by Cecil, Amy
Ice looks frustrated, which makes me start to question my conclusion that I have not done anything wrong. I ask, "Ice, have I done something wrong?"
"Honey, no, it's nothing like that." He pauses and then adds, "What I am getting at is that we have never involved you in club business. We never wanted to. Not because we didn't trust you, but because we didn't want you to get hurt. But unfortunately, the time has come that the club needs you."
I sigh with relief and say, "You know I would do anything for the club. I came to you beaten and broken, and you and the club took me in. You gave me a roof over my head, a home, and more importantly, a family. You just name it, I'll do it."
"You might not feel that way when you hear what we need."
"Ice, just tell me. Quit beating around the bush and just spill it." I hate when he tries to sugarcoat things. He's got to know that I'm in for the long haul and that I would do anything for him.
"If you haven't noticed, you resemble Emma."
Well fuck, of course, I've noticed that. Why do you think this whole situation has been so hard to swallow? I know that I was a substitute for her.
He continues, "Emma is in danger. That's why I sent her away. But we need the Satans to think that she is still here. We need them to stop looking for her. Basically, we need a decoy. That's where you come in." I take a deep breath, waiting for the rest. "The boys and I think that from a distance, dressed in the right clothes—and if you straighten your hair a bit—you could be a dead ringer for Emma."
"Where will I be the decoy? Will I be in danger?" I ask.
"You'll be right here at the clubhouse. We're having a party Saturday night. We are tipping off the Satans that Emma will be here, and you just need to stand in. I cannot imagine that the Satans would make a hit on the clubhouse, especially since all the old ladies and children will be here. So, I believe you will be safe. But as both you and I know, there are no guarantees."
"Will you be with me?" I ask.
"Yes, I will."
"Why do I feel that there is more?" I can tell he is avoiding telling me something and it's pissing me off.
"You are a smart woman, Honey. Yes, there is more." He takes a deep breath, and continues, "We need to be convincing. Do you know what I mean by that?"
"I think I do. But maybe you should spell it out for me. You know, so I don't make any false assumptions."
"We will need to be on display during this party. Lots of public displays of affection: kissing, perhaps even running off together leaving the assumption out there that we want to be alone. Can you do that?"
"Do I have time to think about it?" I ask.
"Unfortunately, not a lot. I can give you a couple of minutes now if that will help. I'm sorry for putting you on the spot like this, but we need to act on this quickly." He pauses and then adds, "I know we have some history, and I am guessing that this could be difficult for you; I don't want you hurt."
You already have. I sit there and think about what he's asking. He's never asked me to do anything that involved club business. And I know he's desperate to keep Emma safe and it looks like I can help. Before I change my mind, I blurt out, "I'll do it."
His blue eyes sparkle as he smiles at me, and I melt. Why does he still get to me that way? He gets up from his desk and walks around and kisses me on the cheek. Oh God, I miss him.
"You are an amazing woman, Honey. One day, one of these boys is gonna be very lucky making you their old lady."
I want it to be you! my heart cries silently, but I know that will never be. He truly loves Emma and the sooner I accept that wholeheartedly, the better off I will be. Maybe he is right, maybe there is someone out there for me—and then I remember Hawk's words: "I'll be waiting."
I can't fight back the tears any longer and my eyes begin to well up. I say, "You think so, Ice? You really think there is someone out there for me?"
He pulls me into his arms and hugs me. "I sure as hell do. Someone better than me."
Before I know it, Saturday is here. The party is tonight. To say that I'm nervous is an understatement. I have questioned myself for doing this many times, but each time I remember that it's for the club. It's for Ice and Emma, and even though my jealousy wants to rear its ugly head, I fight it. I'm better than that and this is my chance to prove it to the club, but more importantly, to myself.
Ice and I went searching in Emma's room to see if she left anything behind. We found a pair of skinny jeans and a simple black shirt and black boots and it all fit perfectly. It’s definitely not my style, but I guess that's where Emma and I differ. I’ve just applied the finishing touches to my face, and as Ice instructed, my hair is straight. I run a brush through it and I'm ready to go. Perfect. I really do look like her.
