by Lori Ryan
“You haven’t lost him either,” Valerie whispered.
Had she spoken out loud? Before Maggie could question her friend more, the doctor entered the small room.
“Hello, I’m Dr. Lovell,” she said, moving to the side of the bed. She studied Valerie’s charts and scrutinized the monitors before performing a cursory assessment of Valerie that left Maggie with more questions than answers.
“Have you experienced any resent trauma, physical or emotional?” the doctor asked.
Maggie closed her eyes. She’d known this was all her fault.
Valerie sat quietly, unwilling, or unable to talk about the situation that had led to her attack. “I lost my husband two months ago,” she finally said.
“Yes, yes, I see,” the doctor said as she stared at something on the screen above Valerie’s head.
“What is it?” Maggie finally asked. “Is she having a heart attack?” Please, God, no.
The doctor slung her stethoscope over her neck and leaned against the railings. “Mrs. Sumner, I think you’re just having panic attack but we’re going to run more tests to be thorough.”
Well thank God, Maggie whispered to herself.
The doctor walked toward a hidden computer mounted on the wall and began typing furiously. Finally, she stopped just as someone wheeled in yet another piece of equipment.
“This is an electrocardiogram machine, an ECG,” the doctor said. “Have you ever had one?”
Valerie shook her head.
“The ECG will show us the electrical activity of your heart via electrodes attached to your skin. Impulses will be recorded and displayed on the monitor,” she pointed to the computer sitting on the stand, “and printed on paper.”
“How will you know if it’s a heart attack?” Maggie asked.
“Injured heart muscle doesn’t conduct electrical impulses normally,” she said with great patience. “The ECG may show that a heart attack has occurred or is in progress.”
Maggie glanced down at Valerie, squeezing her hand.
“It won’t take long,” the doctor reassured. “The worst part is getting all those sticky things off your body when you’re done.” She laughed as if she’d told the funniest joke but quieted when she realized Valerie and Maggie weren’t amused.
Maggie was terrified. The thought of losing Valerie—
Valerie squeezed her hand as if reading her thoughts.
The doctor turned toward Maggie. “You’re her daughter?”
“No,” Maggie said, “I’m—”
“Yes,” Valerie said, clutching Maggie’s hand. She glanced up at Maggie, her blue eyes darker now, pupils dilated with fear. “Yes, she’s my daughter.”
Maggie nodded once and glanced back at the doctor. “Yes.”
She studied them both, her brow knit together but shrugged as if she dealt with this type of situation all the time.
“Monique here is going to administer the ECG,” she said. “Your nurse will be in soon to draw blood if they haven’t already. If you experience pain in any other part of your body—your shoulder, neck, jaw—hit this button immediately.” The doctor reached over the railing and held up a cord with a bright red button.
Valerie nodded.
The doctor looked at Maggie for verbal confirmation.
“Yes, got it.”
“With a heart attack, the pain will not get better, in fact it will get worse. If this is an anxiety attack, you should feel better once the stress is removed and you can calm down and rest. Although being in a hospital doesn’t have the most calming effect.” She snorted.
Oh, great, they had a stand-up comedian for a physician.
“I’ll be back soon with the results,” she said. “Until then, call the nurse if you need anything or feel worse, okay?”
“Yes, thank you, doctor,” Valerie said just above a whisper.
“Thank you.” Maggie echoed Valerie’s sentiments, her eyes trained on her friend.
“Okay, ma’am.”
Maggie turned to the unfamiliar voice and stared at the woman in dark blue scrubs. She was younger than Maggie, with thick black hair slicked back in a low ponytail. A machine that looked like a lie detector sat on a cart in front of her.
“I’m going to attach a whole bunch of these doo-hickies all over your body.” She held up a sheet of foam stickers. Her country twang eased some of Maggie’s fears. “I’m going to ask your daughter to step out, if that’s okay?” The woman glanced up at Maggie and winked. She probably knew Maggie wasn’t Valerie’s daughter.
