by Sarah Hope
‘Ok.’
Chrissy listened to Sophia padding down the stairs and opened the door. She’d have to get used to coping with the nausea, she had been sick throughout the twins’ pregnancy. She couldn’t keep hiding away.
‘MUM, LUKE’S HERE. SHALL I open the door?’
Opening her eyes, Chrissy moved the cold flannel from her forehead. Evie was standing at the end of her bed.
‘Luke? How do you know it’s him? You haven’t opened the door, have you?’
‘Of course not, Mum. You always tell us not to open the front door unless you’re there. He called through the letterbox though and...’ Evie ran out onto the landing and back in again. ‘And now, Sophia is telling him how you chucked up everywhere.’
‘What? She hasn’t, has she?’
‘No, I’m just teasing you. She’s asking him about the rules to basketball or something equally boring.’
‘Oh, ok.’
‘Come on then. He’ll be getting cold out there.’
‘Yes, right.’ Chrissy pushed the duvet off and stood up. What was she supposed to say to him? Would he tell her about Laura? What was she supposed to say if he did? Or worse, what should she do if he didn’t say anything? She couldn’t put herself through being in a relationship with someone who was having an affair. Not again. Not after Andrew. And she certainly couldn’t tell him about the pregnancy, he’d either run back to London or finish things with Laura and stay with her through duty. She didn’t want to share her life with someone who didn’t want to actually be with her.
‘Come on.’
‘I’m coming.’ Rubbing her eyes, she followed Evie down the stairs.
‘Mum’s here now.’ Sophia called through the letterbox before letting it clatter shut and turning away.
Pausing to look in the mirror, Chrissy smoothed her hair, frizzy from sleep, and pulled open the door. ‘Hi, Luke. Sorry about that, I was upstairs.’
‘Asleep. She was asleep.’
‘Thanks, Sophia.’
‘Are you still feeling rough?’ Luke’s eyes searched hers as he rested his hand on her forearm.
‘Just some bug or something.’ Dismissing his concerns, Chrissy led the way into the living room. Why would he even care that she was feeling ill? ‘Here, come through to the kitchen.’
‘Ok.’
Holding the kitchen door open for him, Chrissy shut it firmly behind him and leant against the work surface. She was as ready as she’d ever been.
‘I missed you last night.’
Chrissy turned her head as he leant in towards her, accepting a kiss on the cheek.
‘Are you ok?’ Standing back, Luke furrowed his brow.
‘I’ll be fine. I’m just not feeling a hundred percent yet, that’s all.’ She looked down at her feet, one of her socks had a hole in the toe. She’d have to remember to throw it out instead of repeatedly washing it, wearing it and meaning to throw it away. Instead of trying to kiss her and stringing her along, why couldn’t he just come out with the truth? Tell her he had been with Laura last night and they’d decided to give it another go?
‘You’ve been feeling rotten for the last few days now, why don’t you book a doctor’s appointment on Monday?’ Stepping forward again, Luke held his arms out, ready to hug her.
With all the willpower she had left, she slid away from him and crossed her arms. If she let herself sink into his strong, safe arms she’d never be able to pull away.
Clearing his throat, Luke stuffed his hands in his pockets. ‘I popped in to see Nat earlier, and she mentioned that Adam and Kane wanted to go ice skating with you guys, so I just wondered if you wanted to take them tomorrow?’
‘I can’t, sorry.’ Why didn’t he just tell her? What was wrong with men anyway? What gave them the right to think they could keep two relationships going at once? Is that what he was trying to do? Would he move to London for ‘work’ or something and still expect to come back to the village to visit her whilst being shacked up with Laura in the City? Was that the plan?
She shook her head, she couldn’t actually work out who was worse, Andrew for having an affair when their marriage was on its last legs or Luke for firstly getting together with her when he must have known he still had feelings for his ex and then thinking he can have two relationships on the go.
Yes, Andrew had broken their marriage vows which were supposed to be sacred, but they’d both known their marriage had begun to grow holes so large they were irreparable. Whereas, things had been good with Luke and he’d still ran off back to Laura. Did literally no man actually move on from their exes? Was it normal or was she just so repulsive they were desperate to relive loves from their past?
