by Tara Wimble
*
It’s Jacque that tells her first.
Bella is doing interval sprinting on the treadmill in the Red Stars gym when Jacque walks through the door. She looks around a while before spotting her and half jogs through the equipment to find her. Jacque doesn’t warn her before she slaps the ‘stop’ button and Bella almost faceplants into the bar. “Jesus, Jacque-”
“We’ve got a camp.”
“A camp?” Bella stands on the side of the treadmill. “Do we have a match?”
Jacque grins. “Oh you could say that.”
“Jacque, I’m about to feel a lung collapse, just tell me-”
“Canada. BMO field.” Jacque gestures with her hands like she’s imagining a huge board coming up in lights in front of them. “20,000 people in the stands-”
Bella has an inkling and the hairs on the back of her neck stand. “No-, no way.”
Jacque claps. “Rematch. Canada vs the USA, at home, in June.”
Holy shit. “That’s going to be crazy.”
*
The match sells out BMO field. The fastest time ever for a women’s soccer match and the buzz for this match is indicative of what the CSA wants for the 2015 World Cup. The impact that comes with Canada and the USA playing against each other is akin to an earthquake. Their match in the Olympics was the worst match Bella has ever fought through. The burning disappointment. Feeling her ankles clipped just before the finish line.
The media called it the greatest women’s football match in history. Looking back on it, Bella can finally say that she agrees with that. Of course it hurt to lose, and the aftermath of their team lashing out is something she never wants to repeat, second only to telling the team about the divorce.
Their travel details come through and the announcements are made that they’re not available for the next two to three Red Stars matches. Even though Quenby and Lexi are rooting for the US by birth, they wish them luck along with the rest of the team before they leave the following morning.
It’s a weeklong camp before they make it to game day and Bella desperately wants to be in that starting lineup. The only flutter in her chest is the fact that this will be the first time she sees the entire team again since the Olympics.
Jacque has told her over and over again, in the car, on the plane, in the hotel- that she’s spoken to everyone. That they know that things are a lot better. That they’re friends. But she can’t forget the looks that people gave her. How she felt.
Maybe it’s a surprise to her then to find that most of the team does greet her. They seem to have the same apprehension as she does, unsure of how to act until someone drops their guard. All Bella can do is be the one to smile and say hi, and her teammates return to just that- her friends again. She’s under no delusion that it’ll take a lot longer for things to be alright again but for now this works.
Jan and Kathryn practically jump on her and Jacque the minute they get into the pre-camp meeting. It’s a break of squealing and showing off new tattoos and apologizing for being drunk- an amazing flurry of words that Bella relaxes to. John isn’t finished bringing all of the gear and the staff down so they have a few moments. They exchange stories about Seattle and Chicago until Robyn and Carla bemoan their luck in Washington while the rest of the team, those who are accustomed to winning, grin bashfully in their seats.
And that’s it until Bella spots the one person she was most reluctant to see again.
Oliv gets done with her hug from Sadie by Whemb and Sophie and Bella instinctively hovers closer to Jacque, who’s still talking to Robyn, as Oliv starts to walk around the room. Towards her.
She instinctively freezes. Not because of the usual reasons, thinking she’s going to hear some inappropriate sexual comment but because of how long it took to get Sadie to warm back up to her. She braces herself for the worst.
Instead she finds her feet off the ground and she’s wrapped up in Oliv’s arms being swung around like it’s been exactly as long as it has since they last saw each other. “C’mere, thunderfoot.”
Bella laughs and buries her head in Oliv’s neck, squeezing back. “Hey now, this foot has thundered in a few assists to that big head of yours if I remember correctly.” Nerves and humour go hand in hand.
Oliv laughs boisterously and sets her down. “Maybe one or two.”
The tone never really goes to that serious place when they’re catching up but Bella has to know where they stand. If this is Oliv ignoring the problem or if they’re truly on level terms. “We cool?”
Oliv gives her a cryptic look and then winks. “Why wouldn’t we be?” She pauses and throws an arm around Bella’s shoulder. “Come on, let’s go torture Lauren.”
“I’m down.” Bella agrees and they skip off to go mess with their favorite gullible blonde. Her sigh of relief is silent.
*
The mood of the camp starts out light, John still easing them back into their chemistry after having played for a couple of months buying into the dreams and goals of separate squads. But this is the time to refocus to Canada, remember why they’re here and remember why this match means so much to them.
It’s with that in mind that John huddles them all up into the video room at their training facility. It’s during the time of their normal team meeting but the mood of the room is all off and they all look amongst each other wondering exactly what’s in store for them.
“Everyone take a seat, get comfortable.” John addresses them and waits for a moment for people to continue to file in and grab available spots. Bella ends up sandwiched between Oliv and Carla while Jacque slinks to the very back with Kathryn. Meanwhile the assistants are hooking up a computer to the overhead projector and pulling down the screen.
“Alright then.” John continues once everyone is settled and the chatter in the room has dulled to a quiet murmur. “So this is a little bit different than what we’d be normally doing but we had a little bit of fun and now it’s time to get serious.”
