by Molly Green
Keeping a grim eye on the horizon she righted the aircraft and kept it steady for the next hour. More relaxed now after her fright and noting where she was on the map, her father’s image unexpectedly came to her. His crisp grey hair, the twinkling hazel eyes, his mouth thinner since he’d aged, but smiling his special smile, just for her.
‘When you’re confused and searching for an answer, Raine, no matter what’s troubling you, remember what I’ve taught you – listen to your heart. It will never let you down. All you have to do is to follow it.’
Yes. She smiled to herself as she held the control stick steady. That was it. It was so simple. She needed to see Alec … hold him … and tell him for the first time that she loved him.
Chapter Thirty-Four
RAF Benson
The officers’ mess was crowded on this particular night. Alec managed to find a quiet corner at a table with only one other officer who was reading a book.
‘Sorry to disturb you,’ Alec said. ‘I know what it’s like when you’re trying to read.’
‘Go ahead. You won’t disturb me.’ The man put his book down. ‘It’s not that gripping anyway.’
Alec sighed inwardly. He didn’t really feel up to chatting this evening. He’d put in a long day and instead of being able to relax, he found himself on edge worrying about Raine. Yes, he was sure she was an excellent pilot but it wasn’t the best weather for flying, and even if she didn’t have another delivery she’d be on a long journey home at this minute in a bitterly cold train that could be delayed with no explanation at any time. Either way wasn’t pleasant.
He couldn’t keep her out of his thoughts. If she telephoned in the next couple of hours, he was determined to somehow get a lift to White Waltham. The thought cheered him a little. He found himself yawning and glanced at his watch, which showed it to be only six o’clock. With the best will in the world she wouldn’t be back for another hour or two at least. He’d had little sleep the night before. He couldn’t go on like this as it would start to affect his job. He should eat something but he wasn’t hungry. If this was what being in love was like … he had to smile to himself.
A steward came over and spoke to Alec’s table companion.
‘Sorry to have kept you waiting, sir. What can I get you?’
‘I’ll have a beer.’
The steward turned to Alec. ‘And for you, sir?’
‘Coffee, please. Black.’ He needed to keep awake. God knew how late Raine might be.
‘Excuse me.’ The officer stood. ‘I’ll be back in a moment.’
Alec nodded and watched as the man walked a little unevenly towards the Gents’. When he came back to the table Alec looked at him curiously.
‘I haven’t seen you here before.’
‘No. I just got transferred. I’m in … or was …’ the officer sounded bitter as he emphasised the past tense, ‘in Coastal Command. Well, I suppose I still am, though it doesn’t feel like it now I’m doing admin and bored out of my head.’
‘Oh, I sympathise,’ Alec said, feeling genuinely sorry for him, imagining how he’d feel if he couldn’t fly his beloved Spit.
They chatted some more and the time passed until Alec stood up and said, ‘I need to make a phone call, but it was good to meet you.’ He put out his hand and the man shook it. ‘I don’t know your name,’ Alec said, ‘but I’m Alec Marshall – photographic reconnaissance.’
‘Pleased to meet you, Marshall.’ He jerked his thumb towards himself. ‘Doug White – was a fighter pilot but now I’m pushing a bloody pen around.’
Doug? Alec stared at the officer. It was a common enough name. Had she told him his surname? He couldn’t remember. And anyway, Raine’s friend had been shot down. True, they’d never found his body. But people did sometimes turn up after a ‘missing, presumed dead’ report, shocking the life out of everyone.
‘Hope you don’t mind my asking, but being a pilot myself, I know I’d hate it as well if I couldn’t fly. So why have you been relegated to office work?’
‘Bit of a long story,’ Doug said with a rueful smile. ‘I don’t want to keep you if you have a phone call to make …’
‘It can wait,’ Alec said without hesitating, glad for the opportunity to talk to someone. It might take his mind off worrying about Raine. Besides, he needed to be completely clear in his mind that this couldn’t possibly be the same Doug. Even thinking it was insane.
Doug leaned forward as though eager to tell his story.
