by Sarah Hope
Taking a deep breath she pushed open the heavy wooden door. Pausing, she let the door close quietly behind her, bent her head and weaved through the tables to the bar.
‘Evening. I’ve not seen you here before. Are you the young lass that’s moved into Corner Cottage?’ A rosy-cheeked, balding man approached her, smiling kindly.
‘Yes. Can I have a gin and tonic, please?’ Chrissy slid onto a bar stool and quickly looked around. Most of the tables were occupied. She could either walk through the entire pub to the back room to find a table or just sit at the bar. She’d probably be less noticeable if she just stayed where she was.
‘Of course.’
‘Thank you.’ Chrissy nodded as he put the glass down in front of her, slipped her coat off and took a sip. The sharp tang of the tonic water bubbling on her tongue was a welcome relief. A few more of these and the alcohol might even dull the constant ‘what if’s’ in her head.
Downing the last of the liquid, Chrissy held her glass up. ‘Can I have another one, please?’
‘Coming right up.’
Her mobile pinged. Fishing in her coat pocket, Chrissy pulled out two tissues, her bunch of keys, and a strawberry lollipop until she got to her mobile.
Andrew: You ok if I bring the twins back at 6.15 on Sun instead of 12? Going to a Family Fun Day at Rugby Club.
Seriously? The first time the girls are away from her for any length of time and he changes the time he was meant to return them? Who the hell did he think he was?
Chrissy: If you have to. How are they?
Andrew: Fine.
Fine? Was that all she got back? He was obviously having such a great time with his new little family that he couldn’t even spare her two minutes to reply to a text properly. Throwing her mobile down, she watched it bounce precariously close to the edge of the bar.
‘Another one, please? Make it a double.’ Holding up her glass, she caught the bartender’s eye.
‘Everything ok, love?’ The bartender, Bill, or so Chrissy could just about make out on his name tag, slid her another glass.
‘Fantastic. Absolutely fantastic.’ She took a sip, the double strength of the gin hitting the roof of her mouth.
Picking up her mobile again, she checked to see if Andrew had replied with anything of substance, before putting it back in her pocket. Picking up the tissues and sticky lollipop, Chrissy stuffed them back in her pocket too. Taking another sip, she fiddled with the keys. Two for the cottage, front and back, her car keys and then she gently moved the remaining two keys, pulling them away from the main bunch. They were her old house keys. She’d left them on. Clutching the bunch, she squeezed them tightly, letting the keys indent into the palm of her hand. Letting the pain of the metal marking her flesh dull the pain in her heart.
She downed the rest of her drink. ‘Where are the toilets, please?’
‘Down that way, through the back room.’ Bill pointed towards the back of the pub.
‘Thanks.’ Standing up, she gripped hold of the side of the bar, the room spinning with the sudden movement. She hadn’t drank properly since, probably since, no, she couldn’t remember. She hadn’t been out drinking in years. It felt good. ‘Ok, this way.’ Grinning, Chrissy pointed with both her index fingers towards the back room.
‘That’s right, love.’
RUNNING HER FINGERS through her hair, Chrissy stared at the frizzy-haired woman looking back at her from the mirror. At least she had a bit of colour in her cheeks now, even if she knew she’d have a banging headache in the morning.
She pushed away from the sink and pulled open the heavy door. She’d get one more gin and tonic and then she should probably head back.
‘Chrissy! Chrissy, over here!’
Standing still, she put her hand out, leaning against the wall as she scanned the room. She was sure she’d heard her name. It didn’t make any sense though, she hardly knew anyone in the village. Unless it was someone she knew from her old hometown? That’d be great, wouldn’t it? Someone reporting back to Andrew that he’d turned her to drink, that she couldn’t even go a few hours without seeing her girls. Imagine how she’d be at the end of the weekend, they’d say. Maybe they’d even tell him she wasn’t fit to be a mother. What if he kept them?
She couldn’t see anyone she recognised from her former life. She was probably being paranoid. It served her right, she’d drank too much. Shaking her head, she pushed herself away from the wall and began heading back towards the bar.
‘Hey, Chrissy.’
Stopping again, she focused on the person standing in front of her. ‘Luke! Luke, it’s you.’
