by Laura Conway
Delaney wrapped Spencer up in a hug, her hand smoothing her hair. Delaney’s problems paled in comparison to what both Matt and Spencer had gone through.
“Spencer,” Delaney said as she pulled away. “Did you say you went to a group?”
She nodded. “Yeah. Group therapy. I didn’t want to, but Karen suggested it, and she told me that they could be trusted, that she knew the people who ran it. And she was right. It did help to talk about it, but I wasn’t entirely honest with you... I can’t even say it though. Confidentiality...”
“You know, Matt,” Delaney guessed. She had noticed that they seemed to get along well, but that conversation at Club Pink came back to her now, where Matt said that he’d known Spencer for years. “He didn’t say anything. He just said he knew you, but he made it sound like you met at the bar, that he knew you as a bartender.”
Spencer nodded. “Yeah. He’s been a great friend.”
“Wow,” Delaney breathed. “One of my closest friends helped you through that...”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, that I pretended to meet him for the first time when you introduced us.”
Delaney shook her head. “No, I get it. That’s part of feeling safe at those meetings, knowing you have privacy, and what you say isn’t going to leave the room... Matt told me about what happened to him. He was helping me through one of my panic attacks, and when I asked him if he was a therapist on the side, just joking, he told me how he knew all about the anxiety and how to overcome it.”
“It’s amazing that we hadn’t met sooner.”
“Hmmm. Well, I haven’t known Matt that long, really. Just since this show started, so about five, maybe six years.”
“Sorry,” Spencer said, taking a deep breath. “I pretty much ruined the mood for the evening,” she said as she took a drink. “I know I invited you back here to...”
“It’s fine,” Delaney said, giving her a half smile. “I can go if you want.”
“No. Stay. I’m just... Drained after that.”
“Nothing has to happen,” Delaney said, her hand finding Spencer’s again. “We can stay up for a while or just go to sleep. Whatever you want to do.”
They stayed up for another few minutes, talking about anything other than what they’d both shared, and then Spencer led her to her bedroom. Delaney borrowed one of her t-shirts and slid under the sheets beside her, her arm wrapped around her, spooning her from behind until they both drifted off to sleep.
Chapter 21
Spencer’s eyes fluttered open and found the glowing clock beside the bed. 6:12AM. She rolled over slowly so she wouldn’t disturb Delaney, but the space beside her was empty. She pushed herself up into a seated position, staying still for a minute to listen for the shower or the kettle, but the apartment was silent.
She ran a hand through her hair, remembering everything that had happened last night. The salsa class had been amazing, and she did feel better after talking to Delaney, even though it was emotional. She felt closer to Delaney. They both trusted each other with their pasts, although that wasn’t what Spencer was going to tell her.
She’d psyched herself up to tell Delaney that she’d been a fan of hers for years, and then Delaney revealed that she’d had a stalker. The timing couldn’t have been worse, so Spencer told her something more important, something more meaningful, and Delaney became the fourth person to know about what had happened to her before she came to New York.
Spencer knew she’d still have to tell Delaney about being a fan of the show. The timing just wasn’t right last night, and now she had to approach the subject even more carefully knowing what Delaney had been through.
A stalker. Spencer couldn’t imagine it.
She got out of bed and padded into the kitchen, still hoping to see Delaney sipping a cup of coffee or relaxing on the sofa, but the apartment was definitely empty. Spencer looked around for a note, but there was nothing on the coffee table or the kitchen counter.
Delaney must have left to go home and get ready for work. She probably didn’t want to wake her just to say ‘goodbye.’
Spencer was tempted to go back to bed, but she was already awake. She didn’t have to be at Club Pink until six o’clock this evening, so she’d probably have a nap at some point to get her to the end of her shift at 2:00AM.
Spencer made herself a cup of coffee, trying to push away the guilt that kept bubbling to the surface. She should have told Delaney straight away that she recognized her. She had no idea how she was going to tell her now. She’d ask Zoey when she got back. She always had good advice no matter what the situation was.
She also needed to find something to wear for the final salsa class on Tuesday night. That would probably require Zoey’s help too. She was so much more fashionable than Spencer could ever hope to be. One thing she did know was that she wanted to make an impression. She wanted Delaney to be blown away.
Chapter 22
Delaney rested her elbows on her desk and covered her face with her hands. She hardly slept last night by the time they went to bed, and what she saw at five o’clock in the morning in Spencer’s room had her pulse thumping in her ears and her stomach turning. Even an intense day at work hadn’t taken her mind off it.
“Hey,” Matt said, knocking on her open door. “You okay? You’ve been distracted all day.”
Delaney dropped her hands.
“Hungover?” Matt guessed.
“No. I wish,” Delaney said, leaning back in her chair. “I stayed at Spencer’s last night.”
“Ah. No sleep then.”
“Hmmm,” Delaney said, wondering if she wanted to get into this here.
“Did something happen?” Matt said, leaning on the door frame.
Delaney sighed. “I found a DVD of the series I was on. The legal drama that everyone recognizes me from.”