“Can she stay?” Valerie asked.
“I’d like to stay,” Maggie said.
The young woman stared between both of them, sensing there was more to their relationship. “I really need Mrs. Sumner to be as relaxed as possible.”
And guess what, Maggie. You’re the biggest stressor in this whole damn situation.
Maggie nodded once in understanding then bent down to brush a kiss against Valerie’s cheek. “I’ll be right outside. Holler if you need anything.” Maggie squeezed her shoulder, swallowing the sob threatening to overtake her body.
“Talk to him, Maggie.” Valerie whispered. “He didn’t mean what he said.”
It wasn’t Ben’s words she was worried about, it was her own. The insults she’d shot at Ben rattled through her mind.
Why don’t you go back to Seattle where you belong?
No one wants you here.
Go back and fuck up your own company and leave ours alone.
We don’t need you.
This was a mistake.
Maggie turned away, unable to speak. She furiously wiped away the tears that had already begun to fall. Before she opened the door, she glanced over her shoulder.
Valerie looked so helpless, so fragile and pale. “Please,” she said.
“Okay,” Maggie whispered, knowing it would take a small miracle for Ben Sumner to ever speak to her again.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Ben barreled through the entry of the hospital, nearly slamming into the sliding glass doors. “Could these things be any slower?”
“Dude, calm down,” Emmett said next to him.
They rushed to the small desk surrounded by glass.
“Can I help you?” An older women dressed in scrubs asked.
“Yes, my mother was brought in by ambulance.” Ben punched at the words, trying to catch his breath. He feared he might be having a heart attack as well.
“Name?” she asked.
“Sumner, Valerie Sumner. S-U-M-N-E-R,” he spelled out.
The woman took forever, clicking on the keyboard, searching her screen.
Ben banged on the counter, startling the woman.
“Calm down, Ben,” Emmett whispered next to him. “You’re going to get us kicked out.”
The woman scrutinized Ben and Emmett, a perfectly arched brow indicating her disdain. “Are you related to her?”
No, I roll up to the ER every Thursday night, asking to see random people, he wanted to shout.
Emmett tugged on his arm, pulling him away from the counter and stepping into his place. “Yes, she’s our mother.”
The woman nodded then wrote on a piece of paper, slipping it through the small opening in the glass. “She’s in room E14.”
Ben snatched the paper from Emmett’s hand.
“I’ll buzz you in,” the woman said. “It’s through those doors and to the right, just past the nurse’s station.”
Before the woman had finished her instructions, Ben rushed toward the double doors marked ‘Do Not Enter.’ He scrubbed his hand through his hair, wanting to kick the doors open himself.
After painfully long minutes that were probably just seconds, the doors clicked and slowly opened.
Emmett caught Ben’s arm again and pulled him back.
“What the hell, Em, let me go.”
“Dude. Calm the fuck down. You can’t go in there like this, all freaked out. It will just freak Ma out.”
Emmett was
right and Ben hated him for it. He drew in a deep breath and counted to three before releasing it. “Happy now, Oprah?”
Emmett snorted and Ben felt some of his anxiety ease. Some.
As they rounded the corner, Ben froze.
Maggie stood outside a sliding glass door, face in her hands, her shoulders racked with sobs.
As much as he wanted to take her in his arms and comfort her, he couldn’t, not after the spiteful things she’d said. Of course, he’d only added to the argument by spewing out his own hateful words, pushing every button he knew would hurt her.
“What did the doctor say?” Emmett asked, reaching for Maggie. “Have they seen her?”
Maggie lifted her head, her face blotchy, cheeks stained with tears. She was a hot mess, but she was still the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.
She nodded her head. “Yes, they’ve been in to see her. They’re doing some tests now and asked me to wait outside.”
“Did they say anything else?” Ben asked, wanting to both shake her and pull her into his arms all at once.