‘I believe it is. Come over and join us.’ Luke waved his arm towards a table in the far corner.
‘Us?’
‘Yes, me and my mates, Phil and Richie.’
‘Ok, why not?’
‘How many have you had?’ Luke held out his arm, letting Chrissy link hers through his.
‘Not many. Four, three. I’m not sure, I just haven’t drunk in ages.’ Chrissy grinned, letting herself be led towards the table.
‘Richie, Phil, this is Chrissy, she’s moved into Corner Cottage.’
‘Ah, yes, Luke told us about you. You’ve broken his heart, you know.’
‘More like his wallet.’ Chrissy laughed and slipped onto the bench to the side of the table.
‘Right, same again, lads?’ Phil stood up. ‘Chrissy, what’s your poison?’
‘Are you sure? Gin and tonic, please.’
A FEW MINUTES LATER, Phil returned, a tray in hand. ‘Here we go. Beers for you, Luke and Richie. A gin and tonic for you, Chrissy. And tequilas for us all.’
Luke leant towards Chrissy. ‘We’re celebrating. Phil, here, has been promoted. Although, fortunately, he doesn’t work Saturdays, which is a good thing considering how many tequilas we’ve had!’ Sitting up straight again, Luke passed a tequila to Chrissy and took one himself.
‘One, two, three.’
Tipping the small glass up, Chrissy shuddered as the fiery liquid hit the back of her throat. ‘Congratulations on your promotion, Phil.’
AN HOUR, TWO MORE TEQUILAS and a conversation about the perils of living in a small village with no late night takeaway, and Phil and Richie said their goodbyes and took a taxi home.
‘Time for another one?’ Leaning back, he rested his head against the wall.
‘Time? I have until 6.15pm Sunday.’ Chrissy leant her head back next to his.
‘6.15pm Sunday? That’s very specific.’
‘Yes, well, that’s my ex, Andrew, for you. A very specific man.’ Leaning forward, Chrissy laughed. The fact that Andrew was so specific in his timings suddenly seemed funny.
‘I’ll go and get the drinks then.’ Pushing himself to standing, Luke staggered back against the leg of the table and grinned.
‘You’re drunk.’ Pointing her index finger at Luke, Chrissy narrowed her eyes, bringing his face into focus.
‘It takes one to know one.’ Luke pointed back.
‘I will have you know, I am not drunk. I am merely a little tipsy.’ Chrissy held her thumb and index finger an inch apart and watched him make his way to the bar. She finished her glass and smiled, she was glad she’d ventured to the pub. It had been fun meeting up with Luke’s mates. And Luke, well, he was a good laugh.
‘A GIN AND TONIC FOR the lady.’ Luke placed the drinks on the table before looking around. ‘I’m not sure where she went though!’
‘Oi.’ Slapping his hand, Chrissy pulled her drink towards her.
‘Oh, and I found these abandoned belongings at the bar, Bill told me they were yours.’
Catching her coat as he threw it towards her, she laughed. ‘Oops. I’d forgotten all about this.’
‘You’d have soon remembered when we got outside.’
‘WHO’S SUPPORTING WHO?’ Chrissy gripped hold of Luke’s arm as he stumbled over a pothole.
‘Me. I’m supporting you, of course. My Auntie Mary would be so proud of me if she co
uld see me, walking a young lady like yourself home.’
‘Oh no, can’t she see you then? Has she passed away? I’m so sorry.’ Covering her mouth with her hand, Chrissy stopped walking and looked at Luke.
‘What? No, she’s just probably in bed. Here, come this way.’ Luke pulled her in the opposite direction. ‘She can see me if you like, she lives just over there. That house with the pond in the front garden.’
‘Ah, sure she does.’
‘She does.’ Cupping his hands around his mouth, he raised his voice. ‘Auntie Mary! Auntie Mary, look, I’m being a gentleman.’
‘Shhh, don’t!’ Reaching up, Chrissy put her hand over his mouth before doubling up laughing.
‘You’re probably right, we shouldn’t wake her. She’d only bring us in and make us drink coffee.’
