by Molly Green
But what of Alec? Where was he? Still in his room? Sleeping? Why did it always end like this when they were together? And why had he told her he loved her? Right out of the blue. Was it only because he so badly wanted to share his precious leave with her as an escape from the war? She sighed. As usual she’d gone and spoilt it. What must he be thinking? Did he wish he’d never set eyes on her?
She remembered his tired expression when he’d stood at her door, the tiredness suddenly changing to anger. She’d felt angry, too, but when she’d thought about it, it was only because she was so relieved. Maybe it had been the same for him. He risked his life every day and all he wanted were two perfect days – and she couldn’t even give him that. A flicker of shame pulled her up. She had to spoil something good between them because she couldn’t stand anyone telling her what to do. Well, if this was love she felt for Alec, then she was certainly doing a good job to disguise it. Had she ruined everything that might have been?
She splashed her face again, this time with cold water, and cleaned her teeth. Her hair was beyond repair. She needed to start from the beginning. The pins were digging into her scalp anyway. She removed them all and shook the waves free. That was heaps better. Her stomach rumbled and she wondered if Alec might feel hungry. Maybe they could put such difficult questions and answers to one side for the time being and simply enjoy a quiet supper somewhere in each other’s company.
Without thinking further she opened her door and knocked on the one opposite. It opened immediately. The bedside lamp was on and the counterpane was creased and dented. A book was on the floor, face down.
‘Raine.’ He seized both her hands and brought her inside. ‘Are you feeling better? Did you sleep?’
‘Yes to the first, and no to the second,’ she said, smiling.
‘I’m sorry—’
‘I’m sorry—’
They spoke at the same time.
‘I shouldn’t have sworn at you …’ Alec started.
Raine put a finger to his lips. ‘Please, Alec, will you kiss me?’
He pulled her to him. His mouth was warm on hers and her lips parted. He took his mouth away and kissed her neck, then the curve where it joined her collarbone. Her whole body tingled and her breath came quickly as he gently unbuttoned her blouse. Then he slid his hand under the silky fabric. She didn’t want him to stop. Her head spun. She leant even further into him.
‘Raine, I meant it. I love you. There’s no pretence.’ He held her away and looked deep into her eyes. ‘You’re so beautiful and I want you more than I’ve ever wanted any woman. But I won’t do anything you don’t want me to.’
‘I want you, too.’ Her voice sounded weak and shaky to her ears.
‘You do?’
‘Yes, I do.’
He drew her over to the bed.
He finished unbuttoning her blouse. She dragged her arms from the sleeves and tossed the garment on the chair, then took off her skirt and threw it on top, not caring about creasing it.
‘Sit on the bed, darling.’
She kept her hand on his bent head as he removed her stockings. He kissed the tops of her legs, then the bare skin between her French knickers and lacy brassière. Then he laid her on the bed, quickly removing his shirt and undoing his trousers. Lying half on top of her he kissed her again.
She stroked the contour of his face. Ran a fingertip over his mouth. ‘I want you to make love to me, Alec.’
‘Are you absolutely sure, darling?’
‘More sure than I’ve ever been of anything in my life.’ She was quiet for a few moments. ‘Today made me realise how we’re all living from day to day, minute by minute, never knowing when we might be blown to smithereens. The little baby …’ She gulped. ‘It seems so pointless to hang on to my virginity as if it’s something precious. I want to experience love. And I want that person to be you.’
‘So I’m the first,’ he said softly.
‘Yes.’
‘Then it’s even more precious to me. And I want it to be precious for both of us. I’ll try not to hurt you, Raine. It might hurt for a few seconds and there might be some blood afterwards, but don’t worry … it’s normal.’
She sat up and fumbled with the fastenings of her brassière.
‘Allow me, madam,’ he said, making her smile.
He did it with one deft movement, then he carefully pulled her French knickers down and let them fall to the floor.
‘Well, well,’ he said, smiling, admiration and desire written all over his face. Somehow his expression took away her embarrassment. ‘Don’t you look absolutely gorgeous!’
He quickly undressed.