It's after 8 pm and the party has already started. I make my way downstairs and I notice that Ice keeps staring at the steps. As soon as he spots me, he smiles. I can see the relief on his face. When I get to the bottom, I walk directly to him and he says, "Ready to get this party started?"
I smile and say, "Let's do it." We make our way outside so that we can be seen, since most of the attendees are already outside. I guess he's assuming that the Satans are out there somewhere watching the compound.
As we walk, he leans over and whispers, "You look great!"
I beam. I'm glad that he thinks this is gonna work. Me? I'm not so sure. I reply, "Thanks!"
As the evening progresses, we continue to talk and mingle with the guests. Around 10:45, Ice's phone beeps. He looks down and then leans in and says, "Showtime. You ready for this?" I nod and he immediately pulls me close. He begins to nuzzle my neck and kisses me right behind my ear. I can't help but giggle. God, I love it when he does that.
We walk over to some other brothers and their old ladies hanging around the portable bar that was placed outside. We talk with them for a while and then I turn toward Ice and slide my arms up against his torso and latch them together behind his neck. He hesitates briefly, but my look quickly reminds him why we are doing this. Ice is not a cheater, so I am sure he is dealing with some pretty harsh demons right now. Then, the look on his face changes and I can see that he has overcome his issues. He leans in and kisses me. The kiss is nice, but it doesn't have the passion that we once shared. It's in this moment that I realize that it would have never worked between us. Suddenly, the dread I had been feeling up to this point is gone and the whole charade gets easier.
We continue to carry on like a couple who are very much in love. As time passes, I can see that Ice is getting antsy. Finally around 11:45, we decide to make our departure and head for the bedroom as planned. About 15 minutes after we leave the party, Ice's phone beeps. Looking at his phone, he says, "Honey, we're good. The Satans left. You can head back to your room now."
I admit that I am disappointed. I was actually having a lot of fun. "Ok, if you don't need anything else."
I walk to the door and just before I turn the knob to leave, he calls after me, "Hey." I turn back to look at him. "You did great tonight. I know this wasn't easy for you. Thanks!"
I smirk and say, "Actually, Ice, it was a lot easier than I thought." I step through the door and then add, "But it's over now. Goodnight, Ice. Sleep well."
I know he thinks I'm hurting and doesn't understand. But that's ok. I'm better now and life is going to be better as well.
Chapter 9
The next morning Ice left for the safe house. Some of the boys helped me clean up after the party and now we are just sitting around watching TV.
It's a lazy day and we all just lie around doing nothing as the morning turns into the afternoon—until Ice comes back. Taking us all by surprise, he storms into the clubhouse barking orders. He's frantic and pissed, and I have no idea what's happened. The boys jump and start doing his bidding. He's ranting and yelling and pacing and…fuck. Just fuck. What the hell has happened?
When Spike comes out of Ice's office, I can't keep my mouth shut. I ask, "What happened?"
"They too
k Emma," he says sadly.
"Oh no!" I exclaim. "But how? I thought she was tucked away and the party last night…I mean, I thought it was all good?"
"Apparently not. I don't know anything else, but it's bad, Honey. Real bad."
An hour or so goes by and everything happens so fast. Ice comes running out of his office yelling, "Get everyone out! Now! It's a bomb!" He begins checking all the rooms and calls over to me, "Anyone upstairs?"
"No," I yell back. "Ice, everyone is out. Let's go!"
He follows me out the door and within seconds of us reaching the parking lot, the building blows. Ice grabs me and holds me down while debris from the clubhouse drop around us. When everything goes quiet, he gets up, brushes the debris off himself, and pulls out his phone. He stops for a minute, looks around at what used to be our clubhouse, and then dials. I have no idea who he is calling or what is happening. I hear him say, "Message received. You got me."
