by Ali Parker
“No. He’s not.” She tugged at a wild strand of my hair, and I opened my eyes. “He’s going to be the one. I told you this already.”
“Why doesn’t it feel like something is beginning then? It feels more like the closure of a chapter than the beginning of a book.” I rolled onto my back. “He’s leaving in three months, or sooner if they can get him to Washington.”
“Why Washington?” She curled up against my side and moved her head to lie on my shoulder.
“The Caps want him.” I pressed my cheek to her forehead and let out a shaky sigh. “I’m scared. I shouldn’t have gone to his apartment with him, and yet I can’t wait to go again.”
“I don’t think you have anything to be scared about, Aubrey. You’re overthinking this. Use your heart this time and not your head.” She tapped my head and sat up as someone knocked at the door to our dorm room. “You expecting someone?”
“No.” I pulled the covers up to my neck and rolled back onto my side as I tried to work through my next steps with Lucas. Did I act casual, as if nothing had happened the night before? Did I treat him like I would a boyfriend and slip into his arms the next time I saw him in public? Maybe just waiting for him to react would be better. It seemed the more prudent thing to do.
“Hey, Layla.” My brother’s voice surprised me.
I sat up and turned toward the door, smiling at the way my brother watched Layla jog back to her bed and get under the covers. Seems I wasn’t the only one with a hardcore crush.
“What’s up?” I patted the bed beside me and scooted over.
He sat down on the edge of it and brushed his hand over his face. “Everything. Nothing. I’m just tired of drama bullshit, to be honest.”
“You’re in college, handsome. Bullshit drama is what we do best.” Layla pulled her covers up and turned to face us from her bed. “Something in particular upsetting you?”
“Several things, but the one I plan on figuring out today has to do with my sister.” He turned his gaze back to me and patted my leg. “Get up and let’s go to breakfast. My treat. I need my counselor, and you’re it.”
“Oh yeah?” I moved to the edge of the bed and nodded toward the door. “Wait out there unless you want another awkward moment like we had at our house the other day.”
“Yes. Let’s never do that again, all right?” He got up and walked to the door, pausing briefly to smile at Layla. “Enjoy your day.”
“You too, handsome.” She waved and waited until he closed the door to jolt up. “I seriously would make sweet love to your brother, you know.”
“Stop it!” I picked up a couch cushion and chucked it at her. “I haven’t eaten yet today, and I still want to vomit all over the place.”
“You know what I mean. He’s so fucking hot.” She dropped back in her bed and started to hump the mattress dramatically.
“You hate me. I know you do.” I walked to the closet and changed into a T-shirt dress that was less revealing than the ones Layla usually wore. I pulled my hair into a ponytail and slipped on a pair of sandals, ignoring my internal warning to cover my feet.
“I love you. Both of you. Just in very, very different ways.” She chucked the cushion back at me as I walked to the door.
“I’ll bring you my leftover pancakes.”
“Yes! And get extra butter for me.” She sat up and smiled. “And don’t tell your brother about sucking Lucas off. He won’t appreciate that.”
I flipped her off and walked out into the hall to find my brother waiting for me.
“Layla okay with not coming this time?” He ran his fingers through his dark hair as he moved from the wall he was leaning against.
“Yeah. She’s not ready to get dressed just yet. She has afternoon classes today anyway.” I extended my hand. “Let me drive the ‘stang?”
“Yeah, sure.” He dug the keys from his pocket and dropped them in my hand.
I looked up as we moved to our sides of the car and took a good look at him as worry sprouted in my belly. The circles under his eyes were much darker than I’d seen in the last few weeks. Stress. My brother was always stressed about something.
I got into the car and started it before giving him my attention. “Talk. Something has you upset. What is it?”
“I’m not upset really. Just concerned about a lot of things.”
“You always are, Jayce. You know you can’t protect the entire world from living.”
“I’m not concerned about the world. I’m concerned about you.” He reached over and tugged at my ponytail. “I know you’re four minutes older, but I have this weird older brother thing inside of me that wants to make sure you never get hurt. Sue me, okay?”
“And what would I gain by suing you? You got some money hidden away that I don’t know about?” I smiled and pulled the car out of the parking lot.
“I wish. Let’s go to Barney’s for breakfast. I feel like pancakes.”
“Sounds good to me.” I turned the heater on and slipped my sandals off as we sat at a red light in silence. “Why are you so worried about me?”
“Because, Aubrey. I know Lucas White, and where he’s one of the best guys here on campus, he’s still a guy. He’s got a shit ton of hang-ups from his brother’s suicide and he’s leaving here in three months for the pros. That type of career means women are going to be throwing themselves at him. Do you really think—”
“Suicide?” The air escaped from my lungs as my heart contracted in my chest.
“Yes, suicide. The light is green. Go.”
I hit the gas as I tried to process Lucas’s story from a few days before. “I thought his brother ODed.”
“He did, but it was on purpose. The Ice Queens are a result of his brother’s death, which is fucked up if you ask me.”
“Lucas mentioned that, but I didn’t really understand how the two matched up.” I turned into the parking lot of our favorite diner and parked the car. “Explain it to me please.”