‘And you look like one of those Greek gods I ogled in the British Museum on a school outing when I was fifteen,’ she said, laughing. Oh, how good it felt to laugh. ‘Our teacher had to drag me away, saying it was shocking for a young girl to gawp at a man’s nudity … or “extremities”, I think she called it. I remember thinking at the time that she’d probably never been married.’
‘Well, not to someone like me,’ Alec said, joining in her laughter. ‘But perhaps you should be the judge of that, my love.’
Then it was only Alec who occupied the space in her head. Alec who was holding her hands as he entered her – a searing sting of pain – and then she was floating with him above the clouds.
Afterwards, Raine lay with her legs entangled with his, her hand on his chest, stroking and gently tugging the soft golden hairs, her breathing at last slowing with his. She looked at him and laughed.
‘That’s not the reaction you’re supposed to have,’ Alec said, grinning.
‘I can’t help it. I’m no longer a virgin.’ She squeezed her eyes shut in delight. ‘I could shout it from the rooftops. “Listen, everyone. You know what? I’m twenty years of age and I’ve finally done it!”’
‘Is that all you wanted me for – to deflower you, as they used to call it? Turn you into a woman?’ His mouth quirked at the corner.
‘Course it was,’ she said, and laughed again. Then she kissed him soundly on the cheek. ‘I’m teasing.’
‘I should hope so.’ Then he became serious. ‘Raine, do you love me? Because if you do, you’ve never said.’
‘Are we pretending now?’ she asked, half teasing, half serious.
‘What do you think?
‘I never know with you,’ she answered. ‘But I think there’s a good chance I might be falling in love.’
‘Only might?’ His green eyes widened.
‘Maybe if you make love to me again, I’ll know for sure.’
‘Then come here. I’d better help you to make up your mind.’
He swept her up in his arms and this time there was no pain at all. Only the wonder of having Alec inside her again.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Raine didn’t regret being with Alec, giving herself to him, body and soul, for one second. She only knew he must survive this war. She couldn’t lose him as she had Doug. It would truly break her heart. She only hoped he might not be in quite such a dangerous position as the fighter pilots, though his job was bad enough, even if he did always make light of it.
When the cab driver dropped them off at White Waltham after a hurried lunch, it was nearly impossible to tear herself away from him.
‘Will you write, darling?’ he asked, kissing the tip of her nose.
‘Yes, of course.’
‘You promise?’
‘I promise.’
‘I love you. Don’t you ever forget it.’ He kissed her long and hard as he held her against his heart, then quickly strode out to the other pilots waiting for a lift in the Anson.
She shielded her eyes as she watched the aircraft carry him upwards until it was a tiny speck. She looked around the airfield and it was as though she’d dreamed what had turned out to be only thirty-six hours together. But it felt as though she’d known him all her life. He was her only love, no matter what the war threw at them.
As soon as she walked i
nto the station one of the clerks waylaid her.
‘Oh, Lorraine, you’re back nice and early. Well done. Can you do an urgent delivery?’
She followed him into the office where he handed her a chit.
‘For delivery as soon as you arrive, so the powers that be requested,’ he continued. ‘You should enjoy this one. It’s your first Lizzie, isn’t it?’ He looked at her and grinned.
She nodded.
‘It’s not a long trip so you’ll easily be back this evening.’
‘I thought they’d let me have my full two days off,’ she grumbled.
‘Sorry, Lorraine. We’re a bit busy at the moment. If you can’t do it—’
‘No, no,’ Raine said quickly as she glanced at the delivery details. Pick up a Lysander from the manufacturers at Westland in Yeovil and deliver it to Tangmere.
‘Is there an Anson going from here to Yeovil?’ she asked the clerk.
He glanced at the board showing the flights going out that day.
‘Doesn’t look like it,’ he said. ‘You’ll have to go by train. But you should be able to get a lift from Chichester as we have one of the pilots delivering there about the time you’ll be coming back.’
Yes, she’d be back this evening, but only if she managed to get a lift. If not, heaven knew how long another train would take. But whatever time she arrived back she would find time to write to Alec, as she’d promised. Even if she had to stay up all night.