Maggie relayed the news that the doctor believed his mother had suffered a panic attack but they were performing all the necessary tests to rule out anything else, including a heart attack.
“I don’t know how long the ECG will take,” Maggie answered quietly.
“I’m calling Aaron,” Emmett said, pulling his phone from his pocket.
“Don’t bother him until we know what’s going on for sure,” Ben said.
Emmett ignored him, tapping his phone. “He’s a cardiologist. He needs to be down here running the show. Especially if you’re leaving.”
“I’m not going anywhere until Mom’s better,” Ben said, his eyes trained on Maggie.
Maggie pushed off the wall and moved around Emmett and Ben. “I’m just going to get something to drink. If she needs me, I’ll be in the waiting room.”
“Maggie,” Ben caught her arm, “you know she’ll want you here.”
She froze under his hand and shook her head, not meeting his gaze. “I’ll be in the waiting room. You should go in and see her.”
“Just,” he paused, unsure what to say, “just, don’t go too far, okay?”
Slowly she lifted her head, her green eyes meeting his. Her look of anguish and fear hit him square in the gut. What was she trying to say?
“Okay,” she finally whispered.
Slowly, he released her and watched her walk away, a sickening feeling burning in the pit of his stomach.
“No, they aren’t letting us in yet,” Ben heard Emmett say over his shoulder.
He turned and saw Emmett still on the phone.
“So, when do you think you can get here?” Emmett paused. “Okay, yeah I’ll call you as soon as we know more. See you soon.” He stared down at his phone.
“Em,” he called.
Emmett looked up, his hazel eyes huge and glistening with tears. “What are we going to do if she’s not all right, Ben?” Emmett had always been the more passionate brother. He felt things deeply. His ability to tap into human emotions and connect with readers had made him a best-selling author.
“Ma’s too stubborn to let this keep her down.”
“I would have said the same thing about Dad two months ago.” Emmett’s words rang hauntingly through the air.
“She’ll be fine,” Ben said quietly, not sure of his own words. “She has to be.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
“Are you sure there’s nothing else I can get you?” Maggie asked as she set the water on Valerie’s bedside table.
Valerie had been in the hospital close to two days now. The tests they’d run had all come back negative, including for a heart attack, but the doctor wanted to keep her for observations. Maggie was grateful. She was terrified they’d go home and Valerie would have another attack.
Ben’s brother, Aaron, a cardiologist from Chicago, had flown in late the night before and conferred with the doctors. They’d agreed that his mother had probably suffered a panic attack but Aaron said he would withhold judgment until they’d done more tests. Poor Valerie had been poked and prodded all morning, it seemed.
“Sit with me,” Valerie said, patting the bed.
Maggie obliged, lowering the railing, waiting for Valerie to scoot over. “What’s wrong?”
“I need to talk to you about something important.”
Oh, God. Maggie hoped it wasn’t her outburst with Ben. She’d apologized profusely to Valerie and Emmett, even Shawn, for her behavior. She’d reached out to Ben but he’d yet to accept her invitation to meet. She really didn’t blame him, although technically, he should be offering his apologies as well. He’d said some mean things, too. True things, but mean.
She and Ben needed to put this behind them, say their goodbyes and move on. For the sake of Valerie, and the lodge.
“What’s going on, Valerie? You’re scaring me,” Maggie said, fussing with her friend’s blanket.
Valerie tucked Maggie’s wayward hair behind one shoulder. “You know, I always wanted a daughter.”
Maggie smiled. She’d always wanted a mom.
“I would tell John, ‘Just one more.’” Valerie smiled and face lit up the room. “But you can see what that got me.”
“Six boys who adore you,” Maggie said.
“And one who adores you.”
Maggie sucked in a breath. “I can promise you, Ben does not adore me. Unless you’re talking about your youngest son, Grant, because that I could get behind.”