‘Nooo. Quick this way.’ Chrissy dragged him away and led him towards Corner Cottage.
‘HELLO, STAR.’ CHRISSY shut the front door behind them and knelt down to fuss Star. ‘Did you want a drink?’
‘Me or the dog?’ Luke knelt next to her, letting Star sniff his hand before he stroked her.
‘You.’ Chrissy grinned.
‘Have you got anything alcoholic?’
‘Umm no. Funnily enough, being as I only moved in less than a week ago, alcohol wasn’t on the top of my priority to buy list. I wish it had been, though.’
‘Me too.’
‘Coffee, then?’
‘Are you trying to sober me up?’ Luke grinned. ‘I’m good, thank you.’ He stood up, holding Chrissy and pulling her up with him.
‘May I?’
‘You may.’ Leaning forwards, she let Luke kiss her. To her surprise, it didn’t feel weird. It should have done. After all, she hadn’t kissed anyone apart from Andrew for the past twelve years, but it didn’t, not at all.
Chapter 8
Throwing back the blanket, Chrissy jumped up from the sofa and looked out of the window. It was them! They were back.
Yanking the door open, she pulled them both into her arms. ‘Hi, girls. Sophia, Evie. How’s your weekend been?’
‘I’ll see them the weekend after next, then. Same time.’ Andrew piled their rucksacks just inside the door and retreated quickly back down the driveway.
‘I missed you so much. Let’s go into the living room. I’ve got the wood burner on, so it’s super toasty in there and you can both tell me all about your weekend.’ After shutting the door firmly on both Andrew and the cold, Chrissy led the way through to the living room.
‘It looks nice in here. Like a proper home. I like the rug.’ Evie sat down on the floor, running her hands through the rug. ‘It’s really fluffy.’
‘Yes, I went to the shops yesterday and found it in the sale. I thought it would give the place a bit more of a cosy feel.’ Lowering herself down next to Evie, she held her hand out indicating for Sophia to join them. ‘Come join us, Sophia.’
‘Ok.’ Sophia sat down, crossing her legs and digging her fingers into the grey pile of the rug.
‘So, how was it?’
‘It was ok. Daddy’s new house is huge, isn’t it, Sophia? Like, proper big.’ Evie held out her arms, emphasising how big it was. ‘We’ve got our own bedrooms and there’s a room downstairs that Daddy says we can turn into a playroom. The garden’s big too. And we might even get a swing!’
‘That sounds exciting.’ Chrissy smiled at Evie. However much it hurt, she wanted to hear about it, about all of it. She wanted to know as much about this part of her daughters’ lives as she could. She would never be part of it, she would never share any of the experiences they would have in this other part of their lives. It just wasn’t right. Parents and children were supposed to have shared experiences, grow together. Parents were supposed to know all about the lives of their children, be involved, not be shut out of half of their world. Closing her eyes momentarily, Chrissy forced herself to smile that bit harder. ‘Did you like it, Sophia?’
Sophia shrugged and nudged a bit closer to Chrissy.
‘So, the house sounds wonderful. What did you do? Did you enjoy yourselves?’
‘On Friday night we just got a takeaway and watched a film. It was about these kids whose dog had been stolen. Don’t listen, Star.’ Evie pulled Star towards her and covered her ears. ‘So they had to go on a secret mission to get him back. First of all they...’
‘She doesn’t want to hear about the stupid film, Evie. And it wasn’t that good, anyway.’ Sophia punched her sister on the arm.
‘Hey, Sophia, don’t hit. And I do want to hear about it. It sounds really good.’ Chrissy leant over and rubbed Evie’s arm. ‘You ok?’
‘Yes, it didn’t hurt much. This is what she was like at Daddy’s house too. All moody and taking things out on me.’
‘Aw, Sophia, come here.’ Chrissy pulled Sophia in towards her, wrapping her arm around her shoulders.
Shrugging Chrissy’s arm away, Sophia moved away from her.
‘Anyway, I’ll tell you more about the film when Sophia isn’t listening.’ Evie looked sideways at her sister before continuing. ‘Then on Saturday we went shopping at some massive shops on the retail park and we were allowed to choose some stuff for our bedrooms. I got a unicorn duvet, unicorn lampshade and unicorn lamp. The lamp’s really cool, the light changes colour, all sort of unicorn colours really, like light blue and light pink and light green. And I got a unicorn rug and a massive unicorn teddy. My room looks all cosy now.’