A Quicktime window pops open on the screen and there’s a freeze frame of a packed Old Trafford, Canada and the United States lined up on the pitch ready to kick off a match. The murmur grind to a halt, complete silence fills the room, only the sound of their breathing breaks up the monotony.
“If we’re going to be successful at all on Sunday, or even past Sunday, we need to remember. I need you all to remember how you felt on the pitch that day. How you felt afterwards. If we have any chance of even challenging the US or being contenders at our World Cup we need that chip on our shoulders.” John gets more fired up the longer he talks and Bella can only listen, the whole team listens in rapt attention.
This is why they love to play for him. Not just the belief that he has in them, not the way that he picked them up from the virtual bottom and built them up to unforeseen heights, fulfilled the potential of this team. But the way that he makes them think they can punch above that. He’s not content just having taken them to the Bronze Medal, he believes, and he makes them believe they can do better than that. Contend. Fight with the rest of them.
But with that comes an extreme amount of culpability. With time comes frame of mind and in the moment the emotions were high. The accusations, Bella still remembers with a sharp sting looking back at Sadie, cut to the core.
Now in the light of day, when time’s passed, they need to look at this game critically. One person, one intangible can’t affect the entire thing. There were things they did to let the US back into the game, mistakes that could have been prevented with focus.
As much as it’ll hurt to reflect on that John’s right, they need to remember that night, feel that night, and use it on Sunday because once Sunday passes it’s time to move on. August 6th 2012 is one snapshot, one snapshot and one moment in time in the beginning of a legacy. A legacy that can’t even begin if they stay forever in that moment.
John motions for the lights to turn off and someone makes it happen.
Nobody speaks.
Not once.
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Not when Whembs beats Hope Solo for the first time and curls out away from the goal, intensity written over her face practically flying back to the halfway line. Not through the yo-yo that is the second half, back and forth between Whembs and Rapinoe. And still silence persists when Alana Morrisson steps up to the spot.
It’s broken when they see the ball fly over Sadie’s fingertips, see how close she was to taking them to PK’s, a matter of centimeters separating them from trying their luck at the spot and devastation on the pitch.
There’s not a dry eye in the room as they watch the US run around in jubilation on the pitch, watch themselves, their pain reflected back onto them all of these months later.
Bella can’t even look when the camera pans to Jacque flat up on her back, lost, because the memory is still so vivid in her mind that she doesn’t need to relive it in high definition. It’s always right there.
The video ends and no one dares to break the trance that befalls the room.
And then another video is cued up and the broken silence turns into a curious one.
Then it starts.
It starts with a little girl talking about how she watched the Olympics with her parents at home and now all she wants to be when she grows up is Olivia Andreoli. Then the video cuts to footage of Carla knocking the ball past the French keeper and grabbing the crest, kissing it in wide eyed reverence as she’s swarmed by teammates. Next is their arrival back home to screaming hordes of Canadian supporters, shots of fans young and old welcoming them home as heroes.
Their parents embracing them at the gates. A shot of Jacque’s parents holding her, testing the weight of her medal, and if Bella wasn’t already tearing up she’s close to breaking now.
Finally, there’s a short message, obviously edited on, obviously recently shot. It’s from the Voyageurs saying that they should be proud, no matter the color of their medal, because they made their country proud and Canada is standing behind them.
Cut to black.
The lights come back on and they’re confronted with the harsh reality, there’s not a single person who doesn’t look completely broken up, moved by what they just saw. Not only the game but the visible proof of a nation on their side.
John stands at the front of the room again. “This.” He points back at the screen. “This is what you play for. It’s who you play for. When you put on that shirt it’s not for yourself, it’s not for your glory. It’s for your country. For those people in the video, your families, the supporters.” He adjusts the collar of his shirt and continues. “From now on, every time you step out onto that pitch that’s what I want in your head. That’s what I want to see from you. You know your country is behind you. So show up for them.”
Niav starts the clap but it’s quickly unanimous, they’re moved, clearly, by what they’ve all gone through and processed together tonight. It’s not an easy thing to relive but to see tangible proof of their support makes them want to go out there and win. Not for themselves but for the sold out BMO Field, for those people in red filling the stands and cheering them on.
For Canada.
*
USA v Canada [3 - 0]
It’s physical right from the start. For all the jokes they made about Dunn being as big as Carla, she has the same grit and toughness Carla has, even when Oliv bowls her over in the opening few minutes. Bella can see the rip in Dunn’s centennial jersey from the bench. A few minutes later Oliv is down again, this time from Carli Lloyd’s tackle.
Oliv’s form has been the talk of the week. John isn’t blind to the fact she hasn’t played in months, but he’s playing a patient game. Her chemistry with Whemb is still better than Bella’s and he’s got her on the bench because there’s no one better prepared to replace Oliv when her lack of practice finally hits. It’s a waiting game.
An entertaining one if the large, counting Canadian crowd of 22,000 is any indication. Bella hears them cheer every time they get the ball and chills run up her spine. She’s played in the Olympics but a home crowd is on a different level. It’s personal.