Grant Sumner was a renowned actor. His gorgeous face had graced the cover of magazines around the world. But even as she said the words, Maggie knew she only wanted one Sumner boy. No one set her body on fire like Ben. And none of them held her heart the way he did.
Valerie laughed. “No, definitely not Grant. That boy has some growing up to do. Besides, he’s already in love.”
“I thought he was separated from his wife.”
Valerie smiled, a knowing gleam in her eye. “It’s his wife he’s still in love with.”
“Is that what you want?”
“What?” Valerie asked.
“For your boys to fall in love?”
“Of course. Then I want them all to move back here and give me tons of grandbabies.”
“I’m not sure that’s going to happen, Valerie. They all seem pretty comfortable living the single life.”
“Not all of them,” she said softly.
“If you’re talking about Ben, I’m afraid you’re wrong. He seems to enjoy his life in Seattle.”
“The woman he loves isn’t in Seattle.” She spoke so quietly, it took Maggie a moment to process her statement, and even longer to let Valerie’s words sink in.
Valerie smiled as if she knew a secret no one else did. “You’re in love with my son.”
“What?” Maggie shook her head and stood up, stepping back from the bed.
Valerie grabbed her hand, holding her as if she was afraid Maggie would run. And she might. “Don’t be afraid, Maggie. It’s wonderful to be in love.”
“But, I don’t even know how to love. I don’t even love myself. How can I possibly love someone else?” Maggie’s heart beat wild and she feared her own panic attack.
“Exactly,” Valerie said.
“Exactly what?” Maggie stared at her friend in confusion.
“You have to learn to love yourself, Maggie. It’s the only way you can let Ben into your heart.”
This was exactly what Maggie was afraid of. She never should have started this with Ben. It was too complicated with his mother being her friend and boss. There was too much at stake.
Stupid, stupid Maggie. You messed up again.
“I don’t want Ben in my heart,” she said. “I don’t want anyone there.”
Valerie cocked her head, raising one skeptical eyebrow. “Are you sure? I think he may already be there.”
She shook her head, her hair tumbling over her shoulders. Hell no. She wasn’t sure about anything.
“Whether or not you let Ben in, you’re going to have to settle things with your father.”
Maggie stiffened.
“I know from experience.” Valerie patted the bed and Maggie reluctantly sat down again. “You have a huge capacity to love, Margaret Anne.”
Oh, crap, she was pulling out the full name.
“You’ve shown it to me, to John, to half this town,” Valerie said. “Even to your own father.”
Maggie thought of Valerie’s words. Could she love Ben? Did she already love Ben?
Yes. She did. She just didn’t know how to show it, how to process her feelings.
“You said your father wrote you letters while he was in rehab,” Valerie said.
Maggie nodded.
“Why don’t you start there.”
Maggie studied Valerie’s face. She’d been so in love with John that Maggie had often feared Valerie’s heart would break after her husband’s death. Valerie had grown up with an alcoholic father. She’d overcome her trauma and learned to love, and more importantly, to be loved. Maybe Maggie could, too.
“I hurt Ben pretty bad, Valerie. I accused him of some horrible things.”
“He said some pretty nasty things to you, too, if I remember correctly.”
“I started it though.”
Valerie laughed. “You sound like my boys when they were ten.”
Maggie smiled but her heart ached.
“Don’t run,” she said.
“I’m not leaving you.”
“Not me,” she said. “Don’t run from your past.”
Was she running? Of course, she was. If Valerie wasn’t sitting in a hospital bed, Maggie might have bolted already. That’s why she’d placed her father two cities away. To escape her past. The realization chilled her.
“Don’t give up, Maggie. You’re stronger than you know.”
Valerie believed in her. John had believed in her. Why couldn’t she believe in herself?
Because Ben was right, she had to sort out her shit. She had to confront her past head on. It was the only way to move forward. And the only way to find out if she and Ben could truly have a future together.
Valerie patted Maggie’s cheek, as though she’d seen the answer in Maggie’s eyes. “Good girl.”