‘I was shot down by a Messerschmitt,’ he began. ‘The plane caught fire and I baled out. Broke my leg on impact and pretty much lost my memory. Thankfully, a delightful French girl discovered me …’
He went on talking but Alec was hardly listening because the dreadful realisation that this was the same Doug filled his head. Did Raine know he was alive? If she did, she hadn’t trusted him enough to tell him Doug had survived the crash. Did she think he was someone who wouldn’t understand she’d once had feelings for another man before he came on the scene? Or was she playing a game – keeping her options open? Or worse – she didn’t know how to tell him that she still loved Doug, and now he’d come back from the dead, so to speak, the two of them could resume their love affair.
But she’d already told him she didn’t love Doug in that way. Dear God, was he about to lose her? He had to speak to her now.
He remembered the scent of her hair when they had lain together after the most joyous lovemaking he had ever imagined. The feel of her fingers through his hair, tracing the outline of his shoulders, kissing him with those tempting lips … They couldn’t possibly be the actions of a woman in love with another man – could they? Surely he would have sensed something.
He swallowed hard and looked at Doug with guarded interest. He was a good-looking chap, Alec had to admit, with that dark hair and bright blue eyes. Just the sort of man he could see Raine going for.
Something made him glance towards the door.
Raine was standing in the doorway, staring straight at him.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Raine’s heart beat fast with anticipation. Any minute now she would see her love. She’d signed in that she’d delivered the Spitfire, and someone told her Alec Marshall was probably in the officers’ mess having a bite to eat. She smiled to herself as she thought how surprised he’d be to see her at his station.
As her hand went to the door handle, she paused. She’d nipped into the Ladies’ to tidy her hair – the hair that had probably saved her life! – and touch up her powder and lipstick. She knew without any particular conceit that she looked good.
Someone came from behind her. ‘Here, let me hold the door for you,’ the officer said. She smiled at him as he held it wide.
‘Thank you.’ Her eyes swiftly took in the room.
‘Are you looking for someone in particular?’ he asked.
‘Yes, I …’
She froze. Sitting at the same table, talking to Alec, was Doug.
Alec was facing her. Their eyes locked. He didn’t smile.
She could tell in that instant that he knew. He knew who Doug was. There was no other explanation.
There were people coming up behind her. She had to decide whether to walk into the room or turn and run.
Every step towards their table felt like a mile. Alec was still watching her but he remained seated. Doug glanced over to where Alec was looking and immediately got up, a beaming smile plastered over his face.
‘Raine!’ He hurried towards the door as fast as his bad leg would allow and swept her into his arms. ‘Goodness, what a coincidence to see you. I was only transferred here yesterday. I was going to telephone you this evening.’ He kissed her cheek.
Raine felt Alec’s eyes glued to her.
‘Come and sit with us,’ Doug said, getting hold of her arm and leading her to the table where Alec sat. ‘I’ve been having a good conversation with Marshall – a fellow pilot.’ He turned to Alec. ‘Let me introduce you to my gorgeous Lorraine.�
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Raine wished the floor could swallow her up.
‘No need to,’ Alec said, slowly rising to his feet, keeping his eyes fixed on Raine. ‘I know the lady.’ He looked at her. ‘Hello, Raine. What a surprise to see you here.’
‘I’ve just delivered a Spit,’ she stuttered.
Alec raised his eyebrows. ‘A blue one?’
She nodded and swallowed.
‘That’s the one I’ve been waiting for,’ he said. ‘Mine’s gone in for a repair.’
He sounded friendly enough to anyone who didn’t know him, but Raine knew different.
‘Well, now you have a new one.’ She was aware that Doug was eyeing the pair of them with frank curiosity.
‘So you two already know each other?’ he said.
Think, Raine. Think what to do. How do I get out of this? Doug doesn’t know who Alec really is, but Alec has cottoned on already – I can see the hard look in his eyes, hear the tone of his voice.
Before she could say a word, Alec said, ‘Well, I’ll leave you and your friend in private. You’ve probably got plenty to say.’ He turned to Doug. ‘Good to meet you, White.’
