by A. M. Myers
“Well, let’s see. I’m locked in my house because some psycho is leaving dolls on my doorstep, and I’m not talking to my boyfriend since he thinks he can run my life, but he won’t leave me alone, so we just walk around the house, not speaking to each other.”
“Ali, he’s just trying to protect you,” I point out, and she nods.
“I know that, but I wish he would just cool it a little bit. If he had just talked to me about it, I probably would have agreed with him, but he didn’t. He bulldozed over me and started barking orders.”
“Sounds a little bit like you’re taking shit out on him,” Izzy says, giving Ali a look. “This is hard for both of you, and there is no handbook. Hell, even the cops can’t do much right now. Maybe you should just cut him some slack.”
She bites down on her lip before sighing. “Yeah, you’re right,” she whispers.
“Then our work here is done.”
Izzy pushes away from the table and panic flashes in Ali’s eyes. “What? You’re leaving?”
I bite back a smile.
“Sorry, Hon. We just swung by on our lunch break and traffic was awful. We’ll stop by tonight if you want,” I offer, and she nods.
“She’ll be busy,” Logan says from the end of the hall, and Ali jumps, pressing her hand over her chest before she meets his eyes and practically melts in her chair. Or, maybe not. Izzy nudges me and we back out of the kitchen to give them a little alone time.
“You free for dinner tonight, then?” Izzy whispers as we creep toward the front door and I nod. I’ll do just about anything right now to avoid how hard it is to stay away from Chance.
“Yeah. Call me when you get off.”
She nods and gives me a quick hug before leaving as I turn down the hallway to go to the bathroom. Just as I’m about to close the door, someone pushes inside, covering my mouth with their hand as they shut and lock the door. My heart pounds and I imagine every awful scenario in the point two seconds it takes to recognize the smell of Chance’s cinnamon gum. Peeking up at him, I can barely make out the outline of his face from the light spilling in underneath the window blinds and I shove his hand off my mouth.
“What the hell are you doing?” I hiss, keeping my voice low so Ali doesn’t overhear us. She was just giving me shit about staring at him when we walked in, so I can only imagine what she would say if she found us like this.
“Me? I think the more important question is what the hell are you doing? It’s been over a week since you’ve spoken to me and that was only through text.”
I shrug, looking away from him. “And? That’s the definition of casual, Chance.”
“Except we aren’t casual no matter how badly you want to convince yourself that we are.”
“There is no we, no us. There is you and I and we occasionally come together to have sex. That is it.”
He lets out a sardonic laugh as he shakes his head. “You’re lying and you want to know what else, you’re not even all that good at it.”
“Look, I’m really sorry if anything I did made you believe this was anything more than sex,” I say, repeating the exact same words I said to Sam not so long ago as I push on Chance’s chest. Except this time, I don’t believe them even a little bit.
He steps in closer to me, pressing our chests together as he slips a hand along my cheek. I savor the touch, closing my eyes for just a split second but it’s my undoing. “I want you, Carly. All of it and I’ll take the moments you’re smiling at me like I’m everything you could ever want along with the moments you lose your shit because you feel me getting too close. I’ll stand here, with you, through all of that as long as you’ll have me and I’ll fight off your demons when they are too big for you to handle but I’m getting real tired of all the games.”
“Stop,” I hiss, refusing to meet his eyes, afraid that one look would completely give me away.
“Why? Because it’s everything you’ll never admit that you want? I’m a patient man, Carly, and I’ll wait for you as long as it takes.”
“Don’t you dare say that.”
“Why not?”
He nudges my cheek, forcing me to meet his eyes but I can only hold it for a second before my eyes fall to his chest where my fingers are digging into his skin. “Because it would be a waste of your life.”
“Even if I found someone else, they would never be you.”
I snort. “Sounds like a win-win to me.”
“Except then I would never feel this way again,” he whispers, grabbing one of my hands and placing it over his racing heart. “And that’s a problem for me.”
