by Daniel Defoe
us, and howdangerously we act when we follow the dictates of an ambitious mind.
I was rich, beautiful, and agreeable, and not yet old. I had knownsomething of the influence I had had upon the fancies of men even of thehighest rank. I never forgot that the Prince de ---- had said, with anecstasy, that I was the finest woman in France. I knew I could make afigure at London, and how well I could grace that figure. I was not at aloss how to behave, and having already been adored by princes, I thoughtof nothing less than of being mistress to the king himself. But I goback to my immediate circumstances at that time.
I got over the absence of my honest merchant but slowly at first. It waswith infinite regret that I let him go at all; and when I read theletter he left I was quite confounded. As soon as he was out of calland irrecoverable I would have given half I had in the world for himback again; my notion of things changed in an instant, and I calledmyself a thousand fools for casting myself upon a life of scandal andhazard, when, after the shipwreck of virtue, honour, and principle, andsailing at the utmost risk in the stormy seas of crime and abominablelevity, I had a safe harbour presented, and no heart to cast anchor init.
His predictions terrified me; his promises of kindness if I came todistress melted me into tears, but frighted me with the apprehensions ofever coming into such distress, and filled my head with a thousandanxieties and thoughts how it should be possible for me, who had nowsuch a fortune, to sink again into misery.
Then the dreadful scene of my life, when I was left with my fivechildren, &c., as I have related, represented itself again to me, and Isat considering what measures I might take to bring myself to such astate of desolation again, and how I should act to avoid it.
But these things wore off gradually. As to my friend the merchant, hewas gone, and gone irrecoverably, for I durst not follow him to Paris,for the reasons mentioned above. Again, I was afraid to write to him toreturn, lest he should have refused, as I verily believed he would; soI sat and cried intolerably for some days--nay, I may say for someweeks; but, I say, it wore off gradually, and as I had a pretty deal ofbusiness for managing my effects, the hurry of that particular partserved to divert my thoughts, and in part to wear out the impressionswhich had been made upon my mind.
I had sold my jewels, all but the diamond ring which my gentleman thejeweller used to wear, and this, at proper times, I wore myself; as alsothe diamond necklace which the prince had given me, and a pair ofextraordinary earrings worth about 600 pistoles; the other, which was afine casket, he left with me at his going to Versailles, and a smallcase with some rubies and emeralds, &c. I say I sold them at the Haguefor 7600 pistoles. I had received all the bills which the merchant hadhelped me to at Paris, and with the money I brought with me, they madeup 13,900 pistoles more; so that I had in ready money, and in account inthe bank at Amsterdam, above one-and-twenty thousand pistoles, besidesjewels; and how to get this treasure to England was my next care.
The business I had had now with a great many people for receiving suchlarge sums and selling jewels of such considerable value gave meopportunity to know and converse with several of the best merchants ofthe place, so that I wanted no direction now how to get my moneyremitted to England. Applying, therefore, to several merchants, that Imight neither risk it all on the credit of one merchant, nor suffer anysingle man to know the quantity of money I had; I say, applying myselfto several merchants, I got bills of exchange payable in London for allmy money. The first bills I took with me; the second bills I left intrust (in case of any disaster at sea) in the hands of the firstmerchant, him to whom I was recommended by my friend from Paris.
Having thus spent nine months in Holland, refused the best offer everwoman in my circumstances had, parted unkindly, and indeed barbarously,with the best friend and honestest man in the world, got all my money inmy pocket, and a bastard in my belly, I took shipping at the Brill inthe packet-boat, and arrived safe at Harwich, where my woman Amy wascome by my direction to meet me.
I would willingly have given ten thousand pounds of my money to havebeen rid of the burthen I had in my belly, as above; but it could notbe, so I was obliged to bear with that part, and get rid of it by theordinary method of patience and a hard travail.
