He shrugged. “Not as much anymore.”
Her brow shot up, but she said nothing.
Once they’d come to the bottom, Michael tugged on her hand, bringing her around to his side. He gestured to the scenery before them. “What do you think?”
She looked out at the stream, which flowed rapidly. “Ach! I never even knew this was here.”
He crouched near the embankment, watching the water, then sat down on a boulder. “Dawdi said it all but dries up when it hasn’t rained in a while. This is the most I’ve seen it running. Probably from that storm last week.”
“It’s schee.” She glanced down at him and he patted the rock beside him.
“I can scoot over. I think we can both sit here.”
She reluctantly lowered herself onto the rock.
They sat quietly for several moments, just listening to the sound of the water tumbling over the rocky creek bottom.
“This is so relaxing.” She almost felt like removing her shoes and dipping her toes into the water.
“It is, isn’t it? Nothing like sitting in a quiet place with nature all around you.” He sighed. “I missed this when I was out in the Englisch world.”
She swallowed, not wanting to entertain even a thought of the Englisch world.
“I’m done with that life.” He shook his head. “I was so dumm.”
“What makes you think you won’t go back?”
“That is not what I desire anymore. I don’t know how to explain it, but Der Herr has changed my heart. He’s put new desires in there. Different ones.”
“Like what?”
“Like joining the g’may. Like doing what He wants me to do.” He shrugged and met her stare. “Maybe… having a family.”
Her heartbeat quickened.
He stood, then moved to the edge of the creek. “I don’t know. I look into that picture, into the eyes of our son. I just can’t help but think that I’ve lost so much. Our boy missed out on knowing his real daed and mamm. And it’s all my fault. We’ll never get to know our son in his childhood years because of my immaturity, my foolishness. I’ve failed both you and him.” When he turned to her, tears were shimmering in his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Miri.” His voice cracked.
“Ach, Michael.” She shot up and took a step toward him, her arms aching to comfort him. Moisture pricked her own eyes at the sight of this broken man before her. She opened her arms and drew him into them. “Kumm.”
His body trembling, a hard sob expelled from his lungs. He grasped a hold of the back of her dress, pulling her tight against his heaving chest, clinging to her like a lifeline. “I’m sorry.”
“I forgive you, Michael. I hope you can do the same for me.”
He stepped back to survey her eyes, then nodded. “I accept full responsibility for what happened. You did nothing wrong. If I’d been there for you, you never would have given him up for adoption. Period. So, I don’t want you feeling guilty.”
She shook her head. “But I do. I could have kept him, raised him by myself. But I was too ashamed.”
“Miri…” He sighed heavily, then lowered his head and sat down again.
“What?”
“No…I can’t. At least, not now.”
She touched his shoulder, demanding his attention. “I want to know what you were going to say.” She planted herself on the boulder next to him.
He reached for her hand and held it between both of his, gently rubbing circles on her palm with his thumb. Something vulnerable wavered in his eyes. “I…I want to marry you.”
Her heart clenched. She swallowed. “You do?” Her voice emerged as a breathless whisper.
He nodded once, his gaze lowering to her lips.
She leaned forward slightly, her heart racing, her eyes shutting. And she knew at that moment Michael Eicher was going to kiss her. And that she would willingly let him. And kiss him back.
His lips met hers in a gentle touch, tenderly caressing, exploring, causing her heartrate to spike beyond measure, it seemed. As she tilted her head, he deepened the kiss, his hands on her neck, fingers stroking her jawline, slipping under her kapp.
“Miri,” he whispered. “I love you, Miri.”
Then the spell was broken and he forced himself away. “I’m…I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Why not?”
“I didn’t ask you first.”
“Yes, you did. You asked with your eyes, your body language.”
“Still.”
She reached her hand to his cheek, feeling the prickles of his five o’clock shadow. “I wanted you to.”
His eyes studied her face, his look uncertain. “You did?”
“Jah.” She dipped her head, timid about her boldness.
“Gut.” He smiled and leaned forward, feathering her cheek with a kiss. “But if we’re going to do this right, I can’t give in to moments like that. We can’t. Understand?”
Jah, she understood alright. And she knew it too. Kissing Michael Eicher was dangerous.
He stood from the boulder and offered his hand to her. “Let’s get you home now.”
She nodded and allowed him to help her up. But instead of letting go, he pulled her to his chest, took her face in his hands, and dropped his lips to hers once again. Warmth seemed to permeate every nerve ending in her body. Her arm meandered around his waist, her palm planted on his firm chest, his muscles tensing even more under her touch. This time, he held nothing back. His mouth tantalized hers with every blissful movement, his stubble burning her chin, until his lips left hers and traveled her jawline, her earlobe, her neck, her collar bone. Ach.
He groaned, then forced himself away from her. His breath hard and heavy. “Miri…” he breathed out. “I can’t… Don’t let me do that!”
~
Michael mentally chastised himself the entire way home. How could he allow himself to kiss Miri like that? Ach, he’d nearly…
He shook his head, refusing to ponder on it. He knew one thing and one thing for sure. Nee, make that two things.
