by Sarah Hope
‘Yes, I’m fine now. Sorry about earlier.’
‘Don’t apologise, I knew that suit was dodgy.’
Twisting her neck, she could see the glint of laughter in his eyes. ‘Yes, well, I’ll just have to make it up to you another time.’
‘I hope that’s a promise.’
‘Would I lie?’ Smiling, Chrissy let him slip his hand into hers.
‘They’re about to start! The choir teacher always does that funny stretching thing with her arms before they begin.’ Natalie looked down at Luke and Chrissy’s hands and smiled.
‘I told Nat about us, but only Nat, I promise. I hope you don’t mind?’ Leaning in towards her, his whisper was barely audible above the general hubbub of people talking.
‘That’s fine. I’m sure I’d tell my sister if I had one.’ It really was fine, although it must put her in a funny position knowing that Laura wanted to get back with him. Maybe she’d already told Luke, maybe he knew Laura still had feelings for him and he had truly decided he wanted to be with her. Chrissy shook her head, she didn’t know and she certainly couldn’t ask Natalie or Luke for that matter. No, she’d just have to take his word that he wanted to be with her.
‘There they are.’ Natalie pointed to the children climbing the stairs up to the stage and settling in rows.
Straining her neck so she could see above the woman with the bobble hat in front of her, Chrissy smiled, Evie and Sophia stood in the third row back. Waving at them, Evie smiled back while Sophia scowled, obviously deeply embarrassed by her mother’s actions in trying to catch her attention.
As the familiar tunes of ‘Away in a Manger’ washed over her, Chrissy allowed herself to daydream. Maybe next year Luke and her would be holding hands at the front for all the world to see. He’d be great with the twins too, hyping them up for Christmas and joining in with the festivities. She looked over at him as he sung and she knew then that she had totally fallen for him too. She finally admitted to herself that she did actually love him.
When Andrew had broken off their marriage she had just assumed that was it, that she had experienced the only love for a man that she would in her lifetime and yet, here she was, barely months into life as a single mum, and she already felt that rush, that heaviness of security and true love. She took a sip of her hot chocolate. Had she ever felt this way about Andrew? Had he just been a stepping stone to prep her for the all-encompassing love she now felt for Luke?
The applause from the crowd tore her away from her thoughts and she gently tapped her hand against her cup.
‘They get better every year.’ Luke called above the noise.
She nodded. Evie loved singing. Sophia, on the other hand, had almost had to be bribed to come but she looked as though she was enjoying it now.
‘TEN...NINE...EIGHT...Seven...Six...Five...Four...Three...Two...One...Go!’ A small boy of Reception age pressed the red button, illuminating the green with brilliant white icicles drooping from every available tree and lamp post.
Twisting around, Chrissy watched as light after light flickered to life. In addition to the icicles lighting the green, white stars hung from the lampposts lining the High Street and small lit Christmas trees hung at an angle from the walls above the pub and corner shop.
Turning back to the stage, she could see Sophia and Evie clasping hands and talking, their eyes glistening with excitement and reflecting the lights from the icicles.
‘Pretty special, hey?’
Chrissy smiled, how easy it would be to lean in towards Luke and let him wrap his strong, secure arms around her. ‘It sure is.’
Chapter 17
Forcing herself to open her eyes, Chrissy lifted her head from the cushion. She must have fallen asleep.
The trill from her phone rung incessantly. Reaching across to the footstool, she picked it up, hitting the answer button.
‘Hello?’
‘Hey, Chrissy. You ok? You sound all croaky?’
‘Luke. Yes, sorry, I just nodded off for a bit, that’s all.’ Pushing herself to sitting, she looked across at the plate of toast she’d made for the twins before Andrew had picked them up. The leftover crusts and crumbs jeered at her and laying her hand on her stomach she tried to suppress the all too familiar churning. No, it wasn’t working. ‘Ring you back.’
