by Daniel Defoe
mourned thus for her for above a month; but findingAmy still come not near me, and that I must put my affairs in a posturethat I might go to Holland, I opened all my affairs to my dear trustyfriend the Quaker, and placed her, in matters of trust, in the room ofAmy; and with a heavy, bleeding heart for my poor girl, I embarked withmy spouse, and all our equipage and goods, on board another Holland'strader, not a packet-boat, and went over to Holland, where I arrived, asI have said.
I must put in a caution, however, here, that you must not understand meas if I let my friend the Quaker into any part of the secret history ofmy former life; nor did I commit the grand reserved article of all toher, viz., that I was really the girl's mother, and the Lady Roxana;there was no need of that part being exposed; and it was always a maximwith me, that secrets should never be opened without evident utility. Itcould be of no manner of use to me or her to communicate that part toher; besides, she was too honest herself to make it safe to me; forthough she loved me very sincerely, and it was plain by manycircumstances that she did so, yet she would not lie for me uponoccasion, as Amy would, and therefore it was not advisable on any termsto communicate that part; for if the girl, or any one else, should havecome to her afterwards, and put it home to her, whether she knew that Iwas the girl's mother or not, or was the same as the Lady Roxana or not,she either would not have denied it, or would have done it with so ill agrace, such blushing, such hesitations and falterings in her answers, aswould have put the matter out of doubt, and betrayed herself and thesecret too.
For this reason, I say, I did not discover anything of that kind to her;but I placed her, as I have said, in Amy's stead in the other affairs ofreceiving money, interests, rents, and the like, and she was as faithfulas Amy could be, and as diligent.
But there fell out a great difficulty here, which I knew not how to getover; and this was how to convey the usual supply of provision and moneyto the uncle and the other sister, who depended, especially the sister,upon the said supply for her support; and indeed, though Amy had saidrashly that she would not take any more notice of the sister, and wouldleave her to perish, as above, yet it was neither in my nature, or Amy'seither, much less was it in my design; and therefore I resolved to leavethe management of what I had reserved for that work with my faithfulQuaker, but how to direct her to manage them was the great difficulty.
Amy had told them in so many words that she was not their mother, butthat she was the maid Amy, that carried them to their aunt's; that sheand their mother went over to the East Indies to seek their fortune, andthat there good things had befallen them, and that their mother was veryrich and happy; that she (Amy) had married in the Indies, but being nowa widow, and resolving to come over to England, their mother had obligedher to inquire them out, and do for them as she had done; and that nowshe was resolved to go back to the Indies again; but that she had ordersfrom their mother to do very handsomely by them; and, in a word, toldthem she had L2000 apiece for them, upon condition that they provedsober, and married suitably to themselves, and did not throw themselvesaway upon scoundrels.
The good family in whose care they had been, I had resolved to take morethan ordinary notice of; and Amy, by my order, had acquainted them withit, and obliged my daughters to promise to submit to their government,as formerly, and to be ruled by the honest man as by a father andcounsellor; and engaged him to treat them as his children. And to obligehim effectually to take care of them, and to make his old agecomfortable both to him and his wife, who had been so good to theorphans, I had ordered her to settle the other L2000, that is to say,the interest of it, which was L120 a year, upon them, to be theirs forboth their lives, but to come to my two daughters after them. This wasso just, and was so prudently managed by Amy, that nothing she ever didfor me pleased me better. And in this posture, leaving my two daughterswith their ancient friend, and so coming away to me (as they thought tothe East Indies), she had prepared everything in order to her going overwith me to Holland; and in this posture that matter stood when thatunhappy girl, who I have said so much of, broke in upon all ourmeasures, as you have heard, and, by an obstinacy never to be conqueredor pacified, either with threats or persuasions, pursued her searchafter me (her mother) as I have said, till she brought me even to thebrink of destruction; and would, in all probability, have traced me outat last, if Amy had not, by the violence of her passion, and by a waywhich I had no knowledge of, and indeed abhorred, put a stop to her, ofwhich I cannot enter into the particulars here.
However, notwithstanding this, I could not think of going away andleaving this work so unfinished as Amy had threatened to do, and for thefolly of one child to leave the other to starve, or to stop mydetermined bounty to the good family I have mentioned. So, in a word, Icommitted the finishing it all to my faithful friend the Quaker, to whomI communicated as much of the whole story as was needful to empower herto perform what Amy had promised, and to make her talk so much to thepurpose, as one employed more remotely than Amy had been, needed to be.
To this purpose she had, first of all, a full possession of the money;and went first to the honest man and his wife, and settled all thematter with them; when she talked of Mrs. Amy, she talked of her as onethat had been empowered by the mother of the girls in the Indies, butwas obliged to go back to the Indies, and had settled all sooner if shehad not been hindered by the obstinate humour of the other daughter;that she had left instructions with her for the rest; but that the otherhad affronted her so much that she was gone away without doing anythingfor her; and that now, if anything was done, it must be by fresh ordersfrom the East Indies.
I need not say how punctually my new agent acted; but, which was more,she brought the old man and his wife, and my other daughter, severaltimes to her house, by which I had an opportunity, being there only as alodger, and a stranger, to see my other girl, which I had never donebefore, since she was a little child.
The day I contrived to see them I was dressed up in a Quaker's habit,and looked so like a Quaker, that it was impossible for them, who hadnever seen me before, to suppose I had ever been anything else; also myway of talking was suitable enough to it, for I had learned that longbefore.
I have not time here to take notice what a surprise it was to me to seemy child; how it worked upon my affections; with what infinite struggleI mastered a strong inclination that I had to discover myself to her;how the girl was the very counterpart of myself, only much handsomer;and how sweetly and modestly she behaved; how, on that occasion, Iresolved to do more for her than I had appointed by Amy, and the like.
It is enough to mention here, that as the settling this affair made wayfor my going on board, notwithstanding the absence of my old agent Amy,so, however, I left some hints for Amy too, for I did not yet despair ofmy hearing from her; and that if my good Quaker should ever see heragain, she should let her see them; wherein, particularly, ordering herto leave the affair of Spitalfields just as I had done, in the hands ofmy friend, she should come away to me; upon this condition,nevertheless, that she gave full satisfaction to my friend the Quakerthat she had not murdered my child; for if she had, I told her I wouldnever see her face more. However, notwithstanding this, she came overafterwards, without giving my friend any of that satisfaction, or anyaccount that she intended to come over.
I can say no more now, but that, as above, being arrived in Holland,with my spouse and his son, formerly mentioned, I appeared there withall the splendour and equipage suitable to our new prospect, as I havealready observed.
Here, after some few years of flourishing and outwardly happycircumstances, I fell into a dreadful course of calamities, and Amyalso; the very reverse of our former good days. The blast of Heavenseemed to follow the injury done the poor girl by us both, and I wasbrought so low again, that my repentance seemed to be only theconsequence of my misery, as my misery was of my crime.
CONTINUATION
(_From the 1745 Edition_)
In resolving to go to Holland with my husband, and take possession ofthe title of countess as soon a
s possible, I had a view of deceiving mydaughter, were she yet alive, and seeking me out; for it seldom happensthat a nobleman, or his lady, are called by their surnames, and as shewas a stranger to our noble title, might have inquired at our next doorneighbours for Mr. ----, the Dutch merchant, and not have been one jotthe wiser for her inquiry. So one evening, soon after this resolution,as I and my husband were sitting together when supper was over, andtalking of several various scenes in life, I told him that, as there wasno likelihood of my being with child, as I had some reason to suspect Iwas some time before, I was ready to go with him to any part of theworld, whenever he pleased. I said, that great part of my things werepacked up, and what was not would not be long about, and that I hadlittle occasion to buy any more clothes, linen, or jewels, whilst I wasin England, having a large quantity of the richest and best ofeverything by me already. On saying these words, he took me in hisarms, and told me that he looked on what I