The welcome Lord Rowley gave her was, Anna had to admit, overly warm, but she could not pretend that she was not glad of it. Lord Rowley smiled and bowed and gave her all manner of reassurances that this evening would be more than delightful for her and, despite her agitation, she could not help but smile back at him and thank him for his generosity in hosting such an evening.
“You need not thank me,” he said kindly. “I am more than glad to be of assistance to you at present. I may call myself a friend of Lord Comerfield, but that does not mean that I consider all that he does to be correct.” A pained sigh left his lips, although she could see the twinkle in his eye. “And thus, I often find myself in the unenviable position of trying to assist Lord Comerfield in attempting to undo all the harm he has done, Lady Anna—although, in this case, the request is not at all problematic nor burdensome!”
A quiet laugh erupted from Anna’s lips, chasing yet more of her anxiety away. “That is very generous of you to say, Lord Rowley.”
He bowed. “Please,” he said, gesturing towards the door. “I do hope that all goes well for you this evening.”
Anna took a breath and followed Lady Hayward, the smile fading from her lips as she did so. Walking into the drawing-room, she felt her legs shaking terribly as a sense of weakness rushed through her frame. She was certain that, at any moment, someone would turn around to greet the new arrivals, only to look at her and then, in an instant, turn away again without hesitation. Being given the cut direct was deeply distressing should it only occur on one occasion, but, for Anna, it had happened so many times already, and she did not think she could bear more.
“Oh, good evening, Lady Anna!”
Her breath hitched, her chest tight and painful as she turned her head, afraid that it would be someone eager to speak to her only to make quite certain that she knew of their opinion of her. Instead, much to her relief, there stood Lady Chesterton, who had made her way directly towards her the moment she had come into the room.
“And to you also, Lady Selina, Lady Hayward,” Lady Chesterton continued, ignoring Lord Comerfield entirely. “I am so glad to have been invited to this most excellent evening.” She smiled warmly at Anna. “I am sure this will be a most enjoyable occasion for you, Lady Anna.”
“I thank you, Lady Chesterton,” Anna replied, surprised at just how steady her voice was. “It is very good to see you again.”
Lady Chesterton smiled and then stood to the side, spreading one hand out to the rest of the crowd. “Should you like to come and join the conversation I was having with Lady Birkhill and Lord Westerton? I am sure they would be glad to have you all join them.”
Anna’s heart began to pound as she looked to Lady Hayward, who nodded and smiled, encouraging her to step forward.
“It will be quite well,” she heard Lord Comerfield murmur behind her, his voice low and yet filled with such emphasis that she found herself wanting to believe him. “Go with her, Lady Anna.”
Taking a deep breath, Anna made her way after Lady Chesterton, with both her sister and Lady Hayward following after them. Quite sure that, in a moment, Lord Westerton and Lady Birkhill would turn to look at them and then, after a moment, hurry away, she was more than a little astonished when the two guests turned towards Lady Chesterton and herself with warm smiles lighting their faces.
“Good evening, Lady Anna, Lady Selina, Lady Hayward,” Lady Birkhill said with a bob of a curtsy. “And how do you fare this evening?”
Anna opened her mouth to speak but found herself a little unsure of what to say. Lord Westerton and Lady Birkhill looked at her enquiringly, and heat flooded Anna’s cheeks at the silence that followed as they waited for her answer.
“I—I am well,” she stammered, flushing brilliantly. “And very glad to be here this evening.”
“I am sure,” Lord Westerton said with a knowing look in his eye. “I confess, Lady Anna, that I was one of the many in the ton who believed the rumors that were swirling about you. However, given that Lord Comerfield has spoken to me directly and, in addition, Lady Chesterton also, I feel as though I must beg for your forgiveness, Lady Anna.” He grimaced. “It appears that society is much more inclined to pronounce guilt on the female sex rather than hold any accountability for the gentlemen.”