‘Are we ok?’ He used his hands to indicate the space between them. ‘Are you annoyed at me because I didn’t ring or pop round last night after going out with Nat and everyone?’
‘No, I...’
‘I’m sorry. I had meant to, I just got a bit carried away last night. I stupidly tried to keep up with one of Graham’s mates and ended up sleeping on his sofa. I couldn’t even tell you how I got there, I’d had that much to drink.’
Chrissy turned and straightened the tea towel hanging from the oven door, he wasn’t even going to tell her the truth. Didn’t she deserve that? At the very least? No, she would not put herself through this again. She couldn’t. She turned back to face him, lifting her eyes to meet his. She had to do this now. ‘Luke, I don’t think this is working.’
‘What? Me coming round here? I know you want to keep our relationship quiet from the girls but they know we’re friends, don’t they? Plus, I was only popping in to see if you wanted to take them ice skating tomorrow.’ Luke glanced at the closed door and back to Chrissy.
‘Us.’ She cleared the croakiness from her throat. ‘We’re not working. I’m sorry.’
‘Us?’ Luke stepped forward before thinking better of it, returning to his spot by the table and gripping the top of a dining chair. ‘Why? I thought things were going really well between us. I’ve fallen for you, Chrissy. I was planning on telling you I loved you last night.’ He wiped his hand across his face.
Momentarily closing her eyes, Chrissy looked back at Luke and took a deep breath. He was going to tell her he loved her. She bit her bottom lip, he was such a good liar. He was better than Andrew had been. With Andrew, Chrissy had known something was amiss, she’d just not been able to work out what it had been. But with Luke, he even looked as though he was going to cry and she’d never seen him remotely upset about anything before. ‘Please just go.’
‘Chrissy, please? I don’t understand.’
‘Luke, go.’ Turning around Chrissy smoothed out a kink she’d missed in the tea towel. She knew what he was like, so why was this so hard? Focusing on a yellow stain on the checked tea towel, she listened as he opened the kitchen door and made his way back through the living room.
Turning her head, she heard him answer Sophia’s question about how many points you get if you shoot a basketball through the hoop outside the three-point arc and congratulate Evie on getting top marks in her times table test at school. He was being so good with them, even now. She had to keep repeating to herself that he was the one in the wrong for not only spending the night with Laura, but also, and maybe more importantly, not telling her the truth. He was a liar, a very good one.
She waited until she heard the front door click shut behind him before running to the bathroom. Shutting the door behind her, she lowered herself to the floor, bringing her knees up towards her stomach. He was a liar and a cheat. He had lied to her face. He had done this, not her.
Leaning her head back against the cold ceramic of the bath, she tried to ease the pain searing behind her eyes. Why had she ever let herself think things could have been serious between her and Luke?
Pulling herself up, she splashed cold water over her face. It was probably a good thing that things hadn’t worked out with him, she’d have ended up trusting him too and then being let down further d
own the line. They were all the same, men, all the same.
Sinking her face into the softness of the towel, Chrissy dried her face. This was it. Now, she needed to focus on the three of them. Four, nearly four of them. She could do it. With all the hours Andrew had worked, she’d basically brought the twins up singlehandedly anyway. Yes, she hadn’t had to worry about money or making the big decisions on her own, but the practical stuff, she’d been there and done that. They’d be ok financially if she built up her dressmaking business before the baby was born and didn’t take maternity leave. They’d be fine. They’d have to be. It wasn’t as though she had a choice.
‘Mum, are you coming down yet? You’ve been upstairs ages.’ Sophia’s voice floated up the stairs.
‘Just coming.’ Hanging the towel back on the rail, Chrissy looked at herself in the mirror and pinched some colour into her cheeks. She could handle this, she could. On Monday she’d go to Natalie’s and get that before photo of Laura’s bridesmaid dress she’d promised her and she’d start working on advertising for her business. She’d had a lucky escape with Luke. Being on her own would be far better than knowing he was seeing Laura behind her back.
Chapter 20
‘Come on, we’re going to be late.’
