Standing in front of the mirror, Clara stared. Looking back at her was a stranger, someone who was a reminder of her mother. Her hair did seem to have taken on a shine that wasn’t there before. It didn’t hang limply down her back, either. The dress, a light blue gingham, was the first new dress she’d worn in ages. Clara smiled at her reflection. It felt good to smile. At least for the moment, there was no pain in her chest and her heart beat at a normal pace.
Sally’s happy voice drifted in from the front of the house, followed by that of a man’s. Ethan must have returned home sooner than Sally had thought. Clara glanced at the borrowed dress on the bed. She should change back into it and help get supper started, now that Ethan was back. She smiled again. No doubt Sally would protest and insist on seeing her in the dress. She touched her cheeks. They ached slightly from smiling so much today.
Clara left her room. She’d show off the dress for a minute, then change. She walked into the main room.
“What do you think, Sally? I –”
Her voice faltered. Instantly, her heart slammed against her ribs and her breath caught in her throat. It wasn’t a feeling of panic, however, that had brought on the reaction. Ben stood in the room, leaning on his cane. He turned as soon as she’d spoken, and simply stood there, staring.
Sally beamed. She darted quick glances at Ben, then at Clara. “I think you look absolutely beautiful. What do you think, Ben?”
He still stood there, his eyes on her and his mouth partly open. Clara dropped eye contact, looking down at the front of her dress. Maybe there was a stain she hadn’t noticed.
“Ben.”
Sally nudged him in the arm, which seemed to work to get his attention. He took a step forward and smiled. “Sally’s right. You look . . . beautiful.”
Clara looked up at him. Heat crept into her cheeks. He stared at her some more, his eyes poring over her with admiration. His gaze seemed to soak her in, appreciating everything about her. Her mouth went dry.
“How are you?”
“I’m fine.” She cleared her throat and repeated her response when the first time only produced a weak rasp.
“I, ah . . . I’m sorry I haven’t come to call sooner. It’s been really busy on the farm.” Ben clutched his hat in one hand and his cane in the other. His smile turned into a grin. “I see you’ve been quite busy yourself.”
Clara’s eyes tore away from him to look at Sally. “I’ve been keeping busy, yes. Thank you for bringing me here, Ben.”
Sally cleared her throat. “Ben, I’d like you to stay for supper. Ethan should be home soon, and I’m sure until then, you and Clara can visit on the porch and catch up.”
Ben chuckled. He glanced from Sally to Clara, then winked. “When Sally says to do something, you’d better do it. At least that’s what I hear Ethan say all the time.” He moved to the front door, opened it, and waited for Clara to go through. She stopped and looked at Sally.
“Let me help with supper.” While she’d thought of Ben all week, now that he was here, her mind was blank about what they could discuss.
Sally waved her off. “Absolutely not. Go sit outside and enjoy the last few minutes of sunshine.” She cast a conspiratorial glance at Ben. “What do you think, Ben? I bet now Clara really reminds you of your blue-eyed guardian angel.”
Clara’s forehead scrunched. What did Sally mean by that? She glanced at Ben, who stared at her with a tender look in his dark eyes that made her insides melt. Was this how Sally felt when Ethan looked at her?
“Yeah, she sure does.” His voice had dropped to a low tone.
Clara stepped outside when Ben nudged with his chin. Her heart raced, but the feeling of foreboding, that something bad was about to happen, didn’t materialize. The feeling instead left her almost giddy. She turned around when Ben closed the door behind her.
“What did Sally mean when she said, ‘guardian angel’?”
Ben grinned. He ran his hand along his jaw, looking almost embarrassed. “It’s something that has to do with how I ended up with this cane,” he said slowly.
Clara’s mouth went dry. The familiar tightness returned to her chest, and her limbs went weak. Ben took a step toward her. Clara focused on his warm smile, not the feelings of turmoil inside her. She was not going to panic now, not in front of Ben. Things had been good most of the week. Ben couldn’t be the reason to panic.
