by Rayman Black
For a little while there was the shuffling of napkins and the passing of bowls to occupy us. Soon we all sat with filled plates, smiling awkwardly at each other in the deepening silence. Finally Chris said, “The food is wonderful, Mr. and Mrs. Halls.”
Mom seemed to take that as some kind of cue. “Thank you, Chris. That’s kind of you to say. I learned to cook after I was married.” She smiled brightly at me. “You learn so much from marriage. I wonder what Katie will learn first?”
I smiled weakly back. “Mom,” I said, a warning in my voice.
Terri seemed to think it was funny. “I guess marriage is all about changing, right? Figuring out how to live with another person, what their likes and dislikes are, that kind of thing.” She exchanged a wicked glance with my mom. “Of course, people usually know at least a little of that stuff before the wedding, but you’ve never really been conventional.”
“Okay, you guys,” I said. “Very funny. Do you want to just talk about it?”
“There isn’t much to talk about,” Mom said. “There’s not much we’ve ever really been able to tell you, dear. You’re just like Samantha in that way.”
I stared at her, shocked. “You never talk about Samantha,” I said quietly. I could see my father’s hands tighten on his silverware. He continued to silently fork his food in his mouth and chew.
Chris looked at me. “What happened to Samantha?” he asked.
“Haven’t you guessed?” Terri said. “She got married. And we never saw her again.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Chris said, clearly surprised. “Why didn’t you see her again? Did something happen to her?”
I shook my head. “No, nothing happened to her. She fell in love with a man almost twice her age and married him even though they hadn’t known each other very long.” I cast a side-eyed glance at my father, who still pretended not to be able to hear us. I looked back at Chris. “It caused a lot of problems in our family, and we just stopped talking. It’s been three years.”
Chris whistled. “Wow, I’m sorry. That’s got to be hard. But at least she’s happy, right? I mean, it’s great she found love.”
Dad put down his fork and I felt like the air had suddenly been sucked from the room. “You know nothing about love, or happiness, or marriage, young man,” he said quietly. The little hairs on the back of my neck rose and even Mom looked uncomfortable.
“Edward,” she said, laying a hand on his arm.
He shook her off and shook his head. “No, Tina. Katie’s young man seems to think that passing fancies of love are the same thing as happiness, or that that’s what makes a marriage work.” He turned his attention back to Chris. “It takes trust to make a marriage work. It takes compromise, and forgiveness, and a lot of hard work. My daughter chose to marry a man who she knew betrayed her family. How can you trust a man like that?”
“Samantha’s husband used to be Dad’s business partner,” Terri explained. “Right before the wedding we found out he had been embezzling money. Dad told Samantha, but she married him, anyway.”
“And now my second daughter chooses to begin her marriage in a joke of a chapel, with a man she’s known only a few hours. You’ll have to forgive me if I’m a little doubtful that I’ve managed to convey the truth of marriage and love to any of my daughters.”
“Or maybe you taught them very well, and your oldest decided to show forgiveness to the man she promised to marry,” Chris offered. I closed my eyes and braced for the explosion. While I might agree with Chris, and I knew he meant to offer a kindness, I also knew my father would hear only insult in anything that sounded at all like a defense of my brother-in-law.
“That’s enough,” my dad snapped. “You shouldn’t speak when you’re ignorant of the matter. But I wouldn’t expect any better from a man of your judgement. Who gets married on a drunken whim? Not anyone who takes it as seriously as it deserves.”
“Dad,” I said, shocked and embarrassed. My face burned and I couldn’t look at Chris. I couldn’t imagine what he thought of my family.
My mother squeezed my father’s arm. “Well, your father has a point, though I wouldn’t have phrased it quite like that. You seem like a nice man, Chris, but let’s be honest. Neither one of you showed very much sense these last few days. Marriage? It’s a huge commitment. It’s not something you undertake under the influence in an exotic city. It might seem romantic at the time, but those things don’t work in real life. You have to be sensible. Have you even thought about where you’ll live? How you’ll pay your bills? Who will do the grocery shopping, or clean the bathroom?” She gave a humorless laugh. “Katie, have you even applied for graduate school yet?”
“You guys make it sound like we’re dumb kids who can’t take care of ourselves,” I said. “We might have been impulsive to get married, but we like each other. We want to figure things out and see what we have. How did you do it when you first started? You figured it out, right?”
“We knew what we had before we started figuring it out,” Dad said. “What we had is what kept us together through everything. You two don’t even know each other. You don’t know his people, Katie. You don’t know what kind of family he’s from, or what kind of troubles you’re going to face. You need to think this through a little longer.”
Chris set down his napkin. “I think it might be best if I go,” he said, looking at me. “It sounds like you have a lot to discuss as a family, and my being here doesn’t seem like it’s going to help.” He looked at me like he wanted me to disagree, to invite him to stay or maybe offer to leave with him. But I didn’t do any of that. I just sat like a lump, staring back at him, my mind a swirling mass of noise. He nodded and looked away. “Thank you for a lovely dinner. I’m glad I met you. I can see myself out.”
He didn’t look at me again as he left the room. A moment later, I heard the front door click shut.