Closing my eyes, I press my hand harder against his firm chest, counting the heartbeats that pound against my palm as I try to rein in my emotions. “Stop trying to fix me, Chance. Some things are just broken.”
“Someday, Princess, I will prove to you that you’re not nearly as broken as you seem to think you are.”
That promise, simple as it seems, is enough to break me. Tears well up in my eyes and I push against him, but he doesn’t budge, holding me close as I struggle to get away. “Just stop, Chance. This has clearly gotten out of control. There is nothing but sex between us and I’m sorry if you made it out to be more.”
“Bull. Shit. You know it. I know it. Hell, if anyone would catch us right now, they would fucking know it so why do you keep fighting what you feel?”
A tear slips from my eye and I bury my face in his chest for a moment to hide it as I swipe my cheek. Taking a deep breath, I look up again and meet his eyes.
“I don’t feel anything anymore. I’m sorry.”
Twisting out of his arms, I open the bathroom door and run to the front door, hoping that I don’t attract the attention of Ali or Storm before I get to my car. Glancing back over my shoulder, I almost burst into tears when I see Chance standing in the doorway to the bathroom, watching me. He doesn’t even look a little deterred by our conversation and I wonder what the hell I have to do to make him believe me. Maybe I’m really not as convincing as I think I am.
“This isn’t over, Princess,” he calls to me, soft enough for only me to hear and I turn away from him, desperate to get to the safety of my car.
Once I get to the car, I throw my bag in the passenger seat and pull away from the curb. In the rearview mirror, I can see Chance standing on the front lawn with his arms crossed over his chest and I swear, it’s like he’s looking right through me. That’s always been our biggest problem. He sees the real me, through all the bullshit, and most of the time, he doesn’t let me get away with it. He forces me to be real with him and it stripped away all of my defenses.
Needing a distraction, I look around the car and try calling my sister again. Getting ahold of her has been difficult lately and every time she doesn’t answer the phone, I get more concerned. She and I have always been so close so what could possibly be going on in her life to make her ignore my calls and not get back to me? It’s like she’s a completely different person and I just don’t get it.
The phone rings and rings and with each moment that my call goes unanswered, my heart sinks. When I get her voicemail, fresh tears sting my eyes and I blow out a breath, hating how achingly empty my chest feels walking away from Chance.
Chapter Sixteen
Carly
“I can’t even imagine how terrifying that was, Hon,” I say as Ali finishes explaining her recent ordeal. We’re all sitting around a picnic table at the clubhouse while the guys gather around the fire, discussing who knows what. I was apprehensive about coming here tonight when Ali told me they were having a barbecue but I don’t think Chance has even glanced in my direction since we showed up which is a good thing.
“I’ve honestly never felt fear like that. I was frozen and I couldn’t even scream for Logan. I thought my heart was going to literally burst.”
Izzy blows out a breath and looks up at Ali. “What are we doing to end this son of a bitch?”
“Logan is handling it.”
“Well, what
is he doing?”
Ali shrugs, peeking over her shoulder at Logan and I follow her gaze to find Chance’s eyes boring into me. Well, so much for that. Sucking in a subtle breath, I remind myself that I can handle this. I just need to stay away from him and then maybe I won’t give into this ache that’s been present since I decided to put space between us over two weeks ago. Not that he’s made it easy at all, though. I’ve even turned off my phone and sat in a dark apartment to avoid facing him when he dropped by without warning. That combined with my repeated unsuccessful attempts to get ahold of Ivy has made for a very stressful couple of weeks.
“I don’t know, Iz. He promised to tell me everything when it was over,” Ali says.
“And you’re okay with that?” she asks, incredulously.
Ali nods. “I am. If there is one thing I know for certain, it’s that Logan is madly in love with me. He would do whatever it takes to keep me safe, and if me being in the dark for a little bit helps him deal with this, then I’m okay with that. But he will be telling me every little detail when this is all over.”
“I don’t know how you do it,” she grumbles, and Ali laughs as the boys walk over to us.