‘I can drop you off in Yeovil,’ Audrey said as she came into the office. ‘I’ve got a couple of pilots to deliver south of here.’
‘Wonderful,’ Raine said. That would knock two hours off, that was certain.
She enjoyed flying the Lysander. It was an easy plane to handle; the undercarriage was fixed so she didn’t even have to worry about that aspect. And the weather had improved at last. It had given her time to let Alec drift into her thoughts when she wasn’t reading her map or trying to spot landmarks to confirm she was approaching Tangmere. For all his outward casualness she felt Alec was quite a complex character. Maybe we’ve all become like it with this war, she thought. Things we’ve always taken for granted can’t be any more. Things like planning your future. People you love might one day not be here. Not just Doug, but all the other boyfriends and fiancés and husbands she’d heard of who’d been shot down, killed or taken prisoner to be bullied and tortured. She shook herself. She mustn’t get into that depressing train of thought. She set her jaw. She had a job to do and she was bloody well going to do it.
Disappointingly, she’d had to catch a train back to White Waltham. Although the train was cold, for once there’d been no delays and Raine had found a seat in a compartment with no one standing. By the time she reached what she now thought of as home, it was coming up to eight and her stomach was gurgling. For all her chattering, Mrs Grayson was a kind-hearted woman and an excellent cook. Raine prayed there were some leftovers.
‘Ah, there you are, dear,’ Mrs Grayson said when Raine stepped through the front door. ‘Your friend’s had her supper but she’s still in the dining room. I’ll go and heat yours up. I think I’d better put it over a saucepan of boiling water so it don’t dry up like it would in the oven. You just go in and chat to Stephanie while I get cracking. She said she enjoyed hers, so I hope you like it. I had to queue for an hour to get the meat and even then—’
‘Thank you for saving me supper, Mrs Grayson,’ Raine broke in. All she longed for now was to sit down at Mrs Grayson’s table and tuck into whatever dish the landlady had created. ‘I’m really hungry.’
‘You go on in, dear, and I’ll bring it to you in two shakes of a lamb’s tail.’
Stephanie was still at the dining room table when Raine walked in.
‘I tried to wait for you,’ she said, giving Raine a beaming smile, ‘but the smells from the kitchen were too good. I had to have a small seconds and you’re lucky I didn’t finish off the whole dish.’
Raine laughed. ‘I’d be pretty fed up if you had.’ She took the seat opposite.
‘Well, come on,’ Stephanie said, her blue eyes agog. ‘We need some good news after what was in the newspaper today.’
Raine blinked. She’d been so full of thoughts of Alec that she hadn’t even glanced at any newspaper.
‘Not more bad news?’
‘’Fraid so,’ Stephanie said. ‘Singapore has fallen to the Japs.’
Both women were silent for a few moments.
‘And it seems Jerry is having all his own way at the moment here,’ Stephanie said. ‘But it will change. It’s got to. We have right on our side.’
‘Let’s hope so,’ Raine said grimly.
‘Let’s talk about nicer things.’ Stephanie’s face was pure mischief. ‘You were about to tell me all about the weekend with your pilot. Did you have a good time … or need I ask?’ she added with a knowing wink.
‘It didn’t turn out quite as expected,’ Raine said, reluctant to go into any details, but she might have known that Stephanie would jump on it right away.
‘Oh?’ Stephanie’s face fell. ‘You mean there was no romance?’
‘Some bombs exploded when we were watching a play in the theatre.’ She bit her lip.
‘How awful,’ Stephanie said, looking contrite. ‘Did anyone get hurt?’
The baby.
‘At least two people died. We never knew the full story.’ That was true at any rate.
‘Was this in London?’
‘No, Windsor.’
Stephanie gasped. ‘How shocking. Were the King and Queen in residence?’
‘More than likely,’ Raine answered. ‘But you don’t see them wandering about, although I’m told the princesses are often doing their “Dig for Victory” bit in the vegetable garden.’
‘Really mucking in,’ Stephanie chuckled. Then she sobered. ‘Sorry, Raine, I don’t mean to be flippant about your frightful experience. What happened, exactly?’