One, when he was with Miriam Yoder, they kindled a wildfire that couldn’t be contained. Two, he needed to marry her as soon as possible.
TWENTY-TWO
Michael bounced on his toes as he watched the road Miri would be walking down at any moment. A letter had been delivered today, addressed to the two of them. It had burned in his palm since the moment it arrived. He would have gone to fetch Miri himself, but she’d had errands to run this morning, so she’d been out of the house.
The second Miri walked through the door, he grasped her wrists and guided her to the table. “It’s here. It came.” He pushed the envelope toward her.
She sat down in one of the chairs; he did likewise. “You haven’t opened it?”
He shook his head. “Not without you here.”
She glanced around the room. “Is Sammy here?”
“Nee, he’s visiting someone. It’s just us.” He probably would have taken her into his arms immediately if the matter before them wasn’t so pressing. He needed to know what was in that letter.
He nudged the letter opener in her direction. “Go ahead.”
Miri took the opener and slid it under the envelope’s flap, then pulled out a folded single sheet of lined paper. She opened the paper and they both began reading silently.
Miriam and Michael,
I regret to inform you that your boy is no longer under my care. My husband recently passed away and, due to my own poor health, I am no longer able to care for him. This was not what I wanted but it was in his best interest. I wish I could have kept him, but my disease is terminal. I knew I had to make arrangements for my sweet boy sooner rather than later.
Since you didn’t contact me after the adoption, I assumed you were still of the same mind. I was relieved when your letter came today. Last month I relinquished young Michael to the county foster care system, hoping he could find a forever home. I have included the name and phone number of the social worker I
have been consulting, if you’re inclined to contact her.
I hope all goes well with you.
Sincerely,
Sarah James
Michael’s mouth dropped open and Miri turned her gaze on him. He had no words. He attempted to process what he’d just read. He reread the letter to make sure he’d understood the circumstances correctly.
Miri swallowed and finally found her voice. “So, he is living with strangers now?” Her brow furrowed.
“It would seem so.” He reached for her hand. “Miri, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
Her eyes flicked to the letter again. “I don’t know.”
“I think we need to contact this person. I’m not sure what the laws are, but…do you think it might be possible to get our son back? Would…would you want to?”
“Ach…” She shook her head. “I just…I thought…but he was adopted, he was safe.” Tears surfaced in her eyes. “I wanted him to be with Sarah and Milton, not passed off to strangers.”
“Maybe God has other plans for him. Think about it, Miri. We could get married and bring Michael to live with us…maybe. I feel like Der Herr is giving us a second chance. At love. At raising our son. At having a family. I don’t want to let that chance slip through our fingers. And I don’t think you want it to either. Am I right?”
Her chest heaved. “I…I don’t know if I can do that, Michael.” She swiped at her tears.
“Why?”
“I don’t know if I trust you enough to be married…yet.”
Michael’s heart plunged. He reached for her hand. “Ach, Miri…I don’t know what more I can do. I’ve tried to prove to you that I’m different now. Can’t you see that?” He lifted her chin so she’d meet his eyes. “I’ve changed. I love you. I want to be with you forever.”
She turned away, then stood from the table. She heaved a bitter sigh. “I need time. Time to pray.”
“That’s a good idea. Please pray about it. I’ll do the same.”
Except, their son may not have time. Who knew how long it might be before someone else wanted to adopt him? And if someone else did decide to adopt him, their chances of reclaiming their son would be impossible. Whether Miri agreed or not, he determined to contact the social worker. Today. He would take their son, even if he had to care for him by himself. If they’d let him.
~
“I don’t know what to do, Sammy. I want to fully trust Michael. But I feel like agreeing to this might be foolish on my part. Disastrous, even. There’s so much risk. What if I agree and he just disappears one day, leaving me and our child?”
Sammy’s fingers steepled under his chin. “I suppose that could happen. But what if he is telling the truth? What if he does stay? What if he learns to become a gut father and a faithful husband? It seems to me like you could be making a mistake if you say no.”
“I’m scared.” Her chin quavered.
“There are no guarantees in life, that is for sure and certain. But I do know this. We cannot allow fear to make our decisions for us. We cannot allow fear to rule our lives. Many things we fear in life never come to fruition. Remember, Gott has not given us a spirit of fear.”
“Do you think I should say yes, then?”
“That is a question only you can answer. You will have to live with whatever decision you make. I think you should pray and listen to the voice of Gott.”
“I’ve been praying.”
“What is He telling you to do?”
“I wish I knew for sure, but I don’t. I mean, I want to be a mother to our child. And being happily married to your gross sohn sounds like a dream. But I’m afraid that’s all it is. I don’t want to jump into a nightmare I cannot get out of. Do you understand?”
“I understand that you want to play it safe. Because if nothing changes, you won’t lose anything. You won’t get hurt, right?”
Safe. Jah, that was about the sum of it. She’d ventured beyond the safe zone once before. It had been a mistake that cost her dearly. Not only that, but it had been with Michael. And now, here he was again. Sweet talking her. Coaxing her. Tempting her. She’d given in last time and it proved to be a disaster. Who was to say this wouldn’t end the same way?