“From what I heard, when Bret killed himself, it was over a stupid girl, and the guys on the team wanted to honor him, so they decided that none of them would date for the rest of the year. It was a ‘fuck women’ stance. Weird, I know.” Jayce reached for the door and got out.
I did as well and walked to the front of the car as a dark sadness settled over me.
“So instead of dating, they took applications for their own whore core or group of chicks that would put out for them and be groupies, I guess. As fucked up as that is, it stuck.” Jayce opened the door and moved back.
I walked in and held up two fingers for the hostess.
“So part of Lucas not dating anyone has to do with that, and part of it is that he’s just off up here.” My brother tapped the side of his head. “You would be too if you had to hold me while I died violently in your arms. Hell, I’m traumatized by it, and I just know the stories.”
“Lucas doesn’t seem off at all.” I sat down across from my brother and tried hard to keep from being too defensive. “He told me a little about it, and of course, it was hard to talk about, but off isn’t the word I would use. Depressed? Sad? Devastated? Yes. Off? No.”
“It was nine years ago. The anniversary is coming up soon. I think the fact that he’s living in his brother’s shadow still after nine years is rather telling that something is off.” He pulled the menu toward him. “I don’t want you dating him.”
“I’m not dating him, but let’s get something straight, mister.” I tugged the menu away and narrowed my eyes at him. “I’ll date whoever the fuck I want to.”
“Did he tell you that he was the one that figured out it was a suicide? That his brother left him a note begging him not to fall in love because it would ruin him forever? Did he tell you that part, or is that irrelevant to you guys?” The expression on my brother’s face drove fear deep inside of me. “He’s not going to love you. He won’t let himself. Hear me right here and now. Lucas White is not the man for you, Aubrey. He’s a lost soul. A loner. Okay?”
If Lucas really was a lost soul, then I could only come to one conclusion.
I would go and find him. Save him. Heal him and make him whole again.
Even if it meant getting lost myself.
Chapter 22
Aubrey
I spent the rest of the day with my brother, trying to work through everything else he was dealing with, which was far more than I thought. I half expected Lucas to call or text, but when he didn’t, I just resigned myself to letting him have his space.
Layla was gone when I got home later that night, but the note on her pillow said that she was visiting with her older sister who was in town. I got the invite to join them, but I wasn’t in the mood for company. Being with Jayce all day had worn me out, and the only person I wanted didn’t seem to want me.
I fell asleep after running through a million scenarios of how Lucas and I could make things work. Love was worth the effort, and I knew I was in love but had no clue if his feelings extended that far. Guys were a mystery best left uncovered most days of the week.
This one was multi-layered and wrapped in a pair of stone-washed jeans. I smiled at the thought of forgoing the mystery and just getting to what was under the denim.
“All right. We got the kegs for later tonight and snacks. Did you guys get that adult blow up done yet?” I turned around in the living room of the Ice House as most of the guys stood around me. Preparing for the homecoming party was a pain in the ass, and yet everyone was humming with positive energy because of it.
“It’s all done, my queen.” Jessie bowed low to the floor as everyone chuckled.
“Good. One of you will have to keep watch over that blow up. I don’t want us to pay for it getting fucked up. Okay?” I glanced around the room. Jayce and Lucas were already up at the rink, and it was time for everyone else to head out too.
A resounding grumble filled the room and caused me to smile.
“Get out of here, and don’t kill each other tonight.” I laughed as they all ran past me toward the front door, most of them reaching up to high-five me or pop my butt.
Layla got up from the couch and stretched. “This party is going to be off the chain.”
“Yeah. It should be fun. Let’s just hope that no one does anything stupid.” I moved through the living room to the kitchen to check everything one more time.
“William is off the team now, right?” Layla stopped in the open door to the kitchen and leaned against the doorframe.
“I think so. I’m not sure what’s going on with him. Jayce was talking about it a little yesterday, but I didn’t really ask about whether he was getting another chance or not.” I turned and checked off the final items on my clipboard.
“He needs to be. Asshole.”
“He’s not that bad of a guy. He’s just got a shit ton of pressure on him. You know his dad is running for the senate, right?”
“Really?”
“Yes. Take my mom and multiply her by ten. That’s his mom and dad. Both of them.” I set the clipboard down and brushed my hands down the front of my jeans. “We ready to go?”
“Yeah.” She pulled out the keys to her car. “I’ll drive.”
“Yeah, because I don’t have a car.” I laughed and followed her out. I had my reasons for not getting a car, but namely, the idea of having a way to run home to my parents every time my mother called was the main one. Without a mode of transportation, I was safe. Sort of.
“I didn’t know Will had all that shit going on.” She turned and waited on the porch beside the front door as I locked everything up.
“Most people don’t. I know Jayce and Lucas do though, so hopefully they consider that before screwing him.” I shrugged. “Or really, I guess he screwed himself. His drug problem has gotten out of hand. They might not kick him off the team, but they need to get him some help.”
