by Daniel Defoe
Amy," says I.
After supper that night, and before we were risen from table, I said tohim, Amy being by, "Hark ye, Mr. ----, do you know that you are to liewith Amy to-night?" "No, not I," says he; but turns to Amy, "Is it so,Amy?" says he. "No, sir," says she. "Nay, don't say no, you fool; didnot I promise to put you to bed to him?" But the girl said "No," still,and it passed off.
At night, when we came to go to bed, Amy came into the chamber toundress me, and her master slipped into bed first; then I began, andtold him all that Amy had said about my not being with child, and of herbeing with child twice in that time. "Ay, Mrs. Amy," says he, "I believeso too. Come hither, and, we'll try." But Amy did not go. "Go, youfool," says I, "can't you? I freely give you both leave." But Amy wouldnot go. "Nay, you whore," says I, "you said, if I would put you to bed,you would with all your heart." And with that I sat her down, pulled offher stockings and shoes, and all her clothes piece by piece, and led herto the bed to him. "Here," says I, "try what you can do with your maidAmy." She pulled back a little, would not let me pull off her clothes atfirst, but it was hot weather, and she had not many clothes on, andparticularly no stays on; and at last, when she saw I was in earnest,she let me do what I would. So I fairly stripped her, and then I threwopen the bed and thrust her in.
I need say no more. This is enough to convince anybody that I did notthink him my husband, and that I had cast off all principle and allmodesty, and had effectually stifled conscience.
Amy, I dare say, began now to repent, and would fain have got out of bedagain; but he said to her, "Nay, Amy, you see your mistress has put youto bed; 'tis all her doing; you must blame her." So he held her fast,and the wench being naked in the bed with him, it was too late to lookback, so she lay still and let him do what he would with her.
Had I looked upon myself as a wife, you cannot suppose I would have beenwilling to have let my husband lie with my maid, much less before myface, for I stood by all the while; but as I thought myself a whore, Icannot say but that it was something designed in my thoughts that mymaid should be a whore too, and should not reproach me with it.
Amy, however, less vicious than I, was grievously out of sorts the nextmorning, and cried and took on most vehemently, that she was ruined andundone, and there was no pacifying her; she was a whore, a slut, and shewas undone! undone! and cried almost all day. I did all I could topacify her. "A whore!" says I. "Well, and am not I a whore as well asyou?" "No, no," says Amy; "no, you are not, for you are married." "NotI, Amy," says I; "I do not pretend to it. He may marry you to-morrow,if he will, for anything I could do to hinder it. I am not married. I donot look upon it as anything." Well, all did not pacify Amy, but shecried two or three days about it; but it wore off by degrees.
But the case differed between Amy and her master exceedingly; for Amyretained the same kind temper she always had; but, on the contrary, hewas quite altered, for he hated her heartily, and could, I believe, havekilled her after it, and he told me so, for he thought this a vileaction; whereas what he and I had done he was perfectly easy in, thoughtit just, and esteemed me as much his wife as if we had been married fromour youth, and had neither of us known any other; nay, he loved me, Ibelieve, as entirely as if I had been the wife of his youth. Nay, hetold me it was true, in one sense, that he had two wives, but that I wasthe wife of his affection, the other the wife of his aversion.
I was extremely concerned at the aversion he had taken to my maid Amy,and used my utmost skill to get it altered; for though he had, indeed,debauched the wench, I knew that I was the principal occasion of it; andas he was the best-humoured man in the world, I never gave him over tillI prevailed with him to be easy with her, and as I was now become thedevil's agent, to make others as wicked as myself, I brought him to liewith her again several times after that, till at last, as the poor girlsaid, so it happened, and she was really with child.