He disconnects the line and turns to me. "Call Hawk. Tell him what has happened here and that I've found Emma. He'll know what to do." I'm so confused by everything that just happened and I want him to tell me what's going on. But he doesn't. He just says, "I have to go," and then turns to leave.
Oh no, totally unacceptable. He can't just leave me hanging here. Not after all this. I call after him, "Ice, wait!" The tears begin to well in my eyes because I have this sinking feeling that this is gonna be the last time I see him. I hesitantly ask, "Where are you going?"
He walks over to me and kisses me on the forehead. “Now don't you go worrying your pretty little head, darl'n. I'll be back."
I stand there amidst all the rubble and for the first time since I found the MC, I have no idea what to do. I feel lost and alone and can't move. My heart is shattered into a thousand pieces and I am worried about Ice. Where is he going? Is he putting himself in danger to rescue her? Any other time I would be cheering him on to make the rescue, but if it means losing him in the mix, I’d rather keep him. He can leave Emma with that psycho asshole. We can’t lose him.
I suddenly realize that Ice is counting on me. I pull out my phone from my pocket and dial Hawk. He answers on the first ring. I say, "Hey, big shit just went down. Nobody's hurt. The clubhouse, however, didn't survive the bomb."
"Bomb?! What the fuck, Honey!" he yells. "Are you sure you’re alright?" he asks.
"Yes, we are fine."
"What the hell happened?"
"I don't know. One minute we were all in the clubhouse hanging out, and the next minute Ice came running out of his office telling us to get out and that there was a bomb."
"How bad is the clubhouse?" he asks.
I look around. "It's bad, Hawk. Real bad. Part of the building is still standing, but the other half of the building is completely demolished. There is nothing but stone, broken-up wood, and glass shards everywhere."
"Fuck. Where's Ice?"
"He left.”
“He left? Why the fuck did he leave?”
“I don’t know, but he asked me to give you a message."
"Ok, what's the message?"
"He said that he found Emma and he's going to get her. He said that you would know what to do," I tell him.
"Aww, fuck!" he says into the phone. "You stay put. I'll be right there," he adds and then disconnects the line.
It’s two days later and we're still going through the rubble grabbing anything that we can salvage. There hasn't been any word from Ice. I've asked Hawk if he's heard from him several times and he just sadly shakes his head. We have no idea at this point if he is dead or alive. Please let him be alive. It’s bad enough seeing him with another woman—who, I might add, is the cause of all this mess—but if he’s dead I know for a fact that I will not survive it.
Briggs came by and filed a report about the explosion. I conveniently make myself scarce when he's around. He is the last person I want to see. I'm still a coward. One of these days, I will face him and do what needs to be done. I will tell him everything and apologize. But right now, I just can't. I’m not ready to face all that now. I just can’t.
As we're digging through all the shit, I hear a car pull up. I look to see who it is and when she gets out of the car I am totally shocked and surprised to see that it's Emma. She's alive. She’s fucking alive! Does this mean that Ice is alive? She stops and talks to Rebel and then after a few minutes, Hawk starts to walk toward her. Maybe she has the answers that we all have been waiting for. I want to go and see what she has to say, but I hold back. I know Hawk will tell me if there is something that I need to know.
I continue to look for anything that we can salvage. But every chance I get, I look over at Hawk, Rebel, and Emma to see if I can gauge what is being said. Then I see Emma faint and fall into Hawk's arms. I rush over as he lifts her and carries her to the club van. Rebel opens the back and he gently lays her down inside.
"What happened?" I ask as I get to the van.
"She fainted," Rebel replies.
"I see that, but why?"
"I told her that Ice was dead," Hawk replies.
"Oh fuck!" That means Emma has no idea where he is or if he is alive. Damn her. He can't be dead. He just can't.
Hawk tries to revive her and when she finally comes to, she looks lost and bewildered. She asks, "What happened?" as she starts to sit up. Just then Rebel's phone rings and he steps away and answers it.
"Emma, I don't know much more than you do." Hawk looks over at me. "Honey saw him last, and most of the information I've gotten has been from her."