“Sally shouldn’t have mentioned it, Clara, but that day, in my delirium, my thoughts conjured a woman with blue eyes and hair like yours. Thinking about her is what gave me the strength to fight. She saved me.”
Clara swallowed. Could he have seen her that day? Been aware of her when she’d tended to his wounds? She shook her head. He’d been passed out. He couldn’t have seen her.
“When I first saw you, you reminded me of her.” Ben reached for her hand, caressing her palm with his thumb. “And now, I can’t seem to get you out of my mind.”
Chapter 11
Ben nudged his horse to pick up its pace. He laughed as his pulse quickened. The last time he’d been nervous about something had been the day he’d arrived at West Point. Now, all it took was a pretty girl with blue eyes to make his heart sputter like one of the hot water features in Yellowstone.
Three weeks ago to this day, he’d met Clara Youngblood, and had whisked her away from her abusive family. She was beginning to come out of her nervous shell at Sally and Ethan’s place. Every time he’d come to visit, she’d looked more radiant, but there was still a lot she had to overcome. She hid her sadness and anxiousness well, and the casual observer wouldn’t even recognize that there was anything wrong with her.
Nevertheless, Clara looked like a completely different person from the first time he’d seen her. She’d even started to smile a little, even if it sometimes seemed forced, but her smile made her all the more attractive. Her eyes still told a different story if someone was paying attention. The ever-present haunted and sad look hadn’t gone away. It would, though. Someday.
After a lifetime of feeling anxious and afraid, which had been perpetuated by her useless uncle and cousin, there was no telling how long it would take for her to stop having these episodes of panic and fear.
For now, she needed time, and living at the Mallorys where she could have a normal life without feeling threatened by her uncle or cousin was the best thing for her.
Ben smiled. She seemed to be at ease in his company, even though she was closed off much of the time. He hadn’t pressed her to let him into her mind. They didn’t know each other well enough at this point for him to pry and ask her to open up to him, or talk about things that were troubling her. The best thing he could do was be there as a companion for her as much as possible.
They’d mostly spent time on the porch during his visits, and he’d listened intently when she’d decided to talk and revealed little snippets about her past. She’d mentioned her mother, and how she’d also struggled with extreme bouts of sadness, nervousness, and fear. It sent a chill down his spine to think that if he hadn’t taken Clara away from her uncle, she might have done the same thing her mother had done to escape the feelings of hopelessness.
He’d kept his distance, so she could adjust to life on a farm rather than traveling and peddling wares with her relatives. He’d stopped by more times than he should have each week to see how she was getting along at Sally’s, and frankly, because he couldn’t stay away. The work at his farm was moving along well, but he could have gotten a lot more done if Clara hadn’t been on his mind most of the time.
“She still has episodes at night. I hear her crying, and I’ve gone to her room to sit with her a few times,” Sally had told him when he’d asked if she’d observed any more bouts of panic. “But I don’t think she likes to talk about it or be reminded.”
“That’s all you can do when she has an episode. Telling her that everything is going to be fine while she’s experiencing extreme fear won’t do any good. I can’t thank you enough for all you’re doing for her.”<
br />
“How do you know so much about this?” Sally had cocked her head, staring at him.
Ben had rubbed his chin. He wasn’t going to divulge that, during his recovery time, he’d sunk about as low into the pits of despair as was possible. There had been times when he’d wanted to give up. Times when extreme fear had torn him from the nightmares of having to relive the ordeal of falling into scalding water. As his physical wounds had healed, so had his mind. Determination to bring the men who’d ruined his army career to justice had replaced the feelings of hopelessness.
“I’ve seen it in some of the soldiers at Fort Yellowstone. They only got angry when told it was all in their mind, and it made them sink even deeper into despair.”
Sally had looked at him with narrowed eyes. “When are you going to stop coming around here every few days on the pretense of talking to Ethan about your farm and horses?”