Anna blinked rapidly, all the more embarrassed that tears had sprung to her eyes at Lord Westerton’s words. Lord Comerfield had spoken to him, then? Had made it quite clear that she was not to blame in any way for what had occurred? She did not know what to say, and, much to her relief, it appeared that Lady Hayward knew precisely what it was she was feeling.
“That is both honest and very generous of you, Lord Westerton,” she said, coming to stand by Anna. “And I must say, we are all very glad indeed to hear such words from you.” Squeezing Anna’s arm lightly, she gave everyone a bright smile. “Has the weather not been quite perfect these last few days?” she continued, changing the subject entirely. “It has allowed us to walk through the park almost every day!”
Anna managed to blink away her tears as Lady Chesterton quickly began to discuss the weather with Lady Hayward, finding her heart filled with relief and her whole being seeming to slowly relax and uncoil. Letting out her breath slowly, she turned her head to glance to her left and noticed, to her surprise, that Lord Comerfield was watching her from a short distance away. His brow lifted in silent question, clearly wanting to know whether all was going well. Anna found herself smiling, despite the fact that she did not even want to express anything to him. The look of relief on his face astonished her, surprised that he appeared to be so very concerned for her when she knew for certain that there was a good deal of selfishness in his motives. A gentle murmur from her sister drew her back towards the conversation and, for the moment, Lord Comerfield left her thoughts entirely.
* * *
“Lady Anna.”
Looking to her left, Anna turned slightly, freed from the conversation she had been having with Lord and Lady Raynham and leaving her sister and Lady Hayward to continue it without her.
“Lord Comerfield,” she murmured, looking at him steadily. “Good evening.”
His smile was small, his eyes searching hers. “The evening has been a successful one, I hope?” he asked as she looked at him carefully. “I have been watching as you spoke to various other guests.” A small step took him a little closer to her and, for whatever reason, Anna felt her breath catch. “I do hope that you have not found any particular difficulties this evening?”
“I have found no difficulties whatsoever,” she said honestly, a little astonished by the relief that immediately jumped into his eyes as well as the way he lowered his head for a moment, letting out his breath in a great huff as though he had been anxious to hear her answer. “I have also heard from some that you have been particularly diligent in informing them that I have had nothing whatsoever to do with the rumors that swirl through London because of your actions.”
Nodding, Lord Comerfield lifted his head and looked at her again. “I have done what I can, Lady Anna, even though I fear it shall never be enough,” he said heavily. “Some have listened to me, and some have not. But with Lady Chesterton present also, those who have been less than convinced have had her confirmation of my words.” He spread his hands. “I do hope that, in time, things will continue to improve.”
Anna’s lips lifted of their own accord and she realized that, for the first time in some days, she actually felt happy. This evening had gone very well, indeed. She had not been shunned, she had not been thrust aside by anyone, had not been given the cut direct, and found herself enjoying the evening. “This has been wonderful,” she found herself saying as though she could not remain silent, could not contain all that was in her heart even though she did not want to speak to him. “I have found myself happy this evening, Lord Comerfield.”
The smile that split his face was one that brought a brightness to his eyes, lifting his features entirely and, despite herself, Anna smiled back at him.
“I am so very glad to hear you say such a thing, Lady Anna,” he answered, one hand pressed to his heart. “As I have said, I have considered what you have said about me. You have seen within my heart, Lady Anna, and have seen the truth of it.” With a grimace, he shook his head. “You are correct. This situation is of my doing, and, thus far, I have done all I can to make certain that, whilst things improve for you, I also am kept from the consequences of my actions.” Lifting his chin, he looked straight into her eyes. “But no longer, Lady Anna.”
Anna frowned. “What do you mean?”
A small shrug lifted his shoulders. “I was against the thought of marriage, Lady Anna, but I am determined that, should it come to it, I will accept it without hesitation. In the meantime, I shall do everything I can to assist you, Lady Anna, by taking on the responsibility of ensuring that everyone in the ton is aware of my culpability.” Determination flickered in his eyes, his jaw working hard for a moment. “I will repeatedly speak of my foolishness if I have to. I will tell of my shame over and over to those who refuse to accept it until they have no other choice but to do so.”