Everyone had already left for the day, so she wasn’t worried about someone overhearing them.
“In Spencer’s apartment?”
“Yeah.”
“Maybe it wasn’t hers? She has a roommate, right?”
“It was in her room,” Delaney said, stretching her arms over her head. She’d been through this already, trying to come up with some sort of reason why Spencer wouldn’t have said anything, but there wasn’t any.
“Oh.”
“Yeah,” Delaney said with a wry smile. “And I told her about all of my issues last night, about being stalked, about how shocked I was to find out who it had been.”
“Shit.”
“And there she was,” Delaney said, gesturing with her hand. “Sitting beside me, knowing exactly who I was. All this time. I just can’t believe it.”
Matt closed the door behind him and leaned on the edge of her desk. “What’d she say when you saw the DVD?”
“She was asleep. I got up around five to go home and get ready to come here. You know I’m always drawn to bookcases, so I had a quick look, and I couldn’t miss it. It was one of the first things I saw. A boxset of the series.”
“What are you going to do?” Matt asked.
“I don’t know. This is my weakness. This is what I struggle with,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. “I try so hard to forget about that time in my life. All the letters. All the phone calls. And it’s like it’s happening all over again. From someone I really cared about,” she said as she shook her head. “She was in my apartment. We slept together... And she knew exactly who I was.”
Matt wiped his palm over his mouth. “You should talk to her. What if there’s an innocent explanation? Maybe it was a gift, and she’s never actually seen it?”
“I doubt it. You know, I did see something in her eyes when we first met. She looked at me like... I don’t know. With some sort of admiration or something, but I didn’t think she could know about that show. I thought she was too young.”
“Has she tried to call you?”
“She’s texted. I did just disappear,” Delaney said, glancing at her phone. There was a
nother message from Spencer. “But I couldn’t... I’m only just processing all this. I was half asleep when I saw the DVD, but it was still a shock. I’ve been busy all day here. I need some time.”
“Well, what about Tuesday?”
“Salsa is the last thing on my mind right now,” Delaney said, reaching for her water bottle and taking a long drink.
Chapter 23
Spencer sat at the back of the meeting on a hard folding chair. She recognized a few faces from the last time she was here, years ago. After opening up that box on Tuesday night, Spencer thought she could use some support, plus she knew she’d run into Matt. He never missed a meeting, even after all these years.
She still hadn’t heard from Delaney. She waited until yesterday evening to send her a text, knowing she’d be busy at work. Spencer started her shift, expecting to see a reply by the time she was done, but there was nothing.
Spencer sent another casual text today, but Delaney had replied to that one either. She didn’t know what happened. She went over that night, playing back their conversation, trying to figure out if she’d said something stupid. They’d both shared personal things. Maybe she was embarrassed? She hoped Delaney didn’t pity her.
She waited outside, watching everyone leave. “Hey,” she said when Matt came out.
“Hi. Long time no see. Here, I mean,” he said with a lopsided smile.
“Well, I told Delaney about what happened with my mother and all of that... I invited her back to my place after salsa, and we had a long chat, but it brought up a lot of memories, so here I am. Looking after myself.”
Matt nodded. “You working later?”
“Yeah. In an hour.” Spencer jammed her hands into the pockets of her denim shorts. “Hey, how’s Delaney?”
“Fine. Yeah. Why?”
“I haven’t heard from her in two days. You know, since I told her.”
“Oh.”
“She hasn’t said anything, has she?”
Matt stood to the side to let someone get by him. “No. Not about your past.”
“Did she say something else about me?”
Matt sighed, looking everywhere but at her. “You know she had a stalker.”
“Yeah. She told me.”
“Uh huh. Well, you should have been honest with her.”
Spencer’s stomach dropped. “What? What do you mean?”
“Look at it from her point of view. You ask her to dance. You befriend her. You seduce her. And you knew who she was all along. You knew she was an actress. You knew her name before she even said it. Delaney saw your DVD of the show, Spencer.”
She swallowed down her dinner, bile rising up again. She leaned against the building, needing something to hold herself up.
“I wanted to tell her,” Spencer said, her hands clenched into fists. “But I didn’t want to scare her away. Yes, I was a fan. She was actually my first crush. Okay? I couldn’t ask her to dance and say ‘Hey, I’m Spencer. Seeing you on that TV show when I was fourteen made me realize I was gay. Want to dance?’” she asked, her voice laced with sarcasm.
“Well, it’s not much better than that right now.”
“She hates me.”
“Kind of.”
“Fuck,” Spencer said, her hands on her head as she tried to take this in. She’d royally screwed up. Again.
“I don’t know what to say. She’s my best friend, but you know, I care about you. You’re like the younger sister I never had. I really don’t want to get involved with this though, and I’ve already said too much. I don’t know if she’ll come around, but she’s a bit of a mess right now.”
“Okay,” Spencer breathed. “I can’t believe I have to go to work.”
“Give her a bit of space.”
Spencer nodded. “I don’t really have much choice. I can’t believe this is happening,” she said in just above a whisper.