Ben had frowned. He’d stiffened as if Sally had kicked him in the gut with her abrupt change in subject. “What are you talking about? I appreciate your husband’s advice. I’ve got a lot of work to do if I want to bring in a herd of horses next spring.”
“You never really pay attention to what Ethan says. I see your eyes wandering all the time, looking for Clara. When she’s in the same room, you can’t take your eyes off her.” With her hands firmly on her hips, she’d stared him squarely in the eyes. “You need to make your intentions known.”
“Intentions?”
Sally had huffed and wagged a finger at him. “Don’t play dumb with me, Ben Ferguson. You’re a smart man. I think it’s time you start courting Clara properly, and stop beating around the bush.”
Ben had smirked. Sally knew how to read people. That’s why she’d been so good for Clara. Trouble was, she had also read him correctly. He hadn’t been able to get Clara out of his mind. For the first time, his mind had strayed to the idea of a future with a wife and family. Was it too soon to bring up the notion of a courtship with her, though? It would take a long time for her to recover from her affliction, and to forget about all the years of pain and suffering that she’d endured with her uncle.
“She’s happy right now, Sally. I don’t want to cause her to go back into a state of constant fear.”
Sally had laughed. “You two are a pair, you know that?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that I see you stealing glances at her whenever you come around, and she’s doing the same thing, and neither one of you is brave enough to admit it to the other. Talking about the weather isn’t doing either one of you any good. It’s time you step it up, Lieutenant. I think the best thing you can do for Clara is to let her know you have feelings for her.”
“I didn’t want to seem forward, Sally. She needs a friend first and foremost, not a man to court her.”
“And you’ve been a good friend. She’s also become a good friend to me, but I think you’re wrong about courting. I think what she really needs is a man, someone who can give her hope for a happy future, and make her feel wanted and needed. I think she’s perfect for you. After all, she is your guardian angel.” Sally had winked.
Ben had shaken his head. He shouldn’t have said anything to anyone about that. The idea of a guardian angel conjured by his mind while he lay dying was silly, and by the look in Clara’s eyes that day he’d told her about it, she’d thought so, too.
There had even been a hint of apprehension on her face, as if she’d been struggling with feelings of fear again. He did not want to be the source of her fear, so he’d changed the subject.
Ben slowed his horse when he reached the Mallory farm. His mind had wandered enough during his ride over from his place. He inhaled a deep breath to calm his nerves. He’d finally taken Sally’s advice several days ago. It was time to properly court Clara, and while he hadn’t come right out and said it, today would be a first, small step in that direction.
“Do you ride, Clara?”
“Horses?” She’d looked almost eager at the question when he’d asked. Her eyes had lit up with a hopeful look.
Ben had grinned. “Yeah, horses. If you’d like, I’ll pick you up day after tomorrow and we can go riding. If you’re interested, I’d like to show you my farm. It’s coming along well.”
“I’d love that.”
Ben brought his horse to a stop in front of Sally and Ethan’s house and dismounted. He tied the animal, as well as the other saddle horse he’d brought along. He hadn’t even reached the porch steps when the front door opened and Clara appeared.
Ben stared at her soft smile. For once, it didn’t appear to be forced. Just looking at her brought a warm sensation to his chest, like a glove wrapping itself around his heart. Her appearance had changed, along with her usual demeanor. Her hair didn’t hang in limp strands down her back or tied in a braid today. There was a bounce to her upswept curls, as well as in her step. She’d already been pretty when he’d first met her, but now she looked alive and happy, which made her look absolutely beautiful. He returned her smile while he removed his hat, and limped up the steps.
“Are you ready to go riding?”
She nodded, then glanced over her shoulder. Sally appeared behind her, holding her baby in her arms. She wore a satisfied, knowing smile.
“I’ll be back in time to help with supper, Sally.”
Sally waved her free hand in front of her. “Nonsense. You stay out as long as you need. I think Ben has plans to take you to supper in town.”
Ben stared at the woman. He’d planned to take Clara riding to see his farm, but taking her out to supper? That certainly hadn’t crossed his mind.