“And, if that lowers your standing in society?” Anna found herself asking, reminding him silently that, thus far, very little had changed in terms of his reputation, given just how forgiving society was towards him. “What then?”
He spread his hands. “I hope for it, Lady Anna,” he said in such a firm tone of voice that Anna felt herself almost immediately believing his words. “If it increases your standing, then I shall accept whatever consequences are brought to me.” His hands felt to his sides. “I shall not continue on in such a way, Lady Anna. To behave as I have has brought such a difficulty for you that I cannot, in any good conscience, continue on as I have done. I shall not do so again, Lady Anna.”
She did not know what to say, finding herself inclined to believe everything that he had said and a little surprised that he had been so open with her, particularly when they were in the middle of Lord Rowley’s evening soiree!
“I do hope that things continue to improve, Lady Anna,” he said, inclining his head in a small bow. “Good evening.”
There was no opportunity for her to say more, for he left her side, leaving her watching him depart with a slow realization of just how quickly her heart was beating. Quite why it was doing so when she was not at all inclined towards Lord Comerfield and certainly thought very poorly of him, Anna could not say.
“He spoke to you, then?”
Lady Hayward’s gentle voice captured Anna’s attention and she turned her eyes away from Lord Comerfield to look at her chaperone. “He did,” she answered. “I am…a little surprised as to what he said but—” She smiled. “It seems that this evening has been a success and for that, we are both very glad indeed.”
“Not only he but I also,” Lady Hayward told her, reaching to press Anna’s hand for a moment. “I think that, as the very first of such an evening, it has been a very great success. If things continue, then I think that your prospects are good, Lady Anna.”
Anna let out a long breath and smiled, looking at her chaperone and finding herself very grateful indeed for all that Lady Hayward had done.
“I thank you, Lady Hayward,” she sighed, contentedly. “I must hope that it will all be as you say.”
Chapter Nine
“It has gone very well, indeed, thus far.”
Elias nodded, looking at Lord Rowley. “Thanks to you and to many others,” he replied, a little grimly. “I do wish that I could do more.”
Lord Rowley looked at him askance. “More?” he queried, lifting his brandy glass to him. “What else is it that you think you can do? You have already done very well indeed to escape from the prospect of marriage. What more is there to do?”
“I do not care about such a thing!” Elias practically threw himself from his chair, his arms akimbo. “I was concerned about it once, certainly, but now...” He did not finish his sentence but rather made his way to the window, looking out at the street below. “Lady Anna has made it quite clear that there are some characteristics within my heart that are less than desirable.”
Lord Rowley snorted, clearly less than impressed with such a statement. “I hardly think that it is the first time such a thing has been said to you.”
Letting out his breath slowly, Elias dropped his head. “Indeed,” he muttered, running one hand through his hair. “I cannot pretend that what you have said is incorrect, Rowley, but for whatever reason…” Again, his words drew to a close before he could think of what to speak that would bring such a sentence to an end. He could not explain, even to himself, why Lady Anna’s words continued to resonate with him. For whatever reason, he could not remove them from his mind. It had been almost ten days since Lord Rowley’s evening soiree and still, he found himself continually considering Lady Anna and how she fared.
“You mean to say that because Lady Anna said such things to you, you have therefore decided to change your ways?” Lord Rowley asked, sounding quite astonished. “Even though I have told you, time and again, that behaving in such a flirtatious manner will, in the end, bring you nothing but difficulty?”
“And in that, you have been proven correct,” Elias replied with a rueful smile. “But yes, I will confess that, for whatever reason, Lady Anna’s words have lingered within my heart. I have been unable to set them aside, unable to simply dismiss them as I have been able to do with you.”
Lord Rowley looked a little affronted at this but Elias did not take back his words nor apologize for what he has said. It was all quite true, and saying such things aloud was not something he felt any regret over. Sighing inwardly, he looked back out of the window and continued to wrestle with himself over his strange fascination with Lady Anna.