I was above the contemptible usage that women in my circumstancesoftentimes meet with. I had considered all that beforehand; and havingsent Amy beforehand, and remitted her money to do it, she had taken mea very handsome house in ---- Street, near Charing Cross; had hired metwo maids and a footman, who she had put in a good livery; and havinghired a glass coach and four horses, she came with them and theman-servant to Harwich to meet me, and had been there near a week beforeI came, so I had nothing to do but to go away to London to my own house,where I arrived in very good health, and where I passed for a Frenchlady, by the title of ----.
My first business was to get all my bills accepted, which, to cut thestory short, was all both accepted and currently paid; and I thenresolved to take me a country lodging somewhere near the town, to beincognito, till I was brought to bed; which, appearing in such a figureand having such an equipage, I easily managed without anybody's offeringthe usual insults of parish inquiries. I did not appear in my new housefor some time, and afterwards I thought fit, for particular reasons, toquit that house, and not to come to it at all, but take handsome largeapartments in the Pall Mall, in a house out of which was a private doorinto the king's garden, by the permission of the chief gardener, who hadlived in the house.
I had now all my effects secured; but my money being my great concern atthat time, I found it a difficulty how to dispose of it so as to bringme in an annual interest. However, in some time I got a substantialsafe mortgage for L14,000 by the assistance of the famous Sir RobertClayton, for which I had an estate of L1800 a year bound to me, and hadL700 per annum interest for it.
This, with some other securities, made me a very handsome estate ofabove a thousand pounds a year; enough, one would think, to keep anywoman in England from being a whore.
I lay in at ----, about four miles from London, and brought a fine boyinto the world, and, according to my promise, sent an account of it tomy friend at Paris, the father of it; and in the letter told him howsorry I was for his going away, and did as good as intimate that, if hewould come once more to see me, I should use him better than I had done.He gave me a very kind and obliging answer, but took not the leastnotice of what I had said of his coming over, so I found my interestlost there for ever. He gave me joy of the child, and hinted that hehoped I would make good what he had begged for the poor infant as I hadpromised, and I sent him word again that I would fulfil his order to atittle; and such a fool and so weak I was in this last letter,notwithstanding what I have said of his not taking notice of myinvitation, as to ask his pardon almost for the usage I gave him atRotterdam, and stooped so low as to expostulate with him for not takingnotice of my inviting him to come to me again, as I had done; and,which was still more, went so far as to make a second sort of an offerto him, telling him, almost in plain words, that if he would come overnow I would have him; but he never gave me the least reply to it at all,which was as absolute a denial to me as he was ever able to give; so Isat down, I cannot say contented, but vexed heartily that I had made theoffer at all, for he had, as I may say, his full revenge of me inscorning to answer, and to let me twice ask that of him which he with somuch importunity begged of me before.
I was now up again, and soon came to my City lodging in the Pall Mall,and here I began to make a figure suitable to my estate, which was verygreat; and I shall give you an account of my equipage in a few words,and of myself too.
I paid L60 a year for my new apartments, for I took them by the year;but then they were handsome lodgings indeed, and very richly furnished.I kept my own servants to clean and look after them, found my ownkitchen ware and firing. My equipage was handsome, but not very great; Ihad a coach, a coachman, a footman, my woman Amy, who I now dressed likea gentlewoman and made her my companion, and three maids; and thus Ilived for a time. I dres
sed to the height of every mode, went extremelyrich in clothes, and as for jewels, I wanted none. I gave a very goodlivery, laced with silver, and as rich as anybody below the nobilitycould be seen with; and thus I appeared, leaving the world to guess whoor what I was, without offering to put myself forward.
I walked sometimes in the Mall with my woman Amy, but I kept no companyand made no acquaintances, only made as gay a show as I was able to do,and that upon all occasions. I found, however, the world was notaltogether so unconcerned about me as I seemed to be about them; andfirst I understood that the neighbours began to be mighty inquisitiveabout me, as who I was, and what my circumstances were.
Amy was the only person that could answer their curiosity or give anyaccount of me; and she, a tattling woman and a true gossip, took care todo that with all the art that she was mistress of. She let them knowthat I was the widow of a person of quality in France, that I was veryrich, that I came over hither to look after an estate that fell to me