‘Alec …’ Raine started, but he was already striding towards the door.
She let out a long sigh and took the chair Alec had occupied.
‘Smashing chap,’ Doug said, staring after him. He turned to Raine. ‘Jolly nice of him to be so tactful.’
Raine bit her lip.
‘What’s the matter, Raine? You don’t seem that happy.’
‘Tired, that’s all,’ she said.
‘I’ll order you some tea.’
She could have cheerfully downed a double whisky right now.
‘I don’t want anything,’ she said flatly.
‘Aren’t you hungry?’
She shook her head. She had been. She’d imagined having supper with Alec. But any hunger pangs had vanished.
‘I’ll find a steward. He was here a few minutes ago.’ He got up.
At least it would give her a few moments to pull herself together. Try to work out how to tell Doug she was in love with someone else and that he just happened to be the ‘smashing chap’ Doug had been chatting to this evening. Well, she’d got her wish to see them both face to face – it was just that she hadn’t pictured them being in the same room at the same table, that was all.
Doug was back before she’d had time to gather her thoughts. She blinked and tried to concentrate on something he was saying.
‘He’ll be with us in a moment in case you change your mind. You should have something after a long flight.’ He paused and looked at her. ‘Raine, I know you pretty well by now. Something’s up. I can tell by your face and I think I know the reason.’
Raine averted her eyes. So he had guessed who Alec was.
‘You think I’m rushing you, don’t you, love?’
She looked at him, barely making him out, her eyes were so full of tears. Dearest Doug. He’d got it all so wrong. She hated the thought of hurting him, but it had to be said.
‘It’s this bloody war that makes you aware how precious time is,’ he said, taking her hand. ‘None of us knows if we’ll come out of this in reasonable shape – or at all. Look at what happened to me. One moment I was doing my job, the next I was being shot at. Most terrifying moment of my life when I thought I was going to die.’
Raine squeezed his hand. ‘You can’t know how upset I was. They told me you were missing, presumed dead.’ Her voice shook.
‘It must have been awful for you. But I’m here now. Unless, of course, you’ve already replaced me.’ He winked at her and grinned.
‘Doug, they told me you were dead.’
Doug’s smile instantly vanished. He stared at her. ‘My God, you have replaced me.’
‘I haven’t replaced you – how could I replace you? It would be impossible.’ She gulped. ‘But I have met someone else,’ she added quickly before she changed her mind.
‘When was that?’
For a few seconds she couldn’t remember when she had met him, because it seemed as though she’d known Alec forever.
‘When I worked at Biggin Hill.’
‘The job I got for you,’ Doug said, frowning. ‘Is he another pilot?’
‘Yes.’
Doug kept his eyes glued to hers. ‘In Fighter Command?’
‘No.’
‘Bomber Command?’
‘No.’
‘What, then?’
‘He’s in photographic reconnaissance.’
‘You never told me at the time about him.’
‘I didn’t actually meet him then,’ Raine said unhappily. ‘It was a few months later – at a dance. Suzy and I went to the Palais in Bromley. You’d already joined up.’
‘Have you been seeing him all this time I’ve been in France?’
‘We’ve bumped into each other occasionally.’
She was beginning to feel sick with her deceit. But it hadn’t been deceit. She and Doug had never promised their hearts to each other. She felt a flicker of anger. This was Doug’s fault as well as her own. He’d assumed too much without a discussion of any kind as to her feelings for him.
‘On purpose, no doubt.’ He gave her a thin smile. ‘I’m not sure I want to know what’s coming next, but I think I deserve to be told the truth.’ He sat back and lit a cigarette.
‘Yes, you do,’ Raine said, wishing they were somewhere completely private. At least there was plenty of background chatter and no one was taking any notice of them. She cleared her throat. ‘This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to tell anyone, but you see I didn’t mean to.’
Doug frowned. ‘Didn’t mean to what? Come on, Raine, say it.’