Running into the kitchen, her hand cupped across her mouth, she leant over the sink and spat out the bile that had risen. Tearing a piece of kitchen roll off, she wiped her lips. She just couldn’t seem to shake this bug. Sometimes she felt absolutely fine, but other times she just couldn’t hold anything down and the thought, or worse, the smell or sight of food just made her stomach churn.
Pulling a chair out from the table, she flopped down, her chin resting on her hand and picked up her phone.
‘Luke? Sorry, I’m still not feeling great.’
‘Have you been sick again?’ The concern in his voice made her smile. He really did care about her.
‘Yes. Sorry, I don’t think I should go out to your sister’s meal tonight.’
‘Ok, well, I’ll come over and keep you company. We can snuggle up and watch a film.’
‘No, no, you go. She’s your sister, you need to be there for her and Graham.’
‘They won’t mind.’
‘No. Honestly, you go. I’ll probably just end up falling asleep anyway.’
‘Ok, if you’re sure, but I’d rather stay and keep you company.’
‘You go and have a good time.’
‘Ok. Promise me one thing though?’
‘What?’
‘That you’ll go and see a doctor if you still feel rough on Monday?’
‘Ok.’ She lined up the colouring pencils discarded on the table from the girls earlier drawing session.
‘Good. It’s not normal for a bug to be going on this long. You’ve been throwing up all week.’
‘I’m probably just a bit run down after the move and settling the girls in at their new school.’ Moving the blue pencil to the top she made a house.
‘Even so, humour me.’
‘Ok. Only if you go and have a good time though.’
‘Deal. I’ll give you a call later.’
‘Bye.’ Pushing her pencil masterpiece aside, she rested her forehead against the cool of the wooden tabletop. What had she done? She’d just sent him off on his own to get drunk knowing full well that his ex-girlfriend, who happened to still be in love with him, would be there. Did she trust him? He’d shown no signs why she shouldn’t, but then again he was a red-blooded male and Laura happened to be both gorgeous and kind-hearted.
She pushed herself up and sank back against the sofa cushions, pulling the throw over her legs. It was done now. There was nothing she could do. He would either get back with Laura or he wouldn’t. Grimacing, she supposed she should be viewing this as a good thing. If Laura didn’t tempt him tonight when they would both surely get completely drunk and nostalgic, then she’d know once and for all he was serious about her.
A film and an early night was what she needed now. She needed to kick this bug before the twins Christmas Concert on Thursday. Andrew had said earlier that he was coming, so she needed to be well enough to show him that she was coping with this single mum thing and that they were settling into village life here. She didn’t want him to think she didn’t have everything under control or that she was struggling.
Pressing ‘play’ on the remote, she settled back and closed her eyes as the music to her favourite romcom film filled the room.
BOLTING UPRIGHT, CHRISSY reached for her phone. It must be Luke. Was he ringing to tell her that it was over? That he now realised he was still in love with Laura? That he had always been in love with Laura?
‘Hi?’
‘Mum! Is it true?’
Shaking her head, she tried to focus on the small voice filtering through the smog of sleep.
‘Mum? Are you there? Mum?’
‘Evie. Sorry, sweetheart, I must have drifted off to sleep while w
atching a film.’ Finding the remote control on the floor, Chrissy turned the TV down. She couldn’t have been asleep very long, it hadn’t even reached the middle of the film. ‘What’s the matter? Shouldn’t you be asleep?’
‘What? No, maybe, but we’re not. We’re allowed to watch TV in our bedrooms, but I’ve got a tummy ache and Sophia keeps saying it means I’m going to start my period. Is it true? Will I? I don’t want to start it yet, and I definitely don’t want to start it here. I haven’t got anything and I’m definitely not asking Susan for anything. Mum, can you come and get me if I start my period? It’s not far. Please, Mum?’
‘Hey, slow down, Evie. Just because you’ve got a tummy ache it doesn’t mean you’re going to start your period. Have you tried going to the toilet?’
‘Yes, it’s not that. It just hurts.’
‘When did it start hurting?’ Running her hand over her face, Chrissy tried to wipe the sleep from her eyes.
‘Earlier, on the way back from the pub.’
‘The pub? Did you go to the pub for dinner then?’