“Ladies,” Chance says as they gather around the table, his gaze lingering on me. I can feel it like a touch across my skin, but I refuse to look at him. The guys all sit in a circle around the picnic table, some pulling up chairs while others slide down the bench seat. Logan picks Ali up and sits down in her spot, positioning her in his lap as he presses his lips to her neck. Her eyes drift closed and she smiles.
“Wait, I’m gonna need you all to tell me your names again,” Izzy says, batting her eyelashes at the guys and Ali laughs while I shake my head. As Izzy drove me here tonight, all she talked about was how badly she needed to get some tonight so this is like a buffet laid out in front of her. The guys go in a circle, each telling her their names and when it’s Moose’s turn, she holds her hands up.
“Hold on. Moose?”
His brow arches. “Yeah?”
“How in the hell did you get a name like Moose?”
All of the guys start cracking up and Smith slaps him on the back. “Yes, brother. Please tell us how you came to be known as Moose.”
“No,” he snaps, looking away from the group.
“Ah, come on, buddy. If you don’t, I will,” Kodiak says with a teasing grin on his face. Moose turns to glare at him.
“Don’t you dare.”
Kodiak smiles wider and turns to us. “It happened like this, ladies. Good old Moose here was dating this girl, a real psycho but she sucked better than a hoover.”
Izzy flashes them a wide smile as she props her chin up on her hand, already enthralled in this story.
“Anyway, Moose in his infinite wisdom recognized that this was the type of woman that would cut your balls off in your sleep and decided to end it with her. To say she didn’t take it well would be an understatement. She just didn’t want to let our sweet Moose-y go so she devised this plan to kidnap him.”
“What?” Izzy sputters out and all of the guys are snickering at this point as Moose’s cheeks burn beneath his beard.
“Right?” Kodiak asks. “Moose is a big boy. I have no idea how she was planning on getting him out of here, but we had a party one night and she showed up. She spent the night flirting with all of us but always keepin’ an eye on our boy here and when Moose went upstairs to get something, she followed him. We heard the crash and went running up there. Home girl had shot him with a tranquilizer and he was laying on the floor, moaning like a…”
“Moose!” Izzy shouts, cutting Kodiak off and the entire table erupts in laughter, nudging him as he looks away, blushing harder.
“I fucking hate you all,” he growls and Kodiak pats his head.
“Oh, no, you don’t.”
Izzy sighs and shakes her head. “Well, now I’m just more intrigued about all of your names.”
“Let’s see. Fuzz was a cop,” Kodiak says, pointing to Fuzz, who tips his hat at us and Izzy smiles. “Smith is just because that’s his last name.”
“Super unoriginal,” she says to him and he shrugs as he takes a drink of his beer.
“Storm here was named by Red’s old lady. She said he always looked like he had a storm brewing in his mind because of his eyes.”
Izzy glances over at them and nods. “Yeah, I could see that. Not so much anymore.”
Ali grins and Logan squeezes her tighter, kissing her cheek.
“Aw. It makes me want to barf,” Streak says and the guys laugh as someone nudges Logan.
“Ah, Streak got his name because he’s the luckiest son of a bitch you’ve ever met. Seriously, don’t ever play cards with him.”
“I’ve just got skills, bro,” Streak says and Kodiak shakes his head.
“No, what you’ve got is like some crazy voodoo magic that I want no part in.”
“I’ve got to go with Kodiak on this one, Streak,” Blaze says from the table next to us. “I’ve never met a guy who finds more money layin’ on the ground than you do.”
“Whatever,” Streak mumbles, a smile still on his face as he sips his beer.
“Who’s left? Oh, Chance – also just his name. Super unoriginal. And Blaze is because he used to like to play with fire a little too much.”
“Keyword there, used to,” Blaze says and Kodiak nods.
“Wait. What about you?” I ask Kodiak, trying my best to ignore the burning sensation of Chance’s gaze glued to me.
“Mine is ‘cause I’m from Alaska.”
“Wait, hold on. That’s only part of it,” Moose says, his cheeks finally returning to their regular color. “You know how grizzly bears in Alaska are so much bigger and meaner than ones you find in the lower forty-eight?”