‘Ok, ok, I just need to finish this quickly.’ Momentarily, Sophia lifted her head from where she was bending over the coffee table furiously scribbling in her homework book.
‘Mum, tell her. She should have done her spellings yesterday when I did mine. If we’re late I’m not going to be able to do my job. I’m Snack Monitor this week, I need to get there on time and hold the snack basket for everyone.’ Stamping her foot against the tiled floor, Evie twisted the handle on the front door, a bitter breeze escaping in through the small gap.
‘How much have you got left, Sophia?’ Walking over towards her, Chrissy laid her coat and gloves on the coffee table.
‘Two, just two. And it’s not such a big deal being Snack Monitor, Evie. It won’t matter if you’re late, someone else will just do it.’
‘I want to do it. It’s my turn. You did it last week and I didn’t make you late. Tell her, Mum. She’s being unfair.’
‘I’m done now anyway.’ Sophia stretched before standing and slipping her coat on.
‘Here, give me your homework book. I’ll pop it in your bag while you put your shoes on.’ Picking up the book, Chrissy slipped it into Sophia’s rucksack. There was no point nagging her or telling her to hurry, knowing Sophia, she’d only go at an even slower pace to annoy her sister.
‘Come on.’ Grabbing Sophia by the arm, Evie ran to the garden gate, Sophia reluctantly matching her pace. ‘Mum!’
‘I’m coming.’ Twisting the key in the lock, Chrissy jogged towards them. ‘Right, let’s go.’
‘QUICK! THEY’RE ABOUT to shut the doors.’ Evie rounded the wall to the playground and ran towards the classroom door, slipping in just before the door was shut.
‘Do you want to go and knock, they might still let you in?’ Turning behind her, Chrissy watched as Sophia strolled into the playground.
‘Nah, we had a whole assembly about being late last week where they told us that if the door’s been shut, they won’t open it again. We’ll have to go to the office.’
‘Ok, come on then.’ Chrissy shrugged. ‘Is everything ok, Sophia?’
‘I heard you having a go at Luke on Saturday. What was it about?’ Sophia caught up with Chrissy.
‘Did you? Oh, nothing really, just a little disagreement.’
‘What was it about?’
‘It doesn’t matter, Sophia. Just adult stuff.’ Putting her arm around Sophia’s shoulders, Chrissy kissed her on the top of the head. ‘Nothing for you to worry about.’
‘Were you dating him and you broke it off?’
‘What?’ Chrissy let her arm flop to her side and paused.
‘It sounded like you were dumping him. Evie said that I’m just being silly, but that’s what it sounded like to me. You were talking too quietly for it to be something small.’ Sophia turned to face Chrissy, her eyes wide.
Blinking against Sophia’s stare, Chrissy cleared her throat. ‘That doesn’t mean we were breaking up. Adults can speak quietly sometimes, you know.’ Smiling, she put her arm back around Sophia’s shoulders, pulling her into her.
‘It’s just that before you and Dad told us you were splitting up, you had all these quiet talks.’
‘Really? You heard us?’
‘We didn’t hear what you were saying, but we knew something was going on. And with Luke, it sounded like that.’
‘I’m sorry, sweetie, I hadn’t realised.’ She had thought her and Andrew had been really discreet when they were having discussions about breaking up, certainly more discreet than the normal arguments they used to have anyway.
Sophia shrugged. ‘It’s ok. Were you dating Luke then? Before you had the argument, I mean?’
Chrissy swallowed. She didn’t believe in lying to the twins. The odd white lie telling them that the music on the ice cream van meant they had run out of ice cream, yes, but real, serious lies, no. ‘I’m not going to be dating anyone for the time being at least.’
‘That’s a shame because both me and Evie like Luke. Anyway, love you, Mum.’ Stopping outside the door to the school office, Sophia tilted her face towards Chrissy, waiting for her usual peck on the cheek.
‘Love you too, Sophia. Have a lovely day.’ Kissing her cheek, Chrissy smoothed Sophia’s hair down and smiled at her.
‘Bye, Mum.’ Waving behind her, Sophia wiped the kiss from her cheek, as was her routine, and pulled open the heavy door to the office.
