by Karli Perrin
“That’s awesome!” The drunk guy replies before walking away.
I laugh. “You don’t even need me here, the place is packed.”
“That’s bullshit. I would choose you over any of the other people here.”
I hand her a gift bag and try to sound as casual as possible when I ask, “So who’s here? Anybody I know?”
“I can read you like a book, Cora. Why don’t you just ask me what you really want to know?”
“If you can read me like a book then why don’t you just tell me what I want to know?”
She points to the living room. “He’s through there, sulking.”
“Sulking?” Why does that make my heart leap?
“Yes. I have to keep reminding him that he’s at a party. I don’t even know why he bothered to come. Well, actually, that’s a lie.” She grabs a bottle of beer, removes the lid, and hands it to me.
“Thanks.”
“How did writing go today?”
I grin and hold my beer up in the air. “I finished!”
“Oh my god, yay! So we have a double celebration!”
I take a drink. “Nah, today is your day.”
She gasps when her favorite song comes on. “Come and dance with me!”
“Noooo! No way!”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m not drunk.”
She pouts. “But it’s my birthday.”
“That’s not going to work. Ask me again in about an hour and it probably will.”
“Fine.” She pulls her cell out of her pocket and starts tapping away. “I’ve just set an alarm for one hour from now.”
I groan. “I said about an hour. I didn’t mean it so literally.”
She moonwalks away from me and joins in with some other people who are dancing in the kitchen.
I watch her for a few more songs, mostly because I’m too nervous to be in the same room as Spencer. I down the rest of my beer and then do a shot of tequila with a girl I’ve never met before. I wince and wipe my mouth before deciding to bite the bullet. I run a hand through my hair and flatten down my dress as I walk into the living room.
I look around and don’t see him at first, which is because he’s hiding behind two blonde women. They’re sitting on either side of him, angling their bodies towards him like they’re about to pounce at any second. It would bother me if Spencer didn’t look like the most bored person on earth right now. Roxy was right – he is sulking. I don’t know how the women aren’t offended. He picks at the label on his bottle of beer and doesn’t even bother to look at them when they’re talking. It’s such a vast contrast to how he usually is.
I take a step forward when one of the women places her hand on his knee. And even though it was just one step, he looks up and his glassy eyes go wide when he sees me. “Excuse me,” he says to them as he stands up. My heart starts to race as he walks over to me. “Remember me?” he says.
I roll my eyes. “Has it taken you two weeks to think of that?”
“I’m the guy you’re madly in love with,” he says sarcastically.
“You’re drunk.”
“Drunk on you.”
“Well it’s nice to see that the time we’ve spent apart has been useful and given you some perspective.”
“Two weeks away from you isn’t going to miraculously make me forget about my feelings for you. You’re the one with amnesia – not me.”
“You’re a jerk.”
He takes hold of my hand and pulls me back to him. “I’m sorry. That was overstepping the mark.”
“Yes, it was. Now let go of me.”
“Have you thought about me? Even once?”
I pull my hand away, catching the attention of some other people in the room. “I’m a little offended that you’re even asking me that. Of course I’ve thought about you.”
“I miss you, Cora.”
“Is everything okay over here?” A familiar voice asks. I turn to see the guy who lives a few doors down from here. I quickly try and remember his name.
“Hey, Jared,” I say.
Spencer stands up a little taller. “We’re all good here.”
Jared ignores him. “Cora? Are you okay? Do you need anything?”
“I said we’re all good,” Spencer says through clenched teeth.
“Actually, I need another drink.”
“I’ll get you one,” Jared offers.
“It’s okay, I’ll come with you. Me and Spencer are done.”
Spencer laughs. “We both know that’s a lie.”
I walk back into the kitchen, with Jared close behind me.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
“Yeah, fine,” I reply, as I pour myself another shot. “Want one?”
“Hell yeah, I do.”
We chink glasses before downing them. “Who was the guy?” Jared asks. “Are you seeing him or something?”
“No, I’m not,” I say as I pour us both another. “We’re friends.”
“With benefits?”
“Without benefits.”
Jared laughs as I hand him his shot glass. “I forgot how much fun you are, Cora.”
“It’s fine. I forget most things these days.”
“I’ve seen him around here a few times. Is Roxy seeing him?”
“No. They work at Sanctum together. I don’t want to talk about him anymore. Do you want to dance?”
He grins. “I thought you’d never ask.”
I lead him over to the small group of people dancing and look around for Roxy, but she’s nowhere to be seen.
It doesn’t take very long for the tequila to kick in and after a couple of songs, I’m sweaty and pulling out all of my best moves.
I’m trying my best to put Spencer to the back of my mind, but that’s impossible when Jared spins me around and I see him leaning against the doorframe, watching us intently.
I carry on dancing, moving my hips from side to side, attempting to be as sexy as possible. I close my eyes and let my body feel the music, but when I open them again, a blonde woman is whispering something into Spencer’s ear. Her hand is on his chest and he’s smiling down at her.