She was terribly concerned at it, and so was he too. "Come, my dear,"says I, "when Rachel put her handmaid to bed to Jacob, she took thechildren as her own. Don't be uneasy; I'll take the child as my own. Hadnot I a hand in the frolic of putting her to bed to you? It was my faultas much as yours." So I called Amy, and encouraged her too, and told herthat I would take care of the child and her too, and added the sameargument to her. "For," says I, "Amy, it was all my fault. Did not Idrag your clothes off your back, and put you to bed to him?" Thus I,that had, indeed, been the cause of all the wickedness between them,encouraged them both, when they had any remorse about it, and ratherprompted them to go on with it than to repent it.
When Amy grew big she went to a place I had provided for her, and theneighbours knew nothing but that Amy and I was parted. She had a finechild indeed, a daughter, and we had it nursed; and Amy came again inabout half a year to live with her old mistress; but neither mygentleman, or Amy either, cared for playing that game over again; for,as he said, the jade might bring him a houseful of children to keep.
We lived as merrily and as happily after this as could be expected,considering our circumstances; I mean as to the pretended marriage, &c.;and as to that, my gentleman had not the least concern about him for it.But as much as I was hardened, and that was as much as I believe everany wicked creature was, yet I could not help it, there was and would behours of intervals and of dark reflections which came involuntarily in,and thrust in sighs into the middle of all my songs; and there would besometimes a heaviness of heart which intermingled itself with all myjoy, and which would often fetch a tear from my eye. And let otherspretend what they will, I believe it impossible to be otherwise withanybody. There can be no substantial satisfaction in a life of knownwickedness; conscience will, and does often, break in upon them atparticular times, let them do what they can to prevent it.
But I am not to preach, but to relate; and whatever loose reflectionswere, and how often soever those dark intervals came on, I did my utmostto conceal them from him; ay, and to suppress and smother them too inmyself; and, to outward appearance, we lived as cheerfully and agreeablyas it was possible for any couple in the world to live.
After I had thus lived with him something above two years, truly I foundmyself with child too. My gentleman was mightily pleased at it, andnothing could be kinder than he was in the preparations he made for me,and for my lying-in, which was, however, very private, because I caredfor as little company as possible; nor had I kept up my neighbourlyacquaintance, so that I had nobody to invite upon such an occasion.
I was brought to bed very well (of a daughter too, as well as Amy), butthe child died at about six weeks old, so all that work was to do overagain--that is to say, the charge, the expense, the travail, &c.
The next year I made him amends, and brought him a son, to his greatsatisfaction. It was a charming child, and did very well. After this myhusband, as he called himself, came to me one evening, and told me hehad a very difficult thing happened to him, which he knew not what to doin, or how to resolve about, unless I would make him easy; this was,that his occasions required him to go over to France for about twomonths.
"Well, my dear," says I, "and how shall I make you easy?"
"Why, by consenting to let me go," says he; "upon which condition, I'lltell you the occasion of my going, that you may judge of the necessitythere is for it on my side." Then, to make me easy in his going, he toldme he would make his will before he went, which should be to my fullsatisfaction.
I told him the last part was so kind that I could not decline the firstpart, unless he would give me leave to add that, if it was not forputting him to an extraordinary expense, I would go over along with him.
He was so pleased with this offer that he told me he would give me fullsatisfaction for it, and accept of it too; so he took me to London withhim the next day, and there he made his will, and showed it to me, andsealed it before proper witnesses, and then gave it to me to keep. Inthis will he gave a thousand pounds to a person that we both knew verywell, in trust, to pay it, with the interest from the time of hisdecease, to me or my assigns; then he willed
the payment of my jointure,as he called it, viz., his bond of five hundred pounds after his death;also, he gave me all my household stuff, plate, &c.
This was a most engaging thing for a man to do to one under mycircumstances; and it would have been hard, as I told him, to deny himanything, or to refuse to go with him anywhere. So we settled everythingas well as we could, left Amy in charge with the house, and for hisother business, which was in jewels, he had two men he intrusted, who hehad good security for, and who managed for him, and corresponded withhim.
Things being thus concerted, we went away to France, arrived safe atCalais, and by easy journeys came in eight days more to Paris, where welodged in the house of an English merchant of