It had been Sophia who hadn’t wanted Chrissy to date anyone, who hadn’t wanted her to get into another relationship, and yet, she’d just given her blessing to Chrissy seeing Luke. Pulling her scarf higher up her chin, she bit down on the maroon wool. It was too late anyway. Plus, the Luke that they had been getting to know, hadn’t been the real Luke anyway. If he was capable of spending the night with his ex-girlfriend and lying about it straight to her face, what else was he capable of?
Chrissy turned slowly and made her way towards the school gates. She’d go straight round Natalie’s and ask her for that photo before she lost her nerve. Luke would have probably spoken to her already and likely told Natalie how awful she had been to him. Obviously, he wouldn’t have told his sister he had been seeing Laura behind her back, so it would be Chrissy’s fault the relationship was over.
She shook her head, if she could just pop round and ask her to forward that photo, then she probably wouldn’t need to see her again, not as friends anyway. She’d more than likely run into her on the school run, but she could always try to avoid her if Natalie got funny with her. She just had to get that photo for her social media business page. Natalie was lovely, she wouldn’t not give it to her just because she’d broken up with Luke, would she?
Pausing at the school gates, she held her hand out, resting it on the cold metal and waited until a dizzy spell passed. She should have tried to have something to eat for breakfast. Even if she wasn’t hungry, she needed to eat for the baby.
‘Chrissy? Are you ok?’
Chrissy felt Luke’s strong, dependable hand on her shoulder and bit down on her scarf again before turning around. ‘Luke. Yes, I’m fine thanks.’
‘You don’t look it.’
‘Thanks.’ Turning around, she looked into his crystal clear eyes, nothing but concern stared back at her.
‘You know what I mean.’
‘I’m fine. What are you doing here anyway?’
‘I offered to take Kane and Adam to school. Poppy had slept in after keeping Nat awake most of the night. And, if I’m honest, I was hoping I’d run into you.’
‘You’ve been hanging around? Waiting for me?’
‘Yes.’ Looking down at his feet, he cleared his throat before looking back up at Chrissy’s face. ‘But only because I wanted to talk to you to try to work things out between
us.’
Laughing, Chrissy shook her head. Did he really take her to be a complete mug? ‘Luke, you know what’s happened and you know why we split so stop the innocent act. I’m happy to talk about it, but if you can’t even own up to what you’ve done...’
‘What do you mean? I have no idea what I’ve done or what I’m supposed to have done.’ Stretching out his arms, his hands palm side up, Luke looked at Chrissy, searching her face.
‘Seriously?’
‘Seriously. I thought things were going really well between us, as I told you on Saturday, I was going to tell you I loved you. And I do, I love you, Chrissy. Please, just tell me what it is I’m supposed to have done.’
‘You see, that’s the scary part, you actually don’t know what it is.’ Shaking her head, she shoved her hands in her pockets.
‘Things were great between us on Friday when I saw you, weren’t they?’
Chrissy looked down at the floor and scraped the toe of her trainers against the fallen leaves. She wasn’t going to spell it out. He must realise that she knew what he had done, or if he didn’t, then he would soon. He’d work it out.
‘Chrissy, please? Things were great Friday and then you finished it all on Saturday. I don’t get it, what could have happened in one night. I wasn’t even with you on Friday night.’
‘Exactly.’ For someone who managed his own property development business, he was being very slow at adding two and two together. Or maybe he just didn’t see anything wrong with infidelity. Maybe she’d got it all wrong. Maybe they’d had an open relationship all along. She pushed a few of the leaves into a mush pile at her feet. They’d never had the talk about being exclusive, but surely, at their age, exclusivity was expected, was the norm? Maybe she’d completely misunderstood. But still, it didn’t make it right.
‘Was it because I went to the meal without you? I wanted to stay, it was you who told me to go out. Or was it because I got drunk and didn’t ring you? Was that it?’ Luke placed his hand on Chrissy’s forearm.
‘I need to go.’ Shaking his hand off, she walked quickly through the gates towards Corner Cottage. She’d go to Natalie’s later.