Tequila and jealousy don’t mix, because the next thing I know, I’m backing up against Jared. Spencer’s eyes go wide as he watches me move up and down on him. He shakes his head before storming off into the other room.
About half a minute later, Roxy comes in and walks straight over to me. “Hey! There you are!” I say.
“I need to speak to you outside.”
“But I’m dancing! That’s what you wanted!”
“And now I want to speak to you outside.”
I tell Jared I’ll be back before following her outside. “What do you think you’re doing?” she asks, hands on her hips.
I frown. “What do you mean?”
“I saw you rubbing up on Jared.”
“And? I’m having fun.”
“With Jared?”
“Why not?”
“Because he’s a total player. And because Spencer looked like he was dying inside.”
“Well he shouldn’t be watching me then. You even said yourself that he needs to brighten up. It’s a party, remember?”
“Don’t do this,” she says, narrowing her eyes. “If you don’t want to be with Spencer then fine, but don’t get with Jared instead. That doesn’t even make sense. That’s like choosing a cheeseburger over steak.”
“Maybe I want a cheeseburger. They taste nice.”
“Why are you pushing a good man away? He wants to try and make it work with you. Let him try.”
“I don’t know why you’re being like this.”
“Because I’m getting tired of having this damn conversation over and over again.”
I fold my arms across my chest. “What do you mean?”
She sighs. “It doesn’t matter.”
“No, come on. Fill me in on what I’ve missed over and over again.”
“We’ve had this conversation lots of tim
es. You try to convince me why it’s too awkward to start a relationship and then I try to convince you that you deserve to be loved like the rest of us.”
“Well if you’re getting tired of it, feel free to cut ties. Next time my memory wipes, tell me we’re not friends anymore.”
“Don’t say that. I’ll always be your friend.”
“Out of guilt.”
“Of course not.” She looks hurt now. She looks how I feel.
“Go back to your party, Roxanne.”
“Roxanne?”
“That is your name.”
She sighs. “It’s hard for me to stand back and watch you self-sabotage. You have so much to offer.”
“No, I don’t. The most I could offer somebody is six weeks. Who would want that?”
“I would,” Spencer says, appearing out of nowhere.
Roxy turns away and walks back into the house without saying another word.
“Where’s your blonde friend?” I ask.
“Inside, flirting with your friend.”
I laugh at how ridiculous this whole situation is. How could it ever work between us when it’s already this messy after a few weeks? “I don’t know what you want from me, Spencer.”
“Nothing! Everything!”
“Oh, that’s really helpful!”
“Tell me you don’t have feelings for me, and I’ll walk away.”
“I do have feelings for you, but I don’t want to be with you.” He flinches, as though my words physically hurt him. “I don’t want to be with anyone,” I add quickly. His eyes look even more glassy now, and I don’t think it has anything to do with alcohol. “I’ve been honest with you. I’ve told you what I can and can’t manage.”
“But I haven’t told you what I can and can’t manage. That’s what’s so fucking shit about this. I get your situation, but you’re not considering my feelings at all.”
I look up when it starts to rain. “I’m staying away from you to consider your feelings at the end of all of this.”
“The end? You keep talking as though the world is going to end in a couple of weeks. It won’t.”
“But I won’t remember you.” I gesture between the two of us. “So this world…this one right here…will end. I won’t remember anything about you. What do you think is going to happen?”
“We could at least try different things.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. We could start a YouTube channel and vlog our days together. We could make a scrapbook or keep a diary. We could try.”
“It won’t work. I can just about handle waking up and learning about the accident. You don’t feel what I feel. You don’t feel the panic that sets in when I discover that I’ve jumped eighteen months into the future. I don’t think I could handle learning that I’m supposed to be in love with someone who I can’t even remember.”
He takes a step forward and moves the wet hair out of his eyes. “What did you just say?”
I swallow hard. “I don’t think I could handle learning that I’m supposed to be with someone who I can’t even remember.”
“That’s not what you said.”
“If I woke up with a boyfriend, I would assume that I was in love with him. Or falling for him.”
“But you’re not? You’re not falling?”
My heart is going to beat its way out of my chest at any second. There’s only one way out of this. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, and so I lie. “No, I’m not.”
He takes a step backwards, shaking his head. “I wish you could walk a day in my shoes.”
“And I wish you could walk a day in mine.”
“You might not belong to me, Cora. But I belong to you.”
And then he walks away, and my tears become one with the rain.
Chapter Twenty One
I open my front door and see Roxy holding a bottle of wine in one hand and a box of chocolates in the other. “Hair of the dog.”
I open the door wider. “Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.”
“I’ve been working all day, or I would have been here a lot sooner.”
“Thanks for coming. I’m sorry again about last night.”
“No, I’m sorry. I overstepped.” She places the wine and chocolates down then wraps her arms around me.
“I hope I didn’t ruin your birthday.”