‘That sounds lovely.’ Of course, Andrew now had two full-time incomes coming into their house. Plus, he didn’t have the worry of buying uniform, clothes, shoes and all of the boring but necessary things a growing child needed seemingly constantly. But the girls wouldn’t see that, would they? They were too young to fully understand. They just saw that their dad was treating them. ‘What about you, Sophia? What did you get for your room?’
Sophia stared into the wood burner, the light show reflecting against the glass.
‘She didn’t get anything.’
‘Didn’t you, Sophia? How come?’
‘She didn’t want anything. Then, we went back to the house, super quick, and unpacked everything and made my room all unicorny and cosy, then we went to the pub for dinner. Like, a proper pub, with all of Daddy and Susan’s friends there. There were loads of us, there was Darren, Charlotte and their kids, Gabi and...I can’t remember all of their names.’
‘Gabi and Ryan?’ Their names caught in her throat. So they had accepted Susan as Andrew’s new partner, then? All of the times they’d gone out, first on double dates and then, when they’d had their children, on family day trips to farm parks or soft play areas, all of these times had been forgotten. She was just a distant memory now. Obviously, despite what she had thought at the time, they had just tolerated her for Andrew’s sake, they hadn’t been her friends at all. Susan had slotted so perfectly into Andrew’s social group, and Chrissy had so conveniently been forgotten.
‘Yes, Gabi and Ryan. How did you know, Mummy?’
‘They used to be my friends too when me and your dad were together.’
‘Really?’ Evie looked up at Chrissy.
‘Did Gabi and Ryan’s children come too? Did you play together?’
‘Yes, they came. We played loads, well, I did. Sophia didn’t really join in. Why had we never met them before if they’re your friends too?’
‘You have met them before. We used to all go out to the farm park sometimes. Just not in the last few years, that’s probably why you don’t remember them.’ They hadn’t done much together as a family for the last few years, let alone done anything with other families. ‘Daddy said you were going to go to a Family Fun Day at the Rugby Club today, was it good?’
‘Yes, it was really fun. They had a disco and some stalls and even a bouncy castle.’
‘Why tell her about the bouncy castle? They closed it because it was raining so we didn’t even go on it.’
‘Oh, that’s a shame. It was good apart from t
hat, though?’
‘It was ok.’ Sophia shrugged.
‘I’ve got so much more to tell you, but I really really need to go to the loo.’ Evie jumped up and bounded up the stairs.
‘You’re very quiet. Come here.’ Holding her arms out, Chrissy breathed a sigh of relief as Sophia leant into her. ‘Are you ok, sweetheart?’
Sophia nodded.
‘Did you have fun at Daddy’s too?’
‘It was ok. I just don’t want to talk about it.’
‘It’s ok to talk to me about it. I’m glad Evie had a lovely time, and I’ll be happy if you did too. As long as my two girls are happy, so am I.’ Chrissy kissed the top of Sophia’s head.
‘It just feels weird talking to you about it all.’
‘Hey, please don’t feel weird about telling me things you do with Daddy. I’m not there, am I? So, I only get to find out what you did if you tell me. And I’d rather know.’
‘Ok.’
‘Why didn’t you let Daddy buy you anything for your new bedroom there?’
‘There’s no point. I’m only there, like, every other weekend anyway.’
‘It would still be nice to have nice things there and to make it your own, wouldn’t it?’
‘Maybe.’
‘I bet if you ask Daddy, he’ll take you shopping when you go next.’
‘Ok.’ Yawning, Sophia rubbed her eyes.
‘Are you tired?’
Sophia nodded. ‘Yes, on Friday we didn’t get back from the pub until about half-past eleven. We had to get a minibus to fit everyone in and Daddy and Susan were a bit drunk so they couldn’t drive. Then I couldn’t get to sleep last night.’
‘How come?’
‘I don’t know. I missed you. And Daddy was asleep so I couldn’t even ring to talk to you.’