by Misumi Kubo
A black minivan making its way down the road stopped beside us, and the window rolled down slowly.
“What the hell are you doing?” Taoka said, sticking his head out the window. We stood up and went over to his car.
“Oh, we were working. Giving out flyers.” My breath came out white. It struck me that I was telling a lot of lies today.
Taoka stared at us, then said, “Jump in. I’ll give you a ride home.”
As I was wondering how to reply, Taoka said, “C’mon, don’t be shy,” and jumped out to open the back door. His car had the sickly sweet smell of air freshener, and the back seats were littered with the kind of small soft toys you got in those claw crane machines in arcades.
“Gross! No way!” Akutsu said and ran off.
“Sorry. I’ve got my bike over there, so don’t worry about it.”
I bowed my head repeatedly at Taoka, then followed Akutsu, secretly feeling grateful for how she’d managed the situation.
From somewhere behind us, I heard Taoka yelling, “Just don’t catch a cold, okay?”
That Sunday, both Akutsu and I worked in the convenience store from morning till evening, and when we came out, we heard the sound of a car horn. The window was wound down, and Taoka stuck his head out.
“Get in. I’ll buy you dinner.”
Akutsu and I looked at each other.
“There’s something I want to talk to you about. It won’t take that long, and I’ll drive you home after.”
Before she had the chance to run away, I took hold of Akutsu’s arm. She tried with all her strength to wrench it back.
“I promise it won’t be for long. Come on.”
Taoka was smiling, but there was a hint of anger in his voice. With his eyes fixed on us like that, every passing second felt more and more unbearable. Unable to stand it any longer, I said, “My gran’s waiting for me, so it’ll have to be just an hour.”
Still holding Akutsu’s arm, I practically shoved her into the back seat and hopped in next to her. No sooner had I put my butt on the seat than Akutsu stamped down on my foot as hard as she could. Taoka drove out of the parking lot, whistling.
“What do you want to eat? What do you guys like?”
Akutsu said nothing so I replied, “Oh, anything. Anything’s fine with me.”
“That’s the kind of line girls hate, y’know,” Taoka laughed.
Akutsu glared at the back of Taoka’s head in the seat in front of her. I looked at his face in profile from where I was sitting, behind him and to the side. He had a bunch of piercings in his left ear. I knew that piercings on one side or another meant you were gay, but I couldn’t remember which side it was. Unlike the last time, I couldn’t see a single stuffed toy. My heel brushed against something under the seat, and when I looked down I saw a slightly grubby stuffed Pikachu lying there. I picked it up and placed it on the seat next to me.
There was a fair amount of traffic on the road. I looked across at the car that had stopped next to us and saw two little boys horsing around in the back. Both of them were holding big paper cups of popcorn. When their mother in the front seat turned around and scolded them, they sat still for a while, but soon enough they were back to playing around like a pair of kittens. The older-looking boy poked and shoved the younger one so much that he spilled his popcorn all over the seat, at which the mother reached around and slapped the older boy’s knee. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but I felt as though I could practically hear the mom shouting and the child crying.
Each time I saw a motel sign, I’d start to get a little jittery. I noticed that Akutsu’s hands were gripped into tight fists where she’d rested them on top of her thighs. Finally, though, the car came to a stop in front of a steak restaurant.
Taoka told us we could order anything we liked, but Akutsu and I found it impossible to decide, so in the end he ordered three of the same thing. Soon enough, three steaming, sizzling steaks landed on the table in front of us. My mouth welled up with saliva. I sawed off a big piece, wondering how long it had been since I’d eaten a hunk of meat like this one. And man, did it taste good. The onion sauce and the rice alone would have made a fine dinner. I ate with ferocious speed, taking alternating mouthfuls of rice and meat.
“You don’t have to eat that fast, you know. It’s not going anywhere. If it’s not enough, you can order more. Eat as much as you can.” Taoka was smiling.