Leave it to Sally to make plans for him. This was supposed to be a simple outing, yet Sally had turned it into something else entirely. He hadn’t even asked Clara if she’d be agreeable to a courtship, and going to supper implied a lot more than a simple ride.
“Of course,” he stammered, then grinned. “Elk Lodge has a nice little restaurant at the hotel. I guess I’ve been living in isolation at Fort Yellowstone so long, I forgot my manners.” Ben gripped his hat in both his hands. “I should have asked you before, when you agreed to go riding.”
Clara’s smile faltered. A fleeting look of unease passed over her, but she hid it quickly. Had he said the wrong thing? This was precisely why he wanted to take it slow. She’d been so happy, he didn’t want to spoil it by cornering her into doing something she wasn’t ready to do.
Time to make light of the situation and remedy his blunder. He leaned toward her and whispered. “I heard they have good food, but I know Sally’s is probably better, so I understand if you’d rather eat her cooking.”
Clara straightened and raised her chin. Her smile was hesitant and unsure. “I’d love to go to supper with you, Ben.” Her voice sounded more confident than ever.
Ben’s brows rose. He blinked to conceal his surprise at her response. Clara’s smile sent a rush of warmth throughout his limbs, settling in his chest. Even his bad leg felt it. She didn’t break eye contact, as if she was as drawn to him as he to her. He swayed forward slightly, but caught himself. His gaze went to her lips, overcome with an overwhelming urge to kiss her.
Maybe he’d misjudged Clara and her state of mind, or maybe he’d used her affliction as an excuse because he’d been a coward about furthering their relationship from a casual friendship to something deeper. Perhaps it was another blunder on his part that needed to be remedied.
Clara couldn’t remain a houseguest to the Mallorys forever. She had nowhere else to go, and living under his roof was out of the question while she was single. Maybe Sally had once again done him a favor by being so outspoken. Maybe if Clara liked what she saw at Ben’s farm, it would be easier to bring up the thought of marriage sometime down the road. Today would be a day to get to know each other better.
Ben held out his free hand in invitation to lead Clara down the porch steps to the horses.
“If you’re ready, let’s not waste any more time.”
To Sally, he said, “I’ll have her back before dark.”
He helped her onto her horse, letting his hands linger at her waist for only a moment longer than needed. She glanced down at him when she was seated securely, and their eyes held. Ben cleared his throat and stepped away. Wordlessly, he mounted his own horse, then glanced over his shoulder and tossed a nod at Sally
“Have a wonderful time, you two.” She smiled a triumphant smile and waved, then disappeared inside the house.
Chapter 12
Clara stared as they rode through some of the prettiest country she’d ever seen, where the green, rolling hills stretched for miles, and snow-capped mountains lined the horizon.
“Beautiful, isn’t it,” Ben said after a while, almost startling Clara from the saddle at his unexpected words. She’d been too mesmerized looking at the flowing river as it wound its way through the valley. He brought his horse more fully up alongside hers and smiled as he stared at her, drawing her in with his warm gaze and that amused look on his face. “It’s almost as pretty as the Yellowstone region.”
A jolt of apprehension raced through her at the mention of the area known as Yellowstone. She never wanted to think about that place again, especially not in Ben’s presence. He’d nearly lost his life there, and she’d been partly responsible.
Clara’s fingers wrapped more firmly around her horse’s reins, slipping slightly on the leather due to her palms that had suddenly become clammy. Her horse tossed its head in protest, pulling the reins through her hands. The animal was reacting to her tension. Clara eased her hold and shifted slightly in the saddle in an effort to dispel the growing sense of unease.
Her heart fluttered for several beats, bringing with it some of the feeling of dread that always followed. Averting her eyes, she stared off into the distance. She drew in a slow breath of air and released it just as slowly. This was not the time for one of her attacks. Why did her body have to react with fear again, especially when such beauty surrounded her and there was no reason to be scared? Why ruin this wonderful day?
In His Thoughts Page 9