybe I finally understood drugs.
Because I couldn’t think beyond anything but tasting her again.
Drinking from her lips, sucking her dry, licking every inch of her body until I had no energy left.
“Sorry.” My voice was gruff. “It’s not you. Well, it is you, but not for the reasons you’re thinking.” I groaned. “Shit, this isn’t coming out right. What I mean is… I’m not angry at you.” Yeah that sounded so much better, Will.
“Good.” She crossed her arms. “Because I don’t do that anymore.”
“Huh?” Now I was confused. I glanced over at her closed off position, the way she was tucking her body toward the door like she was preparing to armor herself against the arrows getting shot her way. “You mean you don’t dance anymore?”
“Huh?” Ang frowned. “No, I meant, tell the press where I am so I get free publicity. I don’t even know how they knew where we were shooting today.”
I smirked. “You’re kidding right?”
“I swear!” tears filled her eyes.
“Shit.” I pulled over and put the car in park. “Ang, I was talking about the scene, I’m… do you realize how damn difficult it is to touch you once and know I can’t do it again? That you’re so fucking afraid of me, of us, that I could ruin this by doing one thing wrong?” I leaned back in the leather seat, my body finally cooling. “I don’t give a shit about the press.”
“But you’ve been trying to go all incognito.”
“Easily done when you look old, am I right?”
Her smile was all I needed, it was still sad, but it was there.
It was like I could see the broken pieces between us just fighting for peace, fighting for rest.
How had things gone from her being the enemy to me realizing that the only enemy I’ve ever truly
had was looking at me in the mirror?
“Ang,” I reached for her hand then pulled back, afraid that touching her would just confuse the situation more than it already was. “You were right. You are right.”
She blinked down at her lap. So I kept going.
“I quit music, I left everything behind because it hurt too much, and I blamed you for it all, I blamed you, because I think, had I actually taken the blame, it would have sent me insane. So I took the easy way out and made it your fault when I shared more than an equal amount of blame. I said I would fight for you… but the minute you started spiraling, I resented you instead. I was so devastated that you were choosing something over me, the great Will Sutherland that I couldn’t handle it. My pride took a hit, every time you took a hit.” I sighed, running my hands through my hair. “The most selfish thing I’ve ever done in my existence was walking away when all you wanted me to do was choose you, fight for you. Instead, I chose myself. And I don’t want your forgiveness for it. I can’t even bring myself to ask for something so out of reach, but I do want you to know. I’ll regret losing you for as long as I have breath.”
I let out a huge exhale as the last of my poorly erected walls crashed to the ground, and finally felt the cool breeze sweep through the windows, swirl around me with such a sense of calm that I had trouble focusing on anything but how the hell I’d been so stupid to think that the road I’d traveled had been her fault, when I was the one who took it.
I put the car in drive and drove to the beach house.
When Ang still didn’t say anything. I got out of the car with purposeful steps toward the spare room closet, grabbed the door to her room, and put it up.
Some walls are for personal safety.
Some are needed in order to keep us safe from others.
But if we’re honest.
Most are to keep us safe from ourselves.
Me: I think I messed up.
Zane didn’t answer right away.
I tucked my phone back in my front jeans pocket and reached for my beer. The sun was starting to set. Ang hadn’t left her room since we got home.
She took one look at the door, gaped at me, then slowly walked inside and shut me out.
Shut whatever had taken place between us down.
My heart cracked a bit.
But what did I expect? For her to jump up and down and say these are the words I’ve been waiting for! “Yes, take me now!”
I groaned and took another sip, then put my legs up on the balcony as the wind picked up around me.
I was still shirtless.
Still in leather, though I had no idea why. Maybe the idea of taking off these clothes meant that it was over.
The kiss.
The confessions.
The day.
The doors to the balcony opened.
I almost fell out of my chair when Ang walked out to the balcony attached to her bedroom. We were miles away from each other, not really but it felt like it, both balconies were side by side, but I was just off the kitchen, so we were at least a good five-foot jump from one another, with a nasty little fall in between.
She didn’t look at me. Instead, she leaned over the balcony like she was measuring something, then grinned.
I knew that grin.
Used to crave it.
It also meant a really bad choice was soon to follow.
Which she proved right when she started stripping down to her bra and nearly there panties, and that was when she chose to look at me and lift her chin in a challenging stare. “I dare you.”
My heart raced in my chest, pounded so hard against my ribcage that it hurt to suck in air. “What?”
“You used to dare me all the time, stupid dares, dares that could have gotten us in jail.”
“That was one hotel room,” I argued. “And we paid for damages.”
“It was a lot of shaving cream.”
“Worth it,” I said hoarsely.
“Totally.” She grinned.
Her body shivered and then she looked over the ledge again. “All right, Will, I know you’re in there.”
“Huh?” I stood and lazily walked over, “I’m right here.”
“Shh, I’m having a conversation with someone.”
I held up my hands and watched.