‘Yes, we went with Carol and David and their little boy, I can’t remember his name.’
‘Bobby?’ Scrunching her eyes tight together, she sat up and circled her shoulders, trying to ease the aching from falling asleep in a funny position. She knew Carol and David well, her and Andrew used to meet to go out with them regularly. Of course, the outings all stopped a couple of years ago, around the time that Susan had begun working with Andrew, coincidently. Had they known about Andrew’s affair? Chrissy shook her head, it didn’t matter anymore. What was done was done as her grandmother had always used to say.
‘Yes, Bobby, that’s it. How do you know his name?’
‘Me and your dad used to meet up with them quite a bit.’
‘Oh, right.’
Chrissy listened to the silence at the end of the phone. It must be strange for Evie to think about Chrissy knowing people that her dad and Susan were so friendly with. She couldn’t help but picture Carol, David, Andrew and Susan sat around a table chatting and laughing. She tried to push the thought of them joking about her out of her mind. They probably preferred bubbly and outgoing Susan to meek and mild Chrissy anyway. She’d always felt on the outskirts of Andrew’s big group of friends, as though she didn’t quite fit in, that she would never be accepted. Maybe they had known that she and Andrew wouldn’t last all along, maybe that’s why they’d never fully let her in. ‘Evie, are you ok?’
‘I just miss you.’
‘Oh, sweetheart, I miss you too. I really do, but you’re having a good time at Daddy’s, aren’t you?’
‘I guess so, but I still miss you.’
‘We’ll have a film night on Sunday night when you get back, shall we? I’ll get some popcorn and we can all get in our pyjamas and snuggle up under the throw and watch Christmas films. What do you think?’
‘I’d like that.’
‘Good, have a think about what films you want to watch then and you can ask Sophia what Christmas films she’d like to watch too.’
‘Ok.’
‘Ok.’ Evie needed a hug, Chrissy could hear it in her voice. She bit down on her knuckle. Her little girl needed a hug from her mum and there was nothing Chrissy could do about it. Oh, she hated Andrew for tearing her girls away from her. She couldn’t ever envisage getting used to being apart from her children every other weekend. How did anyone get used to it? Maybe they didn’t, maybe they just learnt to cope with the Friday to Sunday pain.
‘Mum? Sophia was just teasing, wasn’t she?’
‘Yes, she’s just teasing you. You’re not going to start your period this weekend, but maybe we can pack a few bits in your bag for you to take over next time for when you do, so you don’t have to worry?’
‘Ok.’
‘How’s your tummy now? Why don’t you go and ask Daddy for some medicine for it?’
‘No, it’s ok now. I think I just needed to pop.’
‘Evie!’ Chrissy chuckled down the phone.
‘I’m going to go and see if Sophia will let me watch TV in her room with her now.’
‘That’s a good idea. I love you, sweetheart and tell Sophia I love her too, please?’
‘I will. I love you too, Mummy. Bye.’
‘Bye, Evie.’ Chrissy whispered down the already silent phone line and put her mobile back on the coffee table. She gently shifted Star from her legs and sat up. She would sort some bits out for the girls to take to Andrew’s in case they started their periods at his. At least then they wouldn’t have to worry about telling Susan if they didn’t feel comfortable talking to her about things like that.
Pushing herself to standing, she reached down and grabbed her mug. She’d get herself a hot chocolate and get in her pyjamas. She may as well get comfy if she was going to have a night in front of the TV. She still felt a bit sicky but not as bad as she had earlier, although it seemed to just creep up on her. She’d pick up some orange juice tomorrow, hopefully the Vitamin C would help kick whatever bug her body was trying to get rid of.
‘COME ON, STAR, DO YOU need to go out in the garden?’ Watching Star slip out into the dark, Chrissy took a deep breath and let the cold night air fill her lungs before shutting the door and switching the kettle on.
She piled two, three spoonfuls of hot chocolate powder into the bottom of her mug. The twins had been talking about puberty at school this week, they’d had a letter home the week before to ask permission to take part in the lessons, no wonder they were both thinking about it.