Akutsu gave me a disdainful look. She hadn’t even picked up her knife and fork yet.
“What are you playing at?” Akutsu, who’d been silent all this time, finally said to Taoka. “I know you’re planning something funny. You’re a perv, everyone knows that. I’ve heard all kinds of rumors.”
His knife and fork in hand, Taoka looked Akutsu in the eye.
“You really go straight for the jugular, don’t you?” He took a sip of water from his cup. A kid of about three ran past our table screeching. “I have absolutely no plans to do anything to you or Ryota, today or any other day. You don’t need to worry about that. I mean it. So look. Why don’t we eat first, and then let’s talk.”
Akutsu carried on glaring, but then seeming to realize that Taoka wasn’t going to discuss anything until he’d finished his dinner, she took her knife and fork in her hand and tucked into the steak. None of us said another thing until the meal was over. When we were done, Taoka ordered coffee for him and ice cream for me and Akutsu.
“I’m thinking about starting up a cram school near the station next year.” Taoka looked at Akutsu and me in turn as he poured a generous amount of milk into his coffee.
“You mean, give up working at the store?” I asked.
Taoka nodded and took a sip of his coffee.
“Look. There isn’t really a good way of saying this, but at the cram school I was working at, the kids were mostly from families whose parents were prepared to spend any amount of money to get them into a good university. And I started to get really grossed out by the whole thing. Like I was helping the ones who came into the world with a natural advantage anyway. I started to feel I wanted to help improve the grades of kids not from those kinds of homes. You know, charging as little as possible.”
“For poor kids like us, you mean?” Akutsu said, sticking her spoon into her mouth.
“Well, I prefer the expression ‘children who have extremely limited time and opportunities to study,’ but yes, without bells on, I guess that’s what I mean.”
“I want another ice cream,” Akutsu said.
“Of course. Ryota?”
I stayed silent and shook my head.
“And a cream soda.”
“Sure thing.” Taoka was smiling as he called the waitress over.
“Seeing Ryota studying so hard, and his grades going up like that . . . Well, I guess it gave me some confidence. You found my materials easy to understand, right?”
“Yes.”
“I know this sounds bad, but the truth is I really want to know more about guys like you, who go on to high school without ever really getting your heads around middle-school stuff. The kinds of mistakes you make, the kinds of things you trip up on.”
The waitress refilled Taoka’s coffee.
“So the reason I brought you here today is to make you an offer. I’d like for you guys to read through the printouts and materials I put together, answer the questions, and then tell me what parts you found hard, or where you wanted more of an explanation and so on. I’d start giving Akutsu printouts like I did to Ryota, and checking where she slips up, seeing what kinds of explanations work best, and so on. If we say for every sheet . . . No, wait. I’ll give you the equivalent of one hour’s wage at the store for every two printouts you complete. How’s that?”
Both Akutsu and I had trouble grasping what Taoka was saying. We both just stared at him, our mouths hanging open slightly.
“One hour’s wage for every two sheets?” Akutsu said, without removing her straw from her mouth.
“Yes. I’m not just talki
ng about reading through and answering the questions, though. You’ve got to give me lots of suggestions about things I could change, things that could be better.”
“In other words, you’re gonna pay us for doing schoolwork?”
“I don’t think it’s a bad deal. When I open the cram school in spring next year, I’d like for you guys to help out there, too. I figure it’ll be better than working long hours in a convenience store, at least. Also, and I know this is a big if, but if you guys decide you want to go to college, then I’ll help you out until you get in.” Having reached the end of his piece, Taoka took a big gulp of water from his glass.
“College . . .” Akutsu whispered.
“Yup. If I start tutoring you and you begin preparing now, you’ve still got enough time. You can keep on earning money while you study, too.”
The same waitress from before came up to the table and refilled everyone’s glasses with water.
