by Daniel Defoe
up into his chamber,where Amy had made a good fire, and there he pulled out a great manypapers, and spread them upon a little table, and then took me by thehand, and after kissing me very much, he entered into a discourse of hiscircumstances and of mine, how they agreed in several things exactly;for example, that I was abandoned of a husband in the prime of my youthand vigour, and he of a wife in his middle age; how the end of marriagewas destroyed by the treatment we had either of us received, and itwould be very hard that we should be tied by the formality of thecontract where the essence of it was destroyed. I interrupted him, andtold him there was a vast difference between our circumstances, and thatin the most essential part, namely, that he was rich, and I was poor;that he was above the world, and I infinitely below it; that hiscircumstances were very easy, mine miserable, and this was an inequalitythe most essential that could be imagined. "As to that, my dear," sayshe, "I have taken such measures as shall make an equality still;" andwith that he showed me a contract in writing, wherein he engaged himselfto me to cohabit constantly with me, to provide for me in all respectsas a wife, and repeating in the preamble a long account of the natureand reason of our living together, and an obligation in the penalty ofL7000 never to abandon me; and at last showed me a bond for L500, to bepaid to me, or to my assigns, within three months after his death.
He read over all these things to me, and then, in a most moving,affectionate manner, and in words not to be answered, he said, "Now, mydear, is this not sufficient? Can you object anything against it? Ifnot, as I believe you will not, then let us debate this matter nolonger." With that he pulled out a silk purse, which had threescoreguineas in it, and threw them into my lap, and concluded all the rest ofhis discourse with kisses and protestations of his love, of which indeedI had abundant proof.
Pity human frailty, you that read of a woman reduced in her youth andprime to the utmost misery and distress, and raised again, as above, bythe unexpected and surprising bounty of a stranger; I say, pity her ifshe was not able, after all these things, to make any more resistance.
However, I stood out a little longer still. I asked him how he couldexpect that I could come into a proposal of such consequence the veryfirst time it was moved to me; and that I ought, if I consented to it,to capitulate with him that he should never upbraid me with easiness andconsenting too soon. He said no; but, on the contrary, he would take itas a mark of the greatest kindness I could show him. Then he went on togive reasons why there was no occasion to use the ordinary ceremony ofdelay, or to wait a reasonable time of courtship, which was only toavoid scandal; but, as this was private, it had nothing of that naturein it; that he had been courting me some time by the best of courtship,viz., doing acts of kindness to me; and that he had given testimonies ofhis sincere affection to me by deeds, not by flattering trifles and theusual courtship of words, which were often found to have very littlemeaning; that he took me, not as a mistress, but as his wife, andprotested it was clear to him he might lawfully do it, and that I wasperfectly at liberty, and assured me, by all that it was possible for anhonest man to say, that he would treat me as his wife as long as helived. In a word, he conquered all the little resistance I intended tomake; he protested he loved me above all the world, and begged I wouldfor once believe him; that he had never deceived me, and never would,but would make it his study to make my life comfortable and happy, andto make me forget the misery I had gone through. I stood still a while,and said nothing; but seeing him eager for my answer, I smiled, andlooking up at him, "And must I, then," says I, "say yes at first asking?Must I depend upon your promise? Why, then," said I, "upon the faith ofthat promise, and in the sense of that inexpressible kindness you haveshown me, you shall be obliged, and I will be wholly yours to the end ofmy life;" and with that I took his hand, which held me by the hand, andgave it a kiss.
And thus, in gratitude for the favours I received from a man, was allsense of religion and duty to God, all regard to virtue and honour,given up at once, and we were to call one another man and wife, who, inthe sense of the laws both of God and our country, were no more than twoadulterers; in short, a whore and a rogue. Nor, as I have said above,was my conscience silent in it, though it seems his was; for I sinnedwith open eyes, and thereby had a double guilt upon me. As I alwayssaid, his notions were of another kind, and he either was before of theopinion, or argued himself into it now, that we were both free and mightlawfully marry.