Not sitting on the edge of her seat becomes a compliment as they shut out the US in the first half. Niav plays the game of her life, cutting off O’Reilly and Holden, while Jan stops a dangerous looking assist squarely aimed at Alana Wambach’s head. It’s her birthday but they’re not letting her get a goal.
The US don’t relent though. Every time Taniya Holden gets the ball Bella is digging her nails into her palms. That speed isn’t one they can match. Even Buchanan who can match her sprint can’t keep up with the quickness in which Taniya dances with the ball around her. Yet Sadie comes up clean for them every time.
On their offensive it’s a different story. Carla can’t get past Engen. She’s having a hell of a time being dropped back midfield rather than further forward and she’s paying for it. Bella wants to yell and get her forward but there’s no room between Whemb and Oliv. Instead she has to watch painfully as Carla is flattened to the ground by Morrisson.
It’s all in the formation. Playing tight diamonds in the midfield means that this game is being fought in the midfield. Bella watches in vain as their attempts to give the ball to the outside backs to make the runs aren’t connecting for Canada or the US. Oliv ends up scuffling with Engen, grabbing her hips until the ball goes out, rather than making the long runs that she should be doing.
Bella almost thinks they’re going to be the first to break with Carla finally gets free and sends off a beautiful cross to Oliv, only to see it broken in the air by Christie Rampone. Bella is all too used to that.
The crowd may not see it as they battle on the field but there is a respect between the players that was maybe more muted at the Olympics. Playing with each other in the NWSL has brokered that. So when Whemb and Lauren go down, half tackling, half wrestling, and the ref calls it for the US, Lauren and Whemb slap hands as they get back up.
Pieces of that bleed through even as the game gets increasingly frantic towards half time. Jacque especially is getting more involved, after marking Carli on set pieces she runs head on into Alana, knocking her to the ground, winning them a free kick. Alana stands over the ball with her hands on Jacque’s hip. There’s some words but when Bella sees Jacque’s face again she’s smiling, not frowning. It eases the mild discomfort in her stomach at not being out on the field with her.
That discomfort intensifies at seeing Dunn blast a ball straight into Carla’s temple. She crumples to the ground and as half the bench stands up, Bella instantly touches her nose, guiltily thankful that it wasn’t her this time.
The first half concludes with an uneasy scoreless game and as the crowd drums them off the field for halftime, Bella knows it’s not going to stay that way.
Jacque looks drained as she makes her way towards Bella and the outstretched water bottle she has out for her. “Abby’s killing me.”
“She’s not doing a good enough job if she can’t score.” Bella replies. “You look good out there.”
Oliv, who’s panting even as she takes a drink, throws her a look that means she’s waiting to make an inappropriate comment on her behalf. Bella doesn’t give her the chance. Carla is still holding the side of her face as she leads the rest of them back down the tunnel. They march side by side with the US who, to Bella’s dismay, don’t look half as tired as she wants them to be.
*
“Welcome back to half time at the soldout BMO Field in Toronto, Canada! Where the US Women’s National Team is taking on the Canadian Women’s National Team!”
The ESPN team replies the first half highlights and adds their own expectations but the talk soon turns to the anticipation of seeing Sydney Leroux take the field and what it means for her to play in Canada again.
Adrian Healey holds his mic firmly and looks between the camera and is co-host, Julie Foudy. “We were talking during the match about some of the Canadian players, like Sesselmann and how they played in the US youth systems like Sydney Leroux had done for the Canadian yo
uth teams- now why do you think that there’s a worse reception for Leroux than there is for players like Sesselmann and to some extent, your Bella Liresch’s who we all know started out in the US Youth teams before, well, marrying and hopping the border to speak.”
“I think it has a lot to do with the soccer environment. These Canadian players just don’t have the depth and the system that the US sides do and when they see talented players like Sydney Leroux, choosing to play for the US over Canada they see it as more of an affront to their system as a whole rather than doing what may be best for her.” Foudy concludes. “Players like Lires-” She stops to correct herself. “Ansar and Sesselmann may not have gotten the chance with the full national team that they do have with the Canadian team. It’s all about the depth and finding an opportunity to play. And full credit to these girls, they’ve done just that.”
Healey keeps the topic going. “We’ve definitely made comparisons before about those two, Leroux and Ansar, being of a similar sort of striking role within each team. Who do you think had more of a chance today coming off the bench?”
“I think they both do. With Andreoli coming back to play for this match I think Herdman had to consider that she wouldn’t be up for the full ninety and Ansar has been in good form. She’s played with PSG since the Olympics and has done well for the Red Stars during this NWSL. However, so has Sydney Leroux, and I think for this match up Leroux will be more likely to put the ball in the back of the net thanks to the support of this USA team.”
*
Number three flashes on the back of the substitution board for the number fourteen and Bella is finally getting out on the field. Oliv claps to the fans as she jogs over to be subbed off. Bella is brought into a quick embrace by her teammate and pushed out onto the field.
It’s her first home game in front of a crowd this big and for all her worries about being a member of the strange Canadian-American club, they welcome her with a ferociously proud and loud reception. Bella Ansar, Canadian forward comes on for Olivia Andreoli.