“Yeah,” I respond, nodding. Moose motions to Kodiak, who just rolls his eyes.
“Oh, please, I’m just a big teddy bear.”
“Is that why you almost got arrested when you went home last year and saw that guy talking to your baby sister?”
Kodiak growls and takes a sip of his beer. “Whatever. That little fucker had it coming.”
“I feel like we’re forgetting someone,” Smith says, leaning forward and looking around the circle.
“Henn,” Logan says from behind Ali. Kodiak snaps his fingers.
“That’s right. Blaze tells that story the best though.”
Blaze chuckles and leans forward, placing his beer on the table. “When Henn was prospecting in, we had a party one night. The guys had been riding him hard cause some of them didn’t think he belonged in the club and he wanted to prove himself. He drank so much goddamn Hennessey that he just ran around the clubhouse naked screaming, “I am Hennessey!” at the top of his lungs.” He shrugs. “The name stuck.”
“Oh, man. That’s great.” Izzy stands up and smiles at the guys gathered around the picnic table, laying it on thick as she bats her eyelashes. “Now, which one of you is going to show me where the booze is?”
“I got ya, Darlin’,” Kodiak says, jumping up and flashing her a sly grin. He may think he knows her game, but I can almost guarantee that he’s not ready for the unstoppable force that is Isabelle Hutton.
“Mmhmm,” Izzy hums, letting her gaze drop down his body before she spins around and walks off, putting a little extra swing in her hips. Kodiak follows behind her with his tongue practically hanging out of his mouth and I bite down on my lip to keep from laughing. No doubt, Izzy will have him on his back underneath her before the night is over.
My gaze drifts to Ali, cuddled up in Logan’s lap with a blissfully happy smile on her face that makes my chest ache. I can’t help but look at how happy she is and want that for myself even if I know it’s a terrible idea. I can’t stop thinking about what Chance said in Ali’s bathroom last week – about how he would wait as long as it took for me – and then I start thinking about what Aunt Dottie said. The thought of him going away, leaving my life for good, hurts more than I want to admit b
ut even thinking of giving our relationship a shot still scares me.
“Let’s get some music going,” Streak says, pulling me from my thoughts as he hops up from the picnic table and pulls a remote out of his pocket. He points toward the clubhouse behind me and Thunder Kiss ’65 by Rob Zombie starts playing. A few of the guys start talking about a run they have coming up this week and I let my gaze wander around the circle as I sip my beer.
My skin prickles with the sensation of being watched again and I glance to my side. Chance doesn’t look away when I meet his pale green eyes and my cheeks heat. God, how the hell does he still make me all tingly with just a look? Turning away from him, I drain my beer and sigh, glancing over my shoulder to the black brick building that serves as the Bayou Devils clubhouse before deciding to go in search of another beer. As I open the door to the clubhouse, I’m surprised by the décor. It’s manly but clean and it looks like a fun place to hang out. There’s a bar along one wall and a couple of pool tables off in the opposite corner. Couches line the wall to my left and a couple round tables with chairs fill the middle of the room. I don’t know what I was expecting but this isn’t it.
Slipping behind the bar, I locate the beer fridge pretty easily. Just as I’m pulling a bottle out, my stomach growls and I glance behind me to the set of stainless steel swinging doors like you would find in a restaurant. I remember Ali saying something about a kitchen back here and I peek through the circular window, smiling when I see the stove. Pushing it open, I slink inside and pull open the large professional grade fridge, perusing the contents.
“Hungry?” a raspy voice asks from behind me and I jump as goose bumps race across my skin.
“A little,” I retort, spinning around and pressing my back up against the fridge. “Are you going to feed me?”
Chance smirks, a hungry look in his captivating eyes and I suck in a breath as he takes a slow deliberate step toward me and then another. He doesn’t touch me, but our bodies are a fraction of an inch apart and I can feel his body heat seeping through my clothes. Why does that feel so damn good?