“So what you’re saying is, you can’t get your head around the way dumbasses like us think, so you’re paying us to tell you. That’s it, right?” Akutsu continued. “You know, maybe I really am dumb, ’cause I don’t even know if it’s a good deal or not. Or if I can do all the stuff you want me to do.”
“Of course, that makes sense. I think it’s best if you start off gradually and see how it goes. At first, I just want you to reduce your working time at the store by an hour or so, and do two sheets at home instead, so that it’s not too much of a burden.”
I was convinced there was no way Akutsu, who loathed schoolwork with a passion, would take Taoka up on an offer like that, so I was genuinely surprised when she said, “Okay, fine. So long as it’s only a little, then sure.”
It hadn’t been long ago that she’d been warning me not to get my hopes up.
“What about you, Ryota?”
“Is it okay to think about it?”
As Akutsu let her guard down, I was becoming more cautious. Taoka was obviously making an attempt to get closer to us, and I didn’t know if it was okay to trust him.
“Sure,” Taoka said, and looked at his watch. “Do you mind if we stop into one more place after this?”
We left the restaurant, and Taoka pulled up into the parking lot of the new shopping mall. He strolled ahead of us whistling “Jingle Bells” and walked in through the door of a toy store. Inside, he passed me and Akutsu an enormous cart that looked like it could have fit ten toddlers inside.
“My brother’s baby’s due around Christmas, so I want you guys to choose a present. And if there’s anything you want for yourselves, just put it in the cart. Think of it as a way of saying thanks for you giving up your time today.”
Akutsu squealed in delight and ran off to the back of the store. I walked along behind her, pushing the cart. The glaring neon lights of the store made me blink. After no time, Akutsu came up and threw two baby toys in boxes into the cart, then ran off back down the aisle toward the back of the store.
“Jeez, did she even look at them?” Taoka said as he examined the boxes with a smile.
The shelves were heaving with the kinds of toys I would have died for when I was in elementary school—transformer belts, super-alloy robots, huge jigsaw puzzles. I’d wanted all that stuff so badly when I was a kid, and I still wanted it now, even though I was fifteen.
“Whoa, an N-Gauge. I remember these!” Taoka stopped in front of the model railway section. “My dad was really into model railways. He was always so uptight about them, though. We’d get into trouble if we laid so much as a finger on his trains. Wouldn’t you like one of these, Ryota?”
“Is this a kind of charity service or something?”
“What?” The N-Gauge box still in his hands, Taoka darted a look at me.
“Are you like a volunteer or something? Sasaki at the convenience store said your parents run the huge hospital across the mountain. And you live by yourself in that great big apartment. I mean, you don’t really need to work in the convenience store, right? You just do it because you feel like it. Like today. You take me and Akutsu out and are all nice to us, feeding us and buying us stuff, just because the urge takes you. I was really grateful when you tutored me and stuff, but I don’t feel very comfortable about this. I feel like whatever you do for us I’m going to have to pay back in some way.”
Taoka had seemed in such a good mood, but now the smile vanished clean from his face. He put the model train inside the cart, then said, “My parents do run the hospital, that’s true. But I’ve had to break into my savings to start the cram school and cover the down payment on the apartment. The rest is a mortgage that’ll take me decades to pay off. Not that that really matters anyway.”
Suddenly, Akutsu was standing beside me. She was holding a small stuffed rabbit and a few sheets of shiny stickers.
“Is that it? You don’t have to hold back, you know.”
As we moved toward the cash register, Taoka reached out to grab bags of gummies and cookies off the shelves and flung them into the shopping cart. Seeing how Akutsu’s face was slightly flushed with excitement, I found myself at a loss for words and walked all the way back to Taoka’s car without saying a thing.
On the way home, the roads were more congested than before. Akutsu opened up a bag of Haribo, and the smell of the artificial flavors filled the car.
“Do you want some?” Akutsu held out the bag, but Taoka and I both shook our heads. After a while, Akutsu nodded off.
“Is she asleep?” Taoka asked.