‘What I’m trying to say is that I’ve fallen in love with him. So you and I can only ever be friends … very dear friends,’ she added.
Doug’s head jerked up. ‘Who’s this lucky bloke?’ His question was tinged with bitterness.
‘The chap you were talking to when I came in – Alec Marshall.’
There. She’d said it.
Doug momentarily closed his eyes. When he opened them, she saw by their expression it had all fallen into place as far as he was concerned. He clicked his tongue and shook his head.
‘Alec Marshall! Of course! When I phoned you and you thought it was Alec. You said his name. I didn’t take a lot of notice at the time. What a bloody fool I am.’ He tapped the side of his head with his forefinger. ‘And an even more prize fool to think you could love me with my gammy leg.’
‘Doug, it’s nothing to do with your leg,’ she said indignantly. ‘I’m not like that – you know I’m not.’ She looked him straight in the eye. ‘I think as much of you now as I did before the accident.’ She had to make him believe her. ‘The thing is, if Alec lost both legs I’d still love him just the same.’
‘I see.’ Doug took in a deep drag of his cigarette then stubbed it out. ‘Then you’d better go to him.’
‘Please don’t be like that,’ Raine said, her eyes imploring. ‘I can’t bear it if we’re no longer friends.’
‘It’ll take me a while to get used to this bombshell.’ He looked directly at her. ‘Oh, Raine, if only I’d told you sooner that I loved you, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. We would’ve got married—’
‘I’m sorry, Doug,’ Raine interrupted. ‘I wouldn’t have married you anyway. It would have been like marrying my brother. I admit I had a schoolgirl crush on you when I was only sixteen because you seemed so sophisticated, and you had your pilot’s licence … something I wanted more than anything. By giving me lessons you made my dream come true. No one else could have done that. And I’ll never forget it. But please say we’ll always be friends. If you love me the way you say you do, you’ll want me to be happy.’
‘If he promises to make you happy, I suppose I’ll have to go along with it,’ Doug said. ‘But if he hurts you in any way, shape or form, he’ll have me to deal with.’ He tapped his chest and she noticed his
blue eyes were moist. ‘You’d better go to him, Raine.’
‘Thank you, dear Doug, my dearest friend.’ Raine stood. She kissed him briefly on his mouth. ‘One day you’ll meet the right girl. And she won’t care tuppence about gammy legs.’
‘I only have the one gammy leg,’ he said, giving her a wry smile. ‘The other one’s perfectly fine.’ Then he put his hand to her face and traced its outline with his fingertips so tenderly she had to stop herself from bursting into tears for hurting him so.
‘Go to him,’ he repeated softly.
No one had seen Alec Marshall.
‘You could try the crew room,’ one officer told her, his glance taking in the wings on her tunic. ‘I’ll show you where it is.’
A minute later he opened the door and gestured her in. There was only one pilot, his back to her, bending down to open one of the metal lockers on the end wall. A dim light from a desk lamp fell on the back of his head and lit the outline of his broad shoulders in a distorted circle as he removed something from the locker, then shut the door. She heard a faint click as he locked it.
‘Alec.’ Her voice was almost a whisper.
But he’d heard. He jerked upright and swung round, a pair of goggles in his hand.
‘Raine! Why aren’t you with your boyfriend?’
‘Don’t speak of him in that tone,’ she retorted. ‘I won’t have it.’
He gave a deep sigh and carefully laid the goggles on one of the nearby tables.
‘I guess I’m not feeling myself at the moment. Probably lack of food after a tough day.’
‘You should eat something. You need all your energy for the job you do.’
He held her eyes. ‘Raine, you haven’t come to talk about my health. So why are you here?’
Raine blinked. ‘Why do you think?’
‘I really don’t know,’ Alec said, moving towards her. ‘But I imagine I’m to congratulate you.’ His eyes were hard as emeralds.
‘What for?’
‘Your engagement to White, of course.’ Alec’s tone was impatient.
The only thing that stopped her from walking out in fury was the hurt in his eyes that had replaced the bitterness. He was doing his best to be nonchalant, but it wasn’t working.