“Of course you didn’t ruin my birthday! We all had a bit too much to drink and said a few things we shouldn’t have. Let’s just forget about it now.”
I nod. “Deal. Do you want to order pizza and watch a movie?”
“In my twenty-nine years on this earth, have you ever known me to turn down pizza?”
***
“How are you not crying?” I say, once the credits roll.
She shrugs. “I hardly ever cry. I think you cry enough tears for the both of us.”
“True. Oh, that was just so lovely.”
“What was it called again? I might buy it for my mom’s birthday.”
“About Time.”
I don’t know if it’s because of the wine or the romantic movie but I spend the next half hour thinking about Spencer. I know it shouldn’t have to take a movie to make me realize how life is so short but seeing it visually can sometimes make a huge difference. Books and movies have always affected me way more than they probably should. I finally give in and ask Roxy if he was in work today. She sighs. “Yes, he was.”
“Did he mention last night?”
“He said he’s going to give you some space.”
“Oh.”
“What? That’s what you want, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. Well, no, but it’s the right thing to do.”
“He has a date tonight.”
My heart sinks. “A date? With who?”
“Some girl called Rose.” I close my eyes so she can’t see the hurt in them. “Hey, are you okay?”
“Yeah.” I put on a fake smile. “I’m fine. We’re both single. I pushed him away.”
“You don’t have to pretend to be fine around me.”
“Fine. It sucks. I can’t be with him, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to be okay seeing somebody else with him.”
“I’m sure nothing will come of it.”
I bite my lip. “Where have they gone?”
“I think he’s cooking for her.”
My eyes go wide. “At his house?”
“I think so.”
Why do I feel like I can’t breathe properly? “I need some air. And more wine.”
She laughs. “It’s all gone.”
“Exactly. We need to buy some more. Let’s walk to the store.” I go and grab a pair of boots from my bedroom.
“I’m up early for work tomorrow,” she shouts.
“You work too much,” I say as I sit on the bed to pull them on.
“Nice boots,” she says as I walk back into the living room. “How’s your ankle doing now?”
“Miles better.”
“Good. Which store are you going to? I don’t want you walking on your own this late at night.”
I shrug. “Union Square. They do the best wine. Reasonably priced too.”
“You mean the one on the corner of Spencer’s street?”
“Oh, I didn’t even realize...”
“Of course you didn’t.” She laughs. “I’ll walk with you then get an Uber home from there.”
“Yeah, I’ll do the same.”
Or maybe I’ll pay somebody a quick visit first.
***
“Okay, you’ve got your wine. Now what?”
“Now I go home.”
“I can tell when you’re lying, Cor.”
“I…why are you…okay, fine. I want to go to Spencer’s house.”
She raises an eyebrow. “Why?”
“Because I want to. Because I’ve had time to think.”
“And?”
I sigh and sit down on the curb. “And maybe he’s right. Maybe you’re right. Maybe Connie’s
right. Maybe we should give it a try. There’s a first time for everything. Let’s face it, I’m never going to find another man like Spencer. I’ll either end up being a cat lady, or I’ll end up settling years down the line, and I don’t want to settle.”
“He has Baxter. You could still be a cat lady.”
“I’m just really struggling to see how it would work with my amnesia, Rox.”
“Of course you’re struggling to see it, but Spencer is willing to try and make it work. Believe you can and you’re halfway there. You’ll never know if you don’t try.”
I look down the street and can just make out his porch steps. “I’ve probably missed my chance now.”
“I doubt it.”
“What if his date with Rose has gone well? What if he’s having sex with her right now?” I shudder. “I need to go and stop them.”
“Cor, are you sure this is what you want? I don’t want you messing with his emotions. You need to be absolutely sure. And you need to be sober.”
I nod to the bag. “I haven’t even opened the second bottle yet. I’ve had two glasses and that was hours ago.”
“Then what are we waiting for?”
“What? You’re coming with me?”
She taps on her cell. “I’m ordering an Uber to pick me up from Spencer’s house. The driver is only around the corner.”
I go through about ten different what-if scenarios on the short walk to his house, but Roxy dismisses each one. “It’s going to be fine. Just be honest and open-minded. If you really want to give things a go with him, we can all get through this together. We can iron out the details.”
We stop outside his house and I wrap my arms around her. “Thank you.”
Her uber pulls up. “I’ll wait until he answers, just to make sure he’s home.”
I nod and climb the steps. When I reach the top, I take a deep breath and ring the doorbell. When I don’t hear any movement, I get pissed off thinking about him and Rose, so I press it again, but this time keep my finger on it so that it’s a continual buzz.
His hallway light comes on and I hear him shout, “I’m coming.”
Not any more you’re not, I think to myself. I turn around and Roxy puts her thumbs up as she climbs into her Uber.
I turn back around when the door opens. My heart sinks when I see that he’s shirtless.
His eyes go wide. “Cora, what are you doing here?”
I look over his shoulder. “Where is she? In bed?”