I should have been upset even to be thinking about having to defend the father of my unborn child for the previous sheriff’s death, but it didn’t even faze me. I wasn’t sure what that said about me, but I’d learned not to give a damn since meeting Hawk Hannigan.
By the time I got home, I was dog-tired but all too happy to be back at the house. Hawk was still at the bar, the construction to patch up all the damage caused to it by the shootout a while back already underway. With Jet still at the hospital with Bash and Raven to watch over Lexa, Hawk and the other two Hannigan brothers had been overseeing the work that had been scheduled to start the day before.
With Fontana now no longer a problem, lockdown was officially over, and everyone had returned to their homes. Quinn and Kelli were in the kitchen when I walked in.
“Heard Jenks won,” Quinn said with a grin as I dropped my purse and briefcase on the kitchen table. “Best news of the year.”
“Agreed,” I said with a laugh as I pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge. “It doesn’t even matter that I’m about to start working sixty-hour weeks until I catch up on all his cases.”
“You better take it easy, though,” Kelli warned. “All that work stress isn’t good for the baby.”
I rubbed my hand over my still nonexistent baby bump. “Don’t worry about that. Work is nothing compared to the last few weeks.”
“Well, as long as you have enough time to hit pause and come to my wedding in two weeks, I’ll be happy,” Quinn said as she finished putting away the last of the dishes. “I can’t get married without all my new sisters.”
“I wouldn’t miss it for anything,” I assured her and grabbed my things. “I need a shower. See you two in the morning.”
Twenty minutes later, I was collapsing into bed, so exhausted, I was already falling asleep when my head hit the pillow…
“Shit,” Hawk growled low, probably trying to keep from waking me up.
I turned over in bed, already reaching for him, only to find the bed still empty. “Where are you?” I mumbled sleepily.
“Tripping over your damn briefcase,” he grumbled seconds before his heavy body dropped down onto the mattress beside me. “We talked about you leaving it lying around, woman. What if you were the one to trip on it?” His hand swatted my rear. “You want to risk falling and hurting yourself or the baby?”
I snuggled deeper into the pillow, hiding my grin. “Sorry,” I said…for the hundredth time. Knowing it would happen a hundred more times before I ever learned my lesson. I tended to drop my briefcase wherever and ignored it until I needed it or had to go to work.
“Why do I feel like your ‘sorry’ isn’t sincere?” he huffed as he stretched out beside me and pulled me against his hard body. For weeks, we’d done this back at the clubhouse, but it hadn’t felt as right as it did in that moment. Maybe it was because we were home again, or maybe it was just because the stress of Fontana and his crap was finally over. Whatever the reason, it made me happy.
But with the shot of happiness came the sudden flash of grief.
Jack.
I missed him so much.
A small sob left me before I even realized I was crying, and Hawk was suddenly turning on the lights so he could see my face. “Gracie, what’s wrong?” he demanded, his voice gruff. “Baby, why are you crying?”
I buried my face in his chest, clinging to him. “I miss him,” I whispered. “It doesn’t feel right to be so happy when he’s gone.”
“Ah, baby, I know. I miss him too.” He kissed the top of my head, his fingers stroking down my back soothingly. “Uncle Jack was like a second dad to me. I thought he was going to be around forever.”
“I didn’t get to tell him about the baby.” I hiccupped, my tears falling faster. “He was going to be a great-grandfather, and he didn’t even know.”
“I wish I could have saved him for you, Gracie.” He kissed the top of my head, his arms tightening around me protectively.
I lifted my head, letting the tears continue to fall, but frowning down at him. There was something in his voice that bothered me. “It wasn’t your fault, Hawk. There was nothing anyone could have done.”
“Maybe if I’d noticed he was off earlier in the day—”
I pressed my mouth to his, stopping his pained words. I kissed him long and hard, wanting to erase those thoughts from his head. When I lifted my head again, I cupped his jaw in one hand. “There was nothing you could have done,” I repeated. “Don’t beat yourself up over this, okay?”