She turns to me. "Where is he? What happened?"
Reluctantly, I reply, "I don't know. He was frantic trying to find you. He was on the phone in the clubhouse when he realized there was a bomb that had been planted and he yelled for everyone to get out. When he was sure that everyone was out of the building, he and I were the last two out and then the building blew. We all just stood in disbelief for what seemed like an eternity. After he was sure everyone was whole, he made a call. I don't know who he called. After he finished the call he walked over to me and told me to tell Hawk what had happened, that he'd found you, and that he had to go."
"Did he say anything else?" she asks with a note of irritation in her voice. I look at Hawk to make sure that I can tell her more. He nods.
"He said that he would be back."
"Then you all are wrong!" Emma exclaims. "You all think you know Caden, but you don't. None of you know him like I do. If Caden Jackson says he will be back, then you can be damn sure he will!"
"Emma, you are not seeing the big picture here. I think I know him pretty well. The man I know would have taken care of his business and then returned to his club where he was needed most. He wouldn't have left us to pick up the pieces without him." Hawk rakes his hand through his hair and says, "Emma, I know what you're feeling, sweetheart. I want him here too; he was my best friend. But I think you're grasping at straws, trying to change what is real. I'm sorry, sweetheart, but he's gone."
Rebel comes back and says, "Hawk, I'm heading out to get Ari. Do you need anything before I go?"
"Does Ari know?" Emma asks. Rebel shakes his head. "Who's gonna tell her?" she adds.
"I am," Rebel says sadly.
"Rebel, I have not seen Ari in a long time, but I think it would be better if I told her. We grew up together, and I believe she always looked up to me as a big sister."
Sometimes I forget that Emma has known Ice her entire life. Somehow, I think that the boy she knew as a kid is a lot different from the man he is now.
Hawk shakes his head. "Actually, Emma, she needs Rebel now." He turns back toward Rebel and says, "Reb, you go. Be careful and bring our girl back safe and sound."
"You got it, Hawk."
She interrupts him. "But Hawk …"
I will give her one thing, she is definitely persistent.
"Emma, please. Don't interfere with club business. Trust me on this; I know what I'm doing. Ari and Reb are very close. He is who she will need. It's what I
ce would have wanted."
A few minutes go by in silence. Annoyed, Emma says, "I need to go."
"Are you sure, sweetheart? You are still looking a little pale," Hawk replies. "You can stay here as long as you like."
"Thank you, Hawk, I really appreciate that. But I need to be alone for a while." She steps out of the van and begins to walk away. She turns back toward Hawk and asks weakly, "Are you really sure he is dead?"
Hawk looks confused by her question, and frankly so am I. Hawk says, "I am."
She comes back toward us and says, "Hawk, just hear me out for a minute." She looks around to make sure that it's just us, then says, "Caden didn't contact any of you after he left the clubhouse. So nobody has seen nor heard from him. Correct?"
"Yes," I reply. "As I said before, I am pretty sure I was the last person he spoke to in the club."
"Ok, so if nobody has heard from him and nobody has talked to him, what makes you both so sure he is dead? Maybe he has some grand plan to fix this. Maybe he is still with Mark. And, although I am stating the obvious here, let me add that you don't have his body."
Hawk looked over to me and says, "She's got a point." He turns back toward Emma and says, "I do still believe, however, that if he were alive he would've contacted us."
"I agree," she says. "But what if he can't? What if he is being held captive in the same place that Mark held me, only in a different room? I mean, think about this. If he had gone to rescue me, wouldn't he most likely go to where I was? I even yelled for him when I left in case he was there. I wanted him to know that Mark was letting me go. If he was planning any type of attack against Grayson, he would have waited until he knew I was safe."
"Well shit, Emma, I didn't think of any of that," Hawk replies. Shaking his head, he says, "You shame me. I should've thought this through more thoroughly."
"Well, you did have other things on your mind, like a blown-up clubhouse," she states sarcastically and then adds, "I think we should look for him first before we pronounce him dead. And I know where you can start."