But I was quite of another side--nay, and my judgment was right, but mycircumstances were my temptation; the terrors behind me looked blackerthan the terrors before me; and the dreadful argument of wanting bread,and being run into the horrible distresses I was in before, mastered allmy resolution, and I gave myself up as above.
The rest of the evening we spent very agreeably to me; he was perfectlygood-humoured, and was at that time very merry. Then he made Amy dancewith him, and I told him I would put Amy to bed to him. Amy said, withall her heart; she never had been a bride in her life. In short, he madethe girl so merry that, had he not been to lie with me the same night,I believe he would have played the fool with Amy for half-an-hour, andthe girl would no more have refused him than I intended to do. Yetbefore, I had always found her a very modest wench as any I ever saw inall my life; but, in short, the mirth of that night, and a few more suchafterwards, ruined the girl's modesty for ever, as shall appearby-and-by, in its place.
So far does fooling and toying sometimes go that I know nothing a youngwoman has to be more cautious of; so far had this innocent girl gone injesting between her and I, and in talking that she would let him liewith her, if he would but be kinder to me, that at last she let him liewith her in earnest; and so empty was I now of all principle, that Iencouraged the doing it almost before my face.
I say but too justly that I was empty of principle, because, as above, Ihad yielded to him, not as deluded to believe it lawful, but as overcomeby his kindness, and terrified at the fear of my own misery if he shouldleave me. So with my eyes open, and with my conscience, as I may say,awake, I sinned, knowing it to be a sin, but having no power to resist.When this had thus made a hole in my heart, and I was come to such aheight as to transgress against the light of my own conscience, I wasthen fit for any wickedness, and conscience left off speaking where itfound it could not be heard.
But to return to our story. Having consented, as above, to his proposal,we had not much more to do. He gave me my writings, and the bond for mymaintenance during his life, and for five hundred pounds after hisdeath. And so far was he from abating his affection to me afterwards,that two years after we were thus, as he called it, married, he made hiswill, and gave me a thousand pounds more, and all my household stuff,plate, &c., which was considerable too.
Amy put us to bed, and my new friend--I cannot call him husband--was sowell pleased with Amy for her fidelity and kindness to me that he paidher all the arrear of her wages that I owed her, and gave her fiveguineas over; and had it gone no farther, Amy had richly deserved whatshe had, for never was a maid so true to her mistress in such dreadfulcircumstances as I was in. Nor was what followed more her own fault thanmine, who led her almost into it at first, and quite into it at last;and this may be a farther testimony what a hardness of crime I was nowarrived to, which was owing to the conviction, that was from thebeginning upon me, that I was a whore, not a wife; nor could I everframe my mouth to call him husband or to say "my husband" when I wasspeaking of him.
We lived, surely, the most agreeable life, the grand exception onlyexcepted, that ever two lived together. He was the most obliging,gentlemanly man, and the most tender of me, that ever woman gave herselfup to. Nor was there ever the least interruption to our mutual kindness,no, not to the last day of his life. But I must bring Amy's disaster inat once, that I may have done with her.
Amy was dressing me one morning, for now I had two maids, and Amy was mychambermaid. "Dear madam," says Amy, "what! a'nt you with child yet?""No, Amy," says I; "nor any sign of it."
"Law, madam!" says Amy, "what have you b
een doing? Why, you have beenmarried a year and a half. I warrant you master would have got me withchild twice in that time." "It may be so, Amy," says I. "Let him try,can't you?" "No," says Amy; "you'll forbid it now. Before, I told you heshould, with all my heart; but I won't now, now he's all your own.""Oh," says I, "Amy, I'll freely give you my consent. It will be nothingat all to me. Nay, I'll put you to bed to him myself one night or other,if you are willing." "No, madam, no," says Amy, "not now he's yours."
"Why, you fool you," says I, "don't I tell you I'll put you to bed tohim myself?" "Nay, nay," says Amy, "if you put me to bed to him, that'sanother case; I believe I shall not rise again very soon." "I'll venturethat,