“I hate it when you’re so sad,” he muttered. “It kills me to see your tears.”
“You can’t keep things from hurting me, babe. Life is full of too much pain for you to even try. Just hold me like you’re doing now, and I’ll be just fine,” I assured him.
He lifted his lips in a grim smile. “I’ll die holding you, woman. It’s the only way I want to go.”
Shaking my head at him, I laid my head back on his chest, letting the sound of his heart beating in my ear lure me back to sleep.
“If it’s a boy, can we call him Jack?” Hawk asked before I could fall under sleep’s spell.
My eyes snapped open, but I didn’t move. “I love you so much.”
“That a yes?”
I let my lashes fall again. “That’s a definite yes.”
Chapter 27
Jos
The scent of coffee permeated the air as I opened the bathroom door and walked barefoot back to my room. The bedroom I had at Grandpa’s didn’t have a bathroom, and I wasn’t ready to move into his master bedroom yet. That would mean having to clean out all his things, and I just wasn’t mentally prepared for that.
Reid’s pack ’n play was against the wall in the corner of my small room, but my son wasn’t asleep in there as he’d been all night. He must have climbed out while I was in the shower and crawled into my bed beside his father.
I stopped before I reached it, looking down at my two sleeping boys. Tanner’s arm was wrapped around Reid, both of them on their sides, heads on the same pillow facing each other. Both of them had their mouths open in deep sleep, snoring slightly. Seeing them together like this made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and I swallowed the lump that threatened to choke me before making myself get dressed.
I had a morning full of work to accomplish before I went dress shopping with Quinn and the others that afternoon. Reid and Tanner were going to spend the day together, much as they’d done all week. They were bonding, growing closer and developing a tight father-son relationship that made me happier than I ever realized I could be.
In the kitchen, Dad was sitting at the table, a mug of black coffee in front of him as he ate a bowl of instant oatmeal and a slice of toast.
“Made some extra if you want it,” Dad said as he focused on the food before him.
“Thanks.” I poured myself a cup of coffee then grabbed a bowl of oatmeal. Thankfully, I’d been able to go grocery shopping the day before, so there was fresh fruit in the fridge. I grabbed a few freshly washed berries and tossed them on top, then squeezed a little honey over it.
Dropping down into a chair at the small kitchen table with my dad, I offered him a smile. “It’s nice now that everything has finally calmed down, don’t you think?”
He nodded but chewed his food for a lot longer than was necessary, and I knew he had something to say that he didn’t want to voice. I pretended not to notice and ate my breakfast, waiting for him to speak.
I was nearly done with my coffee when he finally opened his mouth. “Your mom keeps asking when you’re going to come home.”
“Funny, she hasn’t tried to call me once.”
But I wasn’t surprised she’d called Dad. It was one of her favorite pastimes, making him miserable. She was a total bitch, and not even I could stand her for more than an hour at a time. I didn’t have a lot to do with her, and I never let her keep Reid after the one time she’d babysat and I’d come home t
o find him with blisters on his bottom after she’d left him in a wet diaper all day.
“She said she’s called you, but you don’t ever answer.”
I stood, carrying my dirty dishes to the sink. “Daddy, Mom hasn’t called me in weeks, maybe even months. I don’t know what she’s told you, but we aren’t close. Please don’t give me the guilt trip about respecting her and being a good daughter—”
“Joslyn.” Dad’s gruff voice caught me off guard, and I turned to face him, concerned.
He was still sitting at the table, his head in his hands, tears running down his face.
I rushed back to him, throwing my arms around his neck and hugging him tight. “Dad, what’s wrong?”
“I thought you were going to leave again,” he choked out. “The way she made it sound, you were just biding your time and wouldn’t talk to her because you didn’t know how to let me down easy about going back to Oakland.”
I kissed his cheek, giving him a smile to help ease his fears. “Daddy, really? Why would I leave you again? Everything I’ve ever wanted is right here. I never wanted to be anywhere else.”