“Good gracious.”
Turning his head to glance back at his friend, Elias saw Lord Rowley’s eyes widening, his brows lifting.
“What is the matter?” Elias asked, turning himself towards his friend a little more. “Is something wrong?”
Lord Rowley shook his head but continued to stare at Elias, irritating him just a little.
“Well?” Elias demanded, spreading his hands. “What is it?”
Pushing himself to his feet, Lord Rowley took a few steps towards Elias, eyeing him carefully. “It could not be, Lord Comerfield, that you have finally come to care for someone other than yourself?”
Elias stared at his friend only to laugh aloud, shaking his head as though Lord Rowley was being utterly ridiculous.
“You deny it?”
“Of course, I do!” Elias exclaimed. “You are the one who is seeking a bride, are you not? I am not at all inclined towards such a thing.”
“And yet,” Lord Rowley pressed, “you say that you are no longer even thinking about your own concerns in this matter. Marriage to Lady Anna is not something that you feel you must avoid at all costs.”
“That is because I am attempting to refrain from turning to my usual selfishness,” Elias stated firmly. “Nothing more.”
Lord Rowley continued to speak as though he had not even heard Elias’ interruption.
“You say that her words have penetrated your very soul and, it is because of what she has seen within you, what she had shown you beyond any doubt, that you have found yourself eager to turn away from such behavior. Her welfare has finally become more important than your own, and, in considering her so, your heart has become involved.”
Elias scoffed at this. “I hardly think so,” he laughed, picking up his glass of brandy. “That is nonsensical.”
“It is?” Lord Rowley asked, one brow raised. “You mean to suggest that there is no situation where what I have described could possibly be true?”
Elias opened his mouth to flatly deny any suggestion that he was taken up with Lady Anna, only to close it again as Lord Rowley continued to hold his gaze, his brow lifted still. He could not possibly be taken up with the lady, could he?
“I am quite certain,” h
e said with as much seriousness as possible, “that my only concern for Lady Anna comes from the awareness of just how much difficulty my actions have brought her and, thus, what I now need to do thereafter in order to make certain that her future is restored as much as it can be.”
“And you should no longer feel discontent if you were required to marry her?”
“Of course I should feel discontent!” Elias exclaimed, throwing up his hands and looking at his friend as though he were quite ridiculous. “You know I have no inclination towards marriage.”
Lord Rowley said nothing to this particular remark, looking steadily at Elias as though he knew full well that he was not speaking the truth. Elias did not want to reveal it, however, for to speak so would only confirm to Lord Rowley that yes, in fact, there was no particular discontent at the thought of matrimony to Lady Anna. These last ten days, he had managed to have many quiet conversations with the lady and, since she was now being slowly restored to society, had found her to be much more willing to speak to him at length without any evidence of the anger or pain that had been there previously. The thought of marriage to her no longer loomed before him like a great and ominous threat but had gentled somewhat, making him wonder whether or not it would have been such a grievous punishment.
“It means nothing,” Elias stated, swiping the air with his hand as though he were bringing the matter to a close. “Lady Anna is being restored to society and, thus, I am slowly being freed from my responsibilities towards her.”
“And you will be glad to see her receive attentions from other gentlemen?” Lord Rowley asked, one brow lifted. “You will not mind in the least should such a thing occur?”
“Not in the least,” Elias replied without even a modicum of hesitation. “It is what she deserves, does she not? I should not be glad for her if she were to be forced into marriage with me, given that I am so lacking.” These final few words, however, pushed something hot and painful into Elias’ heart, making him grimace and drop his gaze. He had spoken such words aloud because they were exactly what he believed Lady Anna thought of him—lacking in every way required of a gentleman—and yet saying them with such levity did not bring the same lack of care to his heart. Instead, they prodded hard at him, bringing pain and frustration that he had not expected.
A Selfish Heart: A Regency Romance: Landon House (Book 2) Page 10