The kettle clicked, condensation rising and settling on the underside of the cupboards. She’d forgotten something, she had that funny feeling as though there was a thought at the front of her mind but she couldn’t quite focus in on it. The twins had both taken their toothbrushes, hadn’t they? Yes, she had double checked their overnight bags as she normally did before they went to Andrew’s, she would have noticed if they had forgotten to pack anything.
She’d told Luke she wasn’t going tonight, she remembered that conversation. She’d forgotten to tell Natalie though, she’d meant to send her text. But there was something else. She couldn’t think what. The twins were fine, Luke had been told, Star had been fed. She was sure of that, Star was vocal if she was hungry and she was being good so she’d definitely remembered that.
Her period.
She hadn’t had her period since they’d moved in. She stirred in the boiling water, watching the dark brown powder dissolve and colour it. It wasn’t any surprise really, her period had always been temperamental, especially when she was stressed. She poured a little too much milk into her mug, it would make her hot chocolate too cool. She’d have to drink it before she went to get changed now.
Shrugging, she let Star back in and made her way back into the living room, perching on the edge of the sofa. She didn’t feel stressed. A little stressed that she couldn’t shake this sickness bug off, but not stressed enough for her period to stop. They’d settled quite nicely into life here and things had certainly been more stressful when she had been tiptoeing around Andrew and trying to avoid him before the house had sold.
And she couldn’t be pregnant, she and Luke had been being super careful. She took a sip of the cool hot chocolate, letting the bittersweet taste sit in her mouth for a while before swallowing. Apart from the first time when they’d both been completely drunk. Had they been careful then? Chrissy shook her head, she couldn’t remember. She could hardly remember getting home from the pub that night, let alone anything else.
She picked up her mobile, turning it over in her hand. Would Luke remember? She couldn’t very well call him up in the middle of a night out and ask him though, could she? Even if they hadn’t been careful, the chances of her getting pregnant from that one time? No, she shook her head, she was being daft. She was probably still stressed from the move, just because she didn’t feel stressed, it didn’t mean her body wasn’t, did it?
Placing her mug on the coffee table, she laid b
ack down on the sofa, pulling the throw up over her and turning the film back on.
It was no good. Sitting back up, she swung her legs around and stood up. She’d only worry all night and not be able to relax. She needed to pop to the shop to grab some popcorn for Sunday night anyway, she may as well go now and pick up a test. Just to put her mind at rest. She knew she wasn’t. There was no way whatsoever that she could possibly be pregnant, but if she got a test then she wouldn’t have to worry anymore. Her period would probably start as soon as she brought it anyway, just to remind her that she would have wasted ten pounds.
‘Right, you be good, Star. I won’t be long.’ Closing the front door behind her, she shrugged into her coat and looked up at the crystal clear sky. She’d never tire of that view. She checked her watch, it was just gone nine now. The small shop down the High Street would be closed now, she’d have to drive into the nearest town to go to the supermarket. It was probably a good thing anyway, the community was so close-knit here, rumours began when someone forgot to put their recycling bins out.
TAPPING HER FINGERS on her knee, Chrissy watched as the numbers steadily decreased on the timer on her mobile. Shifting her position on the side of the bath, she glanced across at the small plastic stick sat innocently on the sink. She couldn’t see the results and there was no point in looking, not until the magic three minutes were up.
‘Alright, Star.’ Chrissy stroked the top of Star’s head as she weaved between her legs before settling at her feet. Why did she feel so nervous? She was just being silly. She knew she wasn’t pregnant. She’d know if she was. She’d known almost instantly with the twins. Well, ok, had hoped she was pregnant, and she’d been right. That was another thing, it had taken her and Andrew four months of trying to get pregnant to fall, she couldn’t possibly be pregnant after one time of not trying with Luke. It was ridiculous. She was ridiculous.
There was no point in even looking at the test, it would be negative anyway. Now that she was thinking clearly, she knew it would be. It had only been because she had been fuzzy-headed and not thinking straight after falling asleep on the sofa.