“I wouldn’t even begin to know where to start looking for something like that.” She walked down the stairs beside me. “The softball team has a help hotline, and we can talk to our coaches about anything, but other than that, I don’t know.”
“The dance program has the same, but I’m pretty sure they decided that putting McCraven as the Dean of the dance program meant that no one would even consider fucking up. Having to deal with her is far too much of a punishment.”
We laughed and got in the car to head up to the rink. The homecoming game was always laid back and a time for everyone to enjoy the night together. The hockey team would put on some funny skits and antics on the ice during halftime, and the seniors would be recognized. My heart ached in my chest at the thought of hearing Lucas’s name called with the others that would be leaving soon.
“Did you talk to Lucas yesterday?” Layla asked as we pulled up to the rink.
“No. I’m not sure what I would have said anyway. I’m still trying to figure out where we stand.” I shrugged and parked the car.
“Well, you better stand somewhere, or I’ll kick his ass.” She unbuckled and gave me a stern look.
I laughed. “I thought you said I had nothing to worry about, that he was the one.”
“He should be the one, but you know how stupid guys are sometimes. Make sure you talk to him today or tonight at the party. Feel him out and see what’s going on.”
“Maybe. I just want to enjoy the festivities as best I can.” I got out of the car and walked toward the ice rink along with half the school. “It’s going to be crazy in here tonight.”
“Aubrey! Layla!”
I turned to see Emily Campbell jogging toward us. A smile lifted my lips as she wrapped me in a tight hug. We’d been friends since our first dance class at six years old. Where I’d continued on with it, she decided to go a different route and picked up cheerleading. Between my schedule and hers, we rarely got to see each other anymore.
“Emily. Hey, girl.” I squeezed her and turned to see her boyfriend sauntering up. Ugh. Brody Jackson had to be one of the biggest assholes on campus.
“Hey, pretty girl.” He smiled at me and wagged his eyebrows.
I ignored him and turned back to Emily. “If you lose the baggage, you can sit with us tonight.”
She blushed and shook her head. “No, I’m good. Stop hating on my man.”
We laughed as she moved back over to Brody, wrapping her arms around his side as they walked into the rink together. He hadn’t stopped checking me and Layla out, which was enough to make my skin crawl.
“How did such a great girl end up with such a douche-nozzle?” Layla elbowed me and pointed to the rink. “There are our boys.”
Jayce and Lucas raced around the rink, cutting across the ice and sending snow into the air. Neither of them seemed particularly happy to be doing it, but the night was young. They both had far too much on their minds and would hopefully loosen up.
I turned as Brody winked at me and kissed the side of Emily’s head. “I didn’t bring my wallet tonight, babe. You got this?”
“Um, yeah. Sure.” She dug in her purse as I rolled my eyes and turned back to Layla.
“I hate that fucker. We need to set Emily up with a good guy.”
“Agreed. Me first though. You get Lucas and I get your brother.” Layla looped her arm with mine as we moved up to the edge of the ice.
“Gross,” I mumbled and waved at Jayce to come over.
He grabbed Lucas’s arm and they both skated over, stopping in front of us.
“Everything ready for tonight?” Lucas asked as his eyes moved around my face.
“Of course it is. We double-checked everything and locked up out there.” I wanted to reach out and touch the side of his face, to pull him down for a long kiss, but it shouldn’t have been my action to take. It should have been his.
“Excellent. You girls enjoy the show.” He winked at me and turned to skate off.
I
wasn’t sure what I was expecting from him, but my heart sank a little at not getting much of anything.
“You okay?” Jayce eyed me as Layla turned to greet another group of our friends.
“Yeah. I’m great. Just excited for you guys.” My eyes moved out to watch Lucas for a few more seconds. “Is he okay?”
“He’s a little off today.” Jayce turned around and let out a sigh. “Did you sleep together?”
“What? That’s none of your fucking business.” I pushed at my brother’s chest as anger burned up the inside of me. “I can’t believe you even asked that.”
“I’m sorry. Shit. I’m just worried, Aubrey. He was in the gym for three hours this morning. He’s been a dick all day, which isn’t completely out of the norm, but he’s got a big couple of weeks coming up. He needs to keep focused, or everything he’s worked for is down the drain.” Jayce turned back to me and shook his head. “Not that you’re just a distraction—”
“Fuck you.” I turned and walked up the bleachers as my brother called to me from the rink. I dropped down next to Layla and pursed my lips to keep from crying.
“What was that about?” She wrapped her arm around my shoulder and shook her fist in the direction of my brother.
“I’m apparently a distraction from Lucas’s future all of a sudden. I’m just trying to figure out who that message is coming from. My overprotective brother or Lucas.”
Where one was worse than the other, they both stung me all the same.
Chapter 23
Lucas
I couldn’t concentrate worth shit during the whole game. The crowd had a blast thinking that I was putting on a show when the reality was that I needed to find a quiet place to get away from everyone. I missed most of my shots and busted my ass twice during the evening, but the guys saved me by playing it all off.
“Thank God that shit is over.” Jayce moved past me in the hallway on the way to the locker room. “You better get your head together quick. That was fucking ridiculous.”