“Will Sutherland,” she said softly, “I know you’re there, the boy who used to catch my tears before they had a chance to fall, the boy who set a million teenage hearts on fire, my first love, my first off-screen kiss, my first sex however sloppy it was that first time.” I chuckled, remembering how fast it was over with. “My first heartache. My only forever.” She breathed as tears filled her eyes. “But now you’re a man, and I think it’s time you decide who you are, which parts of your past you are going to take to mold your future. Who are you now, Will Sutherland? Man of my dreams? Or destroyer of hearts.” She moved to stand on a chair that looked over the balcony into the pool. “Prove that you can take the leap… Prove that you’re still you.” Her eyes flashed to mine. “Prove that you’re still the Will that held my hand, that promised to fight. Now you have a chance. I fought for me, I came out scarred but alive — better. It’s your turn, to fight for you.” She pointed to the pool. “I dare you.”
I didn’t hesitate. I leapt from my balcony to hers, nearly colliding with a chair, then stripped off the leather pants and stared over the ledge. “I could die.”
“You’ve never been afraid of heights.”
“This means more than mere feet, Ang.”
“Stop running,” She locked eyes with me. “From who you are.”
Before I could stop her, she leapt off the balcony into the pool.
And without hesitation.
I jumped in after her.
HE GAVE ME my door back.
After asking for forgiveness.
He gave me the one thing back that still kept me powerless and put us back on equal ground.
I don’t know how long I stared at the stupid door. It was plain, white, nothing pretty or special about it.
Except it represented both his trust and forgiveness.
And in that moment all I wanted in life was to be worthy of more doors I could open, where he’d be standing on the other side.
I made him wait until I was ready to face him.
Until he was ready to face me.
And when I walked outside, I knew it was time.
I dropped my armor at the door, held my head high, and spoke to both past and present.
Praying for a future.
I leapt.
And he followed.
The cold air bit into my skin before the water from the heated pool swirled around me, and then warm hands pulled me against a strong chest. His mouth was on mine before I could protest, my legs wrapped around his body before he had a chance to deny me.
“I never stopped,” Will said between kisses, “loving you.”
He swallowed my surprised cry as arms and legs tangled around each other, like our bodies were finally aware that they were home, that it was okay to touch, to explore, to feel without fear of getting shoved away.
He pressed me against the pool wall, his lips on my neck, his heavy breathing our mood music as I matched him kiss for kiss, his hungry lips tasted like a mixture of the sunset and ice cold beer.
I’d always hated beer.
Until I tasted it on him.
And then a craving set in so intense that I whimpered, this, this was what I’d tried to numb myself against all those times I’d taken a hit, maybe I’d always known that Will would destroy me, and that it was smarter to destroy myself first, before he realized what a fraud I was.
Better to be numb and forget the taste of him.
Than feel it, remember, and suffer the rest of my life.
I clung to his shoulders as his hard length pressed against my stomach, yeah all man; he was all man now. His hand slid up my back, flinging my bra off before it dug into my hair and pulled, his heated kiss reminding me of
all the reasons it hurt to not be with him. He hooked his free hand in my panties and drug them down until I felt them float away from my feet, body hot, the pool still wasn’t enough to cool me down, not when his hands were on me, not when his mouth was moving across my skin.
I greedily took him in my hand only to have him move me away. “You’ll kill me before this is over with and I’m just getting started.”
“I want to touch you,” I pleaded.
“Later,” he said gruffly as he teased my entrance. I cried out even though it was the softest touch, the gentlest graze.
My body arched into him, begging for more as pool water splashed around our frenzied bodies. My head pressed into the cement wall, my body chilled as he pulled me deeper into the pool, carrying me while we kissed, while our wet lips slid like silk, over and over again.
A thrilling shudder wracked my body as his hand moved to my core, I bit down on his shoulder to keep from crying out as heat enveloped me, building until it threatened to spill over.
His wild movements slowed before he started again. I squeezed my thighs in an effort to keep him there, to keep the feeling there so I didn’t lose control.
His dark laugh followed by another all-consuming flick of his wrist was my downfall, I wrapped my legs around his arm like a vise and struggled for breath as I fell apart in his arms.
Rain started to pour.
A hurricane couldn’t stop us.
Stop this.
“I’m so sorry,” I said between more heated kisses as he led me to the stairs at the shallow end and positioned himself over me, his muscled body dripped with droplets of water as they streamed off his chest.
He may as well be Poseidon, with the stormy look he gave me, like I was the only solution to the rain pounding around us, the lightning that suddenly flashed across the sky matching the intensity behind his gaze.
I was enraptured with the look on his face, the way he looked at me, not the way that the rest of world did, but the way I’d always dreamed.
Like I wasn’t tarnished.
Without warning, he entered me with one powerful thrust that had my head nearly colliding with the cement behind me. It was unbearable, feeling him inside me, filling me, knowing that at some point we’d have to leave the pool when I wanted to live on those stairs forever.
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