Raine gave a shortened version with no mention of the baby. That was somehow too painful.
‘How terrifying.’ Stephanie puffed out her cheeks. Then she threw Raine a wicked grin. ‘But I hope you didn’t let it interfere with your special weekend with Mr Green Eyes.’
Raine’s face grew hot under Stephanie’s scrutiny.
‘Or did it?’ Stephanie said. ‘You’re blushing, Lorraine. Did something happen you’re not letting on?’
‘It’s warm in here, that’s all.’
‘Not that warm. Not enough to set your face on fire.’
Please stop badgering, Stephanie.
Raine heard footsteps coming along the passage and to her relief Mrs Grayson came into the room bearing a tray. She put a plate in front of Raine.
‘You just get that inside you, dear. I expect you’ve had a long day so it should perk you up. It’s what my Albert used to say when he was tired. He always felt like a better man when he’d eaten.’
‘It smells wonderful,’ Raine said, looking at the generous slice of meat pie and vegetables.
‘I’ll leave you two to have a girls’ natter then.’ Mrs Grayson turned to go, then swung round. ‘Oh, I almost forgot. There was a phone call for you about half an hour ago, Lorraine. A young man asking for you. I said you were due home this evening but you’d want some supper. He said he’ll telephone again about nine if that wasn’t too late. He sounded a very polite young man – well, they’re all young to me at my age.’ She broke off, giggling like a girl.
Alec certainly knew how to get on the right side of everyone. Raine smiled to herself. He must be checking to see she’d arrived back safely. It gave her a warm glow to know he cared.
‘Thank you very much for the message, Mrs Grayson.’
‘That’s all right, dear. I’m never the one to stand in the way of true love.’ She gave a throaty laugh as she disappeared.
‘Alec!’ Stephanie grinned when Mrs Grayson was out of earshot. ‘I knew it when she told me some chap had phoned asking for you.’
‘Please don’t make a big thing of it,’ Raine protested. ‘There’s nothing serious between us. We’ve become better friends, that’s all, which is pleasant after all our sniping at one another. And that’s the way I want it to stay.’
‘Mmm. I wonder …’ was all Stephanie remarked.
Supper passed quietly. Stephanie for once allowed Raine to enjoy her meal without her usual patter by moving to one of the pair of shabby but comfortable chairs by the fire and picking up one of Mrs Grayson’s romance magazines.
Raine savoured every bite of their host’s delicious pie, even though the meat was difficult to find, and finished with a bowl of tapioca topped by a teaspoonful of Mrs G’s homemade strawberry jam.
‘Mmm. That was delicious.’ Raine let out a contented sigh and joined Stephanie on the chair opposite. She stretched her legs out towards the fire, which was dying down.
‘Do you think we should put a bit more coal on it?’ Stephanie said wistfully, throwing down the magazine. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever been warm in this house.’
‘Let’s risk Mrs G’s wrath.’ Raine chucked a few pieces on. ‘My feet are still cold from the train.’
‘What’s the time?’ Stephanie said.
Raine glanced at her watch. The minute hand had hardly moved. ‘Twenty minutes to nine.’
They chatted about work and Stephanie told her about a new pilot who had arrived the day before. Her name was Dolores, a lively American girl who’d joined the ATA via Montreal and been sent straight to White Waltham.
‘She came with this huge food parcel,’ Stephanie said, her eyes wide as she recounted all the items of food Dolores had pulled out. ‘Cookies and candy, as she called them – biscuits and chocolate to you and me, Lorraine,’ Stephanie said with a wink. ‘And there were tins of peaches and pears, a pound cake, she called it – all sorts of lovely things we haven’t seen for a long time. Oh, and American ciggies.’ Stephanie pulled a face. ‘Actually, they’re not that good, but she was so generous the way she shared everything with us. That’s how to make friends, I reckon.’
‘She sounds lovely,’ Raine said. ‘I’m looking forward to meeting her. And enjoying some of her lovely food parcel – that is, if you haven’t already cleaned her out.’