After she said ‘goodbye’ to Matt, she decided to walk to work. It would take most of the hour that she had, but she needed the time to think. She knew she wouldn’t get any later. Thursday nights were always busy at Club Pink.
Spencer remembered seeing Delaney walk in that first night. She’d been so nervous about the class, not knowing how many people would show up, but as soon as she saw Delaney, a whole new set of emotions took over. Disbelief, amazement, lust. At what point could she have told her that she was a fan? Maybe after the class, when they’d already spoken and had fun together.
It was pointless thinking about that now. What she should be thinking about is how to fix this. She’d told Delaney about her past to avoid the problems she’d had with previous attempts at relationships. She knew she had trouble opening up and trusting people, but she thought it could be different this time.
She’d reinvented herself over the years, using her confidence to cover up her insecurities. She knew she didn’t need anyone, or at least she believed that until she met Delaney. Now, she wasn’t so sure. She didn’t know how she was going to move on from this. Maybe she just wasn’t meant to be in a normal, long term relationship.
Chapter 24
Delaney threw her keys onto the kitchen counter. It was only Tuesday, and she was already stressed out and dreading the rest of the week. The honeymoon period was over at work. They were back to arguing about the direction of the story line even though they had another season to explore the characters.
Spencer had sent her three more texts. One on Friday and one on Saturday, telling her that she’d made a mistake, that she was sorry, but then nothing on Sunday or Monday. Her phone had buzzed this morning at work with another message. Delaney had read that message at least five times throughout the day. She started typing a reply each time but kept deleting it. She swiped her thumb across the screen and opened it one more time.
I know you probably hate me. I get it. I doubt that I’m going to get a second chance, and I’m trying to accept that. But tonight’s the last salsa class. Please come. Enjoy the music. You don’t even have to talk to me. We can just dance. Matt and Jay said they’d be there. Please think about it.
What was she supposed to say to that? How could they just dance together like nothing had happened? She didn’t even know how she was going to look at Spencer, never mind dance with her.
But here she was, at seven o’clock on Tuesday evening, standing in front of her closet, wondering what she could wear if she did go tonight.
Matt had encouraged her to go, but she had to question his motives. She knew he had a history with Spencer, but it would be a shame to waste all those lessons and not get to dance to a live band.
She could just dance with someone else, now that she knew how.
Delaney bit her lip as she pushed several hangers to the side, ruling out most of her wardrobe. She wasn’t going to wear work clothes, and she wasn’t going to dress too casually either. She pulled down a few tops and a pair of skinny black pants along with black heels with straps that criss-crossed over her ankles.
She got dressed and stood in front of the mirror, fixing her hair, adding a bit more volume to it. It would have to do. She’d somehow spent over an hour getting ready, and now she’d be pushing it to get to Club Pink on time.
She hailed a cab outside her building and got there just before nine o’clock. It was probably for the best because she didn’t want to talk to Spencer. She was there to dance, and that was it.
Delaney pushed opened the door, a wall of heat meeting her as she squeezed through the crowd. The bar was packed, and there was a band playing on the tiny stage. People were already up dancing, and she scanned the room for Matt or Jay, but her eyes landed on Spencer. She was standing beside the bar in an off-the-shoulder black dress, laughing with a blond woman who was standing beside her.
That must be Zoey.
Delaney tore her eyes away, searching the rest of the room for Matt or Jay, but she came up empty. It was too crowded to see everyone from where she was standing. She should just go to the bar and get a drink, but that meant talkin
g to Spencer. She took a deep breath. She’d have to talk to her eventually, despite Spencer’s crazy suggestion that they didn’t need to.
Delaney made her way to the bar, willing herself not to be distracted by how amazing Spencer looked in that dress. Her dark hair flowed across her shoulders, and she turned just as Delaney got to the bar. Zoey moved to talk to a group of people a few feet away, and that left Delaney no choice. She had debating ordering a drink and leaving again, using Zoey as an excuse, not wanting to interrupt them, but now Spencer was looking at her, those caramel brown eyes not as bright as she was used to seeing them.
“Hi,” Spencer said, a glass of wine in her hand as she leaned back against the bar.
Delaney had to stand right beside her if she had any chance of hearing her over the music, and just the scent of Spencer’s perfume brought back all the nights they’d spent dancing together, along with that one night Spencer had spent in her bed.
“Hi,” Delaney said, a compliment on her lips, but she didn’t say it. “Some crowd.”
“Hmmm. I’m surprised you came.”
Delaney got the bartender’s attention and ordered a glass of wine. “I wasn’t going to, but Matt encouraged me to, so here I am.”
Spencer nodded. This was awkward, but Delaney wasn’t exactly motivated to ease the tension that hung in the air between them. Spencer had done this. She was the reason things had changed between them.
The band stopped playing and were rewarded with a cheer from the audience. Carlos was on the microphone, calling anyone who’d participated in the class to make their way to the dance floor for the competition.
Delaney took a drink as she watched five couples move onto the dance floor. She met Spencer’s eyes.
“What do you think?” Spencer asked as the band start playing again. “We will go win this thing?”