“Swear?” he forced out in a voice rough with emotion.
I kissed his cheek again. “I swear. I would have happily stayed with you while I was growing up if anyone had dared ask what I wanted.”
His arm went around me, an affectionate hug from my father that I wasn’t used to. But seeing him cry wasn’t something I’d ever seen him do either. “You and Reid are all I have now, Jos. It was ripping me apart thinking you were going to leave.”
“There is no way in hell she’s going anywhere.” Tanner’s voice boomed behind me, making me jump in surprise.
I straightened, my heart racing as I watched him walk into the kitchen in nothing but a pair of sweat pants. His hair was sticking up at all angles, but I liked it that way. I reminded me of how my hands had tangled in those dark locks while his head was between my legs all night long. Thank God Reid was such a sound sleeper, because I’d been unable to hold back my moans for the most part.
Glaring, Tanner stomped across the distance that separated us. “I’m telling you right now, Jos, you even try to leave, and I’m gonna spank your ass. You hear me, woman? No way in hell I’m letting you go. And that goes double for trying to take my son with you.”
Lips twitching, I stood there fighting not to grin as he tried to keep up the angry look. But he couldn’t hide the panic just below the surface, the fear that he might not be able to stop me.
I touched my hand to his chest, pressing my palm flat over his pounding heart. “If you could calm down for two seconds, you would have heard that I was telling Daddy I’m not going anywhere. What part of ‘I’m where I want to be’ don’t you understand, Tanner?”
His shoulders almost drooped for a moment in relief, but when he spoke, it wasn’t to me. “Butch, I want to marry your daughter.”
“What?” I whisper-shouted.
But the two men ignored me. “You better treat her right. No cheating. No breaking her heart. Provide for her and my grandson, or I’ll cut your throat. Feel me?”
Tanner nodded solemnly. “I’ll always take care of them, and I’d walk out in front of a bus before I hurt either of them.”
“Then, yeah, boy. You can marry her.”
I stood there, stunned by the way they were talking like I wasn’t even there. Like they weren’t discussing Tanner wanting to marry me, promising things that were making my heart melt to the point I was dangerously close to passing out from it.
“But you better do it right. No running off and eloping. I want to walk my baby girl down the aisle.”
“Fuck yeah, we’re doing it right. Big cake, big dress. Big everything. My woman deserves all of that.”
I gulped, trying to find my voice. “A-Am I invited into this conversation, or are you two just going to continue making plans for my wedding?” Putting my hands on my hips, I glared from one to the other. “And excuse you, but I haven’t even been asked yet, let alone accepted.”
Tanner shrugged and went over to the coffeepot. “Quinn and Raider are getting married next weekend. Don’t want to show them up. Let’s have the wedding in a month. You think that’s enough time, Butch?”’
“I’ll drop by Aggie’s, get her to help with planning it. That should give her time to make the cake.” Dad finished the last of his coffee and carried his cup to the sink. Grabbing his packed lunch, he headed for the door. “See you at work, Jos. Don’t be late.”
The door shut behind him, and I had to breathe deep to keep from screaming, only stopping myself because I didn’t want to wake my sleeping child.
I marched up to Tanner who was leaning against the counter beside the coffeepot and poked him in the chest with my index finger. “Now, you listen here, Tanner Reid. I am not, under any circumstances, marrying you until you ask. I may love you, and I may be the mother of your son, but I will not—abso-fucking-lutely will not—marry you until you get on one knee and propose.”
Something flashed in his eyes, but I turned away, grabbed my travel mug of coffee and stormed toward the door.
“Jos,” Tanner called softly from behind me.
Hand on the knob, I turned, ready to blast him again, only to find him on one knee right behind me. My heart lifted into my throat, and tears burned my eyes as they spilled one by one over my lashes.
He grasped my hands in both of his. “I love you, Jos. You are the best thing to ever happen to me. I don’t like the me I am without you. Please, baby. I know I’m not the best man in the world, but for you, I’ll try. I’ll do my damned best to make you happy and kill anyone who dares make you sad. I want to be your man now and always. Will you marry me?”