What was the saying? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. She’d already endured enough shame to last a lifetime.
“Sammy…” She couldn’t hold in the sob escaping her lips. Her heart clenched. “I can’t do this again.”
~
Michael had a difficult time controlling his anger right about now. He crumpled up the note Miri had written him and tossed it against the wall. He fought the volley of curse words that threatened to escape his lips.
“No! This isn’t supposed to happen, God!” He shouted.
Jah, he was upset with Miri. But he was even more upset with himself. He was the reason she could no longer trust. He never should have kissed her like he had. He’d probably frightened her away, made her remember his past behavior. Not only that, he’d given himself false hope.
He looked up to find his grossdawdi walking through the door. He hadn’t even heard him approaching.
“Ach, Dawdi.”
He moved toward the kitchen table. “Trust Der Herr’s timing, Michael. He knows what is best.”
“But our son doesn’t have time, Dawdi.” He frowned.
“Did you call the social worker?”
“I did. She advised me to hire a lawyer.” He sighed and moisture burned in his eyes. “Dawdi,” his voice cracked, “I’ve made such a mess of my life.”
Dawdi now stood in front of him and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Gott can fix the messes you’ve made. Do you believe that?”
“I do.”
“Give Him your cares, sohn. Hand Him your broken pieces and He will mend them back together.” He reached for his Bible in the center of the table. He flipped through the pages, then handed the open text to Michael. “Read what I have underlined.”
Michael blinked away his tears, so he could see the words before him. “Behold, I make all things new.”
“Allow Der Her to do what He does best. He is the Redeemer. He is the Healer. He is the Restorer. He can do these things in your life, but only if you permit Him to do so.”
“But what about Miri?”
“Give her to Him too.”
He swallowed. “Okay, Dawdi. Show me how.”
Dawdi picked up his Bible. “Cast your cares upon Him, then rest on His promises, sohn. It’s as simple and as difficult as that.”
TWENTY-THREE
“Congratulations, Michael. You’ve got the job.” Jason Byler shot his hand forward.
Michael shook his new boss’s hand and sighed in relief. “Thank you. I really appreciate this.”
“It’s really fast-paced, so it may take you a while to get acclimated. Just take it in stride,” his boss suggested, a friendly smile twinkling in his eyes.
Michael hoped the church didn’t have any qualms about him working for an ex-Amish man. He probably should have discussed it with Dawdi prior to agreeing, but he’d needed a job badly. Not only would it provide much-needed income for lawyer and court fees, but it would keep his mind preoccupied so he wasn’t dwelling on Miri and their son every other second of the day.
Miri had stopped coming to Dawdi’s house altogether. He’d only seen her at church meeting, but she never looked his way. He’d been praying desperately for Der Herr to take the broken pieces of her heart and mend it back together. But a shattered heart took time and patience to heal, he’d realized. So he would allow God to do a work only He could do.
Meanwhile, he’d contacted a lawyer and she’d explained what his options were. First and foremost, he should petition the court for custody of his son. If his son was in foster care and eligible for adoption, he could apply to adopt their son.
He thought on his conversation with the lawyer.
“I’ll be frank with you. This isn’t typically a quick or easy process,” the lawyer ad
vised.
“What is involved?”
“If you’re allowed to adopt, a home study will need to be conducted.”
“What’s a home study?”
“That is where the state assesses the dynamics of a family. They get to know you on a personal level. It’s basically an in-depth investigation. If you have any skeletons in your closet, they will find them. It generally takes about six to eight weeks to complete the study. And you’ll be required to have all the usual tests.”
“Tests?”
“Fingerprints, medical examination, background check, those sorts of things.”
“And I’m guessing it’s going to cost a lot of money, right?” He blew out a breath. At least he had a good job now.
“The total adoption process, not including the tests mentioned above, will be about three thousand dollars.”
He swallowed. “Three thousand dollars?” He hadn’t even begun making payments to the hospital yet.
“Yes.”
“Just be thankful Indiana doesn’t require foster parenting for children eligible for adoption. Because that would require many more months of training and at least six months of having your son in your home prior to adoption.”
“Yes, I’m thankful for that.”
He blew out a breath. This was a lot to take in. But getting their son back would be so worth it. He really wished Miri was onboard with this. It would make it much easier, and more enjoyable, if he had a companion in all of this.
He knew one thing. He needed to at least sit down with her and lay out all the facts. Perhaps, if she understood what he was willing to go through to get their son back, she’d learn to trust him again. He was determined to do whatever it took to open her eyes. But if they never opened, at least—hopefully—he’d have their son back. And right now, that was more than he could hope for.
TWENTY-FOUR
“What happened to your beau?” Miriam’s brother Benny slapped a pair of mud-caked hands on the counter she’d just cleaned for the third time today.
She refrained from chastising the boy. “I don’t have a beau,” she said through gritted teeth.
The Heartbreaker (Amish Country Brides) Page 10