“Yes.”
“Eating till you’re full, then falling asleep. That’s the way it should be, eh?” he said with a laugh. Then he turned around and looked at me. “Do you mind if I talk to you for a bit?”
I shook my head.
“The thing is this. I really love teaching. When there’s a kid who doesn’t understand a subject, and I help them get their thoughts in order, and then they finally pull a face that means, Shit, I get it, that’s the best feeling in the world for me.”
The car edged forward the tiniest bit.
“I knew I wasn’t suited to be a schoolteacher, so I became a cram teacher. But the schools around here won’t employ me. There are rumors going around about me, like Akutsu said.”
Each time the car moved then stopped again, Akutsu’s body would lunge forward then sink back.
“I know you’re not supposed to say this stuff about yourself, but when I was working at the cram school, the kids there really liked me. I got lots of them into good colleges, and the schools and the parents trusted me, too. But then out of the blue, I got fired. The official reason was that I lost a USB stick with lots of the kids’ personal information on it.”
A classical piano piece started playing on the radio.
“But the truth was, that stick was stolen. Someone took it from my bag. Cram school teachers are surprisingly competitive. I don’t know the real reason, but I guess the person who took it wanted to see the handouts and textbooks I’d prepared for the new term. But then there was other stuff on there, including a bunch of photos that really made their day.”
“Photos?”
“Of kids.” Taoka sunk into silence for what felt like a long time. Then he said, “Naked photos of young boys.”
I had absolutely no idea what to say, so I kept my mouth shut. The car had stopped just in front of the turning for the bridge and wasn’t moving an inch.
“I never asked to be into that stuff, you know. The gods just kinda gave me those preferences.”
Suddenly, out of the blue, I heard the sound of sleigh bells. It took me a moment to figure out it was a Christmas song coming from the radio.
“The rumors flew around the cram school like wildfire, and soon everyone knew. We’re talking not just the teachers, but also the students. Then they started being embellished. People were saying how I’d been caught messing around with some kid years ago in such-and-such a place, and so on. And of course, because I’d been found with those pictures, I couldn’t defend myself against
the other stuff. It was a free-for-all. So I guess when I open up my new own school, the rumors will come back to haunt me. The people spreading them won’t pass up that opportunity, you can be sure of that.”
I suddenly remembered the pictures of Takumi that Akutsu and I had given out, and my heart started racing.
“My parents run a big hospital, and I’m not stupid or bad-looking, even though I say so myself, and I’m a good teacher. To people who are bored out of their minds with their lives in this poky town, the idea that someone like that would get off on looking at naked pictures of kids is about the juiciest morsel of gossip in the world.”
Without warning, the line of cars began to move forward and Taoka stopped speaking. Some kind of hymn came on the radio.
“But they don’t know how much I . . .”
I waited for Taoka to finish, but he shut his mouth and didn’t say anything more. I listened in silence to the words that kept repeating over and over: the Savior comes. Halfway across the bridge, the car came to a halt again.
Taoka turned around and said, “Look, I know I’m hardly one to go around lecturing you, but you and Akutsu should call it quits with handing those things out.”
The traffic around us began to move, and Taoka turned to face front, pumping the accelerator. I started to feel like I couldn’t breathe and opened the window a crack. Without turning around, Taoka continued, “Akutsu left the original in the copier at work. Then two weird reporter types turned up at the store with the same sheet of paper. Not to mention the one you put in my mailbox. Trust me, if you’ve got spare time on your hands, you’d be better off spending it figuring out how to get away from those projects as quickly as you can.”
“Okay,” I said, and looked down.
Since my earliest childhood, however badly teachers or other adults told me off, I’d never once felt like I’d done anything wrong. But now, somehow, with Taoka, I felt ashamed of myself.
The car stopped. I looked up and saw with surprise we were outside the projects already. Akutsu still showed no signs of opening her eyes, so I shook her awake and dragged her out of the car.