“I…” I sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm down. “I… Holy shit. I didn’t think you would actually ask.”
“If it’s what you want, I’ll always try my damnedest to give it to you.” He lifted my hands, kissing each palm. “I love you so fucking much, Jos. Marry me.”
I was so choked up, I couldn’t speak. I just stood there, staring down at him with tears pouring out of me like a freaking fire hydrant, unable to answer.
Tanner’s throat bobbed as he swallowed, and he tried to laugh off his unease. “Babe, I kind of need you to say yes, because I’m about to go insane here.”
I threw myself against him, sending us both crashing to the floor. “Yes!” I cried, kissing his lips quick and hard. “Yes. Of course, I’ll marry you. I love you.”
His chest swelled with a deep inhale, a weak laugh leaving him when he blew it out. “Thank fuck. I was really scared there for a second.”
“Idiot,” I muttered, kissing him again and again. “The answer was always going to be yes.”
Chapter 28
Quinn
I should have been upset that it was raining—what bride wanted it to rain on her wedding day?
But I was so deliriously happy even to be marrying Raider Hannigan that a little rain didn’t bother me.
The forecast had been calling for it all week, so it wasn’t like I was surprised. Which was why we were having it inside. Flick and a few of the others had spent the last two days decorating the clubhouse and even set up an arbor in the main room, while Jet and some of the brothers helped put chairs in position for the ceremony. It looked like an entirely different place by the time they were done.
Kelli, Gracie, and Rory sat on my bed in the room where I’d spent far too much time over the past month or so. We were using the bedrooms to get ready, me in Raider’s room and Raider in Colt’s, getting dressed and waiting until it was time for the wedding to start.
Behind me, Flick and Jos were finishing up with my hair. They’d spent the last hour curing, braiding, and then pinning little crystals into place. Between my hair, makeup, and the princess-style dress I’d been able to find the week before, I felt like a queen.
“You look beautiful,” Kelli said, her eyes skim
ming over me from head to toe and back again. “Seriously, babe. I have never seen anyone as gorgeous as you are right now.”
Pleasure made my cheeks bloom pink. There wasn’t a full-length mirror anywhere in the clubhouse, so I was going to have to take her word for it. Knowing she wouldn’t lie to me about something as important as how I looked on my wedding day, I let Flick finish placing the last pin where it needed to go.
A tap on the door preceded Raven walking in with Lexa beside her. My heart broke seeing the lingering bruises on the little girl’s exposed skin, but it was the angry red mess of her right cheek that had tears burning my eyes.
I’d asked her to be my flower girl, and she was dressed in the adorable little sparkly white dress Raven and I had picked out for her. But the tears on Lexa’s face told me I was probably going to be without a flower girl today, and that was just fine. I wasn’t going to make her do anything she wasn’t comfortable with.
“Quinn,” Raven started, her tone full of apology. “Lexa is having a hard day.”
I moved away from the others and crouched down in front of mother and daughter. Lexa’s head hung low, the tears just pouring down her sweet little face. “Hi there, princess,” I murmured softly. “Not feeling well today?” She shook her head, a little hiccup leaving her as she sniffled. “It’s okay, baby girl. You don’t have to be my flower girl if you don’t feel up to it. You look so pretty, though. I wish I looked half as pretty in my dress as you do in yours.”
“But you’re so beautiful,” she whispered, her voice breaking.
“Not nearly as beautiful as you, Lexa.” I held out my arms, and she walked into them after only a small hesitation.
I hugged her close, being careful not to squeeze her too hard. Her body was still healing after her surgery, and the cast on her wrist was covered in signatures and stick figures where everyone had signed it. It seemed like the pain in her arm from the gunshot wound didn’t even matter anymore after everything else she’d been put through, but an MRI while Lexa was still recovering in the hospital had shown that the muscles and tendons were fine, she was just going through some painful growth spurts.
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