Mom opened her mouth to speak, but I held up a hand. “I’m really surprised by this,” I said quietly. I struggled to keep my feelings chained, afraid of what might happen if I let loose the anger and shame and confusion that swamped me in waves. I looked at my parents. “I’m surprised that you behaved this way in front of a stranger. I’ve seen you treat the Jehovah’s Witnesses with more respect, and this is a man who matters to me. Whatever you may think of my choices, you guys had no right to make Chris feel like that.” Tears stung my eyes and I blinked them back. “He’s a really good guy. You would like him if you would just give him a chance.” I looked at my sister. “Will you drive me home, please?”
I didn’t look at my parents as I walked outside to wait for my sister. Chris had already gone, and I stared at the place where his car had parked. I could still hear the echo of our laughter as we got out of the car. I could feel the buzz in my blood from flirting with him. What could I say to him? He deserved some kind of explanation. But what could I offer? I’m sorry, my family forgot their sensitivity training? Maybe I should sleep on it, wait until tomorrow to call him and apologize. Maybe by then I would have thought of something to say.
Terri came out and we got in her car. She backed out of the driveway and drove down the street. Neither of us spoke until we were almost to my apartment.
“They’re afraid they’re going to lose you, too,” Terri said, her eyes on the road.
“So they thought they’d make sure of it by acting like assholes?” I asked.
“Hey, I’m not saying they’re right. I’m saying they’re scared. Maybe you could give them a break.” She glanced at me and smiled. “I stand by what I said earlier, though. I think you got really lucky with Chris, and I’m glad you found each other. I support you, no matter what you decide, but I really hope you try to make it work. I think he’s going to be good for you.”
I smiled back, sadness settling like a heavy weight on my heart. Would he want to try to make us work, now that he knew what my family could be like? And I hadn’t even fought for him, I had just frozen in place. Some kind of wife I was turning out to be.
“I think I don’t want to think about this anymore,” I said, but my voice was gentle. “I want a shower and my bed, and oblivion for at least ten hours.” We pulled up in front of my building. I blew Terri a kiss and opened the car door. “I’ll talk to you later. Thanks for the ride.”
Terri blew a kiss back and called, “Don’t wait too long. You don’t want it to get bigger than it already is, you know? Just call him. It’ll be okay.”
I waved as she drove away, then went to my apartment. I locked the door behind me and pulled out my phone. I stared at it for a long time, my back against my front door, thinking through all the possible repercussions. Were they worth it? Should I even try?
I took a deep breath and tapped through the screens until I found the number I was looking for. I pressed Call and held my breath, listening to it ring. It picked up on the fourth ring.
“Katie?” The voice made me smile and I closed my eyes, releasing my breath slowly.
“Samantha,” I said quietly. “You got time to talk?”
20
Chris
It had been a long time since I wanted to punch anything like I did right now. I paced my apartment like a caged thing, relentlessly going over and over the evening in my head. It had started out so great, and then wham! Just like that, Katie’s family made it clear they thought we were fools. I guess it was to be expected that they wouldn’t be jumping for joy or anything, but after spending so much time with Katie, I had assumed that they would at least hold the front of civility a little while longer. They didn’t even know me, hadn’t really tried to get to know me. They had simply waited until I let my guard down and then struck. Well, maybe that wasn’t completely fair.
Who was I kidding? It wasn’t her family that had me twisted up in knots. It was Katie herself. I would never forget the look on her face as her father railed and her mother more quietly supported him. She was embarrassed, but what was she embarrassed about? Was it their behavior or was it what they were saying? That’s what I wasn’t sure about, and that’s what made me a little crazy now. She wouldn’t even look at me when I left. I could still feel the hollow place that opened up when I walked away from her.
I couldn’t think about it anymore. I cast around for something else, anything else, to take my mind off the events of the evening. Off Katie, with her porcelain skin that showed her blush like a canvas, and her changeable eyes that showed every emotion. She tried so hard to hide what she felt, to keep up a good front, but I could see her. I knew her. And it was killing me to know that she was upset right now, and didn’t want me with her.
No! Dammit, I didn’t want to be thinking about her right now. Desperate, my eyes landed on the piece of paper with two names on it. Daniela and Jorge Reyes, the wife and child of the man I saw shot half my life ago. Finding them had been in the back of my mind constantly, no matter what I was doing. The man whose death linked us was never far from my thoughts, either. How many choices had I made one way or another based on the fact that I was alive and he wasn’t, and that was something I owed him for? The slip of paper in my handwriting lay there like a judgement, a reminder that I hadn’t given this part of my life the attention it deserved lately. His family was found, but who was taking care of them? Was anyone looking out for his wife, for his son? Maybe it was time to let Katie go for a while and finish this thing that had haunted me for ages. Maybe it was time for a lot of things to be settled.
Before I could change my mind, I pulled out my phone and called my brother. He answered on the first ring.
“Hey, is everything okay?” he asked, sounding worried.
“Yeah, everything’s fine,” I answered, surprised. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
Jeff huffed out a laugh, clearly relieved. “You don’t call me,” he said, so simply it felt like I’d been hit in the gut. “I thought maybe something happened to Mom and Dad and you were letting me know. Because of your job, I mean.”
I listened, amazed. I had never heard my poised, unflappable brother actually ramble before. “No, it’s okay,” I said, using the same voice I employed when I was trying to help calm someone on a call at work. “No one is hurt, at least as far as I know. Mom and Dad are probably eating popcorn and watching a movie at home right now. I haven’t actually talked to them since I got in this morning, and even then it was just a quick call to tell them I was safely home. I’m not even at work.”
Jeff was silent for a moment, then he said, “Don’t take this the wrong way, Chris. I’m glad to hear from you. But I assume there was a reason for this call? What’s up?”
I hesitated, feeling somehow like an ass for calling him with a reason. Why else would I call him, for goodness’ sake? Maybe just to see how he is, answered a small voice inside me. Maybe just to check in on your older brother, like he does for you. That’s what he’s doing every week, even if you never answer his calls.
I almost told him that was why I was calling, but I had never been a liar and I wasn’t going to start now. “I’m starting to look into the names you gave me, Daniela and Jorge Reyes. I’m calling to ask you about what you found, now that I can concentrate on the details a bit. Do you have a minute?”
“Sure,” Jeff said, so easily I that I knew he must be postponing whatever it was he had been doing when I called in order to answer my questions. Guilt gnawed at me. So did confusion. Since when was Jeff nice to me? “What do you want to know?” he asked.
“How did you find them?” I began. “What’s her situation like right now? You said the kid, Jorge, is in college, right? Do you have any other information on them? That kind of thing. Basically, just give me all you’ve got.” I rummaged around for a pad of paper and a pen, sat down at the table, and waited, my pen ready.
Jeff let his breath out through his teeth, making them squeak. “I’ll give you a summary, but you’re going to want to see the file yourself. You know I have a private investigator on staff here, right? He mostly checks into the bigger insurance claims, just making sure they’re legit before I sign off on them, but he was more than willing to track down a mystery family from nearly sixteen years ago for a change of pace. He gave me the results last Friday. I tried you at the station, too, but you had already left for the airport.”
“How long have you had him working on this?” I asked.
Jeff hesitated. “Almost a year,” he said finally.
I sat back, stunned. A year? He had never said anything about it.
“I didn’t want to get your hopes up,” he said, as if he could read my thoughts. “I wanted to know something concrete before I mentioned it. Anyway, it doesn’t really matter, does it? My guy is very thorough. The first thing he did was go to our old neighborhood and visit the scene himself, never mind that it’s been so long and the restaurant is a dry cleaners now. It took him months just to learn their names, but you remember how it used to be there. No one talks to an outsider about anything, even if you know what they’re asking about. Simple self-preservation. Once he knew their names, though, finding the rest of their information wasn’t that difficult.”
I stilled. “Do you know his name?” I asked, and Jeff knew without asking that I meant the man who had been shot. No one had thought to find out who he was. They had all been too busy with me.
“Yes,” he said, and I closed my eyes, waiting. “His name was Luis.”
Luis, I thought, remembering the way he had held out his hands to calm the shooter. How often did I use that same gesture in my own work? I’m glad to know your name.
“His family,” I said, clearing the sudden thickness in my throat. “They live in Brooklyn now? That seems like a step up in the world.”
“It does,” Jeff agreed. “Except the part that there are slums anywhere you go. Daniela rents a small restaurant space and the apartment above it right on the edge of one. I doubt she’s any safer there than they were in the Bronx.”
“Maybe she moved more to avoid the memories than for security,” I said.
“Coul
d be. Who could blame her? Whatever the reason, she moved, and she opened a new restaurant. It turns out that the place you were behind that day was actually theirs. She tried to bring it with her to their new life, but that one wasn’t as successful as the one before. She’s been on the verge of losing it ever since she opened.”
I was quiet for awhile, processing what Jeff told me. “I’m not sure how I can help them,” I said finally, blowing out a breath. It felt like a letdown, after all these years of thinking about them. “There’s no way I can offer enough money to make a dent in their lives. I can’t save their restaurant. I can’t do anything practical. I don’t know what it was that I expected to be able to do for them, but now that I know their names and how to find them, I don't have a single clue where to begin.”
Jeff cleared his throat. “Hmm, well, I have a fair bit of savings put away. You can use that to help them.”
“No,” I said, but for the first time since I left Katie’s folks’ house, I was smiling. “I mean, thank you, but this is something I need to figure out on my own.”
Silence fell between us and I listened to the humming in the line. What the hell, I thought. I asked, “Jeff, why did you do all this? With the investigator and offering me money and everything? It’s seems like a lot of effort on my behalf.”
Jeff hesitated before answering. “Honestly, Chris, I’m tired of not being a good brother. I know we didn’t really get along when we were kids, but I always thought we’d grow out of that. Except we never have.” He paused, choosing his words carefully. “I remember that you said something at Christmas a couple years ago about wanting to find this family but not knowing where to start. I realized that after all this time, we’ve never even talked about it. It was this huge thing in our family, but you